Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

Dr. Thema Bryantis a clinical psychologist and president-elect of the American Psychological Association. She is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and an ordained minister in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. With more than twenty years of experience in trauma recovery, she has appeared as a mental health expert on television, radio, and print media. Dr. Thema raises awareness about mental health issues on The Homecoming Podcast and her social media platforms.   Her new book  HOMECOMING: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self is road map for dismantling the fear and shame that keep you from living a free and authentic life.   Learn more here: https://drthema.com/

This episode is about loving and accepting all parts of ourselves, even the ones that challenge us. Today’s caller, Odeta, struggles with her attachment to wanting to change a critical part of herself. The judgment and attachment are what is preventing her from being able to shift it. Any part of ourselves we judge or shame or anything we attach ourselves to shifting just holds on stronger.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode335]   Self-love is not a state of being where we are in complete unconditional love with ourselves all the time or we love all parts of ourselves all the time or we never get triggered. Maybe there are some people on the planet who live that way, but they are few and far between. No matter how much work we do, we are still human. We still have parts that maybe we don’t like very much; maybe our inner critic comes up. Self-love is the same to me as self-assurance. It is radical self-acceptance. It is accepting all parts of us, even the ones we want to change.   For all coaches or anyone in the helping field, it is important for us to be honest about where we are. Walking the talk isn’t about being perfect. Walking the talk isn’t about having it all together, that is more about wearing a mask. Walking the talk is about owning that we have areas where we are doing well and the areas where we recognize that we are still human and that we are still learning. To be an effective coach, therapist, or practitioner, you don’t have to arrive at some magic place. It is more about having the training, the experience, the intention, and the skills to hold space for people as they go through things you have been walking through too.   Take the expectation off of yourself that you have to be perfect. Stay human.   Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute closes on March 10, 2022. It begins mid-March. It is a nine-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum.   Consider/Ask Yourself:   Do you intend and strive for self-love but you can’t seem to get there? Do you have a nasty inner critic or inner judge that gets in your way? Is it hard for you to love and accept certain parts of yourself but are dead set on getting them to change?   Odeta’s Question: Odeta has done a lot of personal development work but fear and judgment of her ability to self-love are holding her back from being her best self.   Odeta’s Key Insights and Ahas: She can be paralyzed by anxiety. She is a coach, yoga instructor, and breathwork facilitator. She is an inspiration to her clients but is critical of herself. She feels she is learning the same lessons over and over. She is an overachiever and then burns herself out. She has done a lot of personal development work. She feels like an imposter and wants to show up differently. She feels like her inner critic is an enemy. She was bullied and body shamed as a teenager and didn’t understand why. She grew up in an immigrant family. She tried to be perfect at everything to better belong. Part of her is stuck in her adolescence. She feels resistant to shifting.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Accept that she wants to shift certain parts of herself without being attached to it. Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Dr. Richard Schwartz about Internal Family Systems. Begin a dialogue with her 12-year-old self and remind her that she is safe. Realize her inner child is trying to protect her and is not her enemy.   Takeaways: Any aspect of you that you don’t like, that you want to change, has a positive intention. Until you can fulfill that positive intention in another way it is going to hang on. The essence of self-love is loving and accepting all parts of ourselves.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Do you want to learn more about that voice in your head? Then you'll love this episode.  Ethan Kross, PhD, is one of the world's leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. An award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and the Ross School of Business, he is the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. He has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS EveningNews, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle,and NPR's Morning Edition. He is the bestselling author of CHATTER: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It

This episode is about shared values and looking at the part we play in the relationship. Today’s caller, Sarah, feels she is at the end of her rope in her relationship and is not sure if she should stay in it or go. The discussion revolves around the different circumstances in her relationship and what we get to is that there is just not enough information yet. If you find yourself at a choice point in your life and are struggling with what to do, either you need more time, or you know the right path and you are resisting taking it.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode334]   Many people ask if they should stay or go. Whether it is a relationship, job, or city it can be very difficult to make a decision. If the answer isn’t clear, it means one of two things, either the answer is clear but we don’t like it so we try to make it work. Or, we just don’t have enough clarity about it. In which case, it may not be the right time to make a yes-or-no decision.   For a relationship to be successful, there needs to be a level of growth and connection, a level of satisfaction, and the freedom to be ourselves in what we create together. Those are just a fraction of the things that define success in relationships.   In a relationship, we must have shared values. At least three or four of our values must be mirrored by our partner. If you don’t have shared values, what is the compass? What is your North Star?   What truly brings two people together if not their shared values?   Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute is open. It begins mid-March. It is a 9-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum. On Feb. 10, 2022, there is a free webinar; to sign up visit ElementumCoachingInstitute.com/go-pro-masterclass.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you in a situation where you are doubting whether you should end it or keep going? Do you feel like you are in a relationship where you feel you are focused on growth and you want your partner to be but they don’t value it as much as you do? Do you show up more controlling in a relationship? Do you have communication breakdowns and issues in your relationships?   Sarah’s Question: Sarah is having communication issues in her relationship and feels that she is at the end of her rope when it comes to the conflict. She wants guidance on whether or not she should stay or go.   Sarah’s Key Insights and Ahas: She thinks her partner is a great guy. She has communication issues in her relationship. The couple had been in counseling but had to quit. She gave her partner an ultimatum about getting counseling. She has learned to express her needs. She values growth and personal development. She could be in a Journeymate relationship. When she wants to talk things out he gets triggered. They have been together for six years. She is intentional about her life. She feels as if she has to take care of everything and is doing all the work on the relationship. She perceived women to be weak when she was younger. She feels at the end of her rope. She wants to find balance in her life and get out of her head.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Acknowledge her partner and thank him for his efforts toward therapy. Ask her partner if he wants similar things from their relationship. If she does end the relationship, she needs to own 50% of what is happening and see what lessons can be gleaned from it. Listen to the Coaches Corner interview with Dr. Richard Schwartz about Internal Family Systems. Start focusing on the family dynamics she grew up with.   Takeaways: If you are in a relationship, consider what values you and your partner share.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

You are going to love this episode with Britt Frank who is a therapist, teacher, speaker, and trauma specialist who is committed to dismantling the mental health myths that keep us feeling STUCK and SICK. We talk about how to heal trauma, myths the wellness industry perpetuates, why you are NOT broken and so many other juicy topics! Brit's work focuses on empowering people to understand the inner mechanisms of their brains and bodies. When we know how things work, the capacity for CHOICE is restored and life can and does change. Whether she’s leading a workshop, teaching a class, or working individually with private clients, Britt’s goal is to educate, empower, and equip people to transform even their most persistent and long-standing patterns of thinking and doing. Britt is also the author of the upcoming book The Science of Stuck—available March 15th wherever books are sold. It’s a research-based tool kit for moving past what's holding you back—in life, in love, and in work. Learn more here: www.thegreenhousekc.com

This episode is about the dangers of sweeping things under the rug in relationships. Today’s caller, Angela, is looking for clarity about why she is frustrated and triggered in her family relationships. We discuss ways she can speak her truth with love, use her voice, and stand in her power in her relationships and her life. She brushes things under the rug. If you identify with being a people pleaser, someone who prefers to avoid conflict, or shrug things off when they happen but internalize it later this is a great session for you.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode333]   When we don’t stand in our power in our lives, we can’t stand in our power in relationships. Standing in our power can also be said as standing in our empowerment. Sometimes the word power can sound oppressive as if we are not being compassionate, or being selfish. But that is not really what standing in our empowerment means. It’s about being in our truth.   If your truth upsets someone, it is not your responsibility as long as you are not blaming them and are taking responsibility for your part, and communicating your thoughts in the most loving way you possibly can. Sometimes speaking our truth can hurt others but if it is done with honesty and love it can lead to growth or growth of a relationship. There is a way to deliver truth and love together. If you are delivering something that may be hard for someone to hear, do it with love.   Standing in our empowerment also means not time traveling and being able to regulate our nervous system. There were times as children when we were disempowered or when we didn’t have a voice that led to a pattern of disempowerment in our adulthood. When we are in our power, we are in the present, we are taking care of our inner child. Our nervous system isn’t activated. We aren’t in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.   And, for HSPs or internalizers, big feelings and big reactivity can be scary. When big feelings come at us, they rattle our nervous system. HSPs often have intuitive gifts growing up but internalizing stuff and repressing relationship issues as adults can suppress intuitive gifts. The nervous system doesn’t feel safe. We can’t choose what we want to suppress and expect our intuitive gifts to open up and be expressed.   When you suppress anything you suppress everything.   Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute is open. It begins mid-March. It is a 9-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching materials compiled into one curriculum. On Feb. 10, 2022, I will have a webinar, so be on the lookout for an email from me.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you consistently triggered in your relationships and wonder why you are having the same argument over and over? Did you grow up in a home where your needs were not met? Maybe you couldn’t speak up for yourself or didn’t feel empowered. Are you someone who is great at confrontation or do you avoid conflict? When you are in a situation of reactivity or frustration comes at you, do you fight, flight, freeze, or fawn or do you respond in a regulated way?   Angela’s Question: Angela is triggered by situations in her family and struggling in her relationships. She would like guidance on how to build harmony in her home.   Angela’s Key Insights and Ahas: She is in a 10-year relationship with her partner. She has a blended family. She is doing personal development work around what in her past may be triggering her. She wants to build harmony in her home. She was invalidated when she was younger. She had to care for her younger brother when her step-father passed. She gets triggered quickly. Her family has had to leave three different houses. Her partner is quick to anger. She believes a lot of the issues are about power dynamics. She believes men can’t handle their anger. There is a power struggle in her relationship.   How to Get Over It and On With It: To stand in her healthy feminine and learn how to not personalize what confronts her. Don’t time travel, stay in her adult self, and stay calm while her partner is reacting or explosive. Allow little Angela to stand up for herself and have a voice. Tell her partner how his actions affect her and maybe listen to this episode together. Bring things out into the open. No more sweeping stuff under the rug.   Takeaways: Get out of the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Don’t time travel in highly reactive situations so you can respond as an adult and be in your power. Try to have a conversation with your partner in a calm place to remind them that you agreed not to talk to each other in that way.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

So many of us are trapped in a never-ending to-do list, looking for the next solution to make us more efficient. But often what we’re left with is feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, burnt out and alone. Madeleine Dore is a writer and interviewer who explores how we can broaden the definition of a day well spent, through regular life experiments and events to examine how creativity isn’t just something we do, but how we approach our lives. Madeleine spent five years looking for the secret to productivity, only to find there isn’t one. Instead, she reveals, we’re being set up to fail. Her new book, I Didn’t Do The Thing Today, encourages us to say no to more time management techniques and yes to the joyful messiness and unpredictability of life  Dore has been asking creative thinkers how they navigate their days on her popular blog Extraordinary Routines and podcast Routines & Ruts. She regularly conducts life experiments and hosts events to examine how creativity isn’t just something we do, but how we approach our lives.

This episode is about making self-honoring choices that empower us. Today’s caller, Jade, wants to break the cycle of being in broken and toxic relationships. We work through helping her connect the dots of needing validation from her current relationships to being disempowered by her mother when she was a child and guidance on how she can break the cycle.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode332]   On-and-off-again relationships are a huge red flag. Some relationships need a break where both people can take time apart and work on themselves individually. When they come back together they decide to work through future conflicts together or that the relationship is not working and dissolve it. But, an on-again-off-again relationship demonstrates that the issues in the relationship are not being dealt with. It is a ping-ponging cycle of neither partner changing. If you are in an on-again-off-again cycle I invite you to turn it off for good.   If you are in a toxic or on-again-off-again relationship, think about the consistent feelings that come up, ride those feelings back in time, ask those feelings what they are reminding you of, and then deal with it.   When we think about connecting the dots of our current challenges to our past it is not always obvious. Often, when we have a “decent” upbringing we overlook the challenges because there isn’t a major trauma that sticks out. Not feeling good enough for a parent and constantly feeling like you need to do what they need you to do, or become some version of yourself they approve of, is a big hurt.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have a pattern of being in on-again-off-again relationships? Did you grow up with a parent who was hard on you? Did you hear the phrase “I’m really disappointed in you” a lot? When you do try to end toxic relationships, do you feel so guilty and worried about upsetting the other person that you don’t break up or maintain your boundaries? Do you feel empowered in your life and specifically in relationships? Do you find yourself consumed by the fear of rejection?   Jade’s Question: Jade feels anxiety about her pattern of entering toxic relationships. She wants to know how it connects to her past and guidance on how to heal her inner child.   Jade’s Key Insights and Ahas: She has been in a cycle of broken/toxic relationships. She tries to adjust herself to the other person. She feels anxious, ashamed, and angry with unpredictable people. Her mother made her feel not good enough and ashamed if she didn’t meet her mother’s standards. She is seeking validation and acceptance in a relationship. She didn’t have a chance to build a relationship with her mother until she was an adult. Her mother disempowered her by not allowing her to make her own decisions. She attracts people who make her feel that she is not enough. Her mother forced dancing on her and she wasn’t able to make her own decisions. She is afraid to lose love and validation. She takes on responsibilities that are not hers.   How to Get Over It and On With It: End her relationship without any guilt. Explain to her partner’s daughter why she is breaking up. Tell herself she is not responsible for making sure everyone else is okay. Hold off on dating for a while. Investigate healing her mother wound. Acknowledge herself for stepping into self-honoring choices and empowerment.   Takeaways: You are not responsible for how other people feel.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about healing wounds, feminine or masculine. Today’s caller, Emily, wants to heal her sister wound. She has struggled with feeling judged or rejected by other women and fears being vulnerable with them. She would like guidance on how to make new female connections without being anxious. Anyone who may have wounds from their past when it comes to belonging will benefit from listening to this session.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode331]   When we are teased, bullied, or have a strict, oppressive, or critical parent we develop an inner critic. Our inner critic can be much worse to us than the original offender was. Because we think if we are harder on ourselves than they were to us we will be more equipped to handle the adversity and pain. We believe it will hurt less when others do it. But, when we have a fierce inner critic it is impossible to be authentically ourselves.   When it comes to making friends and being vulnerable we have to dim down the voice of our inner critic. Because our inner critic creates fear and doubt within ourselves and puts up walls, masks, and facades. But, when we show up authentic and honest we are lovable. We fit right in.   Remember, childhood wounds are not something we heal in a few days. Part of the healing is to become aware of our patterns and practice transforming them.   We heal the sister wound by getting honest and vulnerable with our sisters.   Listeners of this show are invited to attend a free training session from Steven Kessler. His The Secret to Better Relationships: Let the Insight of 5 Personality Patterns will show you how to create thriving relationships. To register for the Wednesday, January 19th session at 11 am PST or 2 pm EST, go to ChristineHassler.com/Steven.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have a wound when it comes to belonging and making friends? If you identify as a woman, do you have a sister wound and find it hard to make friends with other women? Did you grow up in a family with a parent or step-parent that was super critical of you and now you have a worse inner critic? Is it often hard for you to be vulnerable and to feel seen? Do you second guess yourself when it comes to interactions with other people?   Emily’s Question: Emily struggles with vulnerability, judgment, and rejection and would like guidance on how to heal her sister wound.   Emily’s Key Insights and Ahas: She feels anxiety when making new connections or strengthening existing connections. She gets stuck in her head a lot. She fears being judged, rejected, and vulnerable. She attended the Inner Child workshop. She wants authentic relationships. Her inner critic keeps her from being authentic. At age 7, her parents divorced. Her mom had a 15-year relationship with someone who was critical of her. She felt her mom didn’t protect her. She feels anger toward women. She does not feel a sense of belonging with other women but she wants to be part of the group. She has competing intentions.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Journal about what she learned about women and what she thinks relationships with women could be. When interacting with women, keep herself present. When with a woman, or a group of women, internally remind herself that the past is the past. She is in the present and no one is judging her. Console her inner child and provide her with the protection she didn’t get from her mother. Initiate a friendship with a woman she can be vulnerable with. Talk to her inner critic in compassionate ways.   Takeaways: Practice working with your inner critic to come across more authentically. Explore the inner feminine wound by completing these sentences in a journal: “My beliefs about women are …”            “What I learned about female relationships as an adolescent is …”             “Female friendships are …”                        “When I think about being friends with women …” It is time to find your soul sisters and brothers. Find friends that are family.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Teri Cochrane is the founder of the Global Sustainable Health Institute® and an international thought leader in longevity. Through her decades of clinical work, Teri has developed The Cochrane Method®, a future-facing, multisystem health and longevity model. This model examines the intersection of genetic expression due to pathogenic and environmental causes, energy, and her clients’ unique personal blueprint. Teri specializes in solutions to complex health conditions and serves world class athletes. She is the author of the Amazon best-selling new release book, The Wildatarian Diet: Living As Nature Intended. Visit: https://tericochrane.com/discount/Christine10 and you can use the code “Christine10” and get 10% all supplements