Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

I’m finally tackling a topic I’ve been wanting to cover for a long time: how divorce affects our friendships. Today's episode addresses both sides of this question--whether you’re the one going through a divorce or you’re watching a friend go through it. Either way, the social fallout can feel confusing, lonely, and awkward.I’m joined by Hope Lutz Firsel, a women’s life coach who specializes in divorce. Hope has seen every version of this experience up close. She’s guided countless women through the emotional, logistical, and social upheaval of ending a marriage, and she’s been through it herself. Hope understands how divorce doesn’t just end a partnership—it shakes up an entire social world.In our conversation, we talk about the surprising grief that comes with losing not just a spouse but the life you imagined, the routines you relied on, and the community that once felt automatic. Hope explains why some friendships tighten instantly while others slip away, and how to tell the difference between a situational friendship and the kind that’s meant to evolve with you. We also get honest about why friends sometimes pull back and how to communicate what you actually need.If you’re navigating a divorce, if someone you love is, or if you simply want to be a steadier friend during someone else’s big life change, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and a grounded understanding of what this shift really feels like.MEET HOPE: Hope Lutz Firsel is a women’s life coach and divorce specialist who draws on her expertise in organizational change to help women navigate the emotional, financial, and logistical complexities of divorce—and rebuild their lives afterward with resilience, confidence, and grace.Having faced infertility, cancer, and divorce after an 18-year marriage, Hope brings deep empathy, clarity, and powerful mindset tools such as Rapid Resolution Therapy to help women rediscover their authentic selves and create fulfilling lives beyond divorce.Through her one-on-one coaching, group programs, workshops, and collaborations with family law professionals, Hope fosters safe, supportive spaces where women can heal, grow, and regain a sense of purpose. She frequently partners with divorce attorneys to educate and empower clients through webinars and community events.Based in Boca Raton, Florida, Hope works with clients nationwide and has helped countless women transform adversity into strength and self-assurance. Find Hope on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

The final friendship challenge of the year is to write one friend a real letter. This was inspired by the novel I'm currently reading and loving--The Correspondent by Virginia Evans.Yes, it can be typed and even sent via email. But this NOT a text saying, “I hope you’re well" or "I miss you." Write an honest, thoughtful note saying:Here’s why you matter to me. . . OrI keep thinking about the time you . . . My year was better because you . . . I’m grateful for the way you. . . This memory still sticks with me because . . . It can be one paragraph, but it should be from the heart. If you’ve been following the challenges, this is the perfect finale. If you’re new, it’s a surprisingly easy way to deepen one friendship right now. This challenge doesn’t require making plans, arranging childcare, or leaving the house. This is all about a few sincere sentences that could make someone’s entire year.I also did a super-speed recap of all eleven previous challenges. So if you missed a few, you’ll catch up in minutes. And you’ll hear why I'm retiring the challenges for next year. (Not the podcast, just the challenges.)Make sure to visit me and fellow Dear Nina listeners in the Facebook Group or on my Substack newsletter to let us know you completed the task.Mentioned in this episode:Find all previous Dear Nina Friendship Challenges here.The Correspondent by Virginia EvansFind me at the Dear Nina Facebook group to report on what you did this month to bring some joy to a friend!ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I'm thrilled to welcome Dr. Ben Rein, neuroscientist and author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. We discuss what friendship does to your brain and why loneliness is SO damaging over time. We cover why introverts still need connection (just in smaller “doses”), why ghosting and quiet quitting in friendships can land so harshly, what’s really behind jealousy when friends succeed, (plus how to override it), and the science of that instant “friendship chemistry” when you click with someone new.Dr. Rein also shares simple, practical ways to make others feel seen and ideas for being more intentional about your social life. This all for the sake of your mental and physical health. Don't miss this one!HIGHLIGHTS:Why all human brains—including introvert brains—need some social interaction, and how to figure out your “right dose.”How digital communication dulls empathy and makes ghosting and quiet quitting easier.Why being ignored or canceled on hits so hard at the neurological level.The real reason jealousy shows up between friends and how to override it.What’s happening in the brain when you instantly “click” with someone.How small, consistent social habits protect long-term physical and mental health.Simple behaviors that make you more likable and help others feel seen.Why repairing strained friendships is good for your well-being, not just your social life. LINKS:Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection by Dr. Ben ReinI found one extroversion/introversion scale from Psychology Today. Ben’s introvert–extrovert self-assessment can be found as a pdf of the audiobook wherever you get your audiobooks or inside the book. You can also enter your email address here on his site and receive a copy.Find Ben on Instagram and TikTok @dr.benrein and at many other places, all linked on his website, benrein.com. MEET DR. BEN REIN:Ben Rein, PhD is an award-winning neuroscientist, author, and science communicator. He serves as the Chief Science Officer of the Mind Science Foundation, an Adjunct Lecturer at Stanford University, and a Clinical Assistant Professor at SUNY Buffalo. He has published over 20 peer-reviewed papers on the neuroscience of social behavior, and is the author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. Rein also shares educational neuroscience videos on social media to an audience of more than 1 million followers, and has been featured on Entertainment Tonight, Good Morning America and 75+ podcasts including StarTalk with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. His science communication efforts have been recognized with awards from the National Academies of Science, the Society for Neuroscience, and elsewhere.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

The Real Work Behind Lifelong FriendshipThis week I’m joined by two women who accidentally went viral on social media, but they've been doing the real work of close friendship for over four decades. I'm a BIG fan and begged them to let me examine their friendship on the show. Meet Jenn Sherman (who you might know from Peloton) and Pam “Sunny” Sunshine who are the best friends behind the popular @sunnyandjenn accounts on TikTok and Instagram.Jenn and Pam's story is fun (truly wild TikTok origin included), but the real gold is how they’ve stayed close through many stages of life—college, moves, careers, parenting, vacations, losses, and now a shared business.If you’ve ever wondered why some friendships last and others quietly fade, this episode is packed with answers you can use with old friends and new friends alike.HIGHLIGHTS FROM OUR CONVERSATION:Why “luck” isn’t enough for close friendship — The role of effort, showing up, and consistency.Proximity matters — How living close (or “close enough”) keeps friendships alive. When making NEW friends, keep this in mind! Scheduling is everything — Coffee dates, beach days, girls’ trips: it's all about the calendar.The 200-hour rule — How friendships actually deepen over accumulated time.Cheering, not competing — Celebrating your friends' wins without jealousy.Handling conflict early — Sunny’s “lumpy rug” rule and why resentment ruins trust. Plus some other great "Sunnyisms."New friends later in life — Why it’s never too late for a deep connection.The viral TikTok moment — How a random street interview changed everything and a business was born.LINKS MENTIONED:Follow @sunnyandjenn on TikTok and Instagram Jenn on Peloton (if you’re a rider, you already know)Lindsay Pinchuk's Dear FoundHer community Sunny & Jenn's live show! Tickets for the December show in Aventura, Florida are here. The Beaches episode of Dear Nina where two psychology professors join me and producer, Rebekah Jacobs, to analyze CC Bloom and Hillary Whitney's friendship.MEET JENN SHERMAN AND PAM SUNSHINE:Sunny and Jenn are lifelong best friends turned content creators, sharing their journey with audiences on Instagram and TikTok. Friends for more than 40 years, they bring humor, honesty, and heart to everything they do — from wellness and midlife shifts to the everyday moments of friendship. Their platforms celebrate living authentically, laughing often, and reminding people that the best parts of life are meant to be shared.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

You've arrived at the best academic nerd-out ever on the movie Beaches. Find out why CC Bloom and Hillary Whitney's instant friendship chemistry, breakups and makeups, and tear-jerker ending still wrecks us (in the best way). Is there something we can still learn in 2025 about making, keeping, and losing friends from this late 80s film? Absolutely. And professors of psychology agree!My assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, and I were thrilled to dissect Beaches and its timeless lessons on friendship with psychology professors Paul Eastwick of UC Davis and Eli Finkel of Northwestern University. Paul and Eli are also the dream team behind the Love Factually podcast, where they explain what our favorite romantic films get right--and wrong--about the science of romance. For this episode of Dear Nina, they turned that laser focus to friendship instead. We examined CC & Hillary's iconic bond through research on conflict, jealousy, apologies, complementary roles, the “soulmate” mindset, and more. We laughed a lot too! Yes, we quote the department store fight. Yes, we talk about "Wind Beneath My Wings" and other unforgettable songs from the film. Yes, Rebekah wore a Bette + Barbara t-shirt. It’s peak friendship content with genuine lessons for your adult friendships. Don't miss this one! HIGHLIGHTS:What Beaches gets right about how close friends actually operate.Why the first apology flopped, what finally worked, and how to apologize like a grown-up.The “best friend” myth, challenged: You don’t need a single ride-or-die to have a rich friendship life.Do opposites attract? That's not backed by relationship science, but roles do emerge in most relationships.Why “I’ll hire a nurse” isn’t the same as “I’ll take care of you,” and how responsiveness deepens bonds.Anger is often a mask for hurt; naming the deeper feeling opens the door to repair.Forgiveness lands when both people agree a “debt” exists. Your romantic partner as your "best friend" might not be the best idea. How your beliefs about soulmates influences they way you're willing to work things out (or not)."Transformation of motivation" was a new term to Rebekah and to me, and we loved it. You'll have to listen to learn more! LINKS MENTIONED:The Love Factually podcast, hosted by Paul and EliThe White Lotus/Dear Nina episode where Nina and Rebekah discuss the friendship trioListen to the Beaches soundtrack on Spotify MEET THE PROFESSORS:Eli Finkel is a Professor of Psychology and Management at Northwestern University. He is the author of The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work, the founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement, and the co-host of the Love Factually podcast.Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and author of the forthcoming book Bonded by Evolution. His research and writing has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, The Atlantic, NPR, and Scientific American Mind, and he is a co-host of Love FactuallyMEET REBEKAH JACOBS:Rebekah Jacobs is the assistant producer of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship and a writing professor who lives in Bethesda, Maryland, with her husband and three kids.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This month’s friendship challenge is all about generosity, but not the kind that empties your wallet or the type that requires a special occasion like a birthday or holiday gift. Think thoughtfulness and the joy of letting friends know you're thinking of them for no reason whatsoever. It's generosity of time and spirit merely to show friends they matter to you.A small gesture can leave a big impact. In this short episode, I share a few stories of simple, meaningful gestures from friends that have stayed with me for years. Some of those gestures were in the form of an expected gift (like a novel or cookbook) and others were simply an offer to be there on an emotional day, sending a “this made me think of you” text, or sharing a photo or meme that made me smile. All the examples inspired me to do the same over the years.Doing something unexpected for a friend is the easiest challenge yet. Well, maybe writing your friends' birthdays in your calendar for April was even easier, but this one is up there.Whether you’re gifting a cookbook, sharing a poem, or sending a funny meme, this challenge is about reminding your friends that you’re thinking of them, not because you have to, but because you want to.AND, make sure to visit me and fellow Dear Nina listeners in the Facebook Group or on my Substack newsletter to let us know what you did or plan to do. Let's share ideas!As always, if this episode made you smile or inspired you, share it with a friend, leave a review, or post it to your story. That small act of generosity fits the challenge perfectly. :)MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Find all previous Dear Nina Friendship Challenges here. Episode 170: "The Friend Who Really Sees You." This was my conversation with poet Hannah Rosenberg about friendship and her book SameCookbooks mentioned: Robyn sent Peas, Love, & Carrots. Julie sent Vegan At Times.Find me at the Dear Nina Facebook group to report on what you did this month to bring some joy to a friend! ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

"This made me think of you." Is there anything more delightful to hear from a friend? These are the words often written between friends when someone shares one of Hannah Rosenberg's (always viral!) poems from Instagram. And the incredible Hannah Rosenberg is my guest on Dear Nina. I was so excited to meet the woman behind the words I've been sharing in my own Instagram stories for years. Hannah is the author of the poetry collection, Same, from St. Martin's Press, and her work about friendship, motherhood, and everyday life has made thousands of people online say or write “same” in the comments or when they share her work.Together Hannah and I dive into what it actually means to feel seen, and how to make your friends feel seen. Hannah reads some of her most-shared friendship poems. There are tears (the good kind). And it’s a warm, genuine conversation about connection, vulnerability, and the friendships that quietly save us.Topics we cover:The meaning behind “Same” and how it became a viral poetry movementWhy adult friendship deserves real rituals and recognitionHow to bridge distance and stay close when life changesThe difference between being comforting and being dismissiveFriendship poems that say what we all feel but can’t quite expressPoems & passages mentioned“When I Needed My Friends” “Group Text”“Home (for Katie)”  “Marriage of Friends” MEET HANNAH ROSENBERG:Hannah Rosenberg is a poet whose work has been shared widely online, and she has been featured in publications serving women and parents like Darling and In Kind. She lives in the greater Philadelphia area with her husband and daughter, who often find themselves as the subjects of her poems. You can find her work on Instagram @hannahrowrites. Learn more at hannahrowrites.comALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Want a social gathering for making new friends or deepening friendships that’s not a book club, not mahjong, not a cooking club, not pickleball—just high-level, soul-filling conversation? Enter "the salon."Linda-Marie Barrett, author of Creating a Salon: The Magic of Conversations that Matter, shows us exactly how to plan a modern salon: who to invite (and who not to), how to set a clear purpose, what to do about dominant talkers, and why ending well matters as much as beginning well.If this episode nudges you to start a salon, tell me how it goes. What did you try? What surprised you? What will you tweak next time? All the ways to find me are in the link below.What we coverWhat a salon is (and isn’t): an intentional, guided conversation on a themeWhy salons help friendship: they deepen bonds and create new ones by giving everyone structured airtime.Hosting with with authority and kindness: Linda-Marie and I talk timers, bells, and how to intervene when someone is taking over to make sure everyone in the group has a chance to participate.Designing the experience: purpose, people, place, ground rules, accessibility, potluck flow, parking and a thoughtful way close the evening.Trouble spots: late arrivals, phones on the table, oversharing, and the art of the one-on-one follow-up.A complete sample format of a salon you can lift for your first salon.MEET LINDA-MARIE BARRETT:Linda-Marie Barrett is a writer, editor, and executive director of the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA). Before that, she was at Malaprop’s Bookstore/Cafe, where she wore many hats, including events manager and founder and host of a book club that continues today, Women In Lively Discussion or WILD. She has been hosting her Black Swan Salon since 2017 and has no plans to ever stop. She lives with her husband, writer and blogger Jon Mayes, in Asheville, North Carolina. Find her on Facebook and Instagram.  ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Ever feel like your friendships are trapped in the very general "how are you?" catch-up loop? Award-winning journalist Jonah Kaplan joins me to talk about moving from small talk to something more substantive that feeds connection. Jonah has spent two decades covering difficult stories for CBS and WCCO, and he’s learned that the best conversations—on camera or off—come from curiosity, empathy, and follow-up questions that go beyond the obvious.In a world of quick texts, busy schedules, and constant scrolling, it’s easy to keep friendships at the surface level. But the friendships that truly sustain us are the ones with depth. Related to the October friendship challenge for Dear Nina listeners, Jonah is an excellent guide for asking questions that bring conversations to another level.WE COVER:How to reframe small talk (try “What surprised you most about your trip?” instead of “How was it?”)Creating connection through conversation: don’t wait for invitations—initiateReading the room so vulnerability feels safe, not forcedWhy men need deeper conversations, tooHow honest conflict can make a friendship strongerThe power of mixed-age friendships to keep you growingWhat friendship and journalism have in commonMEET JONAH KAPLAN:Jonah Kaplan is an award-winning journalist (and the son of two rabbis!) who has built a strong reputation for his balanced reporting, thoughtful interviews, and deeply researched coverage of high-impact issues affecting the community. His work appears on all of WCCO's newscasts and is often featured on CBS News' programs and platforms, including the CBS Evening News, CBS Mornings and CBS 24/7. (See Jonah's full bio at cbsnews.com/team/jonah-kaplan/). Find him on Facebook or on 'X' at @JonahPKaplan.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

You're probably not asking your friends enough questions. This month’s Friendship Challenge is simple but powerful: ask your friends more questions. (Way more than you think you should.) Trust me, people notice when you're not asking questions.One of my most viral TikToks from last fall was when I talked about "the friend who never asks about you." It has over 90K views and over 400 comments. People had NEGATIVE feelings and lots to say about friends who don't ask questions. To help us all do better with asking questions, I discussed one chapter from a book I loved earlier this year called Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks.This month's challenge is about getting curious about your friends, deeply curious. Most of us think we ask plenty of questions, but research shows we don’t.To help you get started: Ask more questions than feels natural.Stick with follow-ups instead of jumping from topic to topic.Use what questions at first more than why to avoid being intrusive, but you can move to why eventually.Listen. Listening is how you know what follow-up questions to ask next.When you’re interested, you become interesting.And hey, as June’s challenge reminded us, it’s okay to ask for a favor. So here’s mine: Please share an episode with a friend (just maybe not THIS one if you’re trying to send a message as that's too passive-aggressive 😉).Find all the 2025 Friendship Challenges at DearNina.Substack.com.LINKS AND RESOURCES:2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overviewGreat book on the art of conversation! Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Alison Wood BrooksALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.This week’s sponsor is one of my favorite authors, Kristin Nilsen, with her latest novel THE SCOTT FENWICK DIARES. Find links to buy the book and learn more here: https://kristinnilsenbooks.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands