Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about having a pattern of needing to be in a relationship and feeling like something is missing if you don’t have a person. Today’s caller, Lee, has a lot of awareness, but something is missing, and that is being able to access and release his anger. We work through how to release his anger, grieve his childhood, and step into his power.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode330]   If we grow up in a household with a lot of anger, we think all anger is that way. Yet, anger itself is not bad. It is what we do with anger that can be harmful to ourselves or others. Anger projected onto others through words, yelling, abuse, or violation is unhealthy and dark. Anger directed inward such as being hard on yourself, having a bad inner critic, or self-harming is also unhealthy anger. Yet, anger itself is a natural human emotion.   If we get our anger out in a safe way we show up more grounded and more present. We become calmer. Remember, we never want to direct our anger at someone and never inward onto ourselves. We want to get a pillow and let our anger out to allow the parts of us that are angry a chance to heal.   Releasing anger is an important way we become empowered. Often, what makes us needy is that we haven’t found our fierceness or our voice and we are always looking for somebody else to make us feel a certain way. But, when we can get our anger out and step into our power we stop looking to others to fill a void.   If you missed my Release 2021 Ritual Coaches Corner make sure to do it before doing the Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual.   Enrollment for the Elementum Coaching Institute is open. Become a master coach upon graduation from the 2022 program.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel like something is missing if you are not in a relationship? Do you tend to attract people with an avoidant attachment style? Did you grow up with one or both parents that were either neglectful or abusive? Did you feel unwanted as a child and are consistently trying to love yourself but you can’t seem to let the unloved feelings go?   Lee’s Question: Lee always feels that something is missing in his life. He feels he is drawn to people too quickly.   Lee’s Key Insights and Ahas: He strives to work on his physical and mental health. He feels something is missing in his life. Being with another person makes him feel safe. He uses relationships to fill a void. He has an anxious attachment style. He was neglected and abused in childhood. His father tore the family apart. He felt unwanted and not good enough as a child. He does things to self-soothe. He represses his anger and turns it inward. He outsources his self-worth to other people. He is needy in relationships.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Have compassion for himself. Allow his inner child to fully grieve. Let his anger out to release his emotions. Examine the conscious and subconscious vows he made to not be like his father. Step into his masculinity and power.   Takeaways: Do the Anger Release exercise to move the energy of anger out. Are there any conscious or unconscious vows or oaths you made to never be like someone? If so, you may be denying a part of your expression and it is likely holding you back from authenticity.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Christine leads you through part two of her annual new year’s ritual and guides you through a meditation / visualization to consciously call in 2022. You can access the breathwork and meditation series Stef and Christine created and get a holiday discount using code HOLIDAY at https://christinehassler.com/breathwork/

This episode is about discerning intuition from fear-based thoughts. Today’s caller, Tamy, doubts herself and uses constant learning as a compensatory strategy when she may not have fully integrated the information she has already gathered. If you have ever wondered if your feelings are fear-based or truly your intuition, or struggle with self-doubt, this is a great session to tune into.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode329]   We often try to compensate for our self-doubts by people-pleasing, caretaking, obsessing about how we look, or being on a constant train of achieving or learning. Too much learning can be compensation for where we feel self-doubt.   You can be in radical self-acceptance or confidence, and still know there are things you are practicing and integrating.   When we truly listen to our intuition and when we are on track with our personal development work, we stay aligned. We won’t get on an ego-driven path. Ego-based success and compensatory success are houses of cards. And, that is what we fear because we can start to feel like a fraud. We feel as if we could lose everything. If you listen to your intuition, you will stay on a path of success that is sustainable.   Start paying more attention to how your intuition works. Start with little things. Intuition comes in more clearly when we are not distracted. The less we distract ourselves with thoughts of self-worth, validation, and acceptance the more space our intuition has to present itself.   If you missed my Release 2021 Ritual Coaches Corner make sure to do it before doing the Calling in 2022, Stepping Into the New Year Ritual available this week.   We have a holiday gift for you this January. Get $30 off of our Breathwork and Guided Meditation series. Use promo code ‘holiday’ at christinehassler.com/breathwork.   The Early Bird discount for the Elementum Coaching Institute ends December 31, 2021, so get your application in.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you sometimes wonder if the information you’re getting or if the thoughts you are having are your intuition or fear? Are you addicted to learning, always believing there is more you need to learn? Do you doubt yourself or struggle with self-acceptance? Do you have a fear of success; not just failure, but a bit of fear of success?   Tamy’s Question: Tamy wants to know how to recognize and trust her intuition and get rid of self-doubt.   Tamy’s Key Insights and Ahas: She is an intuitive person. She fears taking action. She has developed ways to rely on herself. She judges herself and doubts her abilities. She feels she doesn’t know enough. She has higher standards for herself than she does for others. She has been chronically learning without leaving time for integration. She fears success.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Listen to her intuition and consider where she is being guided next. Consider how her thoughts make her feel. If it makes her feel fear it is not her intuition. Respond to the guidance she gets.   Takeaways: Journal about what would happen if you are successful. Start with ‘If I am successful then…’ and see what comes up for you.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Welcome to my annual two-part ritual to complete this year and step forward into the next with intention!  In this episode, I guide you through a step-by-step process to complete 2021 with awareness and intention and let it go! And stay tuned for next week's episode where I offer you a process to receive 2022. I record these fresh every year so be sure to tune in even if you are familiar with the process :)

This episode is about prioritizing ourselves and our children. Today’s caller, Aprisa, is a single mother who looks to others to get her needs met. She had a traumatic childhood and has not yet healed her inner child wounding. We also discuss depression and how highly-sensitive people have more proclivity to depression because feeling big emotions can feel scary.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode328]   With single parents, the rightful roles of parent and child can get a little murky. It is important not to hide our emotions from our children. It is okay for them to see us sad or angry but we want to make sure they know it is not their responsibility. Sadness doesn't last forever but it is important to feel it because when we hold down our emotions they get stuck.    What often happens with people who are depressed is that they don't know what to do with their big feelings. They end up being distant, irritable, or sad. When what they need to get at is their anger, rage, grief, shame, and other big feelings. Oftentimes, when someone is diagnosed with depression it is important to look at the root cause and what else could be going on. And, many times the diagnosis of depression can be limiting.    When we suppress our feelings and are not connected with our inner child we can collapse into the subconscious programming, patterning, and time travel when we are triggered.   Be on the lookout for my soon-to-be-released Year in Review episode and join me in releasing 2021 and calling in 2022.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you an introvert or a highly sensitive person who has a proclivity to depression, especially when you suppress emotions? Have you found yourself parentifying a spouse or partner? Or, are you spousifying your child?    Aprisa’s Question: Aprisa is triggered by her traumatic past and doesn’t feel her needs are being met in her current relationship.   Aprisa’s Key Insights and Ahas: She is a single mother. She has abandonment trauma from her past. She just moved to a new continent with her son. She is currently in a relationship and puts her boyfriend before herself and her son. She has been clinically diagnosed with depression. She feels her needs are not being met. She wants to feel peace and not be triggered. She has big emotions and doesn't know how to explain them. She looks to her partner to heal her inner child. She gets triggered and emotionally falls back on her subconscious programming.  She is passing on her anxious attachment style to her son.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Reduce the burden on her son by reframing how she explains her depression to him. Create a secure attachment to her son to bring her closer to her inner child. Acknowledge her big feelings and realize she is not doing anything wrong. Connect to her inner child and love and parent herself with love and compassion. Resist the addiction to codependency. Prioritize herself and her son.   Takeaways: Listen to my Coaches Corner #286 — Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess with Dr. Caroline Leaf. Remember, you have the power to transform and heal, no one else can do it for you.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Another dear friend of mine joins me on the podcast today to discuss how to tap into and trust your intuition, the importance of leaving unhealthy relationships and the magic and power of animals. Alyson Charles is a shaman and spiritual teacher who is devoted to living by the calls of inner wisdom, mysticism, energy medicine, and shamanic practices she has mastered through her studies with spiritual teachers, both of and beyond this world. She leads global courses, events, and talks to reconnect people to their fullest power and confidence through sacred practices and rituals. Alyson's power animal shamanic journey was named a top meditation to try by O, The Oprah Magazine, and she has collaborated with a range of media outlets and brands, including the New York Times, HBO, National Geographic, Well + Good, mindbodygreen, Forbes, Elle, and Self.   You can pre-order her beautiful new book here: https://www.alysoncharles.com/animalpower

This episode is about making self-honoring choices without feeling selfish. Today’s caller, Pooja, has a beautiful relationship with her parents but is torn between pursuing her dream of being a life coach and staying in the U.S. or moving home to be closer to her aging parents who miss her. This episode will help you to get out of limbo and make decisions that feel selfish.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode327]   We want to make choices that are aligned with us versus a “should.” Choices made from “should” create a higher likelihood of resentment. We either end up resenting the people who pulled us to make the choice or we resent ourselves for making the choice because we feel like we betrayed and abandoned ourselves, which is never a good situation.   Whenever you feel the pull of both duty and desire, ask yourself what the most self-honoring choice is, because when we make the most self-honoring choice we are less likely to feel resentment later. We show up more authentically in our relationships when we make choices that are self-honoring.   Choose something, start to take steps forward, and then if you need to choose something else, you can.   If you are considering becoming a great coach, the $2,500 early bird discount for enrollment in ElementumCoachingInstitute.com ends on December 31, 2021. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com if you have specific questions.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you struggling with a decision or choice, or have you been in limbo and it is causing you a lot of anxiety? Are you often torn between what you want to do and duty, obligation, or love you feel for your family that is pulling you in a different direction? Do you live far away from your parents or your family and feel a pull to be closer to them but also pull to stay where you are because you love it? When you make a choice that feels self-honoring does it feel selfish to you?   Pooja’s Question: Pooja is transitioning careers and is not yet ready to return to India to be with her aging parents. She would like guidance on whether to return or to follow her dream.   Pooja’s Key Insights and Ahas: She moved to the U.S. with the intention of returning home after a work assignment. She and her husband have been in the U.S. since 2013. She is going through a career transition. Her parents may expect her and her husband to return to India. Her dream is to be a life coach. She is torn between duty, obligation, and love. She hasn’t had a heart-to-heart conversation with her parents about her dream. Her values are aligned with her parents’ values. Her parents have given her freedom in her life and have never asked her for anything. Her parents are aging but healthy.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Make a decision without expectations or “shoulds.” Have a conversation with her parents about her dreams and goals. Commit to a decision and know that she can change it if she feels a nudge from her intuition. Keep in contact with her parents via video.   Takeaways: If you are struggling with a decision/choice, remember you are not locked in. Empower yourself by getting out of limbo.   Sponsor: STORYWORTH — Do you have your gifts ready for the holidays? A thoughtful and meaningful gift you can give a family member is Storyworth. Storyworth helps your family share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Storyworth has helped numerous families learn about each other in profound and special ways. After a year, Storyworth compiles the stories and pictures in a keepsake book that ships for free. Give the important people in your life a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is incredibly educational when it comes to our attachment styles.  I talk with licensed psychotherapist Ellen Boeder about how attachment styles are formed, how they impact our adult relationships, and what we can do to heal them so we can have more secure attachments. A little more about Ellen . . . She has been a therapist since 2003.  She has a strong background in yoga and meditation, and her graduate training in Transpersonal Psychology also deeply inform her work.  Since getting married 12 years ago, and becoming a mother to two children, Ellen transitioned from working primarily with women to focusing on couples.  Ellen is trained in PACT, a therapeutic modality for couples founded by Stan Tatkin, PsyD., that synthesizes attachment theory, neuroscience, and affect regulation models to support couples in creating an enduring and nourishing relationship through secure functioning. In addition to maintaining a part time private practice, Ellen is on faculty for the Relationship School—a business founded by her husband Jayson Gaddis that provides in depth relationship education for anyone who wants to learn, as well as training for relationship coaches. 

This episode is about setting healthy boundaries and speaking our truth. Today’s caller, Nicole, grew up in an unhealthy family dynamic. Her grandmother didn’t accept her family and tried to split them up. She wants to be at peace with the situation but has not yet dealt with her anger. During the holidays, if you are the one who is breaking generational patterns, you may be called selfish or righteous. It can be a difficult place to be put in. But, I encourage you to stand in your truth.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode326]   So many families use guilt and obligation to get people to do things. If you don’t play into it then you may be told you are uncaring or disappointing. But, remember, guilt and obligation are not love. Just because you say no or have a boundary does not mean you do not love your family; it just means you are not playing into the unhealthy family dynamic.   Love itself is unconditional. You can love your family and have compassion for them but relationships are not unconditional. You wouldn’t stay in a relationship if the person lied, cheated, or took your money. And, just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t give them the right to have a relationship with you if they are violating certain boundaries. We can all have loving boundaries and have compassion for people but not tolerate their behavior. I don’t believe that just because someone has had a hard life and has been hurt, that they should have a get-out-of-jail-free card to mistreat other people.   We don’t have to let that into our lives. Just because someone has had a hard life it doesn’t give them the right to make our life hard.   Considering becoming a coach? Take a moment to listen to my Coaches Corner episode #312 with Alexi Parnos, co-founder of ElementumCoachingInstitute.com.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel guilty if you shut certain people, especially family members, out of your life? Are you carrying around anger or resentment about how you’ve been treated by your family? Are you mad at your parents for not sticking up for you inside of their family? If you are a parent, what do you want to teach your child about family dynamics?   Nicole’s Question: Nicole is considering cutting her father’s family out of her life and would like guidance on how to navigate through an unhealthy family dynamic.   Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas: Her father’s family tried to split her parents up. She wants to cut her father’s family out of her life. Her grandmother wants to form a relationship with her daughter. She is holding onto hurt and anger. She wants to be at peace with the situation. She hasn’t recognized the impact the situation has had on her. She played a therapist for her mother as a child. Her father was afraid to stand up for his own family. Her grandmother sends passive-aggressive notes. She gets triggered by her grandmother.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Process her emotions to move into forgiveness. Do the Empty Chair process and have a conversation with little Nicole about what she needs and give her a voice. Mother her inner child. Let herself release her anger or write an FU letter. Set boundaries and open her heart.   Takeaways: Get honest with yourself about unhealthy family dynamics. Will this be the year you speak your truth? Will you have a care-frontation conversation about what is going on? Or will this be another year of people-pleasing, swallowing your feelings, and having guilt and obligation, or just avoiding your family altogether?   Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — Delivers life-changing comfort for your body with high-quality underwear, sleep, and loungewear. Thirdlove obsesses over every stitch. Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size and style. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your new favorite Seamless wireless bra or loungewear. They have a 100% fit guarantee.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you are interested in becoming a coach or already are a coach and want to be even more impactful, don't miss this episode.  You've heard me talk about the coaching certification program I co-founded with Stef, Preston Smiles and Alexi Panos.  Today, my dear friend and partner, Alexi, joins me as we take a deep dive into describing the Elementum Coaching Institute.   We cover: why and how it's different from other certification programs, how it's structured, what you learn, what you receive, and SO much more.  If you've been considering enrolling in Elementum, this episode will answer so many of your questions.   A little more about Alexi . . .   A leader in the Emergent Wisdom movement,  Alexi Panos was named as one of FORBES Top 11 Women Entrepreneurs, INC's magazines TOP 10 ENTREPRENEUR'S CHANGING THE WORLD, one of Origin Magazines TOP 100 CREATIVES CHANGING THE WORLD, and is a featured expert in the films THE ABUNDANCE FACTOR, RISEUP and AGE OF THE ENTREPRENEUR.  Alexi is a  Master Leadership and Embodiment trainer  and co-founder in The Bridge Method workshops and The Elementum Coaching Institute, host of the Top 10 Self Improvement Podcast UNLEASHED, business strategist, filmmaker and humanitarian (through her organizations E.P.I.C. and The Sisters Society); and as a bestseller, Alexi has authored the books 50 WAYS TO YAY! and NOW OR NEVER, both by Simon & Schuster. Alexi is a proud mama to 4 kids and currently lives in Austin, TX.  Follow her on Instagram and Youtube @alexipanos. www.alexipanos.com @alexipanos