Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Tony Wagner, educator and author of several books, most recently his memoir Learning by Heart, joins us this week for a closer look at what really makes a difference in the education of teens. What makes the greatest positive impact on students? How an unconventional education can be advantageous?Full show notesWhat do you want your child to learn in school?Do you want your teen to learn math, science, grammar, and maybe another language? Sure! Why not? But, do these subjects cover all of human potential? What if your teen doesn’t care about the stuff we learn in traditional classrooms?Encouraging a teenager to study can be the hardest job in the world when school isn’t teaching them anything useful. (Did that get a raised eyebrow from you?)“But school is important!” you say. You want your kid to practice self-discipline, curiosity, and thoughtful conversations in school, but that doesn’t always happen. The sad reality is that the American school system prioritizes “subjects,” not life skills.When students don’t view their education as life skills, they can become unengaged, uninterested, and dispassionate about learning.Encouraging a teenager to study math is fruitless when that teenager thinks he’ll never use math skills outside of school. You might have a dozen conversations about the value of understanding mathematics, but they are likely a waste of energy for you and your teen if your teen doesn’t care.If our education system isn’t prioritizing the specific life skills teens need to pursue their passions, what can parents and teachers do to compensate? Thankfully, this conversation has been going on for awhile, and there are a lot of strategies for encouraging a teenager to study that have been battle tested. In this episode, I have the honor and privilege of speaking to the brilliant and prolific author of seven books, including three best sellers: Tony Wagner.Tony has been wrestling with America’s education system for over 50 years, starting when he was in high school. He’s spent 20 years in different faculties at Harvard University and currently is an internationally sought after speaker and teacher. I was so excited to get the opportunity to talk about his life story as depicted in his most recent book and memoir, Learning by Heart: An Unconventional Education.Tony’s StoryTony’s bio sounds impressive, right? Maybe not what you would expect from a high school dropout and two-time college dropout. Like many teenagers zoning out in school today, Tony is an incredibly smart person, but was bored to death in the classroom.If Tony wanted to get something done, it wouldn’t happen in the classroom for credit. Tony liked to read, but he never read any book on the class reading list because he thought teachers ruined the stories for him! He also liked to write, but his high school English teacher was verbally abusive. To get better at writing, Tony sought out another teacher at the school to tutor him instead. He met with this teacher weekly in their free time.What this teacher did has since defined Tony’s idea of a Great Teacher.He taught Tony as an INDIVIDUAL.Every week, this teacher would identify a specific strength in Tony’s writing, and then give some other suggestions to supplement that strength.When his school-assigned English teacher later cursed him out and called him a “F***-up” in front of his friends, Tony dropped out of high school.Since the 1960s, our school system has changed for the better in some ways, but not all. Today there could be serious reprimands for a teacher cursing a student out. But there still aren’t measures to ensure that all kids get the experience Tony had from the other English teacher. Teachers might be held more accountable now, but there hasn’t been a notable uptick in Great Teacher experiences.Seeing Students as IndividualsEncouraging a teenager to study means encouraging that teenager to study. The interests one teenager wants to study can, and should, be different from what the next teenager wants to study!Tony’s goal isn’t to go after teachers here. He just wants to point out that you can’t individualize students with the current “batch processing” structure of education. Encouraging a teenager to study the same stuff all the other students are studying neglects the fact that teenagers are individuals. They might have completely different passions that school just doesn’t focus on.School only focuses on a narrow band of skills regarding human capabilities. All other skills can be dismissed as superfluous. Unfortunately, this only serves the kids who have an interest or competency in those specific skills! He says he sees teachers so constrained by a demand to teach “subjects” that they forget that they’re teaching young people.INDIVIDUALS.When it comes to encouraging a teenager to study, Tony desires to see teachers distill what is critically important about their subject. Once those fundamentals are taught, teachers can then make time for students to apply those foundational skills to their specific passions. A math teacher probably knows that some algebraic functions can apply to all life skills. What if after teaching those skills, that teacher then helped students apply those to their individual interests? Pointing out the relevancy of these skills can increase a students passion to learn, and this is something parents can do for students as well.It took Tony 30 years to realize that a knowledge of grammar did not equate to a strength in writing. Still, grammar skills are necessary to become a good writer. Likewise, a student interested in car engines shouldn’t have to wait until college to apply science class to racecars. In the current system, that student might not even make it to college, because they can’t make the connection between school and their passion.Stay Curious!What’s been true at least for Tony, is that you won’t find a reason to learn until you find a reason to care. Therefore, his advice for adults to give to young people is: Stay CURIOUS!Without curiosity, good luck encouraging a teenager to study. According to Tony, curiosity is what keeps people inspired. Tony believes every student should have a notebook to write down ALL their questions and concerns, related to class or not.Encouraging a teenager to study these questions in their notebooks promotes curiosity. If every child had a journal where they could write down their questions to pursue later, curiosity could become a habit. This necessitates adults creating time and space for young people to pursue those questions. If students don’t have the space to pursue their questions, then there’s no motivation for them to be curious. But by encouraging a teenager to study their interests, curiosity, that sweet desire to learn more, could become normal in almost every student.This strategy of journaling can be super effective for encouraging at home, too, not just at school. Parents can also give their teens the opportunity to do their own research and investigation, and then present it. Math class doesn’t have to be the only place where they write down their thoughts and questions. Bedside journaling is an amazing tool for helping anybody offload random th...

Janice Kaplan, NYT Bestselling author, most recently of The Genius of Women, discusses why 90% of the population thinks only men can be geniuses. Janice and Andy cover what we can talk to and teach our girls about to empower them at a time when we need more geniuses than ever!Full show notesIf your daughter was a brilliant pianist—as good as Mozart, say—wouldn’t you want her to share her talent? Of course you would! You’d pay for lessons, organize recitals, and help her blossom into the artist she was born to be. Imagine the wasted potential of not motivating your teenage daughter, or leading her to believe she was supposed to be doing something else. It’d be heartbreaking. Still, this is exactly what happened to Nannerle Mozart, who was told to go home to be married in her teenage years instead of following in her brother’s footsteps.Fortunately, something like this would probably not happen in the 21st Century. However, the sad truth is there are still innumerable obstacles facing women of all ages, from toddlers to teens, that are almost too subliminal to notice. The stigmatized expectations of women are internalized by girls at a very tender age, and without the proper guidance from parents, these perceptions can seriously hurt girls’ self esteem! They might even give up on their dreams and settle for whatever they’re told is “right” for them.There are very few geniuses in the world, but the fact that so few women geniuses are recognized points to a deep-seated bias against women at large. To better understand how parents can protect their daughters from this bias as well as educate their sons as to make all teens wiser on gender inequality, I spoke with Janice Kaplan, author and co-author of fifteen different books, including The Genius of Women: From Overlooked to Changing the World.In this book, Kaplan dissects what it means to be a “genius” and why it is that women are often overlooked in the running. Her takeaways are a great starting place if you’re looking for ways of motivating your teenage daughteror talking to your son about these issues so he can better understand the cultural influences that shape gender inequality.I asked Janice what inspired her to write a book championing the female capacity for genius. In her answer, Janice cited an eye-opening poll in which people were asked to name some well known geniuses––but almost none could name a female genius. The results of the poll showed that 90% of people only mentioned men as examples of geniuses, and the only woman people recognized as a genius was Marie Curie.Why can’t people recall the names of more brilliant females? Are they inherently sexist? Of course not. It’s more complicated than that, says Janice. There are a lot of social factors that add up to create this unbalanced reality, this world in which only men are thought to be capable of genius. It’s not that women aren’t talented, but instead that they are rarely encouraged, recognized or challenged––causing them to fall short of their worth. We know that you prioritize motivating your teenage daughter, but unfortunately, the world doesn’t always do the same.Why We Can’t Seem to Name Many Female GeniusesEveryone knows the saying, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” The question causes us to ponder: if we don’t know about something, does it ever actually happen? Janis says this question can be applied to women’s accomplishments––if women are extremely smart and talented but no one talks about their contributions, will their genius ever be recognized? Will this make motivating your teenage daughter even harder?In order to answer this question about motivating your teenage daughter, Janis shares a definition of “genius” which is rather thought provoking. She defines genius as “extraordinary talent, plus celebrity.” This doesn’t mean a celebrity like Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton, but instead someone whose work is widely recognized and respected.For example, does the name Katherine Johnson ring a bell? Probably not! Although her name does not live in infamy, Johnson was a brilliant mathematician whose orbital calculations were critical for the first crewed NASA space flights. Unlike, say, Albert Einstein, Johnson is not a household name. This is largely because in the 60s, and throughout history, black women like Johnson have rarely been celebrated for their accomplishments, relegated instead to the background. When asked to name a genius, you can’t recall someone you’ve never heard of! No wonder motivating your teenage daughter, there aren’t enough known female geniuses.In the episode, Janis dives into the stories of several female geniuses whose names you probably don’t know! Make sure to listen so that if someone asks you to name a genius, you’ll be able to recall the names of these brilliant women instead of allowing them to live on in obscurity.How We Hinder Women From Reaching Their PotentialOn top of not being recognized, many brilliant females are not given the encouragement to build on their talents. This is not a result of explicit sexism––we would never tell girls they can’t be doctors––but instead through small, cultural nudges that suggest women should stick to more traditional expectations. If most of the doctors a young girl sees on TV are male, motivating your teenage daughter will be more challenging sinceshe’s not going to believe that it’s possible for her to establish herself as a medical professional.There are lots of small, indirect ways that these messages towards women are transmitted. Society often hyper-analyzes the way women look, constantly making them feel as though their appearance is the source of their worth. Meanwhile, men rarely face this kind of scrutiny, and are instead evaluated on their academic or athletic achievements. There’s also a lot of differences between the kinds of after school programs we offer to boys and those we offer to girls. For example, Boy Scouts encourages boys to camp, build, and explore...while Girl Scouts is motivating your teenage daughter to cook and sew.Although these forces don’t directly tell women that they aren’t as capable as men, they teach women not to aspire quite so highly. Motivating your teenage daughter is made harder when they are told to remain in the boxes they are placed. They make women feel, often subconsciously, as though it’s wiser to have less ambition since they’ll never be able to compete with men.Talking to Kids About GenderThe unfortunate reality about motivating your teenager daughter is that kids are taught to have these beliefs about gender, not born with them. In our conversation, Janis discusses a study that demonstrates this. When young kids were brought into the labs at Princeton and shown pictures of both a man and a woman, they were asked to identify which one was a genius. Their choices shocked researchers and might surprise you too when you listen to the episode.Janis points at that just because society imposes certain expectations on women doesn’t mean that you should stop motivating your teenage daughter to do traditionally “girly” things like dressing up or doing their nail...

Tim Harford, author of Messy and accomplished journalist, economist, and speaker, and I talk about how messiness can play a positive role in your teen’s (and maybe your) life. Turns out you can use messes, randomness, and disorganization to enhance your thoughts and actions, rather than bog you down.Full show notesYou stick your head into your kid’s bedroom to see their desk littered with crumpled papers, gum wrappers, used dishes, worn books, pens, and chargers. Their bed is unmade, and some of the pillows are on the floor along with dirty laundry. As far as you can tell, there’s no rhyme or reason whatsoever. Their room is the eyesore of the entire house.It’s no wonder your teen has trouble concentrating! They live in a state of chaos. You call your child’s name, ready to lay down the law and command them to clean their room. You want to run a tight ship, don’t you? It’s only normal for a parent to teach their children the benefits of cleanliness and tidiness.But what if this mess isn’t actually a bad sign? When analyzing the psychology of a disorganized person, it’s very difficult to discern when your teen’s disorganization indicates distraction versus productivity. Whenever anyone has their time occupied by important tasks, such as homework, it can be hard to stay tidy. Your desk is probably the most cluttered when you have the most work to do, or your office might be in disarray when it’s crunch time.Your teen’s messy room might follow the same pattern! In some cases, mess could be a sign of creative potential. So how exactly can you tell when your teen has an acceptable mess and when it’s actually time for you to step in and help your teen find their way? What’s going on in the psychology of a disorganized person?This week I spoke with Tim Harford, accomplished journalist, speaker, and author, to learn about the psychology of a disorganized person and get a better idea of how messiness and disorganization can play a positive role in your teen’s (and maybe your) life. His book, Messy: The Power of Disorder to Transform Our Lives, takes a close look at how and when being untidy might actually be a positive thing!A Beautiful MessSome of the most important, influential, and well respected minds have been known for their untidiness. For example, Harford points to great creative minds as diverse as Benjamin Franklin, David Bowie, Miles Davis, and Michael Crichton and highlights one common denominator: mess. Often, the most high-achieving individuals are also the ones with the most pots on the burner.With so many projects bubbling away, it’s hard to keep everything in order. This isn’t to say that amazingly creative and productive people don’t value things like order and cleanliness. What it does say is that there are so many important and time-consuming ideas occupying their mental space. Tasks such as sweeping up or organizing clutter is a mere secondary concern.Enthusiasm and curiosity are two great traits for accomplishing goals, but they also make it very hard to keep things tidy. Something as mundane as tidying up their bedroom isn’t a priority to them. It might seem like they’re easily distracted but that isn’t always the case. Being distracted momentarily doesn’t entail a lack of interest or a lack of care.The next time you see your teen leaving things half-finished, they might be taking a break from one project to begin another! According to the psychology of a disorganized person, being interested and involved in multiple things is always a great sign of your teen’s intellectual development. Hartford says that it’s perfectly reasonable to have a few projects that are a work in progress. It only becomes a problem when those projects are never finished.If your teen has a particularly messy room or if they’re known to jump from project to project, it’s important for you to foster the right amount of encouragement and guidance without overstepping boundaries. Don’t mess with the psychology of a disorganized person or stifle your teen’s imaginative energy for the sake of a well-manicured desk or a perfectly-arranged closet.When it comes to psychology of a disorganized person, it can be part of their learning experience to adjust and adapt to the environment around them. It should be up to them to change their surroundings. Instead of stepping in and telling them when they should tidy up, let them figure out a schedule for their own house-keeping duties by themselves. This will self-motivate them to want to keep an orderly environment.To understand the psychology of a disorganized person, Hartford points to the musician Brian Eno. He is known for being an incredibly productive versatile musical genius, yet, the biggest irony in his day to day life is that he can’t focus on a specific task at hand if there’s music playing in the background. Eno’s passion for sound is so strong that it may seem like he’s distracted, but he’s intensely in tune with the sounds around him.So in order to get work done, Eno doesn’t allow himself to have music in the background. Details like that are only discovered by the person themselves. By having an empowered creative space where he was able to explore his work process, Eno was able to understand the best environment for him. Who knows? Your teen might be the next generation’s Eno.How to Empower Your Teen’s MessHartford cites a study of the psychology of a disorganized person about “empowered spaces” and “disempowered spaces” and the difference they can make in creating an environment to work in. In order to create an empowered space, allow your teen to own it. This means your teen should be free to have their room as they please so long as they maintain the space all by themselves.He tells me about how in his house, the rule after dinner is that everyone needs to help clean both the dining table and the kitchen. Although he enforces a tidy kitchen and dining room, he doesn’t extend that to his kids’ rooms. As Hartford sees it, he allows his kids to live with the consequences of whatever state his kids’ rooms may be in.He won’t dictate how they operate his teens’ rooms. By granting them their own little space where they are free, that leaves them in a happier mood. This in turn makes his kids able to follow stricter rules when it comes to more “public” spaces in the house, such as the kitchen.What to do About Continued MessesHarford cites multiple studies and field experts in our talk about the psychology of a disorganized person that provides awesome perspectives on the concept of messiness. For any parents who are worried that their teens’ mess is getting in the way of their success, this episode is made for you.A parent of teenagers himself, Harford uses his research and expertise on the psychology of a disorganized person to give some great advice when it comes to applying the concept of messiness to family life. There’s so much to consider when looking at the psychology of a messy teen. In our interview about the psychology of a disorganized person, he teaches me all about how to:Turn accidents into positive experiencesCreating “empowered” spaces for teens to excelCultivating diverse friendships and perspectivesMaking the most of quarantine situations with familyRaising a messy or distractible teen can be a challenge, but Harford’s wonderful advice on the psychology of a disorganized person is sure t...

Dr. Michael Kimmel, author of the NYT bestselling Guyland, speaks with Andy to discuss boys, men, and everything in between. Masculinity doesn’t have to be “toxic” but the way we teach (or don’t teach) our boys about what it means to be a “man” has dire consequences for us all.Full show notes“Boys will be boys,” right? Unfortunately, the playing field of masculinity in society today is more dangerous than you might believe. From hazing gone wrong, to depression and suicide, to jail time, the consequences of not understanding masculinity and what it means to be a man can be dire. It can literally be a matter of life or death for some.Not only are young men harming others by learning harmful behaviors, such as not processing emotions and being overly aggressive, but they’re also hurting themselves. They’re limiting themselves by acting in ways that were dictated to them by media, pop culture, their peers, and older men who perpetuate a “traditional” sense of masculinity.Growing into adulthood is hard enough for anyone, but there can be a particularly toxic mindset when it comes to teenage boys. Leaving our teenage boys and young men completely unchecked is not a healthy way to raise them. When boys transition into manhood in their late teens, they’re forced to figure out what it means to “be a man” on their own. The late high school, college, and early adult years are perceived to be a proving ground for young men, and they’ll go out of their way to show off their machismo in order to be accepted by their friends.These rituals, such as hazing and initiations into social groups, have become dangerous, harmful, and completely unnecessary elements of masculinity in society today. Binge drinking, experimenting with illicit substances, and physically dangerous tasks are usually dictated to them by their peers or by other young men who are only a year or so older than they are. And no one is talking about manhood, so the question remains: what does it mean to be a man?This is an important question for any parent raising a young man. For the answers, I turned to Michael Kimmel, the man to reference when it comes to understanding men. Author of Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men and books on masculinity and gender, Kimmel is dedicated to dissecting the world boys grow up in and revealing how and why boys are impacted by the idea of “manhood.”Trying to Define ManhoodIn this week’s interview, Kimmel notes that at the beginning of the 20th century, there was a clear cut distinction between when someone was a child and when someone was an adult, and that distinction usually came at 14 years old. They went straight to work as an apprentice, assisting in their family business, or if they had the means, left home to pursue higher education.Today, the transition from child to adult is not as quick. The term “adolescence” was coined to describe the gradual process of growing into adulthood, starting at about 14 and continuing into one’s early twenties. Kimmel claims adolescence and early manhood have blended together. Because of the lack of a clear demarcation between “young boy” and “young man”, masculinity in society today has turned this stage of youth into an unstructured, unsupervised playground to show off their “manliness”.Kimmel notes that when it comes to parenting boys, parents often take a hands-off approach. Although there is a sense of freedom given, young boys experience a sense of being lost and unsure of the road ahead. This is particularly true in American culture where young men are “self-governing.” Kimmel notices that it's usually the younger men, such as the team captain or the president of the fraternity house, who call the shots within their peer group. Young American men don’t have the same positive influence from masculinity in society today compared to other cultures and countries.Without learned guidance from older, more experienced men, young men often learn harmful tropes about masculinity in society today from porn, movies, and pop culture because those are the most accessible mediums to gather information from. It’s crucial for adults—especially parents—to step in and guide young men on this journey and influence them in an empowering, positive manner so they don’t hurt themselves or others in the process of growing into adulthood.Consequences of Toxic MasculinityIn our conversation, Kimmel deconstructs the concept of masculinity in society today and lays it bare. Young men are traditionally taught to be in control. When they feel emasculated, they feel they have to reestablish their status in order to regain respect and control of a situation. This is known as the “alpha male” mentality.The “alpha” mentality is a slippery slope and can lead into truly unsavory and dangerous ways of expressing masculinity in society today. Specifically, toxic masculinity leads to a sense of entitlement, and entitlement feeds into other toxic ways of thinking, such as racism, sexism, and nationalism. Tune in to this week’s episode to hear Michael and I discuss at length how masculinity in society today has created a sense of entitlement in young men.When insecure men feel threatened by women in the workforce, the men assert their dominance by acting out in ways that are misogynistic and unfair. Why? Because insecure men feel entitled to being the sole presence in a company or even in an entire industry. The mere presence of women threatens their grip of controlThis sense of entitlement bleeds into the issue of race and nationality when it comes to masculinity in society today. When insecure men feel threatened by the presence of immigrants, they act out by saying things like “This is my country” and “Go back to where you came from.” This stems from a toxic sense of entitlement to a country and what they believe to be their rightful land. Insecure men feel like the presence of “outsiders” threatens and challenges their power and sense of control.Let’s face it, men have been in control for the longest and have benefitted the most. It’s important to teach teenage boys and young men that although there is nothing wrong with embracing your manliness, masculinity in society today should go hand in hand with using your strength as young men to help lift others instead of break people down.Kimmel argues that the norm for masculinity in society today is to encourage breaking others down in order to only build themselves up. Another topic we touched on is about hazing and how the basis of hazing is humiliation. If young men used as much of their strength to empower their peers instead of break them down, the world would probably be a different place.How do I Teach Positive Masculinity?When raising children, you want them to be compassionate, fair, and honest people. And that goes for everyone, no matter their gender. When it comes to raising young boys who will eventually become young men, it’s imperative to instill respect and kindness in them. This week’s episode explores ways to do exactly that.Embracing masculinity is not a bad thing. There are so many ways to positively influence and uplift teenage boys and young men. However, there is work that has to be done to unlearn toxic, misogynistic, homophobic, and other generally prejudiced ways of thinking that have been normalized. Michael Kimmel and his research is ...

Stanley Fish, best-selling author and octogenarian, clues us into the intricacies of arguments: how argument is a more natural state; destructive arguments; how to get out of one; and much more! Grateful to be able to connect with the author of Winning Arguments and The First, Dr. Fish!Full show notes“I hate you! You never trust me to do anything on my own!”Your teen yells at you as they storm off to their room. Slam! Yeah, you probably won’t see her again until dinner. Exasperated and confused, you try to retrace the steps that led to this moment. Your teen came home in a good mood today, buoyed by news of a weekend getaway a friend is putting together. She walked in from school and mentioned it to you, hoping to gain immediate approval.When you asked her for more details about the trip, she grew defensive. She scoffed when you asked if a parent would be going, but you pressed for details. She grew defensive, saying that it didn’t matter if a parent would be there or not. However, the vacation home your teen plans to go to is over three hours away and you are apprehensive about something going wrong when the teens are so far away. Finally, you gave an ultimatum: no parent, no trip.That’s when all hell broke loose and you began to wonder how tense the dinner table might get later tonight. As a concerned parent, you want to know how to win an argument with a teenager. What strategies can parents use to win? And how can parents manage conflict without it turning to anger?In this episode of the Talking to Teens Podcast, Stanley Fish shares his research on how to win an argument with a teenager. Stanley has a long resume, highlighted by stints at UC Berkeley, Johns Hopkins and Florida International University. In addition to being a professor of humanities and law, he has written 19 books about everything from free speech to the science of arguments.Stanley’s book, Winning Arguments: What Works and Doesn’t Work in Politics, the Bedroom, the Courtroom, and the Classroom is perfect for parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager. We delve into this book’s methods for parents and teens to keep arguments from spiraling into negativity. Stanley accomplishes this feat by teaching us the red flags of arguments so disagreements can be handled in a civil manner.Two Red Flags of ArgumentsRed Flag #1: The Ideological ImpasseParents struggling to figure out how to win an argument with a teenager need to know about the “Ideological Impasse. ” Here’s an example of what an “Ideological Impasse” is:Stanley mentioned the 2010s controversy surrounding the name of the NFL team in Washington, D.C.. Washington had carried the nickname of “Redskins” since their inception in 1932, but in the 2010s, protesters organized and called for the franchise to change their name. There were two sides to this dialogue.A) Protestors saw themselves as fighting the long history of racism.B) Ownership saw themselves as upholding free speech and tradition.Neither side was willing to give in to the other’s idea, thus forming an “Ideological Impasse.” They were fundamentally at odds and it took a decade of stalemate before either side could convince the other.Drawing out conflict is exactly what parents should avoid when they have a disagreement with their teens. Parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager should avoid prolonged conflicts because it decreases the chance of a productive result of an argument.Solution: Bridging the ImpasseOnce you reach the point of an impasse, Stanly recommends that parents take a step back.One way a parent can figure out how to win an argument with a teenager and take a step back is to simply say,“I understand where you are coming from. But can we put this conversation on the shelf for now? I’d like to take some more time to think about this.”Making a statement that closes the argument while finding another time to pick up the conversation is a great way to de-escalate arguments.Declaring a ceasefire might not be easy, but it will preserve the feelings of parents and teenagers involved in the argument. This will stop the disagreement from spiraling out of control.This tip is important for parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager because setting your terms for when an argument happens is like having a “home field advantage” in the argument.Taking a step back will also allow teens and parents a chance to reproach the issue under controlled circumstances. Here’s a way parents can do this:Instead of setting an ultimatum about the trip your daughter wants to go on, parents can pause the argument. Setting aside time to discuss this issue in a day or two will give parents time to prepare a controlled discussion as opposed to having an argument spiral out of control.On top of everything, the strategy of setting a later date and time will help parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager because it lowers the probability of the dehumanization of the “other.”Red Flag #2: Dehumanization of the “Other”Stanley mentioned the dehumanization of the “other” as a natural point of advancement stemming from an ideological impasse. Essentially, when an argument between two parties is ratcheted up to an impasse, an emotional disconnect emerges between the opposing sides. Both sides will create an image of the “other” that is created for the sole purpose of being torn down.A perfect example of the dehumanization of the “other” can be found in the politics of the United States after the election of Donald Trump. On Democratic and Republican sides, images were created of the other party in order to discredit the values each promoted. An example of political dehumanization is:A) Democratic supporters were called out as communists.B) Republican supporters were called out as fascists.Essentially, both parties forgot that human beings existed behind the constructed images of the other group. This caused polarizing attacks instead of humans doing productive work to solve the problems of the country.Similarly, if parents and teens resort to dehumanization there is little chance anything productive comes of the argument. Ultimately, this will increase the challenges for parents who want to learn how to win an argument with a teenager.Solution: The “I” StatementThe solution to dehumanization, and the answer to how to win an argument with a teenager, is to elicit “I” statements from the other person. Essentially, when an argument reaches the point of dehumanization, one side will receive pleasure from making the opposite side feel bad.A method to get an “I” statement from a teenager can be:How does it make you feel when I say you can’t go on the trip?Eliciting an “I” statement about the argument will cause teens and parents to consider the emotional im...

Amy Cooper Hakim, author of Working With Difficult People, joins us for a discussion on how to deal with the most common types of difficult people, particularly when you are quarantined with them!!Full show notesThe global pandemic COVID-19 is causing the world to stand still. It almost seems unreal—like a sci-fi movie. Schools are closing rapidly, causing college students to fly home from all over the country and primary learners to learn from online platforms. Parents who can are working from home, making rapid adjustments to comply with their new work routine. Situations are rapidly changing every day, and it might seem like there’s no consistency. But for some lucky households, one thing remains constant: Family.With parents working from the kitchen and children of all ages going to school in the living room, families are taking on a new dynamic. In some ways, it’s like living with coworkers. Boundaries need to be set, responsibilities need to be met, and—perhaps most importantly—conflicts need to be resolved. Spending so much time with each other in such close quarters might be challenging for some families, but this worldwide phenomenon is also a chance for parents and their children to grow closer and foster positive growth!To understand exactly what parents can do to create the best possible quarantine environment for their families, I spoke with the queen of work relationships: Amy Cooper Hakim. She’s the author of Working with Difficult People: Handling the Ten Types of Problem People Without Losing Your Mind and holds a Ph D in industrial organizational psychology. She’s the absolute authority on conflict resolution in the workplace, and being currently quarantined in Florida with several children of her own means she has firsthand experience applying her knowledge in a home environment!According to Dr. Amy, two of the most crucial things parents can do to create a functional home environment are set appropriate boundaries and maintain an atmosphere of honesty. Although it’s sometimes hard, Dr. Amy believes in the importance of parents acting not only as a child’s “bestie,” but as an authority figure. It’s the same as being a CEO or manager—you need to lead by example, and what you say goes. In our interview, Dr. Amy gives incredible advice on how to balance this firmer parenting approach with one of empathy and compassion in order to show your children not only do you love them, but you want to care for and protect them, too!She also shares what she plans to do during this unusual time to teach her children valuable lessons about perseverance, cooperation, and selflessness. With incredible optimism, Dr. Amy sees this time as a wonderful chance for her and her family to grow closer, and I know her advice will help you as well! In our interview, we talk about:Practicing tact while delivering advice and criticism to teensHow teens often fall into one of several kinds of “difficult people,” and how to deal with each onePrioritizing logic over emotion in family conflictsSpecific practices parents can implement in their homes to bring their families closer during quarantine!During such odd times, it’s a joy to hear from someone so experienced and so optimistic about what families can do to bring out the best in each other. If you’re concerned over how you should be handling this quickly evolving situation, I highly encourage you to listen in! Dr. Amy is sure to have some advice that applies directly to you, and your family.

Linda Perlman Gordon, co-author of Mom, Can I Move Back In With You? and four other books sat down with me this week to explores techniques and strategies for parenting teens who are transitioning into ‘real’ adulthood. Linda, a private psychotherapist in the greater D.C. area, counsels parents of teens and twentysomethings--and is the perfect person to discuss how to make better boundaries with your maturing teen!Full show notesIt's the middle of the night, it's raining, and your teen asks you for help. Her car is broken down and even though she has the number for roadside assistance on her phone, she’s asking you for support. You're conflicted because as much as you want to get your daughter out of the rain, you know you won't always be available to solve her problems. If something like this happens again and you aren't there to pick up the call, she might not think to call a tow truck without parental guidance.Parents should be preparing their kids for the teenager to adulthood transition by helping them become more independent and self-sufficient. Different parents have different solutions to foster independence, but they all have the same question: as teenagers turn into adults, when does “helping” turn into “coddling?”The answer to properly preparing your children for a teenager to adulthood transition becomes blurrier with each passing year. An increasing number of teenagers go off to college and emerge as young adults with low-paying jobs, unpaid internships, student loans, and grad school applications, so highly-involved parenting tends to extend past the teenage years and into early adulthood.The markers of “adulthood” are not as clear cut as they used to be in generations past. Although 18 year old's are considered adults, your own kids and many others may not be ready for all the responsibilities that come with a teenager to adulthood transition. And that’s fine! Making the transition from teenage years to adulthood will look different for everyone, so don’t be discouraged if your teen isn’t making the smoothest transition. Most “twenty-somethings” still need Mom and Dad for financial and emotional support.To understand this paradigm shift in parent-young adult relationships and the teenager to adulthood transition, I had a wonderful interview with Linda Perlman Gordon, author of five books and private psychoanalyst. Her book— Mom, Can I Move Back In With You? A Survival Guide for Parents of Twentysomethings —explores techniques and strategies for parenting children going through a teenager to adulthood transitionMany parents find themselves in this situation without resources or research to help, but they don’t realize how many other parents are in the same boat. These are the parents Linda works with in her private practice and in group sessions. Her many years as a psychoanalyst and a parent of young adults have made her a comforting and authoritative voice on the subject of teenager to adulthood transition. If you’re a parent of an older teen or an early twenty-something, then this week’s episode is for you!A Balancing Act: Pushing to Independence and Offering HelpA successful teenager to adulthood transition hinges on whether or not your kids can support themselves independently. In some instances, they may need to move back in with you. Should your child be paying rent to live at home? Are they on the right track, or are they falling behind? It’s crucial for you to know the difference. The good news is that Gordon specializes in answering these questions!Gordon and co-author Susan Morris Shaffer’s work shows most parents feel awkward discussing their twenty-something “children,” when they really shouldn’t feel awkward at all! In today’s housing and job market, it's almost impossible for young adults to be completely independent post-college. Instead of cutting kids loose when they turn 18, parents should consider fostering independence in progressive stages. Listen to the episode to hear Gordon’s definitions for different independence levels and how to progress them!Your child may be twenty-four and living at home, but are they motivated? Are they looking for jobs, taking initiative, and moving toward a financially-stable state? Are they working part-time to build their resume or planning to go back to school to strengthen their personal skill set? If so, you’ve nothing to worry about! A successful teenager to adulthood transition isn’t created overnight. Seeing your child take steps towards independence should be celebrated.Instead of looking at age as a benchmark for independence, it’s vital to look for signs of “personal responsibility” such as actively applying for jobs, actively searching for their own apartment, or actively applying for schools. This takes pressure off the teen and the parent because it removes the sense of external expectations about adulthood. You haven’t failed as a ,nor have your children failed as young adults, if they aren’t married with a home and lucrative career by 25. Growing into adulthood is not a race against the clock, or at least it shouldn’t be.The teenager to adulthood transition should be a stage of life when your kids actively strive towards independence on their own. If your twenty-four-year-old isn’t taking any steps to better themselves and expects someone to hand them a career, a house, or an entire lifestyle, then there’s a problem. Handouts foster a sense of entitlement and laziness. If a young adult isn’t learning how to make a life for themselves because parents dole out easy alternatives, that’s when helping turns into coddling.One of Gordon’s best pieces of advice comes from setting boundaries, whether emotionally, financially, or otherwise. For example, you could offer to help your young adult child by paying for their living expenses, but only if they are applying for grad school. Or you could allow them to move back in, but only if they agree to work part-time. These boundaries protect against freeloading young adults who won’t learn how to fend for themselves in the near future.Setting boundaries like these also help foster a sense of self-determination needed for a teenager to adulthood transition. It could inspire them to move out of home and and get their own place, or to go back to school so that they could get a better job than they have now.Without clear boundaries between you and your child, it’s easy to overstep your responsibilities as a parent and for your almost-adult twenty-something to take advantage of you. This could look like racking up your credit card debt, using your house as a venue for their parties, or expecting you to do everything for them.Part of growing up is knowing when to be self-reliant and how to problem solve without having to consult anyone else. And that means not having to ask Mom and Dad. As a young adult, they should be using all the time on their hands to their advantage to build the lives they want for themselves.By setting clear boundaries, you’ll let your son or daughter know that there are parts of their life in which you can’t be involved in anymore. This can be one of the hardest yet most important moments in parenting a teenager to adulthood transition. Being firm in what you can and can no longer do for them actually helps motivate your children to start thinking and making decisions for themselves. You can still be a present and helpful presence in their lives while not coddling or babying them anymore.More Resources for Parents of Late-Teens and Twenty-So...

Alexis Rockley, author of Find Your F*ckyeah, sat down with me this week to talk about how you can help your teen find their groove, their vibe, their f*ckyeah--the things that gets them popping out of bed in the morning, ready to take on the world. It’s sort of like “purpose” but will cause a lot less eyerolls…Full show notesI’m sure you remember going to high school, but do you remember how it felt? The crushing pressure to define yourself, the need to fit in with your classmates, and the stress of meeting all the expectations of adults and teachers. “What do you want to do with your life?” they ask. But, at sixteen, no one really knows! Our lives pan out in unexpected ways, full of twists, turns, and mistakes that help pave our road to success. And that’s exactly what our teens should expect when ‘planning’ for the future.It’s healthy for teenagers to recognize that they don’t need to know everything about themselves by age 18. But nowadays, with social media emphasizing the importance of personal branding and colleges putting pressure on teenagers to perform perfectly, teens can feel boxed in. They feel they need to know exactly who they are and what they want…ASAP! And they may get the message that their life must be one clean story with no zigs, zags, or misdirection. This limiting belief is detrimental in a world that is full of fast-paced change.Paradoxically, change is the most consistent part of human experience. Every day, we learn more about ourselves and make adjustments accordingly. And experimenting, failing, and adjusting is how we figure out what makes us happy, what motivates us to get out of bed each morning with a clarity of “purpose,” or, for those who are rolling their eyes at “purpose,” our “f*ck yeah!” That’s what shapes the teenage identity.Alexis Rockley, author of Find Your F*ckyeah: Stop Censoring Who You Are and Discover What You Really Want, sat down with me this week to talk about how you can help your teenager find their themselves and break out of restricting stereotypes. Rockley, who humbly describes herself as a “nerd who loves research,” is leading a movement to help young people find their “purpose” and “joy” in life…but in a cool way.Alexis knows everything about what shapes the teenage identity. She has spent years studying and working with experts in the field of positive psychology and her book unpacks the science and psychology in an accessible way to help people find their “f*ckyeah.”In this interview, Rockley walks me through her method of breaking down what shapes the teenage identity. She says that one of the most important aspects of raising well-adjusted, go-getter teens is to debunk the falsehood that “adults know everything.”The Science of “Limiting Beliefs”Drawing from her own twisting and turning journey Rockley delivers the science behind teens’ limiting beliefs. A limiting belief is something your brain decides is a fact based on our emotional relationship to it. It’s also a big factor in what shapes the teenage identity. Think of it like your emotions telling you what’s true or false. It’s like if your child grows up in a culture of body-shaming, they might have adverse feelings toward cake.Limiting beliefs can be formed at a subliminal level, which is why it’s dangerous to place too much emphasis on setting teens up for a one-track career at a young age. For example, many parents ask their teens what they’re going to be, thinking that it will give their child goals to work towards early on. But there are limiting underlying psychological affects that children inherit when parents pose this question.When you ask your teen, “What are you going to be?” there is an implication that their future job is what shapes the teenage identity. Teens feel the need to have a ready answer, one that they have to stick to no matter what, because they don’t know to distinguish between their professional and personal self. Statements like, “I will be a doctor,” then become a restrictive personality type.Once teens pick a personality type, their family and peers might show surprise or even ridicule them if they veer from the standard behaviors. Athletic students can never dye their hair and aspiring lawyers can’t branch out into the sciences. Business students shouldn’t waste their time doing theatre. But Rockley provides parents with a strategy to help uncover what shapes the teenage identity without setting up restrictive boundaries.Avoiding Restrictive BoundariesAccording to Rockley, teens can break out of restrictive thinking by making their limiting beliefs conscious. If parents and kids are able to step back and observe what shapes the teenage identity, they can make more informed and passionate decisions about what makes them say, “f*ck yeah!” Rockley goes over several tactics in the podcast to help your teen find themselves.One method that we talk about is adjusting how you ask your child about what they will do in the future. Helpful questions about what shapes the teenage identity should address the reality of change and the different personalities your teen might express over time.Questions such as, “Who are you inspired by? Who do you look up to? What aspects of these influences excite you?” start to facilitate a conversation around a diverse set of interests and aspirations. Aspirations that live more closely to your teen’s multifaceted personality and have that “f*ck yeah” feeling.Rockley’s method helps teenagers unlearn the idea that a definitive vocation exists. Since there’s no way to tell someone what their purpose is, teens should be open to the idea that their interests can change at any moment in their life. This better prepares teens for a more fluid future. A future that supports a chemistry undergraduate student who realizes their true calling is in the local bakery.Building The “F*ckyeah” EnvironmentWhen you ask, what shapes the teenage identity, the environment is a sensible answer. Using Rockley’s “f*ckyeah” approach, parents can help their teens find themselves by creating an environment where problem-solving is the object of focus, not performing an identity. There will always be problems to solve -whether it’s managing customers or figuring out chemistry equations in a lab- so the question is, “Which problems does your teen want to solve?” This framing can help teens adjust and explore what activities they truly want to engage in.Rockley also speaks to me about how parents can help teens navigate our “factory school system” and set themselves up for the modern workplace. In the podcast, she gives great tips on how to expose your teenager to environments that value creativity and problem-solving skills, instead of simply following rote instructions. To get the full details of Rockley’s scientific approach to discovering what shapes the teenage identity, you’ll have to tune in and listen.In addition to what shapes the teenage identity, we cover:How to get your teen excited about their futureThe harmful effects of reprimands and negative reinforcementThe tricky science of ‘limiting beliefs’ in teens and young adultsThe need for personal branding…And how personal branding could be negatively influencing who your teen isAlexis Rockley brings her enthusiasm and passion for helping others to this week’s episode, and her positive energy is contagious! I’m so thrilled...

Lindsay Sealey, author of Growing Strong Girls and “girl advocate” speaks with me this week about how to help your daughter find, understand, and value her own voice. With girls receiving so many conflicting external messages, it is vital we help them strengthen their internal self!Full show notesMixed Messages“Be yourself,” “know that you are strong because you are a girl,” “stand up for yourself,” “don’t let the man get you down.” These platitudes are constantly thrown at girls to assure them that they’ve got everything it takes to rule the world and make all their dreams come true. Though well meaning, these sentiments are made redundant by unrealistic expectations to look pretty at all times, know how to attract and please men, and be accommodating and polite to everybody. In order to encompass all of these values, you would literally have to be perfect. And that’s, like, really hard to do.Girls are constantly presented with conflicting messages on social media, at school, on TV—even at home. It’s confusing enough for full-grown women to know how to act in the face of all these contradictory pressures, so for girls who are just entering into teendom it feels almost impossible. In order to give tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence, parents have to effectively combat the pressures placed on her by society. They must also help her confront the drama and growing pains of adolescence in a logical manner. Needless to say, being a teenage girl, or a parent to one, is no walk in the park.Teenage and preteen girls are in an incredibly vulnerable stage of their lives. They’re extremely susceptible to the influence of their peers and the outside world. So how do you give tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence if you feel that the influence of others is greater than that of their own parents? Author, CEO, and Professional “Girl Advocate” Lindsay Sealey can tell you how. Sealey wrote the book Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and has been running workshops with young girls to help develop their own sense confidence and self-worth for fifteen years. In this interview she offers tons of practical tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence by showing parents how they can successfully connect with, support, and influence their teen girls to believe in themselves despite societal pressures.What a Girl WantsIt’s not always about what a girl wants but what a girl needs. Let’s face it, some teenage girls want a lot—popularity, money, lots of followers on Instagram, an expensive new car (the last of which they’re definitely not getting). This vapid list of necessities comes from the constant stream of messages society and pop culture throw at them. As parents, some tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence might be “these things don’t matter” and “one day you might be happy that you didn’t get everything you wanted.” Lindsay Sealey says when parents respond this way, they aren’t actually recognizing their daughter’s feelings.Among other tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence, Sealey states that active listening is a pivotal part of connecting with your teenage daughter. If she’s talking to you about a fight with a friend, or about a boy she likes who doesn’t like her back, don’t cut her story short. You need to let her tell you the whole story and run the gamut of all the emotions she’s feeling. Sealy says that parents must be willing to validate their daughter’s feelings and help them process emotions in a healthy way. This means urging your daughter to fully experience, not deflect, their emotions and be open with how, and why, she is feeling them. Letting emotions sink in, even when it’s uncomfortable, will help your daughter fully process the situation and eventually come to terms with it.Another of the major tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence is to avoid giving advice when your daughter comes to you with her problems. When parents jump in with their own stories and advice, girls often feel belittled, like their opinions and experiences don’t really matter. Sealy says that parents need to respond with empathetic phrases like, “You must feel really saddened that your friend doesn’t want to eat lunch with you,” or “I would be hurt too if a boy didn’t like me back.” This lets your daughter know that she is valid to feel the way she does, that having feelings doesn’t make her weak. Sealey says it’s okay to ask to share how you’ve overcome a similar situation, however, you should avoid overpowering her story with yours. Tune into the episode to hear more tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence by identifying opportunities you have to foster revelations through quality time with your daughter.Miss IndependentAccording to Sealey, a major part of empowering young girls is to provide them with a safe space to focus on their own interests. In an age defined by comparison, it’s crucial for girls to understand—first and foremost—they need to make themselves happy. One of Sealey's tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence is to encourage her to pursue individualistic interests, like horseback riding, hiking, painting, or volunteering at animal shelters, rather than focusing entirely on her social life.Teenage girls have a tendency to overextend themselves with social events in order to avoid missing out or disappointing others. According to Sealey’s tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence, parents need to steer their daughters away from relying too much on friendships for fulfillment. Developing individualistic interests not only expands your daughters mind, it also gives her a greater sense of self-reliance and independence that’ll come in handy when she’s confronted with friendship drama. If she knows that she has other things to do with her time than spend it with a problematic friend, she won’t be so torn up about parting ways with them.Further, Sealey provides tips on helping your teenage daughter build confidence and self-respect when confronted with friendship drama. Drama is an unavoidable part of girlhood and can be an opportunity to learn valuable lessons. Often, our daughters will fall out of friendships because someone moved, or someone became popular and the other didn’t, or someone joined the soccer team while the other played tennis. It’s important, Sealey states, to teach your daughter that drifting apart is part of life and it’s important to have a large pool of friends to lean on when one friendship ends. Sealey urges parents to encourage their daughters to become friends with many different types of people. That could mean someone a few years older than them, someone who goes to another school, or someone who comes from a different ethnic background then them. Rather than having one BFF, it’s more beneficial for teenage girls to seek out multiple friendships with people who bring out and strengthen different parts of their personality.Finding Her VoiceWithout proper guidance, it’s easy for daughters to feel overwhelmed in the sea of information they’re fed everyday. They may be afraid to ask questions and are confused about who to listen to in times of trouble. This is why it’s vital to provide tips on helping your teenage daughter build ...

Cynthia Kane, author of How to Communicate Like a Buddhist and Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist, sat down with me to discuss the communication tactics she has learned during her journey as a Bodhisattva. Her techniques are perfect for getting out of escalating arguments and questionable conversations!Full show notesAnyone who works in a team knows that proper communication can be a nightmare for adults, but communicating with teenagers is a whole different ballgame! How many times have you wanted to talk to your child about something small, but it somehow blew up into a huge argument? This can happen when parents and their children don’t have the best communication practices in order. It’s no one’s intention to get into an argument, but sometimes the small stuff can turn into a screaming match. That’s where Buddhist thinking can offer some sage advice…Mindfulness and listening techniques encourage us to take a step back and better understand how communicating with teenagers can become confrontational. Maybe your child is just having a bad day and they’ve been stuck in a defensive mood to cope with it. Perhaps you didn’t realize you used a sharp tone by accident. In any case, it’s important to understand why communicating with teenagers can get out of hand so easily.While teens are still growing up, hormonal and social changes in their lives can make it harder to navigate problems with a level head. One wrong word might prompt a heated outburst! This hair-trigger mindset can complicate even the simplest ways of communicating with teenagers.Before you know it, you’re getting pulled into their emotionally-charged, surface-level vocabulary of insults. If you ground them, you’re drawing out spans of resentment without improving communication habits. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Cynthia Kane, author of How to Communicate Like a Buddhist and Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist has some techniques that can help you master the art of communicating with teenagers.I spoke with Cynthia about communicating with teenagers this week to better understand why conversations with your teen can get out of control. In her own life, Cynthia’s search for the Bodhisattva –a person dedicated to helping others ease their suffering– led her on a journey to become one herself. As a certified meditation and mindfulness instructor, she’s taught tens of thousands of people to speak with kindness, honesty, and confidence through her books. If anyone knows about communicating with teenagers, it’s Cynthia.Cynthia’s work has appeared in several esteemed publications, including the Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Yoga Journal, Self Magazine, and Woman’s Day Magazine. Through her bestselling DailyOM courses, workshops, and Intentional Communication Training Program, she has helped thousands of others transform how they are communicating with teenagers, so I was especially excited to hear what she had to say about communicating with teenagers.In our interview, we talk about three central aspects to Cynthia’s approach:Self-TalkSpeechSilenceBy using these Buddhist principles of Right Speech, Cynthia walked me through how we can speak to ourselves and others in positive, reaffirming ways. I knew the Buddha was knowledgeable, but who would have guessed Buddhist teachings had so much to say about communicating with teenagers?Let’s Talk About Self-TalkThe first step of Cynthia’s Bodhisattva approach to communicating with teenagers is to listen to yourself. Though practicing honesty can be found throughout Cynthia’s entire method of communication, she says that it’s important to start with your own truths. Self-awareness really is the beginning of being able to interact with others in a more compassionate way.Unfortunately, many teens don’t yet have the experience to reflect on how everyone is feeling in the moment let alone take stock of their emotional status. They aren’t always able to observe your intentions, so they act out or behave disrespectfully, causing conversations to escalate to a place that no one wants. In this way, when parents understand self-talk and can demonstrate their feelings clearly, communication gets a whole lot smoother.For example, when parents and teenagers bottle up how they feel about a certain behavior, they’ll play the game of saying, “Nothing’s wrong,” when we know that’s not true. Using that phrase to dance around an issue that is clearly of importance can only muddy the waters and prevent you from effectively communicating with teenagers. This is why honesty and self-reflection are so important. When you listen to yourself, you can be more honest about how you feel and effectively cut through harmful defensive verbiage.We often avoid our own negative feelings because they’re too uncomfortable to deal with, and this can block productive meaningful conversation from occurring. By listening to ourselves, we can start to become aware of the restrictive language that we implement when communicating with teenagers.To hear about how Speech and Silence play into communication with teenagers, don’t forget to listen to the whole episode!What is Restrictive Language?Restrictive language is the kind of verbiage that causes us to feel stressed, overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and even incapable. As a parent, listening to yourself is how you can catch when you have this negative mindset.Cynthia mentions that this is an aspect of communicating with teenagers that a lot of parents are unaware of, but can make a huge impact at home. Once you’ve identified restrictive language in how you think, you can be more present when communicating with teenagers and have a genuine of conversation. Negativity is a total buzzkill when it comes to communication with teenagers.Don’t Forget––Listening is Part of Communication!Listening maintains several effective applications that you can implement as a parent while trying to communicate with your teenager. For one, listening to others improves your ability to notice when you’re not being present, like when you’re shopping at the grocery or are too self-involved in an argument. These situations can cause you to tune out details when communicating with teenagers.There’s so Much More!In practice, Kane’s insights help people more truthfully focus on their individual needs and build avenues of communication. These are crucial areas for parents to focus on if they want to improve and understand the relationship they have with their teen.Empathy and honesty are amazing tools for building trust between parents and teenagers, but, just like many other methods of communication, they need to be practiced. It all begins with an acute awareness of one’s own self-talk, and Kane offers a unique process to communicate your needs and wants more openly.In addition to canes special approach to communications listeners will discover:Why silence is a key part of effective communicationShutting down toxic teenage gossipThe importance of different kinds of speech in our everyday livesHow to combat the “shoulds” and “could...