Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship #174 - The Neuroscience of Feeling Seen, Ignored, or Left Out in Friendships (with Dr. Ben Rein)
I'm thrilled to welcome Dr. Ben Rein, neuroscientist and author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. We discuss what friendship does to your brain and why loneliness is SO damaging over time. We cover why introverts still need connection (just in smaller “doses”), why ghosting and quiet quitting in friendships can land so harshly, what’s really behind jealousy when friends succeed, (plus how to override it), and the science of that instant “friendship chemistry” when you click with someone new.
Dr. Rein also shares simple, practical ways to make others feel seen and ideas for being more intentional about your social life. This all for the sake of your mental and physical health. Don't miss this one!
HIGHLIGHTS:
- Why all human brains—including introvert brains—need some social interaction, and how to figure out your “right dose.”
- How digital communication dulls empathy and makes ghosting and quiet quitting easier.
- Why being ignored or canceled on hits so hard at the neurological level.
- The real reason jealousy shows up between friends and how to override it.
- What’s happening in the brain when you instantly “click” with someone.
- How small, consistent social habits protect long-term physical and mental health.
- Simple behaviors that make you more likable and help others feel seen.
- Why repairing strained friendships is good for your well-being, not just your social life.
LINKS:
- Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection by Dr. Ben Rein
- I found one extroversion/introversion scale from Psychology Today. Ben’s introvert–extrovert self-assessment can be found as a pdf of the audiobook wherever you get your audiobooks or inside the book. You can also enter your email address here on his site and receive a copy.
- Find Ben on Instagram and TikTok @dr.benrein and at many other places, all linked on his website, benrein.com.
MEET DR. BEN REIN:
Ben Rein, PhD is an award-winning neuroscientist, author, and science communicator. He serves as the Chief Science Officer of the Mind Science Foundation, an Adjunct Lecturer at Stanford University, and a Clinical Assistant Professor at SUNY Buffalo. He has published over 20 peer-reviewed papers on the neuroscience of social behavior, and is the author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection. Rein also shares educational neuroscience videos on social media to an audience of more than 1 million followers, and has been featured on Entertainment Tonight, Good Morning America and 75+ podcasts including StarTalk with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. His science communication efforts have been recognized with awards from the National Academies of Science, the Society for Neuroscience, and elsewhere.
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