The Calm Confidence Podcast

The world doesn't appreciate quiet people. When introverts are young, they are more than happy being alone. But then the people start telling them that this is not acceptable. "Why are you so quiet?" "Why don't you talk?" "Don't you have anything to say?" After a while we start to internalize this. Is there something wrong with me? Am I weird for wanting to be alone. We start to become self conscious and doubt our own experience. We try to change to fit the world but it doesn't work. Now we feel pressure to be something we're not and we can't deliver. What if we went back to our roots? What if it was ok to be quiet? Maybe there isn't any pressure after all. Podcast, socials and services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

In this episode I discuss social anxiety with Dr. Vincent Barbieri. Dr. Barbieri and I graduated from the same high school, but barely knew each other because we were both secretly struggling with social anxiety. In this episode we explore or individual experiences and what we've learned through life and through our work as practitioners. Dr. Vincent Barbieri believes that social anxiety never truly goes away, but we don't have to let it run our life anymore. By adjusting our expectations, challenging distorted beliefs and fulling embracing awkwardness, anxiety and vulnerability, we can find peace with ourselves and others.Dr. Barbieri has a PhD in Clinical Psychology from American University. He’s been practicing for 8 years in individual and couples therapy. During his PhD he studied borderline personality disorder and worked as a DBT therapist both doing individual and group therapy. He currently lives in San Diego where he works full time as a therapist at his own practice. He also a podcast called 2 Dudes Talkin’ Therapy with my colleague Dr. Jacob Ambrose. Dr. Barbieri's socials: YouTube: https://youtube.com/@talkintherapy?si=MygnVSu01Sp8TQsoSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1sg57gFa1I34sO5FoXeZoU?si=bd6648440a694d6bTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@psychdocphd4Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_vincent_barbieri_phd/?hl=enWebsite: https://www.vincentbarbieriphd.com/

Can you really fake confidence? The discussion critiques the 'fake it till you make it' mantra, revealing that acting unauthentically often backfires. Listeners are encouraged to envision themselves free from anxiety and explore their true selves. Charles Perry explains how discomfort doesn't equate to inauthenticity and emphasizes the importance of reclaiming suppressed interests. Instead of mimicking others, he advocates for practicing as the person you'd be without fear. It's all about honesty and the journey toward genuine self-expression!

Explore the common struggle of replaying social interactions and its link to social anxiety. Learn how to recognize rumination as an obsession and create mindful separation from your thoughts. Challenge biased memories and build self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Discover the power of treating social mistakes as learning opportunities. Embrace uncertainty and reinforce positive habits through practice, allowing yourself to move on and live fully.

Social anxiety makes everything harder, especially dating. When we are attracted to someone our anxious skyrockets and we become stumbling, bumbling fools. Fear of rejection and humiliation throw more wood on the fire, culminating in what feels like an impossible task to take on. In this video I will break down how you can and should approach dating if you have social anxiety. I'll cover the 3 main phases; finding a date, the date itself, and the worries that come after a date. Interested in checking out the podcast or joining my newsletter? Check out my linktree: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Sorry it’s been a busy week and I haven’t had a chance to record a full episode. This is a short video I made a YouTube a few weeks ago that I forgot to download to the pod. Enjoy!Social anxiety can feel like a never ending loop that is impossible to escape. The shame we feel traps us. If we don’t act, we feel like cowards. If we do act, but it doesn’t go well, we feel embarrassed, which reconfirms our fears that we are unworthy. In this video I explore how you can finally start taking steps to a brighter future. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

When we are socially anxious for long enough, we start to become very cynical towards the world. We start to believe people are cruel and kindess is pointless. The more we withdraw, the more we believe people have nothing good to offer and we convince ourselves that we're better off being isolating and alone. But now we have become the very negativity that we say we hate. When we start to open back up to the world and share our kindness, we usually get it back in return. We start to realize there are decent people in the world and we start to look forward to meeting people again. Acts of kindness also help us get out of our head and back to connecting with our fellow human beings. So the next time you are feeling anxious, go out and do something kind for something. It's good for you and it's good for the world.Podcast/Newsletter/Services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Alden, L. E., & Trew, J. L. (2013). Engaging in kind acts increases positive affect in socially anxious individuals. Motivation and Emotion, 37(6), 834-846Cregg, D. R., & Cheavens, J. S. (2023). Healing through helping: An experimental investigation of the effect of kindness on depression, anxiety, and social connection. The Journal of Positive Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2022.2154695

This conversation confronts the uncomfortable truths about social anxiety and its impact on personal growth. It uncovers the concepts of primary and secondary gains, illustrating how avoidance offers temporary relief but locks you into a limiting mindset. Resentment surfaces as a hidden roadblock, damaging relationships and fueling passive-aggressive behavior. The discussion emphasizes the importance of accountability, urging listeners to confront their anger and take steps towards progress. It's a thought-provoking dive into the complexities of anxiety and the journey to confidence.

For many of us, the scariest part of social anxiety is not simply talking to people, it is the fear that other people will soon find out just how anxious we are. This consumes us with embarrassment and shame, and causes us to try to hide our symptoms. We think hiding our symptoms will make us feel more confident but in reality it only makes us more self conscious and obsessed with our symptoms. In this video I explore how to turn this on it's head. Join the FREE Newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/pknKh0Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Services - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Leigh, E., Chiu, K., & Clark, D. M. (2021). Self-focused attention and safety behaviours maintain social anxiety in adolescents: An experimental study. PLOS ONE, 16(2), e0247703. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0247703Hofmann, S. G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: A comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 36(4), 193-209. https://doi.org/10.1080/16506070701421313

Here are 5 very practical ways to keep the conversation going when you don't know what to say. When we feel socially anxious we overcomplicate conversations. There is no deep or mysterious way to get a conversation off the ground, we just need to say SOMETHING! As the conversation progresses, we often find ourselves lost in our mind trying to come up with something to say, instead of simply allowing our brain to give us something to say. In this video I explain how you can vastly improve your conversation skills in just a few simple steps! #socialanxiety #socialskills #confidence Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence