Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Talking to friends about money has always been a taboo topic. What if, instead, discussing money with friends could deepen a friendship?Money can be an enormous issue between friends, which is why I'm revisiting my conversation with Shondaland.com staff writer, Mia Brabham Nolan. We discussed ways to make talking about finances with friends less awkward. Some of the solutions apply to any topic that's normally private and therefore tough to handle in friendships. Keeping so many topics taboo in a friendship can make the relationship feel surface and lacking in many ways. It might be worth making finances an "approved" topic. We discussed: Our nostalgia about spending time with friends in less expensive waysSplitting the bill with friends (or not)The expense of being in a friend's wedding or traveling to a friend's event The expectations around baby showers and other eventsPlanning group trips and the budget issues involved The awkwardness in talking about money, but also the opportunity. These honest discussions can deepen a friendship and encourage openness about other topics, too.  The two pieces of Mia's in Shondaland.com we specifically discussed in depth:"How Much Are Your Friendships Costing You""The Art of Friendship: How to Open Up About Money"Meet Mia Brabham NolanMia Brabham Nolan is currently a staff writer at Shondaland.com. She pens the series "Joy Makers" and "The Art of Friendship." Her debut book, Note to Self, which is a short collection of life lessons, is in the hands of readers all over the world. Instagram, Twitter, bymiabrabham.comALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I rarely cover family relationships on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, but I consistently receive letters about sisters-in-law so I realized it was time to broach the topic.Let me first say, I have a wonderful relationship with my sisters-in-law. I'm lucky! I was still able to take what I know about getting along (or not) with friends and relate it to the sister-in-law problem that listeners and readers keep writing to me about. In this new series, The Letter Spotlight, I'll be sharing one letter every six weeks or so and sharing my answer. The way I answer this month's letter about sisters-in-law also applies to roommates, neighbors, and cousins---relationships that aren't quite friendships but could be (and don't have to be for a successful and happy connection). ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today is a tough topic, and I'm not going to promise you that we come to an easy solution at the end. The fallout from losing the friendship of an entire group is a heartache that takes tremendous time to heal. Today's guest, is still in that healing process.I spoke to writer and podcaster, Meghan Judge, about her experience being dropped by an entire group of friends in a small community. This happened in her adult life (and not that long ago). Meghan takes us through her story of becoming friends with this group, all that happened when the friendships fell apart, and how she's taking care of her mental health now. With compassion and humor, Meghan gives hope to others who have experienced the same pain.Note: the David Sedaris essay we discussed is "Consider the Stars" from Dress Your Family in Corduroy and DenimMeet Meghan Judge:Meghan is a trauma survivor who covers PTSD, mental health, and suicide prevention on her show Judging Meghan. Through interviews with other survivors, she has learned that there is a way out. "From recovering to surviving and thriving, we all have the strength to come out to the other side." Follow Meghan on Instagram @judgingmeghanALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

After a trip to Chicago to say goodbye to my childhood house, I appreciated how even one meal with your long distance friends means so much. You need time with your long distance friends, but not as much time as you think. You don't need full weekends away, though of course those are nice. You don't need long retreats in fancy resorts or expensive rental houses.Yes, it's true that with extra time you can cover more ground, but it's still worth making an effort to hangout in person even for one meal, one walk, or one excursion.This sounds obvious, but so many people are waiting for the perfect time and life conditions to spend time with their long distance friends. Don't wait. Even a little bit of time goes a long way.In this short episode, I also celebrated three years of podcasting, announced two new behind-the-scenes team members and two new types of episodes that will appear regularly in the podcast feed.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Jill Smokler is the creator of Scary Mommy, one of the most original and successful mom blogs ever. She was also the first mom blogger to sell her site to a major media company. But Dear Nina is not a business podcast, and this is not a discussion about business regrets or rebranding. Jill was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. And since Jill is also my real-life friend from college, this episode is personal.Jill and I had a candid conversation about her diagnosis, her decision to step away from her post-Scary Mommy work, and what she wants her kids to know about friendship. Jill also had specific advice for anyone with a friend who is diagnosed with cancer---what is most helpful, what is least helpful, and everything in between.For updates on Jill (and for her humor and candor!) follow her on Instagram and Threads --both @jillsmokler.Links mentioned:The recent today.com piece on Jill's diagnosis and the rise of Scary MommyJill's books: Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Scary Mommy's Guide to Surviving the HolidaysShe's Got Issues: the podcast and online magazine Jill foundedMy two visits on She's Got Issues: "Friendship-- Mistakes & Hard Lessons Learned" and "Friendship Breakups: Accepting When a Friendship is Over"Jill's previous visit to Dear Nina: "Old School Blogging Friendships"Kate Bowler's book, No Cure For Being Human (And Other Truths I Need to Hear)ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Episode #103: Friendship meet-cutes, the perfect jacket or blazer, fashion emergencies solved by our friends, making the first friendship move, and more. I'm talking to Rachel Levy Lesser of Life's Accessories: The Podcast for a fun crossover episode.We covered:Some personal friendship "meet-cutes" that mean more to us than our former romantic meet-cutes. Yes, our stories include blazers and jackets. The leather jackets in my best friend Taryn's closet that I coveted as a teen.The very special friends who send you fashion links to help you in your fashion emergencies or just because they're thinking about you.Making the first friendship move no matter how awkward it can be to put yourself out thereKnowing that our personalities (and therefore being friends with us) are not for everyone Meet Rachel Levy Lesser:Rachel was the host for this episode! She's the woman behind the mic at Life's Accessories: The Podcast. Rachel is also the author of Life’s Accessories, A Memoir (And Fashion Guide) Her articles and essays have appeared all over the internet and in various anthologies, and she's one of my favorite new friends in the past few years. (Yes, I added that to her official bio.) Find Life's Accessories on Instagram and Facebook.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Shasta Nelson, friendship expert extraordinaire, joins me to discuss how and why to be honest with friends when we're upset with them. Our friendships CAN survive tough conversations, hurt feelings, and conflict. AND, our overall social health will improve when we learn to get through the hard stuff with our friends.Meet Shasta Nelson:Shasta Nelson is a leading expert and author on social relationships, speaking across the country and facilitating events to build belongingness and human connection. She's a contributor to the Harvard Business Review and has been quoted in several publications, including Forbes, the New York Times, and TIME magazine; and she has been interviewed live on dozens of TV shows, such as the Today Show and Steve Harvey Show. Shasta's new podcast is Friendtimacy: More Fulfilling Friendships. Find Shasta on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.Some of the topics we covered:Conflict can be a portal to closeness once issues are addressed.Expressing a problem to friends gives them the opportunity to explain themselves. If you're not going to bring up your hurt feelings or your issue, it's on you to work on forgiveness even though your friend hasn't been given the opportunity to ask for forgiveness.When to let things go vs. when to be direct with your friendVulnerability is important in friendships, which includes being honest with friends when you're upset with them and letting friends know where you're sensitive in general.When we feel lonely, scared, or nervous we look for reasons to confirm those feelings.The issue of parents overprotecting their kids from hurt feelings for so long that even into young adulthood their children cannot handle even the tiniest bit of friendship conflict.Friendship is a major investment in time, energy, and emotion. Being honest with a friend about an issue you're having with the friendship protects the time "investment" you've already made.How writing and talking about friendships affects Shasta's friendships (and I answered that one too).When a friendship is no longer worth fighting forTough conversations get a little easier with practice and strengthen your health!ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

It's the first official "ask me anything" episode in honor of 100 episodes!The questions came from my anonymous inbox, my Facebook group (Dear Nina: The Group), or through Instagram and TikTok-- both @dearninafriendship.I had a great time answering questions and I couldn't even get to everything so I will keep doing these every so often.Some of the topics I covered in under 30 minutes:Be more direct with friendsAwkwardness after ending a friendshipFriendship trios, rectanglesLetting friends hangout without youDon’t assume friends operate like you do“Best” friends as a difficult termTeens who never make plansNot ditching certain friends for the "popular" friend Friends who dismiss a topic that you're trying to discuss Some of my friendship historyAnd more!Links mentioned in the episode: Reconnecting with an Ex-Friend: Rebecca KotokWhen Your Friend’s Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid: Taryn KesselFriends Will Hang Out Without You: Taryn KesselALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

They say camp friends are the best friends. Why? At camp there are no screens, you take risks, parents aren't breathing down your back, and the magic ingredients of endless hours + constant proximity make it possible to create intense, close bonds with kids your age.In this special episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I have voicemails from campers and former campers ages 15-50, and I have a fantastic in-depth discussion about the highs (and lows) of camp friendships with author, Dara Levan, whose new novel, It Could Be Worse, features an important camp bond in a character's otherwise traumatic childhood.Meet Dara Levan: Dara, a South Florida-based writer, is the creator and host of Every Soul Has a Story, a podcast in which she interviews inspiring people from around the globe. Sign up for Dara's newsletter here, and find Dara on Instagram @dara.levan.Some of the topics we covered:Not every aspect of camp is good-- cliques are an issue at camp just like everywhere else, maybe more so.Single sex vs co-ed campsJonathan Haidt's new book, The Anxious Generation, discusses the dangers of a screen-based childhood and a childhood with no autonomy. Camp helps solve both of these issues, at least while kids are there. Conflicts at camp have to be dealt with by the kids, with some help from staff. Parents aren't there to fix every social disappointment, though they definitely try now more than ever.Are pictures ruining camp?Are counselors sending news home (with their phones) ruining the "camp bubble"?The word "intense" came up in every voicemail--in a good way.At camp you have rare access to older role modelsThe humility that's developed through learning so many new skills and not always being the best"Lifelong friends" came up in several voicemails as well as "camp friends are the best friends."ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome to the 14-day friendship (mindset) cleanse, brainchild of previous Dear Nina guest, Anna Goldfarb, whose book Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections, is finally out in the world. Don't feel put off by the word, "cleanse." This discussion is about reconsidering how you're approaching friendships and how you're treating your closest friends. (And that particular list shouldn't be too long.)By the end of this episode, you will have a healthier frame for thinking through your friendships, and you'll know why I became friends with Anna after her visit to the podcast almost two years ago when we talked about lopsided friendships.Meet Anna Goldfarb:Anna Goldfarb is the Philadelphia-based journalist and author of Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Vice, TIME, The Cut and more. Follow Anna on twitter @AnnaGoldfarb and on Instagram.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands