Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship #129 - Do you know how your friends like to be comforted in hard times?
It's the middle of January 2025. Right now you might have friends in Southern California who have evacuated from their homes. You might know someone whose house, entire neighborhood, community, and school are gone. And there's often a time in life when you know someone in a health, personal, or other kind of crisis, even if it's not a situation as drastic as this one where it's so many friends, acquaintances, and fellow citizens at once.
It can be tempting to say nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing. It can be tempting to assume our friends like to be comforted exactly the way we like to be comforted. If I've learned anything from writing about friendship for 10 years, it's that we are all quite different so knowing what our friends need in hard times is something that develops in time along with the friendship.
Difficult truth: You only learn what your friends want and need by showing up, even if you don't get it "right" at first.
Here is a vetted list of organizations collecting funds to help everyone affected by the fires in Southern California.
Links mentioned and other related episodes:
- #55. How to Support a Friend Facing an Ambiguous Loss: Emma Nadler
- #69. Don’t Be Afraid of Saying the Wrong Thing to Friends With a Chronic Illness: Jennifer Cramer-Miller
- #90. The Friends You Want Around During a Crisis: Kelly Lang
- #104. Being a Good Friend to Someone With Terminal Cancer: Jill Smokler
- #128: Your Friends Won’t Always Say the Right Thing When You’re Struggling, Forgive Them: Steve Phillips
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