Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Ever feel that low-level hum of annoyance when a friend casually drops your (good or bad) personal news into the conversation? I have my fantastic "Dear Nina" assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, with me this week to crack open a listener's anonymous letter about DISCRETION.Discretion is that gray zone between gossip and harmless chatter. Rebekah and I discuss how much we can expect friends to know intuitively what stays private and what's OK to share.We're not talking about friends who gossip incessantly about you or reveal a big secret. That's easier to answer! Keep THAT friend at arm's length.Discretion is another category entirely and we get to the bottom of it in less than 30 minutes.IN THIS CONVERSATIONThe blurry line between discretion and gossipExperiencing a friendship “tap on the shoulder vs. smack in the face”: learning from small slip-ups before they become big mess-upsNina’s mom’s reminder: Not every friend is a close friendPractical ways to decide what you can share, what you should share, and when to hit pauseWhy “share your truth” and “protect your privacy” don’t have to be oppositesA Jewish teaching on mindful speech that still works in the screenshot ageLINKS & RESOURCESAsk an anonymous questionEventbrite tickets to see Nina and Rebekah LIVE in Highland Park, IL: “From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table: Friend-Group Challenges from Teens to Mid-Life and Beyond.” Tickets are going fast!White Lotus Friendship Trio episode with RebekahEpisodes with my mom as the guest if you want more of Kathy's advice.Episode #136 with Rebekah about finding your 3-5 closest friends. (Another letter spotlight episode)Episode #112 about college admissions and friendshipA bit more information about the laws of speech in Judaism MEET REBEKAH JACOBSRebekah has been a reading specialist and writing instructor for over 20 years, teaching in Boston, Chicago, DC, and Los Angeles. Currently, she teaches college writing in DC, and her own writing has been featured in Kveller. As assistant producer for Dear Nina, she is passionate about ideation and brainstorming creative concepts. She tries to read 80 books a year and loves TV—though, unlike Nina, cooking and tech are not her strong suit. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a golden doodle named Peanut.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Ready to see where your friendships stand halfway through 2025? In this solo episode, I (very quickly!) round up the first six monthly challenges. Then I hand you three laser-focused questions to help you reflect, assess, tweak, and strengthen your connections for the rest of the year. Answer the 3 Questions This Week!Block 15 minutes.Jot down honest answers. And bullet points count!LINKS & RESOURCESJoin the Dear Nina Facebook Community to discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.Previous Monthly Challenges in the newsletter (Jan–June 2025)Episode #127, January: See a friend in person#131 February: Start a friendship ritual#135 March: Plan a hyper-local hangout#140 April: Put your friends' birthdays in your calendar#144 May: Change the venue where you spend time with a friend or change how you communicate#149 June: Ask a friend for a favorEpisode 121 about "Rules for Making Plans"ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Facing Unfinished Friendship Business When Your Child Hits Social SnagsYour child’s social life can stir up every unresolved playground scar you’re still carrying. Licensed clinical social worker and EMDR therapist Beth Segaloff joins "Dear Nina" to talk about separating our past (and present) friendship baggage from our kids’ current experiences. We discuss how kids' realities are so different today and why that small pause before jumping in to “fix” everything is parenting gold.HIGHLIGHTS:Why your kid’s friendship bumps feel personal--how to tell what feelings belong to you versus your child.The 2025 friendship landscape: 24/7 phones, "Snap Maps," and over-scheduled livesThe space between reacting and responding--how a moment of silence can change the whole conversation (and other strategies for when your child is struggling with friendships).Why forcing invitations or calling another parent for a favor often backfires, and what true support looks like instead.Modeling adult friendships: intentional intimacy vs. accidental exclusionMEET BETH SEGALOFFBeth Segaloff is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, EMDR therapist, yoga instructor, and Reiki healer dedicated to holistic healing and transformation. As founder of Tree of Life Center in Fairfield, CT, she offers in-person and virtual support for grief, trauma, and life transitions. Through programs like Living Fully with Grief and Life School 360, Beth empowers clients to move from pain and loss toward love, meaning, and purpose. Find Beth on Instagram at @tree.of.life.center. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What does it mean to have a close friendship in adulthood? How important is history in a friendship? What does (realistic) quality time with a friend look like when you're no longer in school?Therapist and podcast host, Jazzmyn Proctor, joins me to bust some of the most common myths she sees in her work with clients. This conversation offers a grounded, kind, and honest look at how we can rethink what adult friendship should look like.WE DISCUSS:Why depth doesn’t equal frequency—and what actually builds emotional closenessHow to let quality time evolve in your adult life instead of trying to recreate the pastThe trap of overvaluing history in friendshipsWhy the phrase “no new friends” might be holding you backWhen “friendship takes work” goes too farThe often-discussed "trio problem" gets a mention!MEET JAZZMYN PROCTORJazzmyn Proctor—your go-to therapist and the powerhouse host of the All Our Parts podcast! Jazzmyn is all about helping you find your vibe, face life’s curveballs, and come out stronger. From navigating the highs and lows of love and relationships to embracing self-discovery and smashing through obstacles, she’s here to hype you up every step of the way. She knows that everyone’s journey is unique, and her mission? To help you unlock your full potential and level up your mental health game. So, if you're ready to live your best life, hit play on All Our Parts and let Jazzmyn guide you straight to your happy place! Find Jazzmyn on Instagram @healingwithjazzmyn and TikTok too! ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

In this milestone 150th episode of Dear Nina, we’re diving deep into friendship and community with siblings and co-directors Rebecca Davis and Pete Davis, the team behind the Netflix documentary Join or Die: A film about why you should join a club and why the fate of America depends on it.Inspired by the groundbreaking work of political scientist Robert Putnam (Bowling Alone), Join or Die explores the powerful link between social connection, the health of our democracy, and our mental and physical health on an individual level.If you’ve been feeling stuck, isolated, or unsure where to begin when it comes to finding your people and more meaning in your life, this episode is a place to start. HIGHLIGHTS:Why so many people feel they don’t have enough friends or diverse friendships.The difference between community and friendship--and why we need both.What “social capital” actually means and why it affects everything from your mental health to the quality of your local government.Why loneliness isn’t just a personal issue, it’s a civic one.How we went from a culture of joiners to one of solo scrollers, and how we can change that.Practical tips on joining or starting something meaningful, even if you're intimidated. LINKS & RESOURCESWatch the film: Join or DieHost a screening in your community! Find out how on the film’s website.Listen to previous episode mentioned #135: The Hyperlocal Friendship ChallengeAlso #138: The Neighborhood Village and How Community is Different From Friendship: with Seth D. KaplanMeet Rebecca Davis & Pete Davis, co-directors and co-producersRebecca Davis was a senior producer with NBC News for nearly a decade, where her work focused on social movements, environmental and economic justice, and community innovators. Pete Davis is a writer and civic advocate and a former student of Robert Putnam's. He is the author of Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in An Age of Infinite Browsing. He is the co-founder of the Democracy Policy Network, a policy organization focused on raising up ideas that deepen democracy. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome to the Dear Nina Friendship Challenge for June: Ask a friend for a favor.Why? Asking a friend for a favor demonstrates trust and intimacy. It helps your friend feel closer to you merely because you asked, and this will strengthen the friendship. Unfortunately, people really struggle asking for help, even for the smallest of favors. This month I want you to practice this important skill!I also ask you to consider if you struggle asking friends for help because you're afraid people will then ask you for help. That's how friendship works! We have to be inconvenienced sometimes for friends and community, which is good for relationships AND for society.I packed a lot into a 12-minute episode. I hope you'll join me in the June Dear Nina Friendship Challenge.LINKS & RESOURCESJoin the Dear Nina Facebook Community to discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.Previous Monthly Challenges (Jan–May 2025) are all linked at dearnina.substack.com.The episode I mentioned with Gretchen RubinALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I sat down with fifth-generation etiquette expert Daniel Post Senning of The Emily Post Institute to explore how classic (and modern!) manners can strengthen and even rescue our adult friendships. We discussed using etiquette for group chat issues, RSVP blunders, office friendship confusion, misuse of AI, bringing up kids' cringe posts, cocktail party escapes, staying friends when your kids' friendship falters, and friendship breakups.You don't want to miss this one!LINKS & RESOURCESEmily Post's Business Etiquette is the newest book from Dan and LizzieThe Emily Post Institute on InstagramDan and Lizzie's podcast, Awesome EtiquetteWe referred to one of my earliest episodes! #2 "When Your Friend's Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid"MEET DANIEL POST SENNING: Daniel Post Senning, great-great-grandson of Emily Post, is co-president with his cousin, Lizzie Post, at the Emily Post Institute. He manages the company’s training programs, has authored and co-authored many books on etiquette, covering topics from business to digital manners, and delivers seminars and speeches on these topics around the world. An active spokesperson for the Institute, he regularly speaks with media outlets about business, technology, and dining etiquette. Daniel has appeared on The Today Show, The History Channel, and ESPN, and has been interviewed by publications including the New York Times, GQ, Time Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. He most enjoys answering questions as a co-host on the Institute’s weekly podcast, Awesome Etiquette, from his home in Duxbury, Vermont, where he lives with his wife, Puja, and their children, Anisha, Arya, and William. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

In this short solo episode, I consider why some people hesitate to tell friends about positive events like a promotion, a published piece, or a personal milestone or achievement. Likely due to cultural conditioning, we worry it will come off as bragging. I think it's a missed opportunity to feel closer to friends when all good news is kept under wraps.Not sharing can also have a cost. When friends learn about our news secondhand, it can create distance and misunderstandings.Vulnerability is a key to closeness, and sharing GOOD news is an excellent way to make yourself vulnerable.Equally as important in this episode: I discuss receiving your friends' good news with graciousness, curiosity, and shared joy if you want friends to keep you in the loop. When a friend shares something exciting, offer clear enthusiasm and ask a follow-up question!LINKS AND RESOURCESHear me on NPR Life Kit: "How to Keep Old Friends" Apple. Spotify.Join the Conversation: In the Dear Nina Facebook group we swap friendship wins and dilemmas.Episode 146 of Dear Nina on not overthinking in your friendships and tolerating uncertainty.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

If you’ve ever reread a text 10 times, filled in every silence with worst-case scenarios, or found yourself leaving too many hangouts with friends regretting what you said, this conversation is for you. Psychologist Dr. Jackie Henry and I discuss tools to stop overthinking your every friendship move and learn to tolerate uncertainty in your relationships. We rarely know what someone else is thinking, and we need to stop assuming we do. Wouldn't it be refreshing to just be in your friendships and not feel like you're "performing" to always say and do the exact "right" thing? Dr. Jackie offers Dear Nina listeners practical tips for getting out of your head and back into your life so your friendships can thrive.KEY TAKEAWAYSSilence usually means “busy,” not “they secretly hate me.”Budget your “energy bucks.” Rumination is a waste of energy; spend wisely.Constant overthinking can create distance between friends and lead to miscommunication, anxiety, and the fear of judgment.Work to tolerate the unknown: there's power in letting things unfold naturally in friendships.Lead with curiosity. A simple “Hey, when’s good to chat?” beats the story your telling yourself about why someone hasn't responded.LINKS & RESOURCESDr. Jackie Henry’s Substack: Less Thinking, More Living The Dear Nina monthly friendship challenges. (The April one was mentioned in this episode.)The TikTok account I mentioned about recounting awkward moments. @amymaurercreel MEET DR. JACKIEDr. Jackie Henry is a psychologist, writer, and founder of Less Thinking, More Living—a platform dedicated to helping people stop overthinking and start fully embracing life. Based in the Twin Cities, she also works as a wellness consultant and has a private therapy practice. Dr. Jackie combines humor, heart, and relatable insights to help individuals navigate life with greater ease and presence. Outside of work, she's at the cabin, playing board games, or enjoying happy hour with her husband, four daughters, and their small but mighty dog. You can find her on Instagram @dr.jackiehenry or on Substack at Less Thinking, More Living.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Meghan Keane, author of Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner, says one of the top complaints single people have about their married friends is that they feel like a problem to be solved. Another is that their dating lives are the sole focus of a married friend’s attention. Meghan joins me to unpack “singlism,” the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways society sidelines single adults. We discuss concrete steps couples can use to include their single friends, the reality of friendship after life transitions, and good basic social kindnesses everyone can use for ALL of their friendships. Whether you’re partnered or single, this conversation will sharpen your friendship skills and remind you that friends like to be asked about all aspects of their lives (not just their dating lives, their "mom life," their careers, and so on).HIGHLIGHTSHow singlism, a term coined by Dr. Bella DePaulo, is often based in myths and harmful stereotypesWhy singleness isn't something to be solved by a partnered friendsRules for married/partners friends when it comes to their single friends (don't treat dating life as entertainment, help with mundane life tasks, celebrate accomplishments, hang out one on one, include in larger plans).Why working through conflict is a sign of a deep friendshipWhat married people can learn from single people about maintaining strong social tiesLINKS & RESOURCESMeghan's book, Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life PartnerFind Meghan on Instagram @damekeaneWe referred to previous Dear Nina episodes with Dr. Marisa Franco, Gretchen Rubin, and Ruchi KovalMEET MEGHAN KEANEMeghan Keane is the founder and supervising editor for NPR's Life Kit, which brings listeners advice and actionable information about personal finances, health, parenting, relationships and more. She is responsible for the editorial vision of Life Kit, which aims to serve NPR's larger mission of public service. Prior to founding Life Kit, Keane was a producer for NPR's award winning podcast Invisibilia. There, she produced long form stories about understanding human behavior and the invisible forces that shape our lives. She reported stories about the intersection of positivity, grief, and Disneyland and another story about a woman obsessed with her daydream world. Keane is also a founding producer of NPR's TED Radio Hour, which has consistently been one of NPR's top podcasts since its debut. Keane holds a B.S. journalism degree from Emerson College and is a native of the Washington, D.C. area.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. 🙏 Support the Show:Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.This week's sponsor: The SoonCall app helps you stay connected with the people you care about, even when life gets hectic. sooncall.com/nina.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands