The Evolving Man Podcast

Sheleana Aiyana joins me again on the show to discuss shadow vows, ceremony, and all things related to weddings. Sheleana and I were married this spring and we learned so much in the process, so this is our debriefing conversation to integrate those lessons, along with some Q & A at the end.In this episode, we dig in to what we think is missing in weddings these days and we share some of the key takeaways from our wedding, and we also share some of our sacred and shadow vows.If you want to have a laugh, listen through to the end of the episode for our goofy moments.On this episode, we discuss: Shadow Vows and the power of naming the unsavoury parts of relationship. Painting a picture or a vision statement for a relationship through vows. The fantasy of the "perfect wedding". Introducing imperfection in to the wedding process. Sacred Vows as a relationship contract - writing vows together. Projections that Sheleana and I run about each other - toughness. One of our strategies for resolving conflict in our relationship. The Gifting Ceremony at our wedding - instead of the Gift Table. The Magic Gifting CIRCLE - a randomized gifting web between everyone at our wedding. Including and excluding certain wedding traditions. The traditional Bachelor and Bachelorette parties and what we don't like about them. Using the bachelor and bachelorette gatherings as an intentional step in to a new phase of life, through challenge and support. The importance of having a village to support a marriage. The story of what happens when Sheleana and I disconnect from our community. Q & A: A question about how to "hold space" in a relationship when you're feeling emotionally reactive - I share my tips for how to do it. Anxious and Avoidant conflict styles - Managing the balance between them. Doing all your inner work before finding Mr./Mrs Right. and what this really means. Intuition - how to find intuition in knowing what relationship is right for you. Plant Medicines - Can be helpful, but you MUST do your work to integrate the work in to your life. Things you can do to prepare for plant medicine work: meditation, mindfulness, and challenging inner-work of other kinds. Somatic Experiencing Therapy Sheleana is the founder of RisingWoman.com and can be found on Instagram @sheleanaaiyana.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Retired boxer and current Wim Hof Method instructor Cian Dalton joins me on the show to discuss the power of cold exposure paired with breath work and mindset training. Cian grew up in Ireland, learning to fight, and after a boxing carreer eventually found his 'inner work' and the personal growth community. Through that he found Wim Hof breath work and became a certified instructor. On this episode we dig in to the details of different breath work types, and how a person can use them for various types of healing, particularly the Wim Hof Method and The Breath Wave method.On this show we discuss: Cian's story and how he found breath work The emotional breakthroughs that can come from breath work, and how they occur. The Wim Hof Method - Cold Exposure, Breath Work, and Mindset Training. Using your breath to down-regulate the immune system in cold water. Breath work for auto-immune disorders, depression, and other physical ailments. How we are conditioning ourselves to be comfortable all the time and need to shake things up to stay healthy and adapted. Finishing with cold after a hot/cold dunk day. Cian's Breath Work trainings that he runs at The Stretch Space. The active breath of Wim Hof Method versus the gentle approach of Breath Wave. The magic of filling the body with breath energy, and relaxing in to it - release. The neurons in your brain that watch your breath pattern, then respond to that. Breath Work for kids. The importance of setting the right setting for any kind of breath work. Cian runs The Stretch Space in Vancouver, Canada, where he combines breath work with stretching and movement. Follow on Instagram - @thestretchspaceCian also does breath workshops and 1-1 breath sessions with his other business The Breath Connection. Follow on Instagram - @breathconnective Follow Cian - @ciandalton.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Everyone wants to find the right diet and exercise regime that works for them. But with all the choices available to us, finding the right fit can be a long journey full of shots in the dark and a lack of real data. David Krantz is changing that by offering personalized health coaching that looks at each client's gene expression, and then building a diet and exercise program that is a right fit for each person.David specializes in coaching around epigenetics. This allows him to coach people on nutrigenomics - the study of linking epigenetic expression to particular foods and behaviours.We all have a particular set of expressed gene codes, and this regulates what foods work well in our bodies, how well we respond to exercise, and a whole host of other things. Knowing how your genes are expressed allows you (with the right advisor) to make decisions on how to live, based on what works well for your unique body.On this episode, we discuss: What epigenetic coaching does. The old way of discovering what's healthy for you. The new way of tailoring diet and exercise to your genetic expression. Why a Ketogenic diet may not be a good fit for you. The most direct route to changing how your body loses weight. Marrying intuition and data together = power. How good data can empower you to move forward and take bold action. Concerns: Genetic testing, privacy, and big brother having your genetic information. Genetics and specific foods: fats, nuts, and more. The PPARG gene and mitochondria response to cold therapy. The function of mitochondria - the power-plant of the cells in your body. Mitochondrial response to infra red light. Cold exposure and how it affects sleep quality. Genes in my chart that affect Dopamine and my appetite for dopamine rushes. Why some people absolutely hate cold exposure. Addiction and which genes contribute to addictive tendencies. Supplements and substances that can contribute to balancing or resetting receptor systems in the brain. Ibogane and Ayahuasca for addiction treatment. How your genetic variants can predict your response to Cannabis. The the important balance of mind and body - therapy and diet/exercise. The importance of Purpose in leading a life of meaning.  One take-home message from this podcast with David is this:March to the beat of your own drum. Every body is different. Listen to your own body and learn what you need.David's website is full of great content, and he offers multiple tiers of coaching for short term and long term goals. David-Krantz.comBook a free 30 minute call with David here.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Brad Leslie was one of the founders of The Young Men's Adventure Weekend, an event that takes teens through a series of challenging adventures designed to draw out the qualities he will need as a man. The creation of the YMAW program was informed by numerous rites of passage from around the world, incorporating long-standing traditions in to a palatable journey for the young men of this era and culture. Brad breaks down a number of definitions and key points in the work of initiating young men: Initiation as a starting point. A lift-off point from which you cannot go back. A boy's journey from "Mom's world" to "man's world" and the journey in between. What initiation looks like in some indigenous cultures. Initiation - The transformation from needy & dependent to accountable & useful. What uninitiated men look like. What the initiated man looks like. A young man looking for camaraderie will join a team, a gang, or the military to initiate himself. The Boy Crisis - by Warren Farrell and John Gray The value of sports teams in building the character of young men. 3 steps in an initiation: Separation from community, Ordeal/Challenge, Return to community. The value of separating boys and girls to teach them about manhood and womanhood as they age. Michael Gurian's book - The Purpose of Boys. Why sex does not pass as an initiation in to manhood. How men drain their vital energy by getting in to co-dependent relationships. The simple way that men can connect with young men just by hanging out. The result of a culture that doesn't have elders. The odd story of how we lost our elders in the US and Canada. Elephants have elders too. Initiation for men who were never initiated - get in to self-development work and find a men's group. The ultimate cheat code to initiating yourself in to manhood - get in to service to your community. The Young Men's Adventure Weekend happens every July in the lower mainland area of Vancouver, BC, Canada. This event happens because men volunteer to make it happen, and young men aged 12-18 sign up.Young men, go here to sign up for a life-changing experience.Men, go here to be of service and transform how you see young men.There are other events that happen in other corners of North America. The Young Men's Ultimate Weekend operates in California. They are at YMUW.org. There are others, and if you need help, reach out to the YMAW guys on the YMAW contact page.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Robin Clements is a facilitator of an advanced transformational breath technique he calls The Breath Wave. This technique creates altered states of consciousness that can be as powerful and impactful as psychedelics like Ayahuasca and Psilocybin without many of the side effects.Robin has been studying and practicing with the human body for over two decades, and after receiving certifications in massage, energy work, and breath work, he developed a unified breath experience - one that has produced experiences for me that feel like a total re-birth.This isn't something you need to fly across the world and devote thousands of dollars to learn or experience. It is available in bite sized chunks, in the comfort of your home, if you learn to do it well. In this episode, we discuss how people can develop a daily transformational breath practice that can be done in as little as 10-20 minutes. Note for Wim-Hof Method practitioners: This is a different technique and requires different methods, for your safety. Do not do an 'out hold' after doing this method. Instead, stay with your breath but keep it slow, without holding.On this episode, Robin discusses: Our modern nervous systems in the generalized anxious and disconnected state. The wave of interest in relaxation techniques that help people balance the nervous system. The loop between your nervous system and your breath. The basic method of Conscious Connected Breathing. The physical healing, cleansing, and detoxification that breath work can provide. Altered states of consciousness stimulated by breath work. Working with our unconscious (and with trauma) while doing breath work. The key to letting go and surrendering during the breathwave method. How control patterns show up in the breath. If you have issues with CONTROL, breath work can change your life. How the altered state can change your genes by bringing your body in to homeostasis. The benefits of lowering stress in your life (this cannot be overstated) How to do this practice in 5-10 minutes. Why you need to learn to listen to your body more as you get older. Why you'll want to find a trained teacher before doing a "full session" at 45-60 minutes. The tools you can use in a breath session to liberate stuck energy. How music is used as a powerful tool in a breath session. Boosting your daily energy with the use of a daily breath practice. How this work can prepare us for what is to come. Robin's website - Breathwave.net Robin's pre-recorded Soundcloud breath journeys - Soundcloud/robin-clementsDeep Tissue organ massage, as mentioned on the show - James Bell at Our Healing Room. Still don't know what the breath wave is? Listen to the episode, and see Robin's words below:‘The Breath Wave’ is an open and balanced self-practice of your own breath, flowing as a relaxed and continuous wave. This full respiratory breathing technique enhances the flow of oxygen and life force (prana) throughout the body and mind, slows down the patterns of the brain and the nervous system and cultivates a high vibrational frequency; facilitating vibrant health, mental and emotional clarity and a liberating connection with our higher self.“You are your own greatest healer and teacher” - Robin ClementsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hamilton Souther is a traditionally trained Ayahuasca and Tobacco Shaman who was born and raised in the United States. He received formal training in plant medicine work and now operates a retreat centre in Peru called Blue Morpho that offers healing retreats. In is episode we explore Hamilton's wild story and we explore the details of how plant medicines heal ailments like trauma, addiction, and other issues. We discuss some of the unlikely events and wild occurrences that lead Hamilton down his path to Shamandom. We also talk candidly about "master plants", "plant dieta", and even the Cannabis plant and its role as a master plant. Connect with Hamilton:Blue Morpho Retreat Centre - https://www.bluemorphotours.comThe Modern Shamanism course - modernshamanism.org If you liked this episode, watch out for Hamilton's podcast coming out soon, called The Blue Morpho Podcast.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sheleana Aiyana, founder of RisingWoman.com joins me for a conversation about codependency in relationships, as well as a Q & A about relationships where we answer questions from fans about our own realtionship.Codependency is a word that comes up in conversations about healthy/unhealthy relationships. It is a pattern that is prevalent in the relationships all around you, and perhaps in your own relationship. We explore this subject in detail, defining what codependency is and what it looks like in romantic relationships. Some of the things we discuss in this episode: What codependency can look like in relationship.  How quiet resentment builds when you give the wrong things Covert agreements (6:00) Coming in to relationship not needing to perform in order to earn love Type 1 codependency - Codependency associated with addiction (10:50) The key to recovering from Type 1 codependency Type 2 codependency - The "special" relationship (16:00) When 2 people are codependent Codependency as an isolation mechanism of the ego (20:00) The "Nice Guy" and "Nice Gal" phenomenon (26:00) How fear or rejection prevents us from asking for what we want (30:00) Learning to accept your partner's "No" Developing a strong sense of self-love, so you can say no to partners who don't fit what you want (39:00) The moment when we broke up early in the relationship and how we dealt with it. (43:00) How to bring consciousness in to a hot discussion or a fight (47:30) Using relationship as a tool for your own self-discovery (49:00) Q & A about relationships. See below (56:00) Healthy relationship tips from this episode: Come in to relationship already deserving of love. This is a mindset. Ask for what you want - communicate your needs Set agreements consciously and verbally Allow emotions to flow in your relationship. Let it be messy. Learn to feel your own feelings, so you can hold space for your partner Use what happens in your relationship as an opportunity to learn about yourself and how your own mind works Disagreement does not equal rejection. Rejection doesn't have to crush you. Be willing to have your partner say "No" Learn to say No and then allow your partner to feel their feelings Develop self-love so you can turn down relationships that aren't a good fit for you. In hot discussions and fights - put 80% inward curiosity and 20% outward curiosity in the other person Remember that even in the most conscious relationships, there will be conflict. Your responsibility is to keep doing the work. If you want something in your relationship, bring the energy of that thing Take healthy space from each other, and use your community to give you energy instead of relying on each other for everything Women, nurture strong relationships with other women Men, build strong bonds with other men. Know what you want in relationships, and don't sell yourself out when choosing to move forward in a relationship. Boundaries are sexy Remember that you don't have to work out your relationship issues immediately. You can take space, and then come together and hold some space. Know when you can and can't hold space Sheleana runs a program with Heather Pennell on Rising Woman called Heal Your Relationships. This is a program for women looking to do their inner work so they can attract the relationships they want.Q & A Time - We answer the following: Should I wait for “the one” or spend time dating and trying out romantic relationships? Where are all the “good ones”? Why do I only attract people who only want sex? Personal Question: Were we both interested in relationship work and personal growth before we met? Can space between partners be healthy? How can time apart be good for relationships? What are the benefits of polyamory or non-manogamy versus monogamy? How do I bring myself to my partner when things aren’t going well? How do I hold space? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mike Muscari joins me for a discussion about purpose. We talk about how to cut a path in your life that is aligned with your heart’s desire and your mission in the world. In a world of infinite choice and many voices telling us what we should do, it is all too common to feel lost and directionless in our pursuit of purpose. The process of peeling away the “Shoulds” that have been placed on us by society is not easy. Mike has created a program to guide regular people through the process of uncovering and aligning with their purpose, so they can live an aligned life of fulfillment. On this episode we cover Mike’s personal story of finding success as a financial advisor, and the transformation that followed. The mid-life crisis that comes as a result of pursuing the illusion of success The power of writing down your goals and dreams Personal Development - learning about who you really are Creating purpose for your life will create a ripple of change The fear of change and our tendency to stay safe How to use a “faith-based approach” to address fear Purpose = Not what do you want to do, but WHO do you want to be in the world?  Using your purpose to guide your choices Choosing the meaning for everything that happens in your life Inside-out approach VS an outside in approach The Purpose Method - uncovering one’s deepest values How to ask the right questions to reveal the themes that point to your purpose Resources in creating your own Purpose Constitution The purpose of the purpose method - Uncovering your highest and deepest values so you can live without regrets Creating a statement that guides your life Mike's upcoming trip across North America to interview people about purpose Books and resources Think And Grow Rich - by Napoleon Hill 17 Principles Of Success - by Napoleon Hill Wayne Dyer’s work on Purpose Dan Millman’s Books - peacefulwarrior.com/books/ Mike's Links Website - Thepurposemethod.org Instagram - instagram.com/thepurposemethod/ Mike's (amazing) Lyposomal Vitamin Company - Nano NutraSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Its time to talk about purpose and fulfillment on the Evolving Man podcast. Jordan Gray- a sex and relationship coach who has written 10 books - joins me for an in-depth talk about how to find your unique gift and fullfill your dreams. We all face these big questoins in our lives: "What am I here to do?""How can I do that thing I'm passionate about?""When should I make the move? "When you're asking these questions, Jordan is the man with the fuel to dump on your fire. He helps his clients find their passion, find their 'why', and remove the barriers holding them back. He has written 500+ articles on relationships, sex, emotional intelligence, and masculinity, and he drops a whole dump truck of enthusiastic passion on this episode.  We all want to live a life where we're creating every day and serving a cause that fulfills us. So many of us get stuck in the start-up phase of a new venture, facing obstacles like analysis paralysis, self-doubt, unrealistic expectations, and loss of energy. These things get in the way of achieving our goals, and they often keep us stuck in a “safe” position. We're left wondering how to get over the initial minefield of roadblocks that get in the way of our progress, stuck in a life of mediocrity. If you want to dig deeper in to your purpose, find more passion in your life, and life a life of greatness, this one is for you. We'll outline the do's and don'ts of creating something that you’re passionate about. If you need a pep talk to get you started on that thing you've been delaying forever, listen to this episode on repeat.   On this episode we cover: Creating a life where your work is your passion. It is possible for YOU. The trap of looking for the ultimate 'trick or hack' to get successful ASAP The Do's and Don'ts of starting a business centred around your passion "Abundance mindset" VS "scarcity mindset" The Lone Wolf - trading humility and relationship for ego, fast success, and isolation. Collaboration - the key ingredient in exponentially increasing the success of your endeavours. The paradox of success - the goal you thought you wanted was actually just a milestone on your path The antidote to lacklustre goal achievement - choosing larger more "unachievable" goals  Start-up energy expenditure and how to deal with it The power of isolated lazer-focus  The dangers of spreading yourself too thin Finding right things to focus on - aligning with your values Making space in your life for new results Inner work - overcoming the belief that you do not deserve success The two major ways that we sabotage our own progress - overinflation (narcissism) and underinflation (self-deprecation). Collusion - a way that we hold each other down and keep each other blind because we're afraid to be honest. The value of authentic relationships in finding the Truth in your life The danger of piggy-backing and copying the success of others Competing with yourself - Rather than competing and comparing to others - how other competitors and comparison will take you off target.  Faith (the non-religious kind) - the antidote to the fear that holds you back.  Finding a passion that aligns with your values, and pursuing it in a sustainable way. This episode is packed full of useful quotes, inspirational tidbits, and loaded with wisdom for those who want to step further in to bringing their unique gifts to the world. Please share this with your friends and family who need it. We all need some motivation, inspiration, and a gentle push in the direction of our ultimate creation. You can find Jordan Gray at - Jordan Gray ConsultingSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Robert Kandell, host of the Tuff Love podcast joins me for a conversation about how to have authentic relationships in business, social, and with romantic partners. Bringing "tough love" and having tough conversations is not easy, and often uncomfortable, but the payoffs for the quality of your relationships is huge. Robert has a new book our called unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them, and you can find that (and pre-order) on his website. Quick reference for this show, we cover: The Junkyard dog - a real archetype that the world needs How to improve your self-esteem and find freedom How men remain hidden in the world Robert's 8 step process for UnHiding: Confront - face the uncomfortable reality you've been avoiding Investigate - explore that reality. Find answers. Find sanity. Commit - Make a decision to DO something Design a strategy - make it achievable, don't white-knuckle it Complete the milestone - complete the cycle Celebrate - Actually celebrate, physically. Debrief - find our where you can restructure Repeat - Do another cycle Why a man would consider quitting porn.  How to have a "tough love" conversation The secret to releasing the tension of that thing you've been withholding: Apology Robert's Bio: Robert Kandell has spent the last 20 years helping people re-energize their lives and build better relationships and sex through more honest and authentic connection and communication. After building a successful consulting firm in San Francisco, he then took his business acumen and co-founded One Taste (orgasmic meditation) with Nicole Daedone in 2004. Taking on the challenging task of bringing conscious sexuality to the mainstream market, Robert built the company from a paper napkin sketch to an 8-figure international corporation. He left OneTaste in 2014 to start his own consulting firm, Kandell Consulting, which helps small businesses become marketable and profitable. Robert is also an accomplished teacher, coach, and lecturer with over 400 workshops under his belt. He also brings his enthusiasm and passion to his weekly podcast, Tuff Love podcast on subjects around relationships, intimacy, sex, communication and gender dynamics. He also has written a book titled unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Themwhich will be released November 15th this year. robertkandell.com - preorder the book  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.