The Calm Confidence Podcast You're Not Going To Want To Hear This
Nov 26, 2025
This conversation confronts the uncomfortable truths about social anxiety and its impact on personal growth. It uncovers the concepts of primary and secondary gains, illustrating how avoidance offers temporary relief but locks you into a limiting mindset. Resentment surfaces as a hidden roadblock, damaging relationships and fueling passive-aggressive behavior. The discussion emphasizes the importance of accountability, urging listeners to confront their anger and take steps towards progress. It's a thought-provoking dive into the complexities of anxiety and the journey to confidence.
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Relief Reinforces Avoidance
- Social anxiety provides immediate emotional relief that reinforces avoidance behaviors.
- Charles Perry explains this relief acts as a 'primary gain' that blocks long-term progress.
Choose Discomfort Over Quick Relief
- Avoid actions that only produce immediate relief because they harm long-term recovery.
- Choose discomfort and challenge instead of short-term comfort to build confidence, Charles Perry urges.
External Soothing Perpetuates Problems
- External accommodations can unintentionally maintain problems by removing challenges.
- Charles Perry calls these 'secondary gains' like skipping presentations or getting sympathy.