Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Episode #103: Friendship meet-cutes, the perfect jacket or blazer, fashion emergencies solved by our friends, making the first friendship move, and more. I'm talking to Rachel Levy Lesser of Life's Accessories: The Podcast for a fun crossover episode.We covered:Some personal friendship "meet-cutes" that mean more to us than our former romantic meet-cutes. Yes, our stories include blazers and jackets. The leather jackets in my best friend Taryn's closet that I coveted as a teen.The very special friends who send you fashion links to help you in your fashion emergencies or just because they're thinking about you.Making the first friendship move no matter how awkward it can be to put yourself out thereKnowing that our personalities (and therefore being friends with us) are not for everyone Meet Rachel Levy Lesser:Rachel was the host for this episode! She's the woman behind the mic at Life's Accessories: The Podcast. Rachel is also the author of Life’s Accessories, A Memoir (And Fashion Guide) Her articles and essays have appeared all over the internet and in various anthologies, and she's one of my favorite new friends in the past few years. (Yes, I added that to her official bio.) Find Life's Accessories on Instagram and Facebook.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Shasta Nelson, friendship expert extraordinaire, joins me to discuss how and why to be honest with friends when we're upset with them. Our friendships CAN survive tough conversations, hurt feelings, and conflict. AND, our overall social health will improve when we learn to get through the hard stuff with our friends.Meet Shasta Nelson:Shasta Nelson is a leading expert and author on social relationships, speaking across the country and facilitating events to build belongingness and human connection. She's a contributor to the Harvard Business Review and has been quoted in several publications, including Forbes, the New York Times, and TIME magazine; and she has been interviewed live on dozens of TV shows, such as the Today Show and Steve Harvey Show. Shasta's new podcast is Friendtimacy: More Fulfilling Friendships. Find Shasta on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.Some of the topics we covered:Conflict can be a portal to closeness once issues are addressed.Expressing a problem to friends gives them the opportunity to explain themselves. If you're not going to bring up your hurt feelings or your issue, it's on you to work on forgiveness even though your friend hasn't been given the opportunity to ask for forgiveness.When to let things go vs. when to be direct with your friendVulnerability is important in friendships, which includes being honest with friends when you're upset with them and letting friends know where you're sensitive in general.When we feel lonely, scared, or nervous we look for reasons to confirm those feelings.The issue of parents overprotecting their kids from hurt feelings for so long that even into young adulthood their children cannot handle even the tiniest bit of friendship conflict.Friendship is a major investment in time, energy, and emotion. Being honest with a friend about an issue you're having with the friendship protects the time "investment" you've already made.How writing and talking about friendships affects Shasta's friendships (and I answered that one too).When a friendship is no longer worth fighting forTough conversations get a little easier with practice and strengthen your health!ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

It's the first official "ask me anything" episode in honor of 100 episodes!The questions came from my anonymous inbox, my Facebook group (Dear Nina: The Group), or through Instagram and TikTok-- both @dearninafriendship.I had a great time answering questions and I couldn't even get to everything so I will keep doing these every so often.Some of the topics I covered in under 30 minutes:Be more direct with friendsAwkwardness after ending a friendshipFriendship trios, rectanglesLetting friends hangout without youDon’t assume friends operate like you do“Best” friends as a difficult termTeens who never make plansNot ditching certain friends for the "popular" friend Friends who dismiss a topic that you're trying to discuss Some of my friendship historyAnd more!Links mentioned in the episode: Reconnecting with an Ex-Friend: Rebecca KotokWhen Your Friend’s Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid: Taryn KesselFriends Will Hang Out Without You: Taryn KesselALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

They say camp friends are the best friends. Why? At camp there are no screens, you take risks, parents aren't breathing down your back, and the magic ingredients of endless hours + constant proximity make it possible to create intense, close bonds with kids your age.In this special episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I have voicemails from campers and former campers ages 15-50, and I have a fantastic in-depth discussion about the highs (and lows) of camp friendships with author, Dara Levan, whose new novel, It Could Be Worse, features an important camp bond in a character's otherwise traumatic childhood.Meet Dara Levan: Dara, a South Florida-based writer, is the creator and host of Every Soul Has a Story, a podcast in which she interviews inspiring people from around the globe. Sign up for Dara's newsletter here, and find Dara on Instagram @dara.levan.Some of the topics we covered:Not every aspect of camp is good-- cliques are an issue at camp just like everywhere else, maybe more so.Single sex vs co-ed campsJonathan Haidt's new book, The Anxious Generation, discusses the dangers of a screen-based childhood and a childhood with no autonomy. Camp helps solve both of these issues, at least while kids are there. Conflicts at camp have to be dealt with by the kids, with some help from staff. Parents aren't there to fix every social disappointment, though they definitely try now more than ever.Are pictures ruining camp?Are counselors sending news home (with their phones) ruining the "camp bubble"?The word "intense" came up in every voicemail--in a good way.At camp you have rare access to older role modelsThe humility that's developed through learning so many new skills and not always being the best"Lifelong friends" came up in several voicemails as well as "camp friends are the best friends."ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome to the 14-day friendship (mindset) cleanse, brainchild of previous Dear Nina guest, Anna Goldfarb, whose book Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections, is finally out in the world. Don't feel put off by the word, "cleanse." This discussion is about reconsidering how you're approaching friendships and how you're treating your closest friends. (And that particular list shouldn't be too long.)By the end of this episode, you will have a healthier frame for thinking through your friendships, and you'll know why I became friends with Anna after her visit to the podcast almost two years ago when we talked about lopsided friendships.Meet Anna Goldfarb:Anna Goldfarb is the Philadelphia-based journalist and author of Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Vice, TIME, The Cut and more. Follow Anna on twitter @AnnaGoldfarb and on Instagram.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

There are five questions I want us to be asking ourselves to get a sense of where our friendships stand. Even if you're not a student or a parent, thinking in school months is a helpful measure of time. Maybe you got some grades. Maybe your kids got grades. Maybe at work you got an evaluation. It's also worth your time to evaluate your friendships and give yourself an honest assessment. And if you DO have kids of any age all the way through college, this is a good short episode to send them. I'm saying "us" because I'm here assessing right along with you as I'm trying to be the friend I want to be and have friendships in my life that feel fulfilling.The 5 questions also make good journal prompts. Each question deserves more time than I can give them on the podcast. I've personally found as a writing teacher (and a lifelong writing student) that putting pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard brings unexpected answers to the surface. The questions are listed below so that you don't have to write them down while listening.Full show notes with the 5 questions listed and other related links can be found here: https://ninabadzin.com/2024/05/27/5-questions-to-evaluate-your-friendships/ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Invisible disabilities can turn into a source of shame and unknowingly get in the way of friendships. What is an invisible disability? It's any condition that is not obvious, perhaps even to the closest of friends. Some examples are depression, anxiety, other mental health diagnoses, as well as physical conditions such as chronic pain, fatigue, and too many other examples to list where symptoms are felt but not seen.This week's guest, Estelle Erasmus, shares her experience with genetic hearing loss that began in her 20s and stayed a secret long after she started wearing hearing aids. In her piece for Shondaland.com, "I'm Learning to Listen in New Ways" Estelle shares the stress of keeping that secret from friends and the deep relief of telling the truth. I'm grateful to share her perspective with Dear Nina listeners. Meet Estelle:Estelle Erasmus, author of Writing That Gets Noticed: Find Your Voice, Become a Better Storyteller, Get Published (June 2023), is a professor of writing at NYU, the host of the Freelance Writing Direct podcast, and a contributing editor for Writer's Digest. She has appeared on Good Morning America and has had her articles discussed on The View. She received the 2023 NYU School of Professional Studies Teaching Excellence Award, a 2023 Zibby Award for Best Book for the Writer, is in Poets & Writers “Best Books for Writers”, and is an American Society of Journalists and Authors award winner. Learn more at www.EstelleSErasmus.com (and receive a free pitching guide). Also, follow Estelle on Instagram, TikTok, and X, and sign up for her Substack of craft advice, stories and opportunities at estelleserasmus.substack.comALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I have been a Gretchen Rubin fan since 2009 when I read The Happiness Project the week it came out. Who could resist that cover and concept? And I cannot believe this, but I got to discuss my favorite topic, friendship, with Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina.In celebration of Gretchen's paperback release of Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World, I am replaying our episode from about a year ago. I found my favorite parts of the episode and put it together. We covered:The art of listening for what is being said and what is not being said in conversations with friends.The sound, sight, and touch of mixtapes plus our attempt to hatch a new business idea. The sound and touch of mahjongThe joy of tasting partiesThe nostalgia inherent in taste or even discussing foods we used to eat with friendsThe distracting sight of friends checking their phones and watchesThe sight of friends' faces and the emotions we read on their facesMaking plans to see sights with friends and the memories createdHugging friends! (I've gotten better at this since we first spoke.)And we took a quick dip into The Four Tendencies for me to share my husband being the Upholder of all Upholders.Take the "most neglected sense" quiz here. Meet Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential observers of happiness and human nature. She’s the author of many books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Life in Five Senses, Outer Order, Inner Calm; The Four Tendencies; Better Than Before; and The Happiness Project. Her books have sold more than 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages. She hosts the top-ranking, award-winning podcast “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” where she explores practical solutions for living a happier life. Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters. You can find everything you need at gretchenrubin.com. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Oversharing, overtalking, undertalking, undersharing, small talk, deep talks, mismatches in vulnerability, and the art of listening---these are the tricky friendship topics we are dealing with today. I'm joined by Micaela Blei, a GrandSLAM-winning storyteller and former founding Director of Education at The Moth.Topics we covered:There is no right or wrong in how much to talk or how much to share. The words "over" or "under" signal a potential mismatch in conversation styles. The connection between overtalking and over-explaining (the fear of being misunderstood).Ways to sense when someone is ready to move beyond small talk.How the dynamics of managing new friendship conversations is similar to flirtingSome lessons from storytelling include: an awareness of "airtime," listening attentively (no phone), not confusing your friends for your audience. It takes work to share with friends, and it takes work to listen.Flexibility between deep and casual conversations is a sign of true intimacy in a friendship.Learning not to take responsibility for the success of every conversation. (That one was for me to work on myself!)Meet Micaela Blei, PhD: Micaela has been teaching, studying and performing true, personal storytelling worldwide since 2012. She is a two-time Moth GrandSLAM winner and former founding Director of Education at The Moth. She’s currently the visiting professor of Storytelling at the Salt Institute for Documentary Studies in Portland, Maine, and a story editor for history, comedy and true crime shows at Wondery.Micaela’s own storytelling can be heard on The Moth Radio Hour and podcast, Family Ghosts, Risk! and many others. Her Audible Original memoir, “You Will Not Recognize Your Life,” will be released on Audible later this year. Find out more, and hear more stories, at micaelablei.com. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Everyone runs into bumps in their friendships. Trust me, I have a decade's worth of writing material from readers and listeners to prove that point. But when are friendship issues getting to the point where addressing them with a therapist is highly recommended? I'm joined by award-winning psychotherapist, Roxanne Francis, who responded brilliantly and graciously to the five areas of friendship dilemmas I hear about most often.Meet Roxanne Francis, MSW, RSW: Roxanne is a Registered Social Worker and psychotherapist. She is the CEO of Francis Psychotherapy & Consulting Services, where she runs a busy group therapy practice with her team. She is also a keynote speaker, leadership coach and corporate consultant who addresses topics related to women’s issues, race & equity, mental health, parenting, and wellness at work. The five categories of friendship issues we covered:#1. You feel you have no friends.#2. You struggle to keep friends because friends are ghosting you.#3. You struggle to keep friends because you often cut people out of your life.#4. The majority of your friendships are happening through a screen.#5. Protecting your boundaries has become extreme, making it difficult to connect with friends and community.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.SPECIAL SPONSOR: Get Red PR is a boutique lifestyle agency that understands how smart, well-executed PR strategies offer the most cost-effective way to move markets. Visit getredpr.com!Our Sponsors:* Check out Armoire and use my code DEARNINA for a great deal: https://www.armoire.style* Check out Armoire: https://armoire.style/DEARNINAAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands