Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?A definition of bullying:  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3918673/Negative physical, verbal, or relational actions that (a) have hostile intent, (b) cause distress to the victim, (c) are repeated and (d) involve a power imbalance between perpetrators and victims. What researchers have learned about it:There is no single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others.Solutions to bullying are not simple. Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches.Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied.Studies have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modelling kindness and respect, and seeking help.WHAT PARENTS CAN DO:     Ask questions of everyone, write everything down and become the most pleasant nuisance you can be until it is resolved.Beforehand: Parents create trust with children by initiating open, honest discussions. Communicate values and learn about your child’s experience. Make it easier for your children to turn to you if they witness or experience bullying. A bully's preferred method of intimidation is to keep his victim isolated. A parent's best strategy for countering bullying is to reach out to as many people as necessary to make sure that the bullying comes to an end.IF YOU THINK YOUR TEEN MIGHT HAVE BEEN BULLIED: Start the conversation in a general way because it’s humiliating to admit.IF THEY AREN’T SURE IT WAS BULLYING: Ask open-ended questions to get more information about what happened, so you can help them identify bullying.IF YOUR CHILD WAS THE BULLY:  Stay calm. Be open and listen. Ask questions. The goal is to help them learn from this and work through the reasons they did it so you can help them find other, healthy ways to deal with their feelings or situations that come up. You will also need to work with the school or parents to deal with it. BULLYINGhttps://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/teensSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Lone parenting:One of Susie’s superpowers has been raising three kids alone, so this time we look at some of the issues of lone parents, and some top tips for managing well.We talk about positive modelling of the opposite sex, the stresses on teenagers and how to support them, and how to use mindfulness to find your way through the stresses of doing it alone. Links to resources I dipped into are below. We’d love to hear if there are any specific issues you’d like tackled.Moody teenagers:Simon’s son’s moods are bringing down the whole family. He asked us what he can do about it and how to know when it’s something more serious than just being a typical teenager.We talk about the science behind what’s happening, the way in which it can trigger our fears as a parent, and what to do to coach a teen through moody phases so that it doesn’t impact the entire family.We also give the top things to consider when wondering whether it’s something more serious that needs professional help.   Resources used for single parenting:http://www.ymresourcer.com/model/brhome.htmhttps://www.outbacktreatment.com/effects-divorce-teen/ Resources used for dealing with moody teenagers:https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/why-are-teenagers-so-moody-a6874856.htmlhttps://www.quickanddirtytips.com/parenting/tweens-teens/moody-teenagerDan Siegel The Adolescent Brainhttps://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/gut-feelings-how-food-affects-your-mood-2018120715548https://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/shows.php?shows=1_1jyrruaoSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?If you know the film Mean Girls you're no stranger to the concept that teen friendship groups can be fraught with problems. Whilst the film illustrates an extreme version of the issue any parent of girls will be familiar with the angst they can cause. With the help of the book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, Susie and I look at how you can coach your daughter positively through this tumultuous time. Below are top tips I gleaned from the book: Wiseman breaks down the structure of these groups into roles. The Queen Bee - the one who sets the tone for the group, and holds control.The Sidekick - the one who backs up the Queen Bee.The Banker - The one who collects information on members and uses it like a currency.The Messenger - The one who passes on information to try and make peace between girls.The Pleaser/Wannabe - The one who tries to please the others regardless of what she loses in the process.The Torn Bystander - The one who sees what's happening but feels powerless to say anything.The Target - The one who is undermined to consolidate power.The Champion - The one who manages to have friends in different groups.Power is wielded through teasing and gossip.An excellent video to watch with your teen:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zx11-9RU2UThe job of the parent is to help your daughter recognise what's happening and help her to strategise.How to do this:S: Stop and strategise.E: Explain to 'mean girl' what it was that she doesn't like about the way she has been treated.A: Affirm her right to exist without being humiliated.L: Lock in/Lock out of the relationship.Bill of Rights:·       What does she want and need in a friendship? Trust, reliability..·       What are her rights in a friendship? To be treated respectfully, with kindness and honesty.·       What are her responsibilities? To treat her friends ethically.·       What would a friend have to do or be like for her to end the friendship?·       What are her friend’s rights and responsibilities? To listen, even when it’s not easy to hear.See www.culturesofdignity.com for more information.HOW TO GET YOUR TEEN TO KEEP GOING PAST THE FIRST HURDLE:Research by Seligman, Peterson and Duckworth. shows that the most successful people have seven key character traits.·       Zest·       Grit·       Self-control·       Hope-optimism·       Curiosity·       Gratitude·       Social intelligenceGRIT: something we develop,  mostly through encountering failures that aren’t soul-cruSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?More than half of UK parents in one study were concerned that excessive screen time while schools were closed could cause addiction later down the line, so if you feel the boundaries have shifted you're not alone. Don't panic: Common Sense Media and the WHO (when adding gaming disorder to their list of diseases) say it's not how many hours are spent on screens, it's what your teen is using screens for and the impact it has on how they feel and the other areas of their life. Rachel’s blog post on handing your teen a device: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/ Key Resources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/being-your-selfie/202105/teens-and-technology-guide-digital-detoxing https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/ https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/screen-time-in-the-age-of-the-coronavirus https://socialmediavictims.org/effects-of-social-media/Lawsuits against Meta (Facebook and Instagram) for the harm they cause users - https://socialmediavictims.org/meta-lawsuits HEALTHY EATING: Our knowledge and understanding around eating disorders is far more developed than it ever was in the past. Most of us know that developing a disorder can be harrowing and life-threatening, and needs professional intervention. As a result, many of us are fearful of saying anything for fear of triggering a disorder. Prevention begins with open communication - start early:·        Regularly discuss media messages that convey the idea only a certain body type is acceptable, and encourage your teen to question what they're seeing..·        Be kind  to yourself about your own body.·        Teach your teen to tune into how their diet affects how they feel, and their energy levels. ·        Encourage your teen to eat mindfully, and only when they're hungry.·        Eat together as a family·        Listen to our podcast on promoting a Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Sibling rivalry isn’t just a nuisance; it’s a vital part of growing up! The podcast discusses how these conflicts teach kids about boundaries and self-awareness. You'll learn practical strategies for reducing tensions, like avoiding labels and encouraging communication skills. Plus, the importance of cultivating sibling bonds is highlighted, as well as tackling the tricky issue of vaping. Open dialogue about health risks is emphasized, helping parents navigate both challenging behaviors and lifestyle choices effectively.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Covid has given everyone a real bashing. For teenagers, one upside is that we now talk more about mental health, but at the same time our teens have been stuck in their rooms on digital devices. The number using social media for four hours or more has increased dramatically. Seeing people who aren't in lockdown having fun or looking glamorous just at the time when they want to be branching out is very difficult for teens.   A recent analysis for the BBC says there’s been a 77% rise in severe mental health cases in under 18’s and that head teachers are also reporting a huge rise in less severe mental health issues.In a recent survey of over 200 of Place2Be’s frontline mental health professionals the common themes that young people have been raising are·        Loneliness & isolation (55%) ·        Academic worries (48%) ·        Juggling schoolwork (45%) ·        Loss of rituals like end of year activities or exams (43%) ·        Family relationship difficulties (42%)A very touching, emotional BBC documentary that helps to see the world through the eyes of school kids and teachers:https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0g8c10s/helping-our-teens-series-1-episode-1WHAT CAN YOU DO?  Tips – www.place2be·        Remind your child about everything they want to achieve and encourage them to look ahead.·        Remind them of how valued they are.·        Acknowledge how hard it has been not seeing their loved ones and friends. Help them find ways to do that.·        Respond calmly and in a resilient way and your child will take their cue from you.·        Encourage them to try new things in something they enjoy.·        Check in with your teen. It's really important to find time to connect with them AND to encourage them to talk about their feelings. SLEEP AND TEENAGERS:Tips – The Sleep Foundation: get them to review their sleep patterns:·       Budgeting eight hours of sleep into your daily schedule and keeping that same schedule on both weekdays and weekends.·       Creating a consistent pre-bed routine to help with relaxation and falling asleep fast.·       Avoiding caffeine and energy drinks, especially in the afternoon and evening.·       Putting away electronic devices for at least a half-hour before bed and keeping them on silent mode to avoid checking them during the night.·       Check the mattress and pillow are good for the teenager. ·       Keeping your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. SOURCES: Julie Hubbard, professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Delaware World Economic ForumStudents now risk losing $17 trillion in liSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?A healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group.Influences:Family environment,Ability/disabilityAttitudes of peersSocial mediaCultural background  Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image.How to prevent body image issues as a parent:Psychologists Jean Baker Miller and Irene Stiver 1997 study said that what gives us self-esteem (the opposite of shame) isn’t a terrific outfit or success, it’s forming and maintaining relationships which makes people feel sure of their value. Talk to your teenager about images in social media. Help them to see how fake they are and how digital manipulation is rife, also how everyone doesn’t look like that. Praise your teenager for what they can do, not what they look like. Sharing the knowledge that shame is a normal experience helps the teenager feel that they aren’t alone. Be kind to yourself. Expecting perfection from ourselves makes us expect it from others. Be proud of things about yourself that aren’t about your appearance.Avoid negative talk about your diet/crash diets.As a parent, be proud of what your body can do.What to look out for:The teenager belongs to a group that insists on a certain body type.Perfectionism.Continually comparing their body to someone else.Not wanting to leave the house, or try new things, because of the way they look.Obsessing about weight, or a part of their body.Spending a lot of time looking in the mirror for imperfections.Linking food with feelings of guilt or shame.Strange eating habits.What to doTalk with your child about what you’ve noticed. Don’t dismiss it.There are some excellent self-help books. Seek professional help early. Resources:https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teensThe Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor I Thought it was just me by Brené BrownChores: Household duties develop a sense of purpose. Lack of purpose is one of tSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them?And our listener’s question comes from Emma: '‘My fourteen year old is very musical, but wants to stop playing the piano now she’s grade four. I’m so upset about it, because whenever she seems to be good at something she goes so far then just gives up and wants to hang out with her friends. What should I do?"TED Talks: Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity?https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=enBooks referenced: The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned JohnsonThe Gift of Failure by Jessica LaheyThrivers by Michele BorbaSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Our teens are growing up in a world of TikTok, You Tube and Instagram, places full of barely dressed people talking freely about body positivity and sex. It’s hardly surprising that they might have a different view of what’s acceptable from that of their parents.In the UK, sex is legal at age 16, but any sexual images of a person under 18 are deemed child pornography, even when the person sending them is the creator. Research compiled in the UK for Cultureframed.org: 1 in 7 under 18’s sends sext messages; 1 in 4 receives them. 1 in 8 who received a message has sent it to others without the sender’s consent. Internet Watch Foundation, confirmed 68k cases of self-generated imagery that needed to be removed in 2020 – up 77% on the previous year.In 80% of these cases, the victims were 11 to 13-year-old girls. Fewer than 8% of young women send nude pics because they genuinely want to.Book: When You Lose It, Roxy and Gay Longworth. Why do they sext?Seeking someone’s approvalLong distance/online relationships, where there is a desire to have a sexual relationshipFeeling confident in their looks and they want to share with other peoplePeer pressureFunAs a result of harassment, threats or blackmailWhat to do?Having regular talks about relationships, sex and consent. Use open questions, actively listen, and never be shocked. What do they post about themselves?What sites do they use and what draws them there? What types of attention are they looking for online and from whom? How do they decide what information to share? Set clear guidelines and firewalls.Boys?Adolescent boys are under enormous pressure to impress their peers.Ask boys why they would feel entitled to ask for these photos, knowing the pitfalls. Ask them what pressures they feel from their friends and porn culture. Do they know that it’s illegal to disseminate or ask for nude images of under age people?If something's happened:Speak to the school and parents of the other teenager to the get the material removed.The IWF can search for explicit images or videos of your child and remove them.Tell your girls about the #gurlsoutloud support hashtag.A free service to remove pictures of under 18’s online. https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Remember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom?Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around. What to do: Daniel Siegel says we need to teach them to have reflective conversations:Numerous brain studies show that when we do this (either with someone else or in our own heads) it stimulates the integration of the prefrontal cortex where planning and problem solving takes place, and allows us to tune into others ie empathy. How to do it: JoAnn Deak - Girls will be girls.Don’t assume or jump in straight away.Don’t move straight to the fix-it mode.Help them to explore what they’re saying. Leave some grey areas.Discuss strategies for action. Don't overreact. Once you’re in the strategy phase that’s when your knowledge can help inform the teenager’s decisions. Don’t be afraid to provide your moral/philosophical bottom line. There are so many grey areas it can be a relief to know there are some black and white’s.Techniques: Parent Gym based on how to talk so your kids will listen.Super silence and active listening.When to do it?Try to develop regular non-crisis moments where conversations can happen. Saying goodnight, car journeys, meal-times, fixing their bike. Listen to the news together to start a discussion. Get them to entertain you. What’s the gossip? What are you reading? What have you been watching? What’s your favourite music at the moment? Take a genuine interest in their answers. Books, and materials, we've referenced: Brainstorm by Daniel SiegelHow to talk so your Kids will listen; How to listen so your kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine MazlishGirls will be girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters by JoAnn Deak Parent Gym coaching materialsTangling with your teenagerHelen wrote 'My sixteen year old is dating and says he’s in love. What do I do if he brings her home and wants her to stay the night? Do I put them in the same room, or separate them?' ISSUES:Explore your own  feelings about it, and why? Convey them to your child. Talk to the other parents to find out how they feel about it. If they aren’t happy, talk to the son about what his alternatives are. At age 16 your child’s medical records Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk