This episode is about making self-honoring choices without feeling selfish. Today’s caller, Pooja, has a beautiful relationship with her parents but is torn between pursuing her dream of being a life coach and staying in the U.S. or moving home to be closer to her aging parents who miss her. This episode will help you to get out of limbo and make decisions that feel selfish.
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode327]
We want to make choices that are aligned with us versus a “should.” Choices made from “should” create a higher likelihood of resentment. We either end up resenting the people who pulled us to make the choice or we resent ourselves for making the choice because we feel like we betrayed and abandoned ourselves, which is never a good situation.
Whenever you feel the pull of both duty and desire, ask yourself what the most self-honoring choice is, because when we make the most self-honoring choice we are less likely to feel resentment later. We show up more authentically in our relationships when we make choices that are self-honoring.
Choose something, start to take steps forward, and then if you need to choose something else, you can.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Are you struggling with a decision or choice, or have you been in limbo and it is causing you a lot of anxiety?
- Are you often torn between what you want to do and duty, obligation, or love you feel for your family that is pulling you in a different direction?
- Do you live far away from your parents or your family and feel a pull to be closer to them but also pull to stay where you are because you love it?
- When you make a choice that feels self-honoring does it feel selfish to you?
Pooja’s Question:
Pooja is transitioning careers and is not yet ready to return to India to be with her aging parents. She would like guidance on whether to return or to follow her dream.
Pooja’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She moved to the U.S. with the intention of returning home after a work assignment.
- She and her husband have been in the U.S. since 2013.
- She is going through a career transition.
- Her parents may expect her and her husband to return to India.
- Her dream is to be a life coach.
- She is torn between duty, obligation, and love.
- She hasn’t had a heart-to-heart conversation with her parents about her dream.
- Her values are aligned with her parents’ values.
- Her parents have given her freedom in her life and have never asked her for anything.
- Her parents are aging but healthy.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Make a decision without expectations or “shoulds.”
- Have a conversation with her parents about her dreams and goals.
- Commit to a decision and know that she can change it if she feels a nudge from her intuition.
- Keep in contact with her parents via video.
Takeaways:
- If you are struggling with a decision/choice, remember you are not locked in. Empower yourself by getting out of limbo.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
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Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
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