Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about having anxiety about relationships. Today’s caller, Gabby, has a pattern of getting into relationships, but something always happens and they don’t work out. She would like guidance about how to reduce the amount of anxiety she feels about relationships. We work through her childhood wounding and discuss ways for her to meet her own needs and heal her inner child.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode340]   Oftentimes, the relationships we draw in reflect our primary wounding from our primary caregivers and our relationship with ourselves. When the people who are our everything can’t be everything to us in the ways we need it is devastating. It becomes an open wound that we carry around and identify in others. That is why it is so important to do family of origin healing and grieve our parents. It helps to bring our little one into the present day. It helps us to stop picking people who are like them.   We have relationships that trigger our childhood, but they are relationships for healing. They are not the relationships that go the distance. If they do last a long-time, they can be difficult because our wounds are constantly coming up. And, unless you and a partner are willing to work through those together the relationship will be frustrating.   When we heal our childhood wounds we can pick from our present-day self, our adult self, and we can choose someone who is more in alignment with where we want to go.   Know that every relationship challenge moves us closer to a healthy relationship.   Want to learn more about attachment styles? For just $20 you can hear a previous group call where I provide answers to questions at Group Coaching Replays.   Consider/Ask Yourself:   Do you have an avoidant attachment style? Do you have anxiety when it comes to being in a relationship? Is there a part of you who thinks you are too broken or don’t know how to be in a relationship? Do you have unrealistic expectations of what you think a relationship should or could be? Do you feel you have done enough inner work to attract a healthy relationship based on your vision or values versus your past wounds?   Gabby’s Question: Gabby has been going through long-term relationship anxiety and would like guidance on how to reduce it.   Gabby’s Key Insights and Ahas: She cycles through romantic relationships. She believes issues in her family are still at play in her relationships. She feels she is going backward in this area of her life. She is proud of her independence and her accomplishments. She values love, family, and kindness. She has a lot to give and deserves a lot. She has done personal development work and therapy. Her relationships have been growth opportunities. Physical touch and words of affirmation are important to her. Her father was very loving but also very closed off. She worries about making the wrong decisions in relationships. She is exhausted. Her childhood was filled with confusion.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Have compassion for herself as she moves through this. Consider how she can meet her own needs. Hold off on dating until she grieves and heals her father-wound. Check-in with herself daily with her hand on her heart and belly to see what she needs. Remember she is not broken.   Takeaways: Have massive compassion for yourself, your process, and your growth. Look at where you are still hanging on to something from your past that makes you draw in people or experiences that are similar.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

I thought it would be fun to re-air the VERY first episode I recorded in October of 2022. We have ALL come so far since then. Thank you for being part of this community as we learn and grow together.

This episode is about shifting our protective patterns and taking risks. Today’s caller, Christine, lost her husband five years into their marriage. She wants to date again but is blocked by the fear of losing love again. We take a deep dive into the foundation of her fear and how she can choose to love again.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode339]   Love is risky. Loving is easily the riskiest thing we do, whether it is loving our partners, animals, friends, or children. Love is risky because if we lose it is devastating. Our hearts want to close because the risk is difficult but when we close our hearts we miss out on the opportunity to love more. There is no quota on how much we can love in our lifetime. Or, how many loves we can have. Love is infinite. To deprive ourselves of ever-expanding love is riskier than losing again.   Shame grows on the things we keep in the dark but when we speak and bring things into the light it allows us to be held with love and compassion. That is how we soften judgment and allow intimacy in again.   Diving deep is valuable. Anyone who says they are too damaged but is actively working on themselves isn’t damaged. We are only “damaged” if we go into victim and never do anything to pull ourselves out. The only way to get protective parts to shift is to let them know that you are going to work with them to protect yourself in a different way.   Consider/Ask Yourself:   Have you had a loss in your life and you are hesitant to give something another try because you are afraid of another loss? Do you judge yourself for having baggage, especially if you are single, and feel no one will want you? Are you scared of losing a person, a dream, or does the fear of loss prevent you from going after your dreams? Is there a judgment you hold against yourself that is blocking you that you haven’t forgiven yourself for?   Christine’s Question: Christine would like to start dating and would like guidance on how to move past the resistance she feels towards it.   Christine’s Key Insights and Ahas: Her husband died seven years ago. He was her only significant romantic relationship. She is ready to start dating again but finds excuses why not to. She feels stuck. She doesn’t think someone will want her because of her baggage. She is still grieving her husband. She judges herself for things out of her control. She has been through a lot at a young age. Her desire to protect herself from loss is stronger than her desire to let someone new in. She feels paralyzed by grief and fear. She is actively working on opening up and loving again.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Get clear about her willingness to take a risk on love. Forgive herself for her self-judgments. Honor her past relationship in a way that doesn’t include blame or shame. Acknowledge her fear, thank it for protecting her, and tell it she will be protecting herself in a different way. Create a bigger fear.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

My dear friend, Rebecca Tait, joins me for the second time on the show. Last year she gave us incredible insight about what was ahead for us in 2022. This year she drops some big time wisdom on why we may feel stuck or like things aren't changing even though we are doing the healing "work."   Bec is an intuitive coach who provides guidance to people who feel stuck or uncertain in various aspects of their life.   Learn more here: https://www.justaskbec.com/

This episode is about how to heal self-worth issues. Today’s caller, Samantha, was dismissed by her father and never feels worthy of anything in her life. She asks for guidance on how to heal, and to connect more deeply with her children. We discuss how she can release her self-judgment, replace it with compassion, and make it an opportunity to heal her inner child.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode338]   For the most part, anything that happens before the age of 12, makes us into the adults we are. If we don’t feel wanted by our parents, the people who are supposed to want us and love us, it creates a big core wound. When we have low self-worth we think we are a burden and we deprive people in our lives of showing up and giving to us.   If we commit to personal development, we have to let go of self-judgment. We will not transform and heal if we judge ourselves. Love and judgment can not be in the same place. We can love the part of ourselves that judges us because we know it is just trying to protect us, but if we are frustrated with ourselves, transformation won’t happen.   When judgment and frustration come up, know that it is our inner child calling out to us to meet their needs.   Enrollment for the 2022 Elementum Coaching Institute closes on March 2, 2022. It is a nine-month comprehensive coaching certification program. It is a mix of learning the best coaching tools and skills but also doing your own inner work.   Consider/Ask Yourself:   Do you struggle with self-worth? Did you have a dismissive parent and felt you were in their way? Do you have a lot of awareness but things are not changing? As a parent, do you have trouble connecting to your children or your inner child?   Samantha’s Question: Samantha has a core wound of not feeling worthy. She would like guidance on how to shift it and connect more intimately with her children.   Samantha’s Key Insights and Ahas: She received answers from the people closest to her she didn’t expect to hear. She has never felt worthy of anything. She has done personal development work from a young age. Her father was angry and dismissed her. She wants to be unapologetically herself. She is frustrated to have awareness but is unable to shift. She judges herself for how she feels. She feels like a robot and sensitive, yet she compartmentalizes her feelings. She feels she puts a target on her back for someone to attack her negatively. She suppresses her feelings. She is being her dad to herself. She finds it hard to connect with her daughter. She didn’t feel protected by her mother.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Replace her judgment and frustration with compassion. Connect with her inner child and ask her what she needs. Make a self-honoring choice to not see her father anymore. Use her judgments as opportunities to parent her inner child.   Takeaways: The last live inner child workshop is an evergreen program. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild to get the entire workshop. It is just like attending the live event and you can go through it at your own pace. If you have a self-worth issue, ask people for what you need and let them show up for you.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Whitney Goodman is the radically honest psychotherapist behind the popular Instagram account @sitwithwhit and owner of the Collaborative Counseling Center, a private therapy practice in Miami. She helps individuals and couples heal past wounds and create the life they’ve always wanted. In TOXIC POSITIVITY, Whitney offers a powerful guide to owning our emotions—even the difficult ones—in order to show up authentically in the world. Learn more about Whitney and her book here: https://sitwithwhit.com/

This episode is about letting go. Today’s caller, Hannah, went into shock after the loss of her mother and is feeling panic and anxiety. We talk through how she has never really allowed herself to grieve. Letting go is one of those things that sound good, right? But when it comes to doing, it can be difficult, especially when it comes to letting go of a dream, person, relationship, or chapter of our lives.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode337]   It is a big deal to lose anyone we love, especially when we lose a parent before we thought we would. Many of us know that once our parents age into their 80s and 90s, and their health starts to deteriorate, it can be an easier transition for us because we see them suffering and we want them to be in a better place. But when we lose someone suddenly, it can be shocking.   There are a lot of traumatic emotions around an unexpected death. It is physiological energy that needs an outlet. Often, the energy manifests itself as panic and anxiety. Panic and sadness serve a purpose and many times extreme emotions are a cry for help. The person who needs to answer the cry out is us. It is an alert that we need to learn to parent ourselves.   Grief sometimes gets a bad rap. Sometimes we feel we need to go through it quickly or do it in a certain order, or we worry we could get stuck in it. But, grief is more than sadness. It is about honoring the love, reminiscing, and appreciating how much we loved the person or thing we grieve.   If you haven't already done my Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual, and Release 2021 Ritual. They are available as Coaches corner episodes.   Consider/Ask Yourself:   Did you have a loss of some kind that you haven’t fully processed or grieved? Do you know what healthy grieving looks like? Do you find yourself dealing with panic and anxiety and would like to shift it? If you did have a loss, are you holding some anger toward God or the universe and are having a hard time reconnecting to your spirituality?   Hannah’s Question: Hannah has been dealing with panic and anxiety since her mother’s death last year. She would like guidance on how to handle what may be a traumatic experience in the future.   Hannah’s Key Insights and Ahas: Her mother died due to COVID-19. She has developed PTSD over her mother’s death. Her husband is deploying to the military this year. She feels as if she is on auto-pilot. She felt solely responsible for the planning of her mother’s funeral. She is afraid to grieve because she doesn’t know how it will affect her. She is going to therapy. She experienced family trauma during her youth. She felt sad but people didn’t notice. She and her mother shared a mutual passion for spirituality. She feels anger toward the universe for taking her mother from her.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Read The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise. Allow herself to fully experience grief by considering it as honoring how much she loved her mother. Trust herself to feel to heal. Share her vulnerability with her husband. Express her anger with God and lean into her spirituality. When she is triggered, regulate her nervous system by using techniques to bring her into the present.   Takeaways: Are there any areas in your life where you have moved through a loss or transition and you didn’t allow yourself to grieve? Let your emotions out when you feel angry toward God or the universe.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Today I am joined by one of my dearest friends and someone who inspires me on the regular with her integrity, creativity, and depth of love. Danielle LaPorte is a member of Oprah’s Super Soul 100, and former director of a future studies think tank in Washington, DC. She’s the author of The Fire Starter Sessions, White Hot Truth and The Desire Map, which has sold over 300,000 copies.   She’s the creator of the Heart Centered Facilitator Program and Membership with 400+ leaders doing Heart Centered conversation circles and workshops in over 30 countries. Her podcast, With Love, Danielle often ranks in iTunes’ Wellness Top 10 with over 1 million downloads. DanielleLaPorte.com was named “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, and has over 5 million visitors per month. Her charity of choice is Ally Global: helping survivors of human trafficking to rebuild their lives. She lives in Vancouver, BC. Find her on Facebook or Instagram @daniellelaporte.

This episode is transforming nervous habits and meeting unmet needs. Today’s caller, Morgan, has a big part of herself that she wants to change. Her needs in childhood were unmet by her mother and she created a nervous behavior as a coping strategy. If you bite your nails, pick your skin around your fingers, pull apart split ends, or any other nervous habit you would like to transform, this episode will help.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode336]   Understanding the why behind a behavior doesn’t make it go away. We need to remember that a nervous behavior is a physiological manifestation of an emotion. It is an alarm system that alerts us that a need that wasn’t met in childhood is still not being met. When we have a nervous habit, it is telling us that we are trying to calm or suppress something.   Needs, especially in childhood, are real and important. If certain needs aren’t met at certain stages in life, it hinders who we are as adults. It doesn’t break us but it does impact us. There is a strong developmental need to feel nurtured, nourished, and to feel a calming presence. When we are children our nervous system is developing or imprinting.   Needs that are not met in childhood haunt us as adults. Any primary need we didn’t get met in childhood will continue into adulthood. Over time, we develop coping strategies to try to handle the anxiety around that unmet need. If we don’t get our needs met, our coping strategies come with little alarm systems that alert us that we need attention.   Anything is healable. The first step of any transformation is acceptance.   Consider/Ask Yourself:   Do you have a nervous habit you would like to break free from? Do you have shame around that habit? Did you grow up in a house with a parent or parents who had a lot of anxiety? Do you believe you can shift something or do you want to continue carrying around the story that you can’t?   Morgan’s Question: Since childhood, Morgan has had a nervous habit of picking at her skin. She would like guidance on how to manage her anxiety in a healthy way.   Morgan’s Key Insights and Ahas: She’s had a spiritual awakening recently. She grew up in a stable home. Her mother has an anxious personality and body image issues. She worried about her mother’s anxiety. She started picking at her skin because she wasn’t having her needs met. Her mother had conditions around giving love. She felt she had to earn love from her mother. She didn’t feel nurtured as a child. She doesn’t fully understand why she picks her skin. She feels shame around her habit. She doesn’t know what she needs for herself or who she is.   How to Get Over It and On With It: When she begins picking her skin, stop and ask herself how she can nurture and nourish herself at the moment. Read Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power and Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance. Acknowledge that she loves her mother but there were needs her mother didn’t meet. Look at her skin and scars and have compassion for herself. Believe she can shift her behavior. Grieve her mother wound, do anger release, and let the resentment out.   Takeaways: Think about the needs you did not have met as a child and consider how you can give them to yourself now.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Dr. Thema Bryantis a clinical psychologist and president-elect of the American Psychological Association. She is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and an ordained minister in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. With more than twenty years of experience in trauma recovery, she has appeared as a mental health expert on television, radio, and print media. Dr. Thema raises awareness about mental health issues on The Homecoming Podcast and her social media platforms.   Her new book  HOMECOMING: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self is road map for dismantling the fear and shame that keep you from living a free and authentic life.   Learn more here: https://drthema.com/