Dr. Michael Kimmel, author of the NYT bestselling Guyland, speaks with Andy to discuss boys, men, and everything in between. Masculinity doesn’t have to be “toxic” but the way we teach (or don’t teach) our boys about what it means to be a “man” has dire consequences for us all.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notes“Boys will be boys,” right? Unfortunately, the playing field of masculinity in society today is more dangerous than you might believe. From hazing gone wrong, to depression and suicide, to jail time, the consequences of not understanding masculinity and what it means to be a man can be dire. It can literally be a matter of life or death for some.Not only are young men harming others by learning harmful behaviors, such as not processing emotions and being overly aggressive, but they’re also hurting themselves. They’re limiting themselves by acting in ways that were dictated to them by media, pop culture, their peers, and older men who perpetuate a “traditional” sense of masculinity.Growing into adulthood is hard enough for anyone, but there can be a particularly toxic mindset when it comes to teenage boys. Leaving our teenage boys and young men completely unchecked is not a healthy way to raise them. When boys transition into manhood in their late teens, they’re forced to figure out what it means to “be a man” on their own. The late high school, college, and early adult years are perceived to be a proving ground for young men, and they’ll go out of their way to show off their machismo in order to be accepted by their friends.These rituals, such as hazing and initiations into social groups, have become dangerous, harmful, and completely unnecessary elements of masculinity in society today. Binge drinking, experimenting with illicit substances, and physically dangerous tasks are usually dictated to them by their peers or by other young men who are only a year or so older than they are. And no one is talking about manhood, so the question remains: what does it mean to be a man?This is an important question for any parent raising a young man. For the answers, I turned to Michael Kimmel, the man to reference when it comes to understanding men. Author of Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men and books on masculinity and gender, Kimmel is dedicated to dissecting the world boys grow up in and revealing how and why boys are impacted by the idea of “manhood.”Trying to Define ManhoodIn this week’s interview, Kimmel notes that at the beginning of the 20th century, there was a clear cut distinction between when someone was a child and when someone was an adult, and that distinction usually came at 14 years old. They went straight to work as an apprentice, assisting in their family business, or if they had the means, left home to pursue higher education.Today, the transition from child to adult is not as quick. The term “adolescence” was coined to describe the gradual process of growing into adulthood, starting at about 14 and continuing into one’s early twenties. Kimmel claims adolescence and early manhood have blended together. Because of the lack of a clear demarcation between “young boy” and “young man”, masculinity in society today has turned this stage of youth into an unstructured, unsupervised playground to show off their “manliness”.Kimmel notes that when it comes to parenting boys, parents often take a hands-off approach. Although there is a sense of freedom given, young boys experience a sense of being lost and unsure of the road ahead. This is particularly true in American culture where young men are “self-governing.” Kimmel notices that it's usually the younger men, such as the team captain or the president of the fraternity house, who call the shots within their peer group. Young American men don’t have the same positive influence from masculinity in society today compared to other cultures and countries.Without learned guidance from older, more experienced men, young men often learn harmful tropes about masculinity in society today from porn, movies, and pop culture because those are the most accessible mediums to gather information from. It’s crucial for adults—especially parents—to step in and guide young men on this journey and influence them in an empowering, positive manner so they don’t hurt themselves or others in the process of growing into adulthood.Consequences of Toxic MasculinityIn our conversation, Kimmel deconstructs the concept of masculinity in society today and lays it bare. Young men are traditionally taught to be in control. When they feel emasculated, they feel they have to reestablish their status in order to regain respect and control of a situation. This is known as the “alpha male” mentality.The “alpha” mentality is a slippery slope and can lead into truly unsavory and dangerous ways of expressing masculinity in society today. Specifically, toxic masculinity leads to a sense of entitlement, and entitlement feeds into other toxic ways of thinking, such as racism, sexism, and nationalism. Tune in to this week’s episode to hear Michael and I discuss at length how masculinity in society today has created a sense of entitlement in young men.When insecure men feel threatened by women in the workforce, the men assert their dominance by acting out in ways that are misogynistic and unfair. Why? Because insecure men feel entitled to being the sole presence in a company or even in an entire industry. The mere presence of women threatens their grip of controlThis sense of entitlement bleeds into the issue of race and nationality when it comes to masculinity in society today. When insecure men feel threatened by the presence of immigrants, they act out by saying things like “This is my country” and “Go back to where you came from.” This stems from a toxic sense of entitlement to a country and what they believe to be their rightful land. Insecure men feel like the presence of “outsiders” threatens and challenges their power and sense of control.Let’s face it, men have been in control for the longest and have benefitted the most. It’s important to teach teenage boys and young men that although there is nothing wrong with embracing your manliness, masculinity in society today should go hand in hand with using your strength as young men to help lift others instead of break people down.Kimmel argues that the norm for masculinity in society today is to encourage breaking others down in order to only build themselves up. Another topic we touched on is about hazing and how the basis of hazing is humiliation. If young men used as much of their strength to empower their peers instead of break them down, the world would probably be a different place.How do I Teach Positive Masculinity?When raising children, you want them to be compassionate, fair, and honest people. And that goes for everyone, no matter their gender. When it comes to raising young boys who will eventually become young men, it’s imperative to instill respect and kindness in them. This week’s episode explores ways to do exactly that.Embracing masculinity is not a bad thing. There are so many ways to positively influence and upli...

Stanley Fish, best-selling author and octogenarian, clues us into the intricacies of arguments: how argument is a more natural state; destructive arguments; how to get out of one; and much more! Grateful to be able to connect with the author of Winning Arguments and The First, Dr. Fish!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notes“I hate you! You never trust me to do anything on my own!”Your teen yells at you as they storm off to their room. Slam! Yeah, you probably won’t see her again until dinner. Exasperated and confused, you try to retrace the steps that led to this moment. Your teen came home in a good mood today, buoyed by news of a weekend getaway a friend is putting together. She walked in from school and mentioned it to you, hoping to gain immediate approval.When you asked her for more details about the trip, she grew defensive. She scoffed when you asked if a parent would be going, but you pressed for details. She grew defensive, saying that it didn’t matter if a parent would be there or not. However, the vacation home your teen plans to go to is over three hours away and you are apprehensive about something going wrong when the teens are so far away. Finally, you gave an ultimatum: no parent, no trip.That’s when all hell broke loose and you began to wonder how tense the dinner table might get later tonight. As a concerned parent, you want to know how to win an argument with a teenager. What strategies can parents use to win? And how can parents manage conflict without it turning to anger?In this episode of the Talking to Teens Podcast, Stanley Fish shares his research on how to win an argument with a teenager. Stanley has a long resume, highlighted by stints at UC Berkeley, Johns Hopkins and Florida International University. In addition to being a professor of humanities and law, he has written 19 books about everything from free speech to the science of arguments.Stanley’s book, Winning Arguments: What Works and Doesn’t Work in Politics, the Bedroom, the Courtroom, and the Classroom is perfect for parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager. We delve into this book’s methods for parents and teens to keep arguments from spiraling into negativity. Stanley accomplishes this feat by teaching us the red flags of arguments so disagreements can be handled in a civil manner.Two Red Flags of ArgumentsRed Flag #1: The Ideological ImpasseParents struggling to figure out how to win an argument with a teenager need to know about the “Ideological Impasse. ” Here’s an example of what an “Ideological Impasse” is:Stanley mentioned the 2010s controversy surrounding the name of the NFL team in Washington, D.C.. Washington had carried the nickname of “Redskins” since their inception in 1932, but in the 2010s, protesters organized and called for the franchise to change their name. There were two sides to this dialogue.A) Protestors saw themselves as fighting the long history of racism.B) Ownership saw themselves as upholding free speech and tradition.Neither side was willing to give in to the other’s idea, thus forming an “Ideological Impasse.” They were fundamentally at odds and it took a decade of stalemate before either side could convince the other.Drawing out conflict is exactly what parents should avoid when they have a disagreement with their teens. Parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager should avoid prolonged conflicts because it decreases the chance of a productive result of an argument.Solution: Bridging the ImpasseOnce you reach the point of an impasse, Stanly recommends that parents take a step back.One way a parent can figure out how to win an argument with a teenager and take a step back is to simply say,“I understand where you are coming from. But can we put this conversation on the shelf for now? I’d like to take some more time to think about this.”Making a statement that closes the argument while finding another time to pick up the conversation is a great way to de-escalate arguments.Declaring a ceasefire might not be easy, but it will preserve the feelings of parents and teenagers involved in the argument. This will stop the disagreement from spiraling out of control.This tip is important for parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager because setting your terms for when an argument happens is like having a “home field advantage” in the argument.Taking a step back will also allow teens and parents a chance to reproach the issue under controlled circumstances. Here’s a way parents can do this:Instead of setting an ultimatum about the trip your daughter wants to go on, parents can pause the argument. Setting aside time to discuss this issue in a day or two will give parents time to prepare a controlled discussion as opposed to having an argument spiral out of control.On top of everything, the strategy of setting a later date and time will help parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager because it lowers the probability of the dehumanization of the “other.”Red Flag #2: Dehumanization of the “Other”Stanley mentioned the dehumanization of the “other” as a natural point of advancement stemming from an ideological impasse. Essentially, when an argument between two parties is ratcheted up to an impasse, an emotional disconnect emerges between the opposing sides. Both sides will create an image of the “other” that is created for the sole purpose of being torn down.A perfect example of the dehumanization of the “other” can be found in the politics of the United States after the election of Donald Trump. On Democratic and Republican sides, images were created of the other party in order to discredit the values each promoted. An example of political dehumanization is:A) Democratic supporters were called out as communists.B) Republican supporters were called out as fascists.Essentially, both parties forgot that human beings existed behind the constructed images of the other group. This caused polarizing attacks instead of humans doing productive work to solve the problems of the country.Similarly, if parents and teens resort to dehumanization there is little chance anything productive comes of the argument. Ultimately, this will increase the challenges for parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager.Solution: The “I” StatementThe solution to dehumanization, and the answer to how to win an argument with a teenager, is to elicit “I” statements from the other person. Essentially, when an argument reaches the point of dehumanization, one side will receive pleasure from making the opposite side feel bad.A method to get an “I”...

Amy Cooper Hakim, author of Working With Difficult People, joins us for a discussion on how to deal with the most common types of difficult people, particularly when you are quarantined with them!!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesThe global pandemic COVID-19 is causing the world to stand still. It almost seems unreal—like a sci-fi movie. Schools are closing rapidly, causing college students to fly home from all over the country and primary learners to learn from online platforms. Parents who can are working from home, making rapid adjustments to comply with their new work routine. Situations are rapidly changing every day, and it might seem like there’s no consistency. But for some lucky households, one thing remains constant: Family.With parents working from the kitchen and children of all ages going to school in the living room, families are taking on a new dynamic. In some ways, it’s like living with coworkers. Boundaries need to be set, responsibilities need to be met, and—perhaps most importantly—conflicts need to be resolved. Spending so much time with each other in such close quarters might be challenging for some families, but this worldwide phenomenon is also a chance for parents and their children to grow closer and foster positive growth!To understand exactly what parents can do to create the best possible quarantine environment for their families, I spoke with the queen of work relationships: Amy Cooper Hakim. She’s the author of Working with Difficult People: Handling the Ten Types of Problem People Without Losing Your Mind and holds a Ph D in industrial organizational psychology. She’s the absolute authority on conflict resolution in the workplace, and being currently quarantined in Florida with several children of her own means she has firsthand experience applying her knowledge in a home environment!According to Dr. Amy, two of the most crucial things parents can do to create a functional home environment are set appropriate boundaries and maintain an atmosphere of honesty. Although it’s sometimes hard, Dr. Amy believes in the importance of parents acting not only as a child’s “bestie,” but as an authority figure. It’s the same as being a CEO or manager—you need to lead by example, and what you say goes. In our interview, Dr. Amy gives incredible advice on how to balance this firmer parenting approach with one of empathy and compassion in order to show your children not only do you love them, but you want to care for and protect them, too!She also shares what she plans to do during this unusual time to teach her children valuable lessons about perseverance, cooperation, and selflessness. With incredible optimism, Dr. Amy sees this time as a wonderful chance for her and her family to grow closer, and I know her advice will help you as well! In our interview, we talk about:Practicing tact while delivering advice and criticism to teensHow teens often fall into one of several kinds of “difficult people,” and how to deal with each onePrioritizing logic over emotion in family conflictsSpecific practices parents can implement in their homes to bring their families closer during quarantine!During such odd times, it’s a joy to hear from someone so experienced and so optimistic about what families can do to bring out the best in each other. If you’re concerned over how you should be handling this quickly evolving situation, I highly encourage you to listen in! Dr. Amy is sure to have some advice that applies directly to you, and your family. Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Linda Perlman Gordon, co-author of Mom, Can I Move Back In With You? and four other books sat down with me this week to explores techniques and strategies for parenting teens who are transitioning into ‘real’ adulthood. Linda, a private psychotherapist in the greater D.C. area, counsels parents of teens and twentysomethings--and is the perfect person to discuss how to make better boundaries with your maturing teen!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesIt's the middle of the night, it's raining, and your teen asks you for help. Her car is broken down and even though she has the number for roadside assistance on her phone, she’s asking you for support. You're conflicted because as much as you want to get your daughter out of the rain, you know you won't always be available to solve her problems. If something like this happens again and you aren't there to pick up the call, she might not think to call a tow truck without parental guidance.Parents should be preparing their kids for the teenager to adulthood transition by helping them become more independent and self-sufficient. Different parents have different solutions to foster independence, but they all have the same question: as teenagers turn into adults, when does “helping” turn into “coddling?”The answer to properly preparing your children for a teenager to adulthood transition becomes blurrier with each passing year. An increasing number of teenagers go off to college and emerge as young adults with low-paying jobs, unpaid internships, student loans, and grad school applications, so highly-involved parenting tends to extend past the teenage years and into early adulthood.The markers of “adulthood” are not as clear cut as they used to be in generations past. Although 18 year old's are considered adults, your own kids and many others may not be ready for all the responsibilities that come with a teenager to adulthood transition. And that’s fine! Making the transition from teenage years to adulthood will look different for everyone, so don’t be discouraged if your teen isn’t making the smoothest transition. Most “twenty-somethings” still need Mom and Dad for financial and emotional support.To understand this paradigm shift in parent-young adult relationships and the teenager to adulthood transition, I had a wonderful interview with Linda Perlman Gordon, author of five books and private psychoanalyst. Her book— Mom, Can I Move Back In With You? A Survival Guide for Parents of Twentysomethings —explores techniques and strategies for parenting children going through a teenager to adulthood transitionMany parents find themselves in this situation without resources or research to help, but they don’t realize how many other parents are in the same boat. These are the parents Linda works with in her private practice and in group sessions. Her many years as a psychoanalyst and a parent of young adults have made her a comforting and authoritative voice on the subject of teenager to adulthood transition. If you’re a parent of an older teen or an early twenty-something, then this week’s episode is for you!A Balancing Act: Pushing to Independence and Offering HelpA successful teenager to adulthood transition hinges on whether or not your kids can support themselves independently. In some instances, they may need to move back in with you. Should your child be paying rent to live at home? Are they on the right track, or are they falling behind? It’s crucial for you to know the difference. The good news is that Gordon specializes in answering these questions!Gordon and co-author Susan Morris Shaffer’s work shows most parents feel awkward discussing their twenty-something “children,” when they really shouldn’t feel awkward at all! In today’s housing and job market, it's almost impossible for young adults to be completely independent post-college. Instead of cutting kids loose when they turn 18, parents should consider fostering independence in progressive stages. Listen to the episode to hear Gordon’s definitions for different independence levels and how to progress them!Your child may be twenty-four and living at home, but are they motivated? Are they looking for jobs, taking initiative, and moving toward a financially-stable state? Are they working part-time to build their resume or planning to go back to school to strengthen their personal skill set? If so, you’ve nothing to worry about! A successful teenager to adulthood transition isn’t created overnight. Seeing your child take steps towards independence should be celebrated.Instead of looking at age as a benchmark for independence, it’s vital to look for signs of “personal responsibility” such as actively applying for jobs, actively searching for their own apartment, or actively applying for schools. This takes pressure off the teen and the parent because it removes the sense of external expectations about adulthood. You haven’t failed as a ,nor have your children failed as young adults, if they aren’t married with a home and lucrative career by 25. Growing into adulthood is not a race against the clock, or at least it shouldn’t be.The teenager to adulthood transition should be a stage of life when your kids actively strive towards independence on their own. If your twenty-four-year-old isn’t taking any steps to better themselves and expects someone to hand them a career, a house, or an entire lifestyle, then there’s a problem. Handouts foster a sense of entitlement and laziness. If a young adult isn’t learning how to make a life for themselves because parents dole out easy alternatives, that’s when helping turns into coddling.One of Gordon’s best pieces of advice comes from setting boundaries, whether emotionally, financially, or otherwise. For example, you could offer to help your young adult child by paying for their living expenses, but only if they are applying for grad school. Or you could allow them to move back in, but only if they agree to work part-time. These boundaries protect against freeloading young adults who won’t learn how to fend for themselves in the near future.Setting boundaries like these also help foster a sense of self-determination needed for a teenager to adulthood transition. It could inspire them to move out of home and and get their own place, or to go back to school so that they could get a better job than they have now.Without clear boundaries between you and your child, it’s easy to overstep your responsibilities as a parent and for your almost-adult twenty-something to take advantage of you. This could look like racking up your credit card debt, using your house as a venue for their parties, or expecting you to do everything for them.Part of growing up is knowing when to be self-reliant and how to problem solve without having to consult anyone else. And that means not having to ask Mom and Dad. As a young adult, they should be using all the time on their hands to their advantage to build the lives they want for themselves.By setting clear boundaries, you’ll let your son or daughter know that there are parts of their life in which you can’t be involved in anymore. This can be one of the hardest yet most important moments in parenting a teenager to adulthood transition. Being firm in what you can and can no longer do for them actually helps motivate your children to start think...

Alexis Rockley, author of Find Your F*ckyeah, sat down with me this week to talk about how you can help your teen find their groove, their vibe, their f*ckyeah--the things that gets them popping out of bed in the morning, ready to take on the world. It’s sort of like “purpose” but will cause a lot less eyerolls…Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesI’m sure you remember going to high school, but do you remember how it felt? The crushing pressure to define yourself, the need to fit in with your classmates, and the stress of meeting all the expectations of adults and teachers. “What do you want to do with your life?” they ask. But, at sixteen, no one really knows! Our lives pan out in unexpected ways, full of twists, turns, and mistakes that help pave our road to success. And that’s exactly what our teens should expect when ‘planning’ for the future.It’s healthy for teenagers to recognize that they don’t need to know everything about themselves by age 18. But nowadays, with social media emphasizing the importance of personal branding and colleges putting pressure on teenagers to perform perfectly, teens can feel boxed in. They feel they need to know exactly who they are and what they want…ASAP! And they may get the message that their life must be one clean story with no zigs, zags, or misdirection. This limiting belief is detrimental in a world that is full of fast-paced change.Paradoxically, change is the most consistent part of human experience. Every day, we learn more about ourselves and make adjustments accordingly. And experimenting, failing, and adjusting is how we figure out what makes us happy, what motivates us to get out of bed each morning with a clarity of “purpose,” or, for those who are rolling their eyes at “purpose,” our “f*ck yeah!” That’s what shapes the teenage identity.Alexis Rockley, author of Find Your F*ckyeah: Stop Censoring Who You Are and Discover What You Really Want, sat down with me this week to talk about how you can help your teenager find their themselves and break out of restricting stereotypes. Rockley, who humbly describes herself as a “nerd who loves research,” is leading a movement to help young people find their “purpose” and “joy” in life…but in a cool way.Alexis knows everything about what shapes the teenage identity. She has spent years studying and working with experts in the field of positive psychology and her book unpacks the science and psychology in an accessible way to help people find their “f*ckyeah.”In this interview, Rockley walks me through her method of breaking down what shapes the teenage identity. She says that one of the most important aspects of raising well-adjusted, go-getter teens is to debunk the falsehood that “adults know everything.”The Science of “Limiting Beliefs”Drawing from her own twisting and turning journey Rockley delivers the science behind teens’ limiting beliefs. A limiting belief is something your brain decides is a fact based on our emotional relationship to it. It’s also a big factor in what shapes the teenage identity. Think of it like your emotions telling you what’s true or false. It’s like if your child grows up in a culture of body-shaming, they might have adverse feelings toward cake.Limiting beliefs can be formed at a subliminal level, which is why it’s dangerous to place too much emphasis on setting teens up for a one-track career at a young age. For example, many parents ask their teens what they’re going to be, thinking that it will give their child goals to work towards early on. But there are limiting underlying psychological affects that children inherit when parents pose this question.When you ask your teen, “What are you going to be?” there is an implication that their future job is what shapes the teenage identity. Teens feel the need to have a ready answer, one that they have to stick to no matter what, because they don’t know to distinguish between their professional and personal self. Statements like, “I will be a doctor,” then become a restrictive personality type.Once teens pick a personality type, their family and peers might show surprise or even ridicule them if they veer from the standard behaviors. Athletic students can never dye their hair and aspiring lawyers can’t branch out into the sciences. Business students shouldn’t waste their time doing theatre. But Rockley provides parents with a strategy to help uncover what shapes the teenage identity without setting up restrictive boundaries.Avoiding Restrictive BoundariesAccording to Rockley, teens can break out of restrictive thinking by making their limiting beliefs conscious. If parents and kids are able to step back and observe what shapes the teenage identity, they can make more informed and passionate decisions about what makes them say, “f*ck yeah!” Rockley goes over several tactics in the podcast to help your teen find themselves.One method that we talk about is adjusting how you ask your child about what they will do in the future. Helpful questions about what shapes the teenage identity should address the reality of change and the different personalities your teen might express over time.Questions such as, “Who are you inspired by? Who do you look up to? What aspects of these influences excite you?” start to facilitate a conversation around a diverse set of interests and aspirations. Aspirations that live more closely to your teen’s multifaceted personality and have that “f*ck yeah” feeling.Rockley’s method helps teenagers unlearn the idea that a definitive vocation exists. Since there’s no way to tell someone what their purpose is, teens should be open to the idea that their interests can change at any moment in their life. This better prepares teens for a more fluid future. A future that supports a chemistry undergraduate student who realizes their true calling is in the local bakery.Building The “F*ckyeah” EnvironmentWhen you ask, what shapes the teenage identity, the environment is a sensible answer. Using Rockley’s “f*ckyeah” approach, parents can help their teens find themselves by creating an environment where problem-solving is the object of focus, not performing an identity. There will always be problems to solve -whether it’s managing customers or figuring out chemistry equations in a lab- so the question is, “Which problems does your teen want to solve?” This framing can help teens adjust and explore what activities they truly want to engage in.Rockley also speaks to me about how parents can help teens navigate our “factory school system” and set themselves up for the modern workplace. In the podcast, she gives great tips on how to expose your teenager to environments that value creativity and problem-solving skills, instead of simply following rote instructions. To get the full details of Rockley’s scientific approach to discovering what shapes the teenage identity, you’ll have to tune in and listen.In addition to what shapes the teenage identity, we cover:How to get your teen excited about their futureThe harmful effects of reprimands and negative reinforcementThe tricky science of ‘limiting beliefs’ in teens and young adultsThe need for personal branding…And how...

Lindsay Sealey, author of Growing Strong Girls and “girl advocate” speaks with me this week about how to help your daughter find, understand, and value her own voice. With girls receiving so many conflicting external messages, it is vital we help them strengthen their internal self!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesMixed Messages“Be yourself,” “know that you are strong because you are a girl,” “stand up for yourself,” “don’t let the man get you down.” These platitudes are constantly thrown at girls to assure them that they’ve got everything it takes to rule the world and make all their dreams come true. Though well meaning, these sentiments are made redundant by unrealistic expectations to look pretty at all times, know how to attract and please men, and be accommodating and polite to everybody. In order to encompass all of these values, you would literally have to be perfect. And that’s, like, really hard to do.Girls are constantly presented with conflicting messages on social media, at school, on TV—even at home. It’s confusing enough for full-grown women to know how to act in the face of all these contradictory pressures, so for girls who are just entering into teendom it feels almost impossible. In order to give tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence, parents have to effectively combat the pressures placed on her by society. They must also help her confront the drama and growing pains of adolescence in a logical manner. Needless to say, being a teenage girl, or a parent to one, is no walk in the park.Teenage and preteen girls are in an incredibly vulnerable stage of their lives. They’re extremely susceptible to the influence of their peers and the outside world. So how do you give tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence if you feel that the influence of others is greater than that of their own parents? Author, CEO, and Professional “Girl Advocate” Lindsay Sealey can tell you how. Sealey wrote the book Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and has been running workshops with young girls to help develop their own sense confidence and self-worth for fifteen years. In this interview she offers tons of practical tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence by showing parents how they can successfully connect with, support, and influence their teen girls to believe in themselves despite societal pressures.What a Girl WantsIt’s not always about what a girl wants but what a girl needs. Let’s face it, some teenage girls want a lot—popularity, money, lots of followers on Instagram, an expensive new car (the last of which they’re definitely not getting). This vapid list of necessities comes from the constant stream of messages society and pop culture throw at them. As parents, some tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence might be “these things don’t matter” and “one day you might be happy that you didn’t get everything you wanted.” Lindsay Sealey says when parents respond this way, they aren’t actually recognizing their daughter’s feelings.Among other tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence, Sealey states that active listening is a pivotal part of connecting with your teenage daughter. If she’s talking to you about a fight with a friend, or about a boy she likes who doesn’t like her back, don’t cut her story short. You need to let her tell you the whole story and run the gamut of all the emotions she’s feeling. Sealy says that parents must be willing to validate their daughter’s feelings and help them process emotions in a healthy way. This means urging your daughter to fully experience, not deflect, their emotions and be open with how, and why, she is feeling them. Letting emotions sink in, even when it’s uncomfortable, will help your daughter fully process the situation and eventually come to terms with it.Another of the major tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence is to avoid giving advice when your daughter comes to you with her problems. When parents jump in with their own stories and advice, girls often feel belittled, like their opinions and experiences don’t really matter. Sealy says that parents need to respond with empathetic phrases like, “You must feel really saddened that your friend doesn’t want to eat lunch with you,” or “I would be hurt too if a boy didn’t like me back.” This lets your daughter know that she is valid to feel the way she does, that having feelings doesn’t make her weak. Sealey says it’s okay to ask to share how you’ve overcome a similar situation, however, you should avoid overpowering her story with yours. Tune into the episode to hear more tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence by identifying opportunities you have to foster revelations through quality time with your daughter.Miss IndependentAccording to Sealey, a major part of empowering young girls is to provide them with a safe space to focus on their own interests. In an age defined by comparison, it’s crucial for girls to understand—first and foremost—they need to make themselves happy. One of Sealey's tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence is to encourage her to pursue individualistic interests, like horseback riding, hiking, painting, or volunteering at animal shelters, rather than focusing entirely on her social life.Teenage girls have a tendency to overextend themselves with social events in order to avoid missing out or disappointing others. According to Sealey’s tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence, parents need to steer their daughters away from relying too much on friendships for fulfillment. Developing individualistic interests not only expands your daughters mind, it also gives her a greater sense of self-reliance and independence that’ll come in handy when she’s confronted with friendship drama. If she knows that she has other things to do with her time than spend it with a problematic friend, she won’t be so torn up about parting ways with them.Further, Sealey provides tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence and self-respect when confronted with friendship drama. Drama is an unavoidable part of girlhood and can be an opportunity to learn valuable lessons. Often, our daughters will fall out of friendships because someone moved, or someone became popular and the other didn’t, or someone joined the soccer team while the other played tennis. It’s important, Sealey states, to teach your daughter that drifting apart is part of life and it’s important to have a large pool of friends to lean on when one friendship ends. Sealey urges parents to encourage their daughters to become friends with many different types of people. That could mean someone a few years older than them, someone who goes to another school, or someone who comes from a different ethnic background then them. Rather than having one BFF, it’s more beneficial for teenage girls to seek out multiple friendships with people who bring out and strengthen different parts of their personality.Finding Her VoiceWithout proper guidance, it’s easy for daughters to feel overwhelmed in ...

Cynthia Kane, author of How to Communicate Like a Buddhist and Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist, sat down with me to discuss the communication tactics she has learned during her journey as a Bodhisattva. Her techniques are perfect for getting out of escalating arguments and questionable conversations!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesAnyone who works in a team knows that proper communication can be a nightmare for adults, but communicating with teenagers is a whole different ballgame! How many times have you wanted to talk to your child about something small, but it somehow blew up into a huge argument? This can happen when parents and their children don’t have the best communication practices in order. It’s no one’s intention to get into an argument, but sometimes the small stuff can turn into a screaming match. That’s where Buddhist thinking can offer some sage advice…Mindfulness and listening techniques encourage us to take a step back and better understand how communicating with teenagers can become confrontational. Maybe your child is just having a bad day and they’ve been stuck in a defensive mood to cope with it. Perhaps you didn’t realize you used a sharp tone by accident. In any case, it’s important to understand why communicating with teenagers can get out of hand so easily.While teens are still growing up, hormonal and social changes in their lives can make it harder to navigate problems with a level head. One wrong word might prompt a heated outburst! This hair-trigger mindset can complicate even the simplest ways of communicating with teenagers.Before you know it, you’re getting pulled into their emotionally-charged, surface-level vocabulary of insults. If you ground them, you’re drawing out spans of resentment without improving communication habits. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Cynthia Kane, author of How to Communicate Like a Buddhist and Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist has some techniques that can help you master the art of communicating with teenagers.I spoke with Cynthia about communicating with teenagers this week to better understand why conversations with your teen can get out of control. In her own life, Cynthia’s search for the Bodhisattva –a person dedicated to helping others ease their suffering– led her on a journey to become one herself. As a certified meditation and mindfulness instructor, she’s taught tens of thousands of people to speak with kindness, honesty, and confidence through her books. If anyone knows about communicating with teenagers, it’s Cynthia.Cynthia’s work has appeared in several esteemed publications, including the Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Yoga Journal, Self Magazine, and Woman’s Day Magazine. Through her bestselling DailyOM courses, workshops, and Intentional Communication Training Program, she has helped thousands of others transform how they are communicating with teenagers, so I was especially excited to hear what she had to say about communicating with teenagers.In our interview, we talk about three central aspects to Cynthia’s approach:Self-TalkSpeechSilenceBy using these Buddhist principles of Right Speech, Cynthia walked me through how we can speak to ourselves and others in positive, reaffirming ways. I knew the Buddha was knowledgeable, but who would have guessed Buddhist teachings had so much to say about communicating with teenagers?Let’s Talk About Self-TalkThe first step of Cynthia’s Bodhisattva approach to communicating with teenagers is to listen to yourself. Though practicing honesty can be found throughout Cynthia’s entire method of communication, she says that it’s important to start with your own truths. Self-awareness really is the beginning of being able to interact with others in a more compassionate way.Unfortunately, many teens don’t yet have the experience to reflect on how everyone is feeling in the moment let alone take stock of their emotional status. They aren’t always able to observe your intentions, so they act out or behave disrespectfully, causing conversations to escalate to a place that no one wants. In this way, when parents understand self-talk and can demonstrate their feelings clearly, communication gets a whole lot smoother.For example, when parents and teenagers bottle up how they feel about a certain behavior, they’ll play the game of saying, “Nothing’s wrong,” when we know that’s not true. Using that phrase to dance around an issue that is clearly of importance can only muddy the waters and prevent you from effectively communicating with teenagers. This is why honesty and self-reflection are so important. When you listen to yourself, you can be more honest about how you feel and effectively cut through harmful defensive verbiage.We often avoid our own negative feelings because they’re too uncomfortable to deal with, and this can block productive meaningful conversation from occurring. By listening to ourselves, we can start to become aware of the restrictive language that we implement when communicating with teenagers.To hear about how Speech and Silence play into communication with teenagers, don’t forget to listen to the whole episode!What is Restrictive Language?Restrictive language is the kind of verbiage that causes us to feel stressed, overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and even incapable. As a parent, listening to yourself is how you can catch when you have this negative mindset.Cynthia mentions that this is an aspect of communicating with teenagers that a lot of parents are unaware of, but can make a huge impact at home. Once you’ve identified restrictive language in how you think, you can be more present when communicating with teenagers and have a genuine of conversation. Negativity is a total buzzkill when it comes to communication with teenagers.Don’t Forget––Listening is Part of Communication!Listening maintains several effective applications that you can implement as a parent while trying to communicate with your teenager. For one, listening to others improves your ability to notice when you’re not being present, like when you’re shopping at the grocery or are too self-involved in an argument. These situations can cause you to tune out details when communicating with teenagers.There’s so Much More!In practice, Kane’s insights help people more truthfully focus on their individual needs and build avenues of communication. These are crucial areas for parents to focus on if they want to improve and understand the relationship they have with their teen.Empathy and honesty are amazing tools for building trust between parents and teenagers, but, just like many other methods of communication, they need to be practiced. It all begins with an acute awareness of one’s own self-talk, and Kane offers a unique process to communicate your needs and wants more openly.In addition to canes special approach to communications listeners will discover:

Dr. Steven Sloman, co-author of The Knowledge Illusion and professor at Brown University, joins Andy for a conversation on knowledge, making deliberate decisions, and how to talk to your teen about the gaps in their knowledge around things like vaping.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notes“Mom! Dad! Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about!”Have you ever heard these words fly out of the mouth of your teenager?If there were a remote control for a parent’s behavior, these words would probably be the equivalent of the “Volume Up” button.Why do these words sting so much? Well, press the “Pause” button and consider this:Your teenagers might be right. You might not know what you’re talking about. What’s frustrating, though, is that your teens probably don't know what they’re talking about either!But what even were you “talking” about? Let’s take the hot-button topic for example: teens and vaping.Is vaping bad for teens? Your gut instinct might be to say, “Yes! Of course it is!” But can you explain why? Can you describe how their lungs are absorbing this vapor and how their brains are reacting to the chemicals?If you tell your teen that vaping is bad, but can’t explain why, then you might just be told:“You don’t know what you’re talking about! Shut up!”Knowledge on a topic like teens and vaping might seem peripheral. If you are concerned about your teens and vaping, you won’t change their behavior by claiming knowledge you don’t have.So what can you do? You can’t be expected to know everything about every subject of controversy! To get some ideas, I spoke with knowledge expert, Dr. Steven Sloman.Dr. Sloman is a leading researcher on the human mind, a professor at Brown University, and co-author of The Knowledge Illusion: Why We Never Think Alone. He’s an expert on how humans think, and he has one or two ideas on how to work with teens who think they know everything. His book isn’t specifically about teens, but it touches on prevalent issues during the teen years. I was eager to ask Dr. Sloman about human thinking during the teenage years, and how parents might apply his wisdom to issues like teens and vaping.The Illusion of Explanatory DepthParents of teens might be very familiar with the Illusion of Explanatory Depth, even if they’ve never heard of it before. It is the illusion that people understand something when in fact they don’t.Dr. Sloman cites a Yale study in which people were asked to rate their knowledge of everyday objects. The subjects were presented zippers, toilets, and pens, and asked how well they thought they understood how each one worked. The data shows all the subjects felt pretty confident in their understanding of such everyday objects. But this illusion was burst when the researchers asked the subjects to explain how those objects worked in as much detail as possible!As it turned out, the subjects didn’t really have much to say. When the researchers asked the subjects to rate themselves a second time on how well they knew those objects, they lowered their rating. This demonstrates the Illusion of Explanatory Depth, that people think they know more than they really do.So this isn’t really a teen problem, or even a problem linked to teens and vaping. It’s a people problem. Still, the Illusion of Explanatory Depth seems to show up a lot during the teenage years. Your teen might yell, “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” but the Illusion of Explanatory Depth suggests your teen doesn’t know what they’re talking about, either. In fact, they’re more unaware than you of how much they’re living in an illusion. How might we go about addressing issues of teens and vaping?Why Would Anyone Live in an Illusion?In order to address the illusion of knowledge in teens, Dr. Sloman first asks:“Why would anybody live in this illusion of understanding?”He proposes that we live this way because we fail to distinguish what we know from what other people know. You think you understand how the toilet works because there’s a plumber who understands how the toilet works. You have access to the plumber’s knowledge, but the knowledge is sitting in the plumber’s head, not in yours.Dr. Sloman explains that the reason we have this illusion is because, in a sense, we do understand! It’s not every individual that understands, but the collective communities that understand. And communities can succeed when everyone has specialized knowledge to share.Who Do You Trust?Every day we are taking advantage of other peoples’ knowledge. As long as we can use our toilet, we don’t need to know how the toilet works. Our lack of understanding doesn’t matter until the toilet brakes. Then we realize how dependent we are on the plumber.This subconscious dependency on other people creates an interesting scenario for teenagers. Teens are caught in a high stakes decision where they have to choose which community they’re going to go along with and rely on for knowledge. They’re wondering what they should believe, how they should behave, and who they should hang around with. Dr. Sloman points out that all these identity questions will shape how teens experience the illusion of knowledge.Since teens have so much curiosity, what they choose to believe quickly becomes a question of: Who do I trust? Whose ideas am I going to accept?Exposing the IllusionDr. Sloman explains that we make decisions by virtue of the fact that people around us are also making decisions. For example, the best predictor of whether or not someone will give up vaping is whether or not their spouse has given up vaping.When discussing teens and vaping, Dr. Sloman points out that oftentimes kids pick up the habit from their peers. So simply exposing your teen’s illusion of knowledge won’t be enough to convince them to stop. In a way, it’s most effective to convince the whole group on the issues of teens and vaping, so it’s best to operate at the social level.On an issue like teens and vaping it’s even harder to convince a teen to quit because the research on vaping is somewhat inconclusive. You can ask teens to explain how vaping works, like in the study at Yale, but you might get a mixed bag of results.If you sit down with kids who vape and ask them how it works, you might easily expose their lack of understanding. They might say,“Well, you fill it up here, you press the button here, and it tastes like bubblegum.”You can press them for further explanation on all three of those steps. Even if they seem super confident in their knowledge, a barrage of follow-up questions will quickly expose how little they know about the device and what’s in it. You can get them to doubt how much they know about vaping, and this is good! By breaking attachments they have to their preexisting understanding of teens and vaping, discussing the topic feels le...

Dr. Adam Price, author of He’s Not Lazy, shares the tricks and tips from his book. Dr. Price and Andy dive deep into all that Dr. Price has discovered about motivating “lazy” teens in during his 20+ years as a clinical psychologist.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesTeens face more pressure today than ever before. At times, it seems like a teenager’s only path to success comes from a rigorous schedule of academics, sports, community service, and a generally overwhelming amount of extracurricular activities. Such a routine builds tremendous stress in teens—and in their parents.This can be alarming for parents whose teenagers are “lazy.” It’s no secret that what kids do in school every year counts toward their future opportunities. In a society where young people are expected to be hyperactive achievers, parents with unmotivated teens worry their teens are doomed to fail – it’s like they don’t care about anything at all!!! Luckily, there are a variety of ways to assist parents who don’t know how to motivate lazy teenagers. That’s the topic of this week’s Talking to Teens podcast episode, “Laziness Ends Here.”This week, I spoke with clinical psychologist and former Associate Director at Family Connections, Dr. Adam Price to understand exactly how to motivate lazy teenagers. He’s the author of He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself and has published many articles on family and child therapy in issues of The Wall Street Journal and Family Circle. With more than 20 years in the practice and a specialization in adolescent males, Price has seen it all.Common CausesKnowing the common causes of uninspired behavior is half the battle of understanding how to motivate lazy teenagers. To Price, “lazy” teenage behavior stems from two places:First, there is the enormous amount of pressure on teens to always be above-and-beyond average. There are no longer “late bloomers,” despite a wide array of cognitive developmental rates in teens. Instead, we now label them as “underachievers.”Secondly, because they are made to feel that the stakes are so high at every stage, parents micromanage; they attempt to control their teen’s life by taking away the teen’s.It might seem like the pressure for teens to do well and ending up with overparenting are almost inevitable realities for teenagers who can’t seem to kick it into gear. If they shut down under pressure, then it’s up to their parents to shoulder that anxiety and make sure their child succeeds. But knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers counteracts both of these realities. According to Dr. Price, you can subvert the overwhelming pressure that your child is feeling and inspire them to get their life together by holding them accountable for their decisions.In order to address how to motivate lazy teenagers, Dr. Price focuses on the role that accountability plays in two major aspects of your child’s life:Personal InterestAutonomyBy balancing accountability with these particular features, you can move your teen to react in accordance with their responsibilities. During our discussion, Dr. Price walked me through how to motivate lazy teenagers with comprehensible examples and scripts that you can apply in your home today! Here’s just a glimpse of how it works:Internalizing MotivationThere's a lot of material in school that kids just aren’t interested in. And who can blame them? Is it particularly relevant to your life that the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell? Plus, the increased pressure that academics place on teenagers today can make studying or extracurriculars extra-daunting. However, when teens have a genuine interest in a given topic, that is where all their energy is redirected.In order to understand how to motivate lazy teenagers, you first need to know what your child is interested. Then you can look for ways to combine their interests with their responsibilities and potential career paths. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “It’s impossible to get my child excited about math. I don’t even like math!” Well, instead of trying to get your child excited about generic textbook material, you can look for things that your child is already interested! From there, you can try to extrapolate potential careers and applications of what they’re learning in school.You want to know how to motivate lazy teenagers in a way that is internalized so that their initiative is lasting, and you can be more hands-off. For example, if your teen holds an interest in rock-climbing and outdoor activities, you might direct their awareness to a career in environmental science and preservation. A good way to frame it is, “If you like spending time outdoors now, here’s how you can do more of that in the future!”. But make it clear that in order to find success, they’ll have to do well in their science classes and get into a good college. This internalizes their personal interests and motivates them to hold themselves accountable.When your teen conflates their personal interests with their responsibilities, they internalize the reward and are likely to follow through. Research finds that external rewards like good grades or even monetary prizes can actually reduce motivation if they aren’t linked to internal rewards. Personal interests are actually so transformative that they can negate the mental stakes of not doing well in school. Instead, they take advantage of your teens’ ambitions and motivate them to work harder.Dealing with ConsequencesAutonomy is about choices. When your teen makes a decision about their life, they are exercising control and self-governance. These choices can include everything from wanting to try out for the soccer team vs. staying at home to activities like hosting a sleepover the night before going to church the next morning. So what can your struggling teen’s autonomy do to help you understand how to motivate lazy teenagers?According to Dr. Price, increasing your child’s ability to make choices can help you discover how to motivate lazy teenagers by showing them the power of decision making, including neglecting their responsibilities. So, does this mean you should let your child do whatever they want? Not exactly. This is where accountability comes in.Accountability works with your teen’s autonomy by compelling them to live with the consequences of their decisions. For example, if your child decides they want to have a sleepover on a weeknight, that’s fine. If they can get all their schoolwork done and properly allocate their time, that’s great! But if they stay up until 4 am, then you have to hold them accountable by making sure they go to school the next day and still attend sports practice.Balancing accountability with your teen’s autonomy is all about boundaries; these are the limits you place on your child. And knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers is an evolving process. When your child is younger, you want their boundaries to be small enough that you can make sure they don’t get into trouble and that they can function on their own. As they start to grow into their teenage years, the boundaries grow ...

Richie Jackson, author of the newly-released Gay Like Me and long-time, award-winning TV/film and theater producer, joins Andy this week. Richie and Andy discuss how parents can support their teens in their own journey of sexual identity, and how teens might become allies for their friends in the LGBTQ community.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesGay like MeThese days it seems like just about everyone is ok with gay; there are more LGBTQ characters on TV, same-sex marriage is legal, and many religious groups originally against homosexuality are starting to come around. However, members of the LGBTQ community are persecuted and slandered every day. There are still numerous nations where it’s illegal to be gay and there are many places in the United States where people are killed for their sexual orientation. Regardless of location, members of the LGBTQ community confront challenges for sexual identity on a daily basis. This challenge could be someone using a gay slur and refusing to apologize because they didn’t mean it in that way. Or, heaven forbid, they come face to face with a homophobe who threatens or assaults them for liking the same sex. Yes, we all struggle with our identities but the struggle is much harder for people who’ve been told they will never be accepted.While homosexuality is far more accepted nowadays, struggles that LGBTQ teens face are new ground and can be confusing territory for parents. Parents are apprehensive about sex talks with their teens, but those with LGBTQ-identifying teens can feel more ill-equipped. Despite the trend toward more acceptance, there are many challenges for sexual identity that straight people cannot fathom. Representation of homosexuality in history books is virtually non-existent, and TV and film depictions are often stereotyped or exaggerated. While tech-savvy teens can tap into supportive online LGBTQ communities, navigating challenges for sexual identity in the real world is not as easy—and often not as friendly.For parents of LGBTQ children, it feels daunting to prepare your teen for a world that isn’t always accepting. Richie Jackson, an openly-gay Broadway and television show producer, felt similarly when he was preparing to send his gay son off to college. Even though his son grew up in an era much more accepting of homosexuality than Richie did, he knew his son had a lot to learn about navigating life as a gay man. So Richie started writing letters to his son, so many letters that he accumulated enough material for the beginning of a book. These letters were published in Richie’s first book Gay Like Me: A Father Writes to His Son. In this book, Richie shares stories from his own life, the good, the bad, and the humorous, as well as stories of LGBTQ leaders, creatives, and trailblazers. The book is an important read not just for those facing challenges for sexual identity, but for parents of homosexual and heterosexual kids alike. Richie insists that all parents must understand the struggles of LGBTQ people in order to empower their LGBTQ teen and, if they have straight children, to teach them to be better allies to their queer peers.Please note that the term “queer” is used throughout this article and in the episode. Queer is a term that nowadays is used to describe anyone who is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or questioning their sexuality. Though previously used as a gay slur, the word queer has been reclaimed as an empowering term to describe the LGBTQ people who have formed an inclusive culture and community for themselves despite facing challenges for sexual identity.Know Your HistoryRichie believes that if you’re a parent of a queer teen, it’s vital that you be the one to show them how to face challenges for sexual identity. If you’re a straight parent, you may be thinking “how can I help them with challenges for sexual identity? I have no idea what it’s like to be LGBTQ!” In order to help them, Richie insists that you get informed about LGBTQ history, find shows that accurately and earnestly portray the queer experience, and provide an environment where talking about sexual identity is accepted. And parent’s of straight teens are not disqualified from talking about sexual identities with their kids. Richie insistst that it’s important for herosexual teens to learn about the queer experience in order to create a more accepting environment for their LGBTQ friends, classmates, and teachers.Starting a conversation about what it’s like to be queer can be as easy as sharing a personal story. For example, Richie shares his experience seeing the broadway show Torch Song Trilogy with his mother in the early 80’s. At the time, being gay was barely acknowledged and certainly not accepted. The show’s portrayal of a gay man was unlike anything he’d ever seen. After seeing the show, his mother told him that she would never reject him for being gay. His mother’s acceptance empowered Richie to come out and eventually use his challenges for sexual identity as an inspiration for many of his future endeavors. Richie states that the earlier parents express their acceptance and support of queerness in general, the easier it will be for queer teens to come out and the more prepared straight teens will be to provide allyship to the LGBTQ community.No matter your teen’s sexual identity or gender, making sure they are informed about LGBTQ history is an important part of instilling queer-affirming beliefs in your teen. That means teaching them about the Stonewall Riots, which was a series of political uprisings in response to police brutality against the LGBTQ community in 1969. It also means teaching them about the AIDS pandemic. Additionally, it’s important to teach teens about LBTQ activists like Marsha P. Johnson, an African American Drag Queen who was a major player in the Stonewall Riots. The list of important events and people in LGBTQ history is vast, and unfortunately wildly unknown because most schools ignore LGBTQ history. When queer teens learn about the multitude of LGBTQ people who paved the way for them to be open about their sexuality, they are more empowered to handle challenges for sexual identity. Additionally, straight teens will develop more empathy and understanding for their LGBTQ peers when they learn about the hardships queer people have endured to be accepted into modern society.Let’s Talk about SexRichie points out that regardless of how progressive your teen’s school is, less than 7% of LGBTQ kids get an inclusive sexual education. This makes it harder for them to have mutually fulfilling intimacy with their partners and frankly, harder for them to know what to do when they have sex. Learning about same-sex intimacy can be uncomfortable and unfamiliar for many parents. But in order to support queer teens, you have to be open, informed, and frank with them about sex. To hear more about challenges for sexual identity when it comes to intimacy and how to talk about these challenges with queer teens, tune into the episode.Challenges for sexual identity are often caused by the misconceptions of heterosexual people who have no idea what it’s like to b...