Michelle Baddeley, author of Copycats and Contrarians, offers a multidisciplinary look at why a teen goes along with the group and when they choose instead to rebel. The key to preventing potentially harmful impulses may lie in a moment of hesitation.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notes“I’m not going! Leave without me, I already have plans!” your son yells at you from his bed. It’s a bright and sunny Saturday, and you’re loading the car so that the family can spend a night at your parents’ house. Everyone in the family has known about the trip for a couple weeks and you can’t wait for your kids to spend some time with their grandparents. This reaction, however, comes out of left field. Confused and a little hurt, you try again to get him up to no avail. The third time you try, he claims that he never knew about the trip and made plans with his friends to go to the beach instead.You relent, leaving him at home as you start the drive to your parents’ house. Reflecting on the events of the morning, you are very surprised that your son reacted so angrily. He knew about the plans to go to his grandparent’s house with the whole family. It seems bizarre and irrational for him to rebel against the set plans of the group. Finally, you think if there are any ways to learn how to handle teenage rebellion so this doesn’t happen again.Surprisingly, the answer to your teen’s irrational and rebellious behavior can be found in the field of economics. The psychology of economics is strongly rooted in human decision-making skills. In economics, decisions are made by factoring risk and reward for a company as they weigh each potential move. Humans make similar decisions by balancing risk and reward, which is why some people conform to systems or why others rebel against trends.This week, my guest is Michelle Baddeley, author of the book Copycats and Contrarians: Why We Follow Others… and When We Don’t. Michelle is an expert in behavioral economics at the University of South Australia, and she has spent much of her time investigating the correlations between decision-making and economics. Michelle’s research on group identities and the causes of conformity and rebellion has given her unique insight on how to handle teenage rebellion.The Psychology of “The Herd”It can be hard to know how to handle teenage rebellion, and even more challenging to understand why teenagers choose to rebel against order. The lives of teenagers can be crazy, so why do they perpetuate their own chaos by rebelling against the system?The answer for parents, Michelle says, lies in the social psychology of economics. Michelle mentions something called the Ingroup/Outgroup Hypothesis that dissects the psychology of how we form groups. Generally, there are two ways to go about becoming a member of a group.Through economic investment in the networkBy forming ingroup affiliations via the rejection of outgroupsA good example of economic investment towards joining a group is getting a tattoo. The amount of money spent on a tattoo signals a commitment to the group, not to mention the permanent effect of getting a tattoo.On the other hand, forming ingroup affiliations via the rejection of outgroups is simply banding together because of a rejection of other people. For example, your teen son might reject the idea of spending time with family to spend time with friends. He isn’t rejecting the family because he doesn’t like you, but he would rather be a part of the ingroup with his friends than with his family.This might make sense, but how does this information help parents learn how to handle teenage rebellion? Your son spent the last three weekends hanging with friends. Why doesn’t he ever want to spend time with his family?Michelle proceeds to serve up some more hot slices of knowledge. When the brain makes a decision to follow “the herd,” the decision is processed through the part of the brain that deals with negative emotions. Conversely, the brain uses positive neurological transmissions to transmit ideas that go against “the herd.”Essentially, if your son has determined that spending time with family is part of the “herd mentality” and spending time with friends is rebellious, then he will feel rewarded when he spends more time with his friends. In this situation, the idea that he is being rebellious feeds his positive emotions resulting in little time spent with family.Practical UsesThe behavioral information about teen decision-making is good to know, but how can parents practically apply it when it comes to dealing with how to handle teenage rebellion?It might be hard to use this information in the example of the teen son abandoning the family trip. In a time crunch, it can be nearly impossible to reason with an argumentative teen. In that case, it might be best to let him go and do his own thing.However, knowing about herd psychology can help when it comes to long-term planning for the next trip to visit the grandparents. If you’re trying to plan a trip three weeks out, parents can use their knowledge of behavioral decision-making to structure the trip at a time when the son doesn’t have too much going on.One way parents can do this, perhaps, is to make plans after your teen has a big outing with friends. If you know that they’re going to a concert one weekend, plan the trip to visit the grandparents for the week after. Your teen’s friends aren’t likely to have plans after a big weekend, so that can be an opportune time to plan a weekend of family fun.Another way for parents to approach this issue is to notice how frequently their teen is spending time with friends. If your teen hangs out with friends for four straight weeks, there’s a chance they might be a little worn out from the usual teen hijinks. Perhaps you can position a family outing as a way to “rebel” from his group of friends and take a break for a weekend.At the end of the day the best method for a parent trying to learn how to handle teenage rebellion is to craft a situation in which their teen feels rewarded for making their choice. It might be hard to do, but it is possible to get your teen to make a decision that rewards them and is what you want them to do.Michelle’s SkillsThis interview is packed with life-saving tips and tricks for how to handle teenage rebellion, here are just a few examples from the episode.One method Michelle mentions for how to handle teenage rebellion is to have a discussion. Building a conversation about rebelliousness will help both teenagers and parents understand where each is coming from. By giving space to have a discussion about rebellious behavior, both parents and teens will understand the other’s views and have the opportunity to make choices that respect each other.By opening up a conversation on how to handle teenage rebellion, parents will also have the chance to give the floor to their teens. Michelle mentions a story to me about a friend of hers who had teenagers that really wanted a dog. The parents were skeptical because a dog can be a lot of work for teenagers to manage on top of school and extracurricular activities.

Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum, psychologist, educator, and author of "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?" joins us for a candid and in-depth conversation about race, identity, and how to start difficult conversations of your own in the home. In support of increased education and awareness of the experiences of POC, we are pleased to share the full 52 minute conversation in this special episode featuring Dr. Tatum.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesRight now, America is once again in the midst of having one of the most important—and most complicated—conversations: the conversation about race. With the death of George Floyd at the hands of the Minneapolis police, reactions to racial disparity in America have exploded in the form of peaceful protests, community organization, and social media activism, as well as dramatic incidents of looting and rioting. No matter where we turn, we’re face-to-face with a set of daunting, hard-to-answer questions that have haunted America through all its history.Living in such a tumultuous time can be a lot for anyone. It’s especially a lot for teenagers and young people in general. For parents, the conversation surrounding race holds a special significance in the home. Black, Latinx, Asian, Native American, and other non-White homes want to talk about race and ethnic identity in teenagers. They want to make sure their children are prepared to face race-related challenges that could arise over the course of their adolescence, and certainly, all parents want their children to be unbiased and empathetic toward others, regardless of skin color.However, the language surrounding race and ethnic identity in teenagers is often packed with loaded terminology and uncomfortable historical facts, making it intimidating for many parents to openly address race with their children. But to ensure the next generation of adults is prepared to continue fighting for racial equality, it’s absolutely essential for all parents to know how and why to talk about race openly and honestly, no matter how difficult it seems.To explore how race and ethnic identity in teenagers and what parents can do to foster open dialogues about race in the home, I spoke with the esteemed Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum. Dr. Tatum is the former president of the historically Black college Spelman University, a recipient of the American Psychological Association’s top honor, and author of the renowned book Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race.As one of our country’s foremost scholars on race and a teacher of race-related subjects for over thirty years, it’s no surprise Dr. Tatum offers some incredible takeaways for listeners in this week’s episode. When it comes to talking about race and ethnic identity in teenagers, Dr. Tatum doesn’t shy away from the fact that all people need to be engaged, not just people of color.How To Talk To Teens About RaceRacism is a prejudice that hurts everyone in society. But in that same vein, anyone can help eliminate racism by being actively anti-racist, such as consciously dismantling racist systems or educating oneself on what social justice is. To illustrate her point, she compares racism to smog; if not everybody is actively involved in cutting emissions, our air will never be clean. It’s the same, she claims, for racism. Unless everyone is involved in fighting for racial equality, racism will always be a problem.And that fight starts with addressing the reality of racism in America. After all, you can’t fix a problem unless you’ve identified it first! This idea directly opposes the “colorblind” approach to race, where people pretend not to “see” skin color. When one tries to deny the presence of any one person’s color, that is to deny what shapes that person’s entire life.Dr. Tatum and I discussed an anecdote about race and ethnic identity in teenagers regarding a white father being proud of his young daughter for “not seeing color.” The man’s daughter was pointing out her new friend on the playground and she was using descriptors to point out which girl she was talking about. The daughter talked about everything about her friend except for the fact that she was the only Black girl present.In this week’s interview about race and ethnic identity in teenagers, Dr. Tatum not only explains why this mindset is harmful, but she gives great advice on what parents can do to embrace, accept, celebrate, and navigate the implications of REC—racial-ethnic-cultural—identities in the home—even White families. There’s nothing wrong with being White in the same way that pointing out that someone is Black is not wrong or rude.When talking about race and ethnic identity in teenagers, it’s important to affirm heritage as something that makes people unique. Their background is something that helps shape them as a person as they grow into young adulthood. When they feel empowered, secure, and not ashamed about their own heritage, they can be more willing to have discussions about other people’s backgrounds and how they interact with people who are different from them. This goes for everyone.In fact, Dr. Tatum addresses how White families can act as firm and steadfast allies, and she even offers an alternate term for White privilege to help clarify its definition: White immunity. With the phrase, “White privilege,” there’s been a fair amount of controversy surrounding its usage. Many White people do not necessarily feel like they have led privileged lives. “White immunity” communicates the fact that White people are the most protected class in a mostly White society. Furthermore, that people of color experience in some negative experiences disproportionate amounts, such as police brutality and racial profiling. White people rarely experience these issues concerning race and ethnic identity in teenagers in a mostly White society.In the course of our conversation about race and ethnic identity in teenagers, Dr. Tatum also discusses the changes in policy, psychology, population, and polarization (the “Four Ps”) that have impacted the discussion surrounding race—valuable information to parents keen to learn more about the current state of racism in America. This may seem like a lot of information to take in about a very delicate subject, but it is a process. Being an active participant in the process of dismantling racism is exactly what needs to be done. It’s not an overnight event, rather, a completely different way of living.More Resources About Teenagers and IdentityThere’s no way that the topic of race and ethnic identity in teenagers can be covered in one podcast episode. However, the discussion Dr. Tatum and I had is absolutely worthwhile for you and your teen to listen to and engage with.On top of her great insight on race and ethnic identity in teenagers, Dr. Tatum and I discuss:Addressing race and diversity in educationHow race and brain development go hand-in-hand for teensWhy the history of racism is so importantHistorically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs)The concept of “White guilt” and what you can do to overcome itWith such a rich and critical topic at hand, and considering the current political climate, I know all listeners will find...

Rosalind Wiseman, author of the classic Queenbees and Wannabees (the inspiration for the hit film Mean Girls) and four other books, shares her knowledge from over two decades of working with teens and schools. From what dads-with-daughters have to deal with now to where to draw the line on offensive language between mom-and-son, Rosalind has a wealth of insights!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesIn many ways, high school is something that takes place behind closed doors. Even though teenagers seem young and naïve to many parents, they’re having important life experiences. This encompasses episodes with drugs, alcohol, sex, and other serious inside and outside of class, and their choices have major consequences. Because teens are having their first experiences with more “grown-up” concepts, they won’t be as open to talking to their parents about dealing with teenageIn addition, teenagers are often dealing with a cutthroat social jungle packed with drama! All these stressors add up quickly, and teens might make irrational, dangerous, or harmful decisions. Part of growing up means dealing with teenage drama, something that seems to be ever present in any generation of teens. What happens if they don't learn how to deal with drama? Will this lead my teen to make potentially dangerous decisions? Is there any way we can break this cycle?This world—the world of high school—is a hard one for parents to keep up with, especially when their teens don’t want to be open and honest about their experiences. Still, parents absolutely need to be a positive presence in their teens lives to help navigate these wild situations. But when teens are reluctant to share their experiences, how can parents possibly know how to act? How can parents help kids dealing with teenage drama?For more about dealing with teenage drama and what parents can do to help, I talked with Rosalind Wiseman, author of multiple parenting books including Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the new Realities of Girl World, the basis for the hit movie Mean Girls. (You could say Wiseman made “fetch” happen!)Aside from her filmic success, Wiseman has worked with teens for decades, and her books are all written with the consultation of actual teenagers and are screened by teen readers, making them some of the most spot-on books for teens on the market. She’s also no stranger to working with parents, schools, teachers, and counselors to make dealing with teenage drama, and other challenging moments in teens’ lives, more manageable.Why Does Teenage Drama Happen?Conflict is bound to happen, whether you’re a teenage girl, a teenage boy, straight, gay, or questioning. Because of our ever changing and diverse world, no two teens will be exactly alike and not all teens will get along with each other. Perhaps the most fundamental reason why drama arises amongst friend groups is that there is a disconnect in how teens expect to be treated by their friends.According to Wiseman, one of the most crucial parts of dealing with teenage drama is to instill an understanding of how they should be treated and how they should treat others—something parents need to foster. This episode delves into deeper details Teens need to know their essential worth as a person and use this knowledge to guide their friendships, relationships, and important choices.Without this, your teen will not know what they’re looking for when it comes to making friends or even dating. This can be a very slippery slope. It could mean getting stuck in a cycle of conflict in a “friend” group that your teen may not truly be friends with. It could even mean that your teen will be exploited or taken advantage of because they don’t have boundaries or a firm value system. When you talk to your kid about dealing with teenage drama, be clear and concise about what they find important. Solidifying what they find important in life can make a powerful, positive impact.For example, what are they looking for from their friends? Do they cherish trust? Loyalty? Acceptance? Teens need to know what their values are, what they look like, and know how to stand up for themselves when their boundaries are being violated. Teens are going to make these decisions for themselves when socializing with peers, but Wiseman explains exactly why instilling this kind of resolve is one of the best things a parent can do, as well as how to do it. Listen in to find out more!How Can Parents Address Teenage Drama?As a parent, you should be available as a point of reference for your teen. Know that for the most part, you shouldn’t be the one stepping in to confront your teen’s friends. Part of the growing up process is dealing with teenage drama on their own.The best thing you can do is to provide a home environment that demonstrates the best example of a loving and respectful unit. When teens are accustomed to being respected, having their feelings heard, and having their boundaries honored, teens will naturally gravitate towards friend groups with those values in school.Because dealing with teenage drama is necessary, your teen should know how to approach the situation as best as they can. Of course, no teen is perfect, and there are bound to be moments in which you may catch your teen being unfair, unkind, or even prejudiced.Rosalind shared an anecdote about dealing with teenage drama where she felt like one of her sons violated a boundary at home. She told me that although she allows coarse language at home, she does not tolerate any degrading language. After her son made a joke that was sexist, Rosalind warned him immediately. She made sure to communicate the fact that that boundary is in place and that violating it any further would result in a more serious punishment.This is an example of a teaching moment at home that will ideally lead to better interactions with others. When you lovingly (yet firmly) establish a values system based in respect for others, you set the tone for how your teen will interact with others outside your home. In addition, Wiseman covers everything from breaking down cliques to creating what she calls a family “Bill of Rights.” She gives this tip and many more with this week’s episode in dealing with teenage drama.More Resources for Navigating Teenage DramaIn this week’s expanded episode, I got to experience Rosalind rattling off insights and strategies for parents like the expert she is. There’s so much that we covered that we couldn’t have done it all justice in this summary! In this interview about dealing with teenage drama, we cover:Identifying teenage roles in friend groups.Getting teens to help themselves with self-help books“Reconnaissance strategies” and the importance of teen privacyThe reality of nude photos and sextingShifting elements of teenage drug cultureTeenage drama of today will look different from the drama of parents’ generation. But thanks to experts like Rosalind who updates her work, navigating teenage drama won’t be as much of a headache as it once was. Her work has had an incredible impact on the world of parenting, teaching, and even pop culture, and having her as a guest on this week’s podc...

Paul Tough, NYT bestselling author, shares what he learned in putting together his most recent book The Years That Matter Most. College may have a special place in the American Dream, but Paul enlightens us into what is really happening behind the scenes--it may have you rethinking decisions about higher education.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesCollege holds a special place in the American Dream. It’s almost every parent’s hope for their kid to receive a four-year education from a United States university and make a name for themself. A college diploma is more than a piece of paper; it’s a marker for status, success, and smarts. It can be a promise of steady income, a supportive social network, and opportunities to continue moving upward. College is also a social rite of passage alongside a mind-broadening four-year journey. But the truth is, that piece of paper is becoming more and more inaccessible every year.Getting into college seems to be an existentially taxing endeavor in and of itself. Sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds stress over the SAT and ACT as if the scores signify their worth as a person or determine the entirety of their future. When they’re that young, it can be easy to believe a single test will make or break their destiny and get wrapped up in test-related anxieties. With all the negative side effects these exams have on teenagers, people are beginning to wonder should students take standardized tests?Parents too can have a difficult time helping their teens find the right college fit. It’s becoming normal for parents to go gray trying to find ways to afford higher education and getting their kids into a “good” college by stressing themselves over their teen’s academic performance. Even financial aid seems to be an elusive privilege to the families who need it most, and student loans loom darkly in the future. With the stress of taking standardized tests, finances, and social pressures from all sides, one question is on everyone’s mind: Is college worth it? And should students take standardized tests?For the answer to these questions and a closer look at the college admissions process, I spoke with this week’s podcast guest, Paul Tough. In his most recent book, The Years that Matter Most: How College Makes or Break Us, Paul takes an unflinching stance on the reality of higher education in America to show readers the truth about colleges and universities. From SAT scores to post-graduation salaries, Paul’s extensive research begs (and answers) the question should students take standardized tests?Admissions: Not As Easy As You Would ThinkIn an ideal world, merit would be the ultimate deciding factor when it comes to who colleges and universities choose to admit. But with an increasingly expanding pool of candidates and a finite amount of resources, it’s far more complicated than you’d think. It’s a mix of grades, standardized test scores, extracurricular involvement, socioeconomic standing, and more. It varies from institution to institution, so there’s no one blanket statement that could properly encapsulate just how varied the standards are. So the answer to the questions should students take standardized tests is a bit complicated.Written over the course of six years, Paul’s book is packed with studies, research, and interviews with people all across the spectrum of higher education. He recounts the stories of low-income students at leading universities like Princeton and Yale while offering insights from leading SAT tutors, recruiting agents from top banks and law firms, and more. All his findings point to one conclusion—one that might be disheartening to many: When it comes to college, money matters. So should students take standardized tests even though wealth may be a bigger factor in determining what college they get into?Struggling colleges and top institutions alike are constantly looking for ways to fund their expensive programs, meaning they look for students from high-income families who’re likely to be solid donors down the road. Furthermore, some institutions may not even prefer a student who is high-performing to high-paying. But why? Wealth is paramount to a plethora of educational institutions.For instance, a university may very well prefer to admit a high-income student who is an average performing (or even poorly performing) student rather than a high-performing student from a low-income standing. Why? It’s a better investment to admit the average student who they know can afford full tuition rather than the exceptional student who will need help paying for the full tuition. Furthermore, wealthy parents beget wealthy students who therefore will be more likely to donate back to the university in large amounts.So should students take standardized tests? The main critique of standardized testing is that it actually doesn’t measure any level of intelligence or skill. It does measure how well one takes a particular kind of test, whether it be the SAT or the ACT. Students who come from wealthier families will be able to afford private tutors, while students who don’t have the same means won’t be able to afford standardized test practice.Furthermore, institutions will be concerned about their image as a brand. When asked should students take standardized tests, many colleges say that they care how publications such as the U.S. News and World will rank them in terms of average standardized test scores of the accepted student body. Again, standardized tests don’t measure true level of intelligence, but they are a factor that is measured heavily in the admissions process.A student’s socioeconomic background even continues to influence their chances of success even after graduation. Many employers who look to hire from even the most iconic institutions, such as Harvard or Stanford, will prefer to hire employees who are just like them in a social sense. They don’t care as much about grades or academic performance. Employers look for people with similar hobbies and experiences—people they can “shoot the shit” with. It creates a circle of affluence in higher education, and, in Paul’s words, lacrosse bros really do run the world.With so much inequality that keeps teens from affluent upbringings on top, should students take standardized tests? The tides are turning. Institutions such as Yale and Trinity College have come under fire and been accused as being hypocritical in that they tout themselves as being inclusive while containing the wealthiest student bodies. Measures have been taken over the years to have a more progressive standard of admissions, but as it stands, most institutions' answer to “should students take standardized tests” is yes because they are concerned about their bottom line.So Is College Worth It?As there are so many hoops to jump through when it comes to applying for college, the question isn’t just “should students take standardized tests?” It’s also, “Is college worth it?” There is no one answer that applies to all teens. As every teen is different, every teen will want something different out of life. It’s a perfectly legitimate possibility that the traditional college path might not be appropriate for your teen. But, if your teen is set on pursuing the traditional university path, you should plan for the college preparatory road ahead together.

Lindsey Sealey, girl-advocate and author of the new book Rooted, Resilient, and Ready, re-joins us to discuss the tips and tricks from her latest book on raising strong girls, resilient and ready for the path ahead but firmly rooted in who they are!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesThe hum of the morning is different today. There is a nervous electricity in the air, as everyone around the house rushes through their final checklists. Notebooks and pencils are shoved into backpack pockets, there’s a frantic rush to cut tags off her new top, and last she grabs the new phone she got two weeks ago.It’s the first day of high school, and your teenage daughter is about to walk into a whole new world of feelings, friendships, and challenges. On the drive to school, your mind races back to everything you’ve done while raising a teenage daughter. What have you done to instill confidence and resilience in your daughter?Preparing teenagers for this stage of life is no cakewalk. The difference between middle school and high school is massive, and nobody wants their child to walk into a new environment without any preparation. Teens, especially girls, can become so vulnerable if they aren’t ready to adapt to the new situations and challenges of high school. For these reasons, it is crucial that parents are skilled at raising a teenage daughter.With these thoughts on my mind, I invited Lindsey Sealey back to the show. Previously, she guest starred on Episode 74, where she shared tips and tricks from her book Growing Strong Girls.If you don’t know Lindsey, let me tell you about her awesome experience. Lindsey is an incredible writer, who regularly contributes to the Huffington Post Canada and Spoke. She has written two books on parenting teen girls, with the newest being Rooted, Resilient, and Ready: Empowering Teen Girls As They Grow.This week, I’m stoked to hear Lindsey share her tips on raising a teenage daughter. Lindsey is incredibly smart and thoughtful, and the time she has spent working with teen girls in workshop environments has given her expertise on raising a teenage daughter. This week, Lindsey and I discuss everything from the digital world to mental health.The Digital FrontierThe rise of social media websites can detract from raising a teenage daughter. From Snapchat to Instagram and Facebook, anyone can spend hours on these sites, becoming lost in the digital world. If your daughter falls into the rabbit hole of image-driven social media sites, she could lose focus on what it means to be herself. Raising a teenage daughter who is only driven by image can cause numerous mental health issues because of obsessing about images that are unrealistic for many girls.There are strategies that parents can use while raising a teenage daughter to prevent her from losing herself to the image culture on social media. A good way for parents to approach excessive social media use by setting limits on apps. While it can be easy to set limits on apps, it might be trickier for parents to get teen daughters to agree to adult supervision.It’s easier to set limits with your daughter beforehand than to create guidelines after she’s had access to a new phone. One trick, Lindsey tells me, is to create a contract of expectations between you and your daughter before she gets her phone. If you are planning to buy her a new smartphone, have a discussion about time usage and limits beforehand! Having this conversation before buying a new phone can help parents raising a teenage daughter because it is easier to set limits beforehand than to take away privileges.Raising your teen daughter with limits on digital life can have a positive affect on her mental health. Without limits to the digital frontier, image obsession caused by social media can seriously detract your teen from living her best life. If mental health becomes an issue for your daughter, what can parents do to help?The Mental Health SceneOne day, you go to pick your daughter up from school but she seems a little more distant than usual.In the back of the car, she quietly scrolls through her phone. You try to engage in conversation, and receive mixed responses. Strangely, though, it appears that she isn’t interested in chatting. Once you get home, she drops her school gear and hides away in her room for the afternoon. What’s going on?Left alone, thoughts can turn negative, and possibly spiral into greater problems such as anxiety and depression. Lindsey told me that engaging in a dialogue around mental health issues is the best approach a parent can take to improve teen mental health. The specific strategy she mentioned was the idea of taking a positivist approach towards mental health issues.The positivist approach is a good method for parenting a teen daughter because it allows you the chance to reframe your teen’s emotional response to a problem.For example, your teen daughter might be distraught because she didn’t make the cuts for the school play. A positivist approach to the situation would be to highlight other opportunities that your teen daughter can explore now that she has extra time.Trying to have these conversations won’t be easy, but they will help in raising a teenage daughter. Sensitive subjects can be hard to discuss because talking about sadness won’t always make someone feel happier. Don’t give up! It’s better that you try to have these conversations as opposed to letting things go unsaid. In making these attempts, parents can practice raising a daughter who is grounded emotionally with a strong sense of self-worth.Additional Tips and TricksRaising a teenage daughter can be challenging for parents to navigate. At the same time, watching your girl grow into a strong, resilient young woman will be one of the most beautiful and rewarding things you will witness in your entire life. In addition to discussing the digital world and mental health, Lindsey shared her advice with me on a number of other topics related to raising a teenage daughter, including:How to help your girl find her “sparkle”What to do if you don’t like the direction your teen is goingThe masks that girls wearHow to connect with your teen in the digital world5 common lies used as conversation startersIncredible! Lindsey is such a smart, spoken woman with so much great advice about raising a teenage daughter. Check out her book, Rooted, Resilient, and Ready: Empowering Teen Girls As They Grow for more great info on how to raise your teen daughter. Good luck, hope you tune in again soon! Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Joshua Wayne, author of new book The Simple Parenting Guide to Technology, clues Andy in on the latest statistics and solutions to teens’ addiction to technology. Plus, how to adjust your rules--or set them--during the coronavirus pandemic.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesViewing Life From a ScreenDid you know the average teen spends over seven hours a day in front of a screen? And no—that doesn’t include mandatory screen time for school research, Zoom classes, and online assignments. The average teen screen time of seven hours a day is spent on video games, apps, social media, and other forms of aimless web browsing. Passive entertainment is taking up more and more of teens’ free time every day. In fact, some researchers estimate that teens spend as much as 40% of their life in front of a screen. This is a worrisome statistic for parents—and anyone invested in the next generation for that matter.The teenage years are critical for cognitive brain development, forming positive relationships, and practicing social skills. So what happens if your teenager is stunting their cognitive development by staying up hours into the night playing video games, Snapchatting, and scrolling through Instagram? This oversaturization can have lasting negative effects on a teen’s brain. So should parents reduce the average teen screen time? Considering how much social media and other screen-based activities play a role in a teen’s social life—especially since COVID-19 has postponed many in-person activities—parents have to walk a fine line when monitoring their teens’ technology use. So what should parents do to balance phone and TV time with in person interactions?This week I spoke with expert Joshua Wayne, author of The Simple Parenting Guide to Technology, to discuss how parents can monitor the average teen screen time. Wayne’s book provides parents with incredibly practical ways to approach screen time, and with COVID-19 spurring a massive increase in virtual connectivity, his perspective is more valuable now than ever. In our interview, Wayne explains how to create and implement a technology agreement and how it can be used to set guidelines for the average teen screen time.Big Tech ProblemsTechnology has brought us access to a wealth of information we would otherwise have to search libraries upon libraries for. Think about how you would accomplish a book report on Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War when you were a teen and computers and smartphones didn’t exist. You had to go to the library and check out four different books to compile enough information for your report. And then you’d have to write the whole thing without spellcheck—what a pain! In comparison, having access to this information instantly and without having to leave home saves us so much time. Wayne firmly believes that technology has brought more good than bad and that it’s here to stay. Fighting for the average teen screen time to be zero is not only futile, but unrealistic and impractical.So with that in mind, should parents reduce the average teen screen time? Generally speaking, yes, but the amount and way it’s limited is up to the individual family. Wayne knows all families have different levels of reliance on technology. For a family with two kids heavily involved in varsity sports who aren’t particularly reliant on their phone, setting a two-hour limit per day works. However, for the family of a teen who isn’t big on extracurriculars but spends their time learning how to code software by watching YouTube videos, a four-hour limit a day is more realistic.In this interview, Wayne uses a few simple guiding rules to help you decide what screen time limits are best for your specific situation. Parents need to acknowledge that the average teen screen time is seemingly high partially because of how important social media is to your kids. Although you might have Instagram or Facebook yourself, you might be wondering why your teen needs to waste their entire day messaging on social media and Snapchatting their friends. However, they might actually be having extremely meaningful conversation and developing strong bonds with their friends on these apps. These conversations have become even more precious to teens since the COVID-19 outbreak has prevented them from seeing their friends at school or on the weekends. They’re starved of a social outlet and what’s filling this gap is social media. It may be frustrating to see them on their phone constantly but ultimately, if your teen’s screen time is being spent on a healthy activity it might be better to make more room for it in their life.Using electronic devices is part of everyday life, but getting outside, stowing phones at night, and in-person interactions are all productive ways to lower the average teen screen time. These suggestions should be included in your Family Tech Agreement, which is a plan Wayne developed to help parents create rules that’ll monitor their teen’s phone usage. The rules can be things like no phones after 11pm on weekdays or no social media on holidays that everyone in the family must abide by, even the parents. The rules in this agreement should be determined by the activities and responsibilities they need to accomplish, like sports practices or SAT Prep, before getting free time to use their devices. Wayne says to be prepared for pushback because in most cases, your teen won’t want to have any limitations on their screen time and will resist having to abide by an agreement. While there is plenty of room for negotiation between parent and teen in the Family Tech Agreement, listen in to hear how to maintain your authority while creating an Agreement that will reduce the average teen screen time.Parental ControlIn this episode, Wayne discusses how it’s not only important to limit average teen screen time, you also need to keep a watch on what your teen is consuming. It’s unpleasant to think that your teen is watching unwholesome videos or exchanging unsavory texts with people you don’t want them talking to—but it’s reality. The world wide web is a dark place where unmentionable things happen to unassuming teens every day. Because of this, there are plenty of parental control apps you can use to see what websites your teen is viewing as well as location apps to track their whereabouts.At first thought, you might find these parental control apps to be invasive. You trust that your kid isn’t looking at inappropriate things and if they know you’re monitoring what they do online, they’ll think you don’t trust them. While it’s great that you trust your kid is only using their phone to look at pictures of puppies and send their grandmother nice emails on her birthday, you may be giving them too much credit. Even the most responsible teens come across websites with illicit or salacious content, whether on accident or intentionally. There are a myriad of risky things they can come across, like websites that’ll give them viruses, porn sites that operate under unassuming pseudonyms, or even websites that will sneakily take money from your teen. Wayne's insists that you explain to your teen that you’re using parental control apps not ...

Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Terry Iverson, founder of the non-profit Champion Now and author of Finding America’s Greatest Champion, talks about the future of the job market--where are the gaps now and what might young people do to best prepare themselves for the world of work? Find out in this week’s episode!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesAll parents want their teenagers to be happy and successful in their personal and professional lives, but now more than ever, there’s a lot at stake. The future of our political landscape seems to be changing every day, and there’s no telling what long-term impact COVID-19 will have on the world our teenagers are going to inherit. With an uncertain job market, a surplus of college-educated jobseekers, and rising student debt, it isn’t clear for many parents what path their teen should follow.Luckily, there are certain skills, attitudes, and practices parents can instill in their teenagers to help them understand the importance of career planning for students. And, better yet, there are tons of opportunities for a lucrative career and fulfilling life even without an expensive degree! In fact, certain job markets—manufacturing, for instance—are not only in high demand, but incredibly lucrative! The average manufacturing working earns over $80,000 a year, including benefits, and doesn’t necessarily require an expensive four-year degree. But in order for your teen to find the right career, parents need to emphasize the importance of career planning for students.For more on how today’s teens can enter adult life ready for success, I spoke with Terry Iverson, author of Finding America’s Greatest Champion: Building Prosperity Through Manufacturing, Mentoring and the Awesome Responsibility of Parenting. Terry himself has worked in manufacturing for decades and knows exactly what the industry has to offer to young adults. Moreover, Terry knows from his personal experience as a dad, coach, and public speaker how to help teenagers find and pursue careers that matter to them.Terry grew in a single-parent household in Florida, and in high school he found himself working a late-night job, playing competitive sports, and taking AP courses all at the same time. He learned the importance of career planning for students through hard work and accountability from an early age, and he encourages today’s parents to instill the same wisdom into their teenagers. He also maintains the importance of supporting teenagers by helping them find vocations that make them happy. More than anything, Terry knows that to be truly invested in something, you have to enjoy it first!This might mean your teenager has something different in mind than what you want for them. Even though you might be set on sending your teen to an Ivy League college, what’s the point if they’re going to burn out and not use their degree? Rather than set these kinds of predetermined expectations, Terry thinks a parent’s most important job is to help their teen decide what they do—or don’t!—enjoy. He says parents can impart the importance of career planning for students by encouraging their kids to follow two primary practices:Research the Job MarketGain Experience in the WorkforceNot only will these practices capitalize on the importance of career planning for students, but they’ll set your teenager up for a successful career and gratifying personal life. Here’s a look into how Terry’s practices can help:Researching the Job MarketThe most basic practice your teen can take on to understand the importance of career planning for students is research. It’s imperative for teens to find out what companies are hiring in the field they’re interested in so they can make informed decisions about their career.In order to promote the importance of career planning for students who don’t know what they want to do, parents need to seize opportunities for them to investigate the job market. Their dream job could be out there, but if they don’t explore what exists, they’ll never be able to find it let alone take the necessary steps to pursue it! According to Terry, many young adults aren’t even aware of the potential for hiring in manufacturing jobs because they don’t have a thorough understanding of the current market.Terry says that low awareness of opportunities in the job market is indicative of how certain professions become saturated/unsaturated. During our interview, he gives an example of the time he spoke about manufacturing to a group of high schoolers during a career event. When asked how many students were aware of the industry as a potential career, only two of the twenty young adults gave an affirmative statement.If an essential occupation (like manufacturing) isn’t saturated with a steady flux of newcomers, Terry says it’s like an opening in the MBA: a rare position becomes more coveted. Not only will the demand for that job go up, but the quality of pay and benefits will too! This kind of analysis of the job market can help your teen understand the importance of career planning for students and can propel them into a successful career they might actually enjoy.Another great benefit of having your teen research the job market is it will allow them to be more independent and find a career that is truly right for them. As growing adults longing for autonomy and control over their life decisions, many teenagers are eager to step into a more adult role. When you ask them to research what they want to do, you’re giving them the opportunity to earn your trust.With teens who have a strong attachment to a vocation that makes you nervous (i.e. entertainers, artists, food service, etc.), it’s an especially good idea to have them justify their decisions. When teenagers develop a thoroughly researched understanding of the job market, they can make educated decisions about what they want to do. You may want to prompt them with questions like:“How saturated is the market for the profession you want to go into?”“How does the salary of the career you’re looking into support your lifestyle?”“Are local jobs are hiring where you can get early experience into your career?”“What are the steps you need to take to succeed at this job?”If your teen is unable to justify their career choices, it’s a good indicator to them that they need to think things through a little more. If they do have the research to back up their plans, they can begin making educated moves in the right direction.Gaining Experience in the WorkforceStarting out early in the workforce is one of the best ways for your teen to act on the importance of career planning for students and decide their future profession. Not only will your teen learn to balance significant responsibilities while they’re still at home, but they’ll also be able to sort out what kinds of work are right for them.While Terry was still in high school, he managed to play sports, maintain his grades, and go to work on weeknights, a juggling act that your teen ca...

Tony Wagner, educator and author of several books, most recently his memoir Learning by Heart, joins us this week for a closer look at what really makes a difference in the education of teens. What makes the greatest positive impact on students? How an unconventional education can be advantageous?Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWhat do you want your child to learn in school?Do you want your teen to learn math, science, grammar, and maybe another language? Sure! Why not? But, do these subjects cover all of human potential? What if your teen doesn’t care about the stuff we learn in traditional classrooms?Encouraging a teenager to study can be the hardest job in the world when school isn’t teaching them anything useful. (Did that get a raised eyebrow from you?)“But school is important!” you say. You want your kid to practice self-discipline, curiosity, and thoughtful conversations in school, but that doesn’t always happen. The sad reality is that the American school system prioritizes “subjects,” not life skills.When students don’t view their education as life skills, they can become unengaged, uninterested, and dispassionate about learning.Encouraging a teenager to study math is fruitless when that teenager thinks he’ll never use math skills outside of school. You might have a dozen conversations about the value of understanding mathematics, but they are likely a waste of energy for you and your teen if your teen doesn’t care.If our education system isn’t prioritizing the specific life skills teens need to pursue their passions, what can parents and teachers do to compensate? Thankfully, this conversation has been going on for awhile, and there are a lot of strategies for encouraging a teenager to study that have been battle tested. In this episode, I have the honor and privilege of speaking to the brilliant and prolific author of seven books, including three best sellers: Tony Wagner.Tony has been wrestling with America’s education system for over 50 years, starting when he was in high school. He’s spent 20 years in different faculties at Harvard University and currently is an internationally sought after speaker and teacher. I was so excited to get the opportunity to talk about his life story as depicted in his most recent book and memoir, Learning by Heart: An Unconventional Education.Tony’s StoryTony’s bio sounds impressive, right? Maybe not what you would expect from a high school dropout and two-time college dropout. Like many teenagers zoning out in school today, Tony is an incredibly smart person, but was bored to death in the classroom.If Tony wanted to get something done, it wouldn’t happen in the classroom for credit. Tony liked to read, but he never read any book on the class reading list because he thought teachers ruined the stories for him! He also liked to write, but his high school English teacher was verbally abusive. To get better at writing, Tony sought out another teacher at the school to tutor him instead. He met with this teacher weekly in their free time.What this teacher did has since defined Tony’s idea of a Great Teacher.He taught Tony as an INDIVIDUAL.Every week, this teacher would identify a specific strength in Tony’s writing, and then give some other suggestions to supplement that strength.When his school-assigned English teacher later cursed him out and called him a “F***-up” in front of his friends, Tony dropped out of high school.Since the 1960s, our school system has changed for the better in some ways, but not all. Today there could be serious reprimands for a teacher cursing a student out. But there still aren’t measures to ensure that all kids get the experience Tony had from the other English teacher. Teachers might be held more accountable now, but there hasn’t been a notable uptick in Great Teacher experiences.Seeing Students as IndividualsEncouraging a teenager to study means encouraging that teenager to study. The interests one teenager wants to study can, and should, be different from what the next teenager wants to study!Tony’s goal isn’t to go after teachers here. He just wants to point out that you can’t individualize students with the current “batch processing” structure of education. Encouraging a teenager to study the same stuff all the other students are studying neglects the fact that teenagers are individuals. They might have completely different passions that school just doesn’t focus on.School only focuses on a narrow band of skills regarding human capabilities. All other skills can be dismissed as superfluous. Unfortunately, this only serves the kids who have an interest or competency in those specific skills! He says he sees teachers so constrained by a demand to teach “subjects” that they forget that they’re teaching young people.INDIVIDUALS.When it comes to encouraging a teenager to study, Tony desires to see teachers distill what is critically important about their subject. Once those fundamentals are taught, teachers can then make time for students to apply those foundational skills to their specific passions. A math teacher probably knows that some algebraic functions can apply to all life skills. What if after teaching those skills, that teacher then helped students apply those to their individual interests? Pointing out the relevancy of these skills can increase a students passion to learn, and this is something parents can do for students as well.It took Tony 30 years to realize that a knowledge of grammar did not equate to a strength in writing. Still, grammar skills are necessary to become a good writer. Likewise, a student interested in car engines shouldn’t have to wait until college to apply science class to racecars. In the current system, that student might not even make it to college, because they can’t make the connection between school and their passion.Stay Curious!What’s been true at least for Tony, is that you won’t find a reason to learn until you find a reason to care. Therefore, his advice for adults to give to young people is: Stay CURIOUS!Without curiosity, good luck encouraging a teenager to study. According to Tony, curiosity is what keeps people inspired. Tony believes every student should have a notebook to write down ALL their questions and concerns, related to class or not.Encouraging a teenager to study these questions in their notebooks promotes curiosity. If every child had a journal where they could write down their questions to pursue later, curiosity could become a habit. This necessitates adults creating time and space for young people to pursue those questions. If students don’t have the space to pursue their questions, then there’s no motivation for them to be curious. But by encouraging a teenager to study their interests, curiosity, that sweet desire to learn more, could become normal in almost every student.This strategy of journaling can be super effective for encouraging at home, too, not just at school. Parents can also give their teens the opportunity to do the...

Janice Kaplan, NYT Bestselling author, most recently of The Genius of Women, discusses why 90% of the population thinks only men can be geniuses. Janice and Andy cover what we can talk to and teach our girls about to empower them at a time when we need more geniuses than ever!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesIf your daughter was a brilliant pianist—as good as Mozart, say—wouldn’t you want her to share her talent? Of course you would! You’d pay for lessons, organize recitals, and help her blossom into the artist she was born to be. Imagine the wasted potential of not motivating your teenage daughter, or leading her to believe she was supposed to be doing something else. It’d be heartbreaking. Still, this is exactly what happened to Nannerle Mozart, who was told to go home to be married in her teenage years instead of following in her brother’s footsteps.Fortunately, something like this would probably not happen in the 21st Century. However, the sad truth is there are still innumerable obstacles facing women of all ages, from toddlers to teens, that are almost too subliminal to notice. The stigmatized expectations of women are internalized by girls at a very tender age, and without the proper guidance from parents, these perceptions can seriously hurt girls’ self esteem! They might even give up on their dreams and settle for whatever they’re told is “right” for them.There are very few geniuses in the world, but the fact that so few women geniuses are recognized points to a deep-seated bias against women at large. To better understand how parents can protect their daughters from this bias as well as educate their sons as to make all teens wiser on gender inequality, I spoke with Janice Kaplan, author and co-author of fifteen different books, including The Genius of Women: From Overlooked to Changing the World.In this book, Kaplan dissects what it means to be a “genius” and why it is that women are often overlooked in the running. Her takeaways are a great starting place if you’re looking for ways of motivating your teenage daughteror talking to your son about these issues so he can better understand the cultural influences that shape gender inequality.I asked Janice what inspired her to write a book championing the female capacity for genius. In her answer, Janice cited an eye-opening poll in which people were asked to name some well known geniuses––but almost none could name a female genius. The results of the poll showed that 90% of people only mentioned men as examples of geniuses, and the only woman people recognized as a genius was Marie Curie.Why can’t people recall the names of more brilliant females? Are they inherently sexist? Of course not. It’s more complicated than that, says Janice. There are a lot of social factors that add up to create this unbalanced reality, this world in which only men are thought to be capable of genius. It’s not that women aren’t talented, but instead that they are rarely encouraged, recognized or challenged––causing them to fall short of their worth. We know that you prioritize motivating your teenage daughter, but unfortunately, the world doesn’t always do the same.Why We Can’t Seem to Name Many Female GeniusesEveryone knows the saying, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” The question causes us to ponder: if we don’t know about something, does it ever actually happen? Janis says this question can be applied to women’s accomplishments––if women are extremely smart and talented but no one talks about their contributions, will their genius ever be recognized? Will this make motivating your teenage daughter even harder?In order to answer this question about motivating your teenage daughter, Janis shares a definition of “genius” which is rather thought provoking. She defines genius as “extraordinary talent, plus celebrity.” This doesn’t mean a celebrity like Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton, but instead someone whose work is widely recognized and respected.For example, does the name Katherine Johnson ring a bell? Probably not! Although her name does not live in infamy, Johnson was a brilliant mathematician whose orbital calculations were critical for the first crewed NASA space flights. Unlike, say, Albert Einstein, Johnson is not a household name. This is largely because in the 60s, and throughout history, black women like Johnson have rarely been celebrated for their accomplishments, relegated instead to the background. When asked to name a genius, you can’t recall someone you’ve never heard of! No wonder motivating your teenage daughter, there aren’t enough known female geniuses.In the episode, Janis dives into the stories of several female geniuses whose names you probably don’t know! Make sure to listen so that if someone asks you to name a genius, you’ll be able to recall the names of these brilliant women instead of allowing them to live on in obscurity.How We Hinder Women From Reaching Their PotentialOn top of not being recognized, many brilliant females are not given the encouragement to build on their talents. This is not a result of explicit sexism––we would never tell girls they can’t be doctors––but instead through small, cultural nudges that suggest women should stick to more traditional expectations. If most of the doctors a young girl sees on TV are male, motivating your teenage daughter will be more challenging sinceshe’s not going to believe that it’s possible for her to establish herself as a medical professional.There are lots of small, indirect ways that these messages towards women are transmitted. Society often hyper-analyzes the way women look, constantly making them feel as though their appearance is the source of their worth. Meanwhile, men rarely face this kind of scrutiny, and are instead evaluated on their academic or athletic achievements. There’s also a lot of differences between the kinds of after school programs we offer to boys and those we offer to girls. For example, Boy Scouts encourages boys to camp, build, and explore...while Girl Scouts is motivating your teenage daughter to cook and sew.Although these forces don’t directly tell women that they aren’t as capable as men, they teach women not to aspire quite so highly. Motivating your teenage daughter is made harder when they are told to remain in the boxes they are placed. They make women feel, often subconsciously, as though it’s wiser to have less ambition since they’ll never be able to compete with men.Talking to Kids About GenderThe unfortunate reality about motivating your teenager daughter is that kids are taught to have these beliefs about gender, not born with them. In our conversation, Janis discusses a study that demonstrates this. When young kids were brought into the labs at Princeton and shown pictures of both a man and a woman, they were asked to identify which one was a genius. Their choices shocked researchers and might surprise you too when you listen to the episode.Janis p...

Tim Harford, author of Messy and accomplished journalist, economist, and speaker, and I talk about how messiness can play a positive role in your teen’s (and maybe your) life. Turns out you can use messes, randomness, and disorganization to enhance your thoughts and actions, rather than bog you down.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesYou stick your head into your kid’s bedroom to see their desk littered with crumpled papers, gum wrappers, used dishes, worn books, pens, and chargers. Their bed is unmade, and some of the pillows are on the floor along with dirty laundry. As far as you can tell, there’s no rhyme or reason whatsoever. Their room is the eyesore of the entire house.It’s no wonder your teen has trouble concentrating! They live in a state of chaos. You call your child’s name, ready to lay down the law and command them to clean their room. You want to run a tight ship, don’t you? It’s only normal for a parent to teach their children the benefits of cleanliness and tidiness.But what if this mess isn’t actually a bad sign? When analyzing the psychology of a disorganized person, it’s very difficult to discern when your teen’s disorganization indicates distraction versus productivity. Whenever anyone has their time occupied by important tasks, such as homework, it can be hard to stay tidy. Your desk is probably the most cluttered when you have the most work to do, or your office might be in disarray when it’s crunch time.Your teen’s messy room might follow the same pattern! In some cases, mess could be a sign of creative potential. So how exactly can you tell when your teen has an acceptable mess and when it’s actually time for you to step in and help your teen find their way? What’s going on in the psychology of a disorganized person?This week I spoke with Tim Harford, accomplished journalist, speaker, and author, to learn about the psychology of a disorganized person and get a better idea of how messiness and disorganization can play a positive role in your teen’s (and maybe your) life. His book, Messy: The Power of Disorder to Transform Our Lives, takes a close look at how and when being untidy might actually be a positive thing!A Beautiful MessSome of the most important, influential, and well respected minds have been known for their untidiness. For example, Harford points to great creative minds as diverse as Benjamin Franklin, David Bowie, Miles Davis, and Michael Crichton and highlights one common denominator: mess. Often, the most high-achieving individuals are also the ones with the most pots on the burner.With so many projects bubbling away, it’s hard to keep everything in order. This isn’t to say that amazingly creative and productive people don’t value things like order and cleanliness. What it does say is that there are so many important and time-consuming ideas occupying their mental space. Tasks such as sweeping up or organizing clutter is a mere secondary concern.Enthusiasm and curiosity are two great traits for accomplishing goals, but they also make it very hard to keep things tidy. Something as mundane as tidying up their bedroom isn’t a priority to them. It might seem like they’re easily distracted but that isn’t always the case. Being distracted momentarily doesn’t entail a lack of interest or a lack of care.The next time you see your teen leaving things half-finished, they might be taking a break from one project to begin another! According to the psychology of a disorganized person, being interested and involved in multiple things is always a great sign of your teen’s intellectual development. Hartford says that it’s perfectly reasonable to have a few projects that are a work in progress. It only becomes a problem when those projects are never finished.If your teen has a particularly messy room or if they’re known to jump from project to project, it’s important for you to foster the right amount of encouragement and guidance without overstepping boundaries. Don’t mess with the psychology of a disorganized person or stifle your teen’s imaginative energy for the sake of a well-manicured desk or a perfectly-arranged closet.When it comes to psychology of a disorganized person, it can be part of their learning experience to adjust and adapt to the environment around them. It should be up to them to change their surroundings. Instead of stepping in and telling them when they should tidy up, let them figure out a schedule for their own house-keeping duties by themselves. This will self-motivate them to want to keep an orderly environment.To understand the psychology of a disorganized person, Hartford points to the musician Brian Eno. He is known for being an incredibly productive versatile musical genius, yet, the biggest irony in his day to day life is that he can’t focus on a specific task at hand if there’s music playing in the background. Eno’s passion for sound is so strong that it may seem like he’s distracted, but he’s intensely in tune with the sounds around him.So in order to get work done, Eno doesn’t allow himself to have music in the background. Details like that are only discovered by the person themselves. By having an empowered creative space where he was able to explore his work process, Eno was able to understand the best environment for him. Who knows? Your teen might be the next generation’s Eno.How to Empower Your Teen’s MessHartford cites a study of the psychology of a disorganized person about “empowered spaces” and “disempowered spaces” and the difference they can make in creating an environment to work in. In order to create an empowered space, allow your teen to own it. This means your teen should be free to have their room as they please so long as they maintain the space all by themselves.He tells me about how in his house, the rule after dinner is that everyone needs to help clean both the dining table and the kitchen. Although he enforces a tidy kitchen and dining room, he doesn’t extend that to his kids’ rooms. As Hartford sees it, he allows his kids to live with the consequences of whatever state his kids’ rooms may be in.He won’t dictate how they operate his teens’ rooms. By granting them their own little space where they are free, that leaves them in a happier mood. This in turn makes his kids able to follow stricter rules when it comes to more “public” spaces in the house, such as the kitchen.What to do About Continued MessesHarford cites multiple studies and field experts in our talk about the psychology of a disorganized person that provides awesome perspectives on the concept of messiness. For any parents who are worried that their teens’ mess is getting in the way of their success, this episode is made for you.A parent of teenagers himself, Harford uses his research and expertise on the psychology of a disorganized person to give some great advice when it comes to applying the concept of messiness to family life. There’s so much to consider when looking at the psychology of a messy teen. In our interview about the psychology of a disorganized person, he teaches me all about how to:Turn accidents into positive experiencesCreating “empowered” spaces for teens to excelCultivating diverse friendships and ...