Richie Jackson, author of the newly-released Gay Like Me and long-time, award-winning TV/film and theater producer, joins Andy this week. Richie and Andy discuss how parents can support their teens in their own journey of sexual identity, and how teens might become allies for their friends in the LGBTQ community.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesGay like MeThese days it seems like just about everyone is ok with gay; there are more LGBTQ characters on TV, same-sex marriage is legal, and many religious groups originally against homosexuality are starting to come around. However, members of the LGBTQ community are persecuted and slandered every day. There are still numerous nations where it’s illegal to be gay and there are many places in the United States where people are killed for their sexual orientation. Regardless of location, members of the LGBTQ community confront challenges for sexual identity on a daily basis. This challenge could be someone using a gay slur and refusing to apologize because they didn’t mean it in that way. Or, heaven forbid, they come face to face with a homophobe who threatens or assaults them for liking the same sex. Yes, we all struggle with our identities but the struggle is much harder for people who’ve been told they will never be accepted.While homosexuality is far more accepted nowadays, struggles that LGBTQ teens face are new ground and can be confusing territory for parents. Parents are apprehensive about sex talks with their teens, but those with LGBTQ-identifying teens can feel more ill-equipped. Despite the trend toward more acceptance, there are many challenges for sexual identity that straight people cannot fathom. Representation of homosexuality in history books is virtually non-existent, and TV and film depictions are often stereotyped or exaggerated. While tech-savvy teens can tap into supportive online LGBTQ communities, navigating challenges for sexual identity in the real world is not as easy—and often not as friendly.For parents of LGBTQ children, it feels daunting to prepare your teen for a world that isn’t always accepting. Richie Jackson, an openly-gay Broadway and television show producer, felt similarly when he was preparing to send his gay son off to college. Even though his son grew up in an era much more accepting of homosexuality than Richie did, he knew his son had a lot to learn about navigating life as a gay man. So Richie started writing letters to his son, so many letters that he accumulated enough material for the beginning of a book. These letters were published in Richie’s first book Gay Like Me: A Father Writes to His Son. In this book, Richie shares stories from his own life, the good, the bad, and the humorous, as well as stories of LGBTQ leaders, creatives, and trailblazers. The book is an important read not just for those facing challenges for sexual identity, but for parents of homosexual and heterosexual kids alike. Richie insists that all parents must understand the struggles of LGBTQ people in order to empower their LGBTQ teen and, if they have straight children, to teach them to be better allies to their queer peers.Please note that the term “queer” is used throughout this article and in the episode. Queer is a term that nowadays is used to describe anyone who is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or questioning their sexuality. Though previously used as a gay slur, the word queer has been reclaimed as an empowering term to describe the LGBTQ people who have formed an inclusive culture and community for themselves despite facing challenges for sexual identity.Know Your HistoryRichie believes that if you’re a parent of a queer teen, it’s vital that you be the one to show them how to face challenges for sexual identity. If you’re a straight parent, you may be thinking “how can I help them with challenges for sexual identity? I have no idea what it’s like to be LGBTQ!” In order to help them, Richie insists that you get informed about LGBTQ history, find shows that accurately and earnestly portray the queer experience, and provide an environment where talking about sexual identity is accepted. And parent’s of straight teens are not disqualified from talking about sexual identities with their kids. Richie insistst that it’s important for herosexual teens to learn about the queer experience in order to create a more accepting environment for their LGBTQ friends, classmates, and teachers.Starting a conversation about what it’s like to be queer can be as easy as sharing a personal story. For example, Richie shares his experience seeing the broadway show Torch Song Trilogy with his mother in the early 80’s. At the time, being gay was barely acknowledged and certainly not accepted. The show’s portrayal of a gay man was unlike anything he’d ever seen. After seeing the show, his mother told him that she would never reject him for being gay. His mother’s acceptance empowered Richie to come out and eventually use his challenges for sexual identity as an inspiration for many of his future endeavors. Richie states that the earlier parents express their acceptance and support of queerness in general, the easier it will be for queer teens to come out and the more prepared straight teens will be to provide allyship to the LGBTQ community.No matter your teen’s sexual identity or gender, making sure they are informed about LGBTQ history is an important part of instilling queer-affirming beliefs in your teen. That means teaching them about the Stonewall Riots, which was a series of political uprisings in response to police brutality against the LGBTQ community in 1969. It also means teaching them about the AIDS pandemic. Additionally, it’s important to teach teens about LBTQ activists like Marsha P. Johnson, an African American Drag Queen who was a major player in the Stonewall Riots. The list of important events and people in LGBTQ history is vast, and unfortunately wildly unknown because most schools ignore LGBTQ history. When queer teens learn about the multitude of LGBTQ people who paved the way for them to be open about their sexuality, they are more empowered to handle challenges for sexual identity. Additionally, straight teens will develop more empathy and understanding for their LGBTQ peers when they learn about the hardships queer people have endured to be accepted into modern society.Let’s Talk about SexRichie points out that regardless of how progressive your teen’s school is, less than 7% of LGBTQ kids get an inclusive sexual education. This makes it harder for them to have mutually fulfilling intimacy with their partners and frankly, harder for them to know what to do when they have sex. Learning about same-sex intimacy can be uncomfortable and unfamiliar for many parents. But in order to support queer teens, you have to be open, informed, and frank with them about sex. To hear more about challenges for sexual identity when it comes to intimacy and how to talk about these challenges with queer teens, tune into the episode.Challenges for sexual identity are often caused by the misconceptions of heterosexual people who have no idea what it’s like to b...

KJ Dell’Antonia, author of How to Be a Happier Parent, joins Andy for a look at how to get happier while parenting. It’s time for parents to stop thinking about their kids so much and get back to what makes them happy!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesRemember the days when you’d lose your mind over kids drawing on the walls or refusing to eat the dinner you prepared for them? You might still experience the same headache with your teenager. But you put up with it because parenting is about loving your children, no matter what wild rides they put you through! However, parents so often put themselves before their children, but they can unintentionally neglect their own happiness.I don’t think parents should have to sacrifice their own happiness in order to be a successful parent and raise good kids. I think there’s a trick to simple happy parenting, and the best way to uncover it is to talk to the pros.In order to figure out the tricks to happy parenting, I called up KJ Dell’Antonia. KJ has been a parenting expert for the better part of a decade, and she has a wealth of knowledge about happy parenting. KJ is an accomplished author, having written first for Slate and then the New York Times. She hosts a parenting podcast with Jessica Lahey, and she is also about to publish her first novel!In addition to her personal career, KJ is an accomplished parent. She has raised four kids, and much of her parenting experience has fed her career as a writer. Her most recent book on parenting, How to Be a Happier Parent: Raising a Family, Having a Life, and Loving (Almost) Every Minute of It, is an awesome resource that I myself love. This week, KJ helps me investigate methods to happier parenting.The SituationIt’s a hectic Sunday afternoon. You’ve been running around all weekend, going from activity to activity. Two of your teens have soccer tournaments, and both are inconveniently located on opposite sides of town. If either one goes to overtime, you’ll be late to your third teen’s spring musical at the high school theater. You’re exhausted, and you still need to figure out dinner.In the attempt to keep up with all of your teen’s activities, you hardly had a moment to catch your breath. In these moments of exhaustion, it can be so easy to feel discouraged when facing the world. But what strategies can you use to achieve simple happy parenting?While she was editor for the New York Times, she wanted to share a piece on simple happy parenting. She decided to come up with a list of solutions that would make her feel happier as a parent. However, she quickly realized that she did not have enough time in the day to invest in “happy parenting” methods and needed to pivot her approach.Instead of adding new activities to boost happiness like yoga, 2-hour runs, or hot stone massages, she needed to be taking stuff off her plate. Parenting is crazy enough, so reducing her hectic schedule is what helped KJ unlock the trick to happy parenting.The key to happy parenting is finding ways to make parenting less stressful.This proves to be a beneficial strategy, and sparked inspiration for How to Be a Happier Parent.The “Ground Rule” SolutionKJ decided that the easiest way to make parenting less stressful was to create ground rules for certain parts of family life. This made expectations clear for everyone, and in turn reduced the general chaos of family life. One solution KJ created was a set of five ground rules for dinner because she found it difficult to make a meal without one of her children complaining. Here’s one in action:Rule #1:At KJ’s table, everyone in her family has to accept everything on their plate. Before this rule, it was relatively common for one of her children to reject the food presented to them outright. In response, KJ said that everyone had to accept the food that is given to them. Whether or not everyone likes the food is up to them, but her teens can’t ask for a whole ‘nother meal to be made especially for them. Implementing this rule was great, KJ says, because it helped reduce her stress at the end of long days.As she implemented this strategy of creating simple ground rules, KJ quickly found that this strategy wouldn’t work in every situation.Another example she mentioned to me was getting dirty dishes in the dishwasher. One of her daughters would put her dishes in the dishwasher every time, and never needed a parent to stand over her shoulder to make sure things got in place.Contrarily, KJ’s other daughter would chronically forget that the dishwasher ever existed. She would leave dirty dishes around all the time, and rarely get them in the dishwasher unless KJ was on her case about it.In situations like these, KJ told me that sometimes there is nothing you can do to create happy parenting.Ultimately, the trick for parents is that they need to be resilient about asking teens to complete tasks. It is a great help when they are done correctly, and these skills are things they will remember for the rest of their lives. Some teens will have no problem following rules, but others might need to be reminded on a daily basis. It might take a year of moving your kid’s dirty dishes to their bedroom for them to actually remember to clean them on their own!But, don’t give up hope. You can’t expect teens to be perfect because progress doesn’t happen overnight. However, with the right guidance, the “ground rule” solution will help good behaviors become muscle memory to them.Over-InvolvementAnother strategy for simple happy parenting that KJ mentions is to avoid getting over-involved with your kids’ lives. Surprisingly, over-involvement is a common issue among fathers who fixate on their teenagers’ performance in sports. It is easy for these parents to get carried away with their teens’ lives because they want to be supportive and helpful, but it can be harmful for both the parent and the teen. Unfortunately, over-involvement in cheering for your teen has negative side-effects.One downside to over-involvement is that parents can lose sight of themselves. If parents lose sight of themselves, they might also lose sight of happy parenting. It is important that parents make sacrifices for their kids, but not to the extent that they are constantly unhappy or unable to focus on themselves.When you lose focus on yourself, your happiness can become dependent on what you are focusing on. If a father is constantly focused on his teen’s high school batting average, the teen might think Dad’s happiness is based on athletic performance. On one hand, it puts extra pressure on the teenager. On the other, basing a father-son relationship on something as insignificant as a high school batting average is unhealthy for everyone. It doesn’t make sense for a father (or anyone) to be happy only when their son is having a good day on the field. Teenagers should not be expected to bear the brunt of someone else’s happiness!Parents can avoi...

Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Peggy Orenstein, author of Boys & Sex, a current New York Times Bestseller (as well as several other bestsellers!), joins Andy for an in-depth conversation about the culture of sex, intimacy, and relationships that teens are facing and which conversations are crucial to have with your teens - despite how awkward it may be!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesTeenage hookup culture is dangerous. And while most parents are aware of how scary and confusing it is for girls, society at large is neglecting a significant percentage of the participants: boys.Despite what social norms generally say about boys, young men have feelings too. Unfortunately, media and male role models are rarely depicted as anything but macho, “strong,” assertive, and sexually dominant. While parents may encourage their girls to play sports and stand up for themselves, it is still taboo to encourage teen boys to dance, craft, or be vulnerable. These cultural norms can have a huge impact on teen behavior across the gender spectrum, especially when it comes to (teenage hookup culture) their sexuality. Luckily, there are proven ways to mitigate harmful behavior.But norms are pervasive, and sending negative messages according to the gender binary, overt or subliminal, about how adolescents are supposed to act hurts everyone. Teen boys are “supposed” to be aggressive, impersonal, and sexually dominant. Girls face conflicting messages, locked into submissive, inanimate, prude, and sexually alluring roles. These messages create harmful expectations and behaviors, and when put to the test in today’s teenage hookup culture, your child could face the consequences. That’s why the focus of our Talking to Teens podcast this week is “What You Don’t Know About Teenage Hookup Culture.”This week, New York Times bestselling author, Peggy Orenstein, joins me for a candid discussion about her collection of books on teenage hookup culture. Her latest book, Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity (2020), explores how young men understand and negotiate the new rules of physical and emotional intimacy. It follows on the heels of Orenstein’s second foray into teen hookup culture from women’s perspectives, Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape (2016).Peggy conducted research for Boys and Sex through qualitative interviews about teen experiences with sexuality. She found that open communication and education about healthy sexual relationships mitigates the harmful behavior of teenage hookup culture. This works primarily by:Subverting Harmful MessagingPrioritizing Your Teen’s Safety and HappinessPromoting Mutual Empathy in RelationshipsIn the podcast, Peggy clued me in on how communication can be used to apply these virtues in successful parenting scenarios. We also discuss the gripping revelations from her other books, Schoolgirls (1995), Flux (2001), and Cinderella Ate My Daughter 2012. Her research is so important to the wellbeing of young adults navigating today’s teenage hookup culture that parents should absolutely hear what she has to say in detail. Here’s just a hint at her findings:How Much Do You Know About Teenage Hookup Culture?Teenage hookup culture is the social behavior of encouraging casual sex encounters. This practice isn’t inherently bad, but it is largely informed by harmful messaging about gender roles. One negative aspect of this messaging that Peggy’s books address is the emotional vacancy that boys are encouraged to adopt as part of their sexuality.The reason teenage hookup culture tells boys to reject intimacy is to take ownership of the people they have sex with. In movies and TV shows, the cool characters are often portrayed as womanizers or men with a long sexual history, highlighting their emotional callouses. These messages make it so that sex is about building social capital rather than empowering a partner and yourself. However, sex is an intimate act and is personal by nature. This is why teens turn to alcohol for a dangerous buffer to their emotions and general cognition.In our conversation, Peggy notes that teenage hookup culture is dependent on alcohol to create the sense of “compulsory carelessness.” When teens are urged to make their sexual relationships feel meaningless and treat them like commodities, they often turn to alcohol to numb their authentic selves. This dynamic can lead to substance abuse, violent relationships, and emotional trauma for the people involved.So how can parents mitigate these behaviors?The Benefits of Open CommunicationCommunicating openly is an opportunity for you to directly address the messages of teenage hookup culture that often conflict with teen’s emotional wellbeing. More than just the “birds and the bees” discussion or relaying the negative aspects of sexuality, teens should be encouraged to speak openly about their interests and inexperience.When we talk to our kids about sex, particularly girls, it’s usually in a protective context. We do this because we recognize how teenage hookup culture cultivates a destructive narrative around sexuality. One way that parents can undermine this narrative is by addressing locker room talk.Locker room talk is a perfect example of how these messages become ingrained in young adults. It’s also why male parents are commonly overprotective of their daughters. They know how women’s bodies and sexuality are discussed and naturally wish to protect their daughters from encountering such harm. But this toxic behavior also makes it so that boys cannot express their concerns about sexuality. As Peggy details in her book, boys that felt uncomfortable with the aggressive attitude of locker room talk were pressured into conformity.As it turns out, boys are as equally confounded as their female peers when it comes to sex, intimacy, and relationships. Almost all the information we give teens about sex is risk-based; that is, we tell our teens all the “bad” things that might happen, such as diseases, sexual assault, rape, pregnancy, and skip out on everything else. These messages, combined with the vernacular of locker room talk, create a very hostile perception of what sex is like.Parents can mitigate the harmful behavior of teenage hookup culture by creating a safe and secure space for teens to talk about their concerns. When teenagers feel like they have a trusted confidante to talk about these intimate matters, they’re m...

Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure and storied educator, shares the secrets of what makes teens successful in academics, at home, and in the world. If your teen does fail, Lahey knows where to look to find the silver lining.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesPicture the scene: your teen sends you a frantic message from school, telling you that they left an important piece of weekly vocab homework behind. You walk to their room, check their desk, and immediately spot their homework sitting off to the side of their desk, buried under an empty glass of water and their video game system. What is the right thing to do in this situation?Should you answer your kids wishes and bail them out?Or do you leave the homework behind and resume your day in order to make the daily briefing at your job on time?This is no easy dilemma for a parent to solve, and an even greater question is how to improve your life as a teenager to not make these mistakes.On one hand, you would allow your child to fail by not bringing their work to them. On the other hand, is it totally right to fix every problem for you child? The idea of failure so often challenges the deepest motivations of a person, and how one responds to failure is a defining aspect of character. Improvement from failure demonstrates a person’s fortitude and drive for success.Culturally, the idea of failure for children has been sometimes rejected by parents, as one of the core goals of parenthood is to raise your child to be successful. The mentality of “my kids are always right” can be exemplified as a parent meeting with their kid’s teacher in order to advocate for their child’s work, replacing a bad grade with one that the parent deems appropriate.How to improve your life as a teenager is a problem that I’ve had on my mind lately. We all know that failure is human because nobody is perfect. But how do we help teens learn how to improve your life as a teenager through failure?Failure has been on my mind because children who, say, always forget their homework but have Mom or Dad to save the day never learn the lesson of forgetting their homework. The lesson parents are telling their children is that they will always have someone to cover for their mistakes. This is not how to improve your life as a teenager. How is it possible for children and teens to improve into the best version of themselves if they are never forced to confront failure even once in their lives?With me this week on Talking to Teens is Jessica Lahey. Jessica is an astounding woman who has taught for years in middle school and high school, written the New York Times parent-teacher advice column, the Atlantic and Washington Post. Her book, The Gift of Failure, is a NYT bestseller and can be found in bookstores across the world, from Argentina to the United States and everywhere in between. Jessica is an expert on the idea of failure and how it should be used by parents to encourage teens on how to improve your life as a teenager, and I am so excited to have her with me this week!Solving the DilemmaThe product of steering kids away from failure makes them unable to cope with the idea of failure, and therefore are unable to find an angle to improve from their failure. By coincidence, Jessica had encountered the same conundrum of whether or not she should bring her child’s homework to school for them. Jessica was going to her son’s school that day for an unrelated reason, but she was faced with the dilemma of bringing her son’s homework to school, or leave it at home and force him to confront his mistake?Jessica decided to leave her son’s work at home, reasoning that she wanted to give him the chance to prove that he could adapt to his mistakes and learn how to improve your life as a teenager. When her son came home that day, he had already spent some time thinking about what had happened with his teacher. He told Jessica that he wanted to create a checklist so that he could practice remembering his homework every day. For the past couple years, Jessica’s son has made a checklist every year for the things he needs before he goes to school.This is a perfect demonstration of the positive learning and improvement that can arise from situations when teens are forced to confront the idea of failure. Moments of failure can be some of the strongest lessons for parents to use because the way teens respond to adversary is a core function of a human being. By being placed into situations where teens will be forced to confront their shortcomings, they will be able to learn how to improve your life as a teenager. For this reason, it is important that parents don’t maintain the façade of perfection with their children.Identifying Failure as GrowthIt could be difficult for a parent to understand how to improve your life as a teenager and when they can use failure as a moment to grow. One example of how to use a moment for growth is when your teen doesn’t complete a chore in the right manner. As a parent, your impulse might be to redo the chore in a manner that you are satisfied with, but this overrides the potential for your teen to grow in the situation.A good method to demonstrate how to improve your life as a teenager would be to bring your kid back in to the situation and explain to them why you aren’t satisfied with their chore. Asking them to fix the chore so that its done in an efficient and productive manner gives your child the chance to learn from their mistakes and practice methods to remember how to do it properly when they are asked again. Doing things right the first time can save teens a lifetime of stress.Additionally, it is good to remember that teens are teens, and nobody is perfect! They are still developing all the time, and it should be easy to forgive your young adult if they do make a mistake. Feeling afraid to fail is not how to improve your life as a teenager.Sometimes teens will totally forget how to load the dishwasher correctly, or where the broom is kept in the house. Forgiveness for instances of forgetfulness is a wonderful skill to assist parents when teaching their children failure. Kids become more and more competent with each passing day, and to expect them to be completely perfect is absurd. They’re absolutely better at emptying the dishwasher today than they were a year ago. Keeping a mindset over long-term growth can help parents be more comfortable in teaching failure, because you know that teens are always improving.In addition to how to improve your life as a teenager, Jessica and I discuss…“Learned Helplessness”Failure and the education systemThe fine line between “social jostling” and bullyingIdentifying your teens signalsHow to institute a routine “clean out”Thank you so much for tuning in! I hope that you have been able to take away some of this wonderful information Jessica Lahey shared about how to improve your life as a teenager. If you’re interested in learning more tips from Jessica on the art of failure, check out her book The Gift of Failure, available wherever books are sold. Have a great day! Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder tr...

Lisa Heffernan, co-founder and author of Grown & Flown, shares her vast knowledge on parenting during the late-teens and even early 20s. Our Kids may be more grown up, but it doesn’t mean parents don’t still have an important role to play!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesThe day will come when you have to drop off your child in their new room and go home without them. They’ll likely be smiling, waving as you depart, from their cozy new dorm room. It’s a surreal moment of mixed emotions to see your child grow up and start living on their own for the first time.The process of letting your teen go on their own can be frightening for parents. The world is vast and chaotic, and leaving your child to figure things out is both a time of pride and fear. On college drop-off day, it’s normal for parents to experience both excitement and dread.I have a lot of burning questions about this monumental moment.How can families prepare for a teen to leave the nest?Is it more important to teach teens about independence, or following the rules?Will teens be in danger without parental supervision?To get to the bottom of these questions, I interviewed Lisa Heffernan about control, the process of letting go, and finding a balance between it all as teens enter their own world.Lisa is the co-author of Grown and Flown, which collects information, advice, and helpful tips from teen experts about teens leaving home. Lisa was a parent who found herself without any helpful information on parenting tips from the ages of 15-25. This caused her to start the blog called Grown and Flown with her co-founder and collaborator Mary Dell Harrington. The blog has received millions of page views since the opening, and spurned Lisa and her team to go further by creating a Facebook group which has grown to over 130,000+ members.Today, Lisa helped answer everything about the art of letting go with hot topics such as helicopter parenting and monitoring your child’s grades. The trick, Lisa tells me, is to strike a balance between following rules and giving autonomy for your teen. Without being overprotective, here are a few of Lisa’s top insights and tips on creating a relationship that will guide your teen towards healthy choices and being grown and flown.Helicopter ParentingOne of the most common parenting tropes today is the idea of a “helicopter parent,” who ties to control every minutia of their teen’s life. Lisa says that the concept of being a helicopter parent is so undesirable that many parents are fraught with anxiety over their actions because they don’t want to be seen as a helicopter parent. Helicopter parenting can be a huge roadblock in having your teen become grown and flown.First, it is helpful to know what a helicopter parent is. Helicopter parenting would be returning to your teen’s dorm every week to clean and inspect their room. Or, another example of helicopter parenting would be to steer your child into a desired career field which will make them a lot of money over letting them choose a career on their own. Helicopter parenting is characterized by a parent’s overinvolvement in their child or teen’s life. By controlling your child down to the smallest level, teens aren’t able to form their own ideas about what they want to do or develop any sense of independence to become grown and flown.When teens aren’t able to establish an independent identity, there is a risk that they will not understand how to function when they are grown and flown. This can make the transition to independent living much more challenging for teenagers than it would have been if they had an idea of who they were before going on their own. In the worst cases, a teen having an identity crisis while they are living on their own can result in dangerous situations for both parties if they are unprepared. That is why it is so important to nurture independence in the household, and to strike a balance between the two when it comes to raising your teen.One tip to practice balancing independence and authority Lisa has identified is the oversight a parent maintains over the grades of their teenager. Technological advancements have allowed for student’s grades to be viewed on demand for parents instead of having to wait the entire semester to receive a report card. Many parents have access to their teen’s grades through the websites services that schools use to record this information, complete with their own password and login. Parents who slip into the “helicopter parent” mentality over their child’s academic performance might check their child’s grades daily, sometimes even twice or three times a day!Monitoring Your Child’s GradesI asked Lisa where here research has led her on the topic of monitoring grades, and parents can do this in a balanced manner. First, Lisa shared that it is important to keep an eye on how your teen is doing academically. If there are warning signs that your teen is struggling, then it is crucial to stay up-to-date on that information. However, parents do need to understand that they need to give their teen some form of autonomy over their grades and allow them to succeed or fail on their own.An example of helicopter parenting your teen’s grades would be hovering over the parent portal, waiting all day to see what they got on their most recent exam. This is not the way for a parent to go about checking grades. A better tip for parents to demonstrate trust in their teen is to take a step back from grade monitoring. This will absolutely build the skillset to make your teen grown and flown.On the other hand, don’t be an uninvolved parent. Being uninvolved in your teen’s grades would be forgetting to check on them, or blindly trusting your teen to report them to you. You want to give them autonomy, but at the same time parents shouldn’t be in a place where they can’t extend oversight to what their teens are doing. They are only teenagers, after all, and shouldn’t be expected to function as a grown and flown child.One tip for parents who want to develop trust between teens and their grades is by giving them the ability to try and fail on their own. Set some ground rules! You could tell your teen that you will only check their grades once a month, simply to stay up to date on how they are doing. Or, you could give them the option to report their grades to you, without even looking through the parent portal.By allowing your teen to practice accountability in their school life, you can help them achieve a better version of independent thought and allow them to build skills that will lead them to become grown and flown. Finding this balance between oversight and independence is challenging but is totally achievable for parents.You Can Achieve Grown and Flown Balance!Striking a balance between protection and independence extends into so many other areas of parenting as well. In the rest of the podcast, Lisa and I talk about achieving balance to prepare for the grown and flown days. Other topics include…Parenting and tracking software<...

Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, and Peaceful Parent, Happy Sibling, founded Aha! Parenting as a resource for parents who are struggling to control their disobedient, disrespectful, and/or depressive kid. Dr. Markham shares her secrets for how to flip punishment on its head and get the best possible results--and relationship--with your teen.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesYou caught your teen lying to you. He missed curfew, and the reason was NOT finishing a school project with his friend. One glance at his friend’s Instagram feed clearly shows the two of them at a party.Now you’re angry. Your teen has taken advantage of your trust, and you want justice. You might want to raise your voice and scream and yell. You might even want to punish him. But this is also where you might want to stop for a minute, and consider something about punishments for teenagers.More and more research is showing that coming up with punishments for teenagers doesn’t make them behave better. In fact, it’s more likely that punishing kids teaches them to become better liars. (More on that below!)If punishments for teenagers aren’t helping, though, what can parents do to enforce their own rules? To get some quality, scientifically-backed ideas, I spoke with Dr. Laura Markham.Dr. Markham is all about setting limits and enforcing boundaries without yelling or using punishments for teenagers. She earned her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Columbia University, and is the founder of the website Aha! Parenting. She is a parenting expert, a researcher, and the author of the books Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings, and Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook. And as a mother, herself, she knows the value of having a strong, emotional connection with your kids.So what is the number one thing we can learn from this parenting expert?An Emotionally Stable RelationshipThe first thing Dr. Markham wants parents to understand is that parenting is NOT a set of strategies. Parenting is a relationship. She wants parents to have a comprehensive plan for connecting with their teen. For her, the goal is to build a strong, trusting, and lasting relationship without reverting to old-fashioned punishments for teenagers.According to Dr. Markham, the first step for parents is to learn how to regulate their own emotions. Your kids, especially teenagers, know how to push your buttons. Sometimes it can feel like a personal attack. In these scenarios, though, she says it’s vitally important to take a breath and ask yourself,“Why does my kid feel the need to treat me this way right now?”Likely, the answer is that your teen doesn’t feel understood. It might also be possible that your teen doesn’t feel like you’re listening. Instead of dishing out punishments for teenagers when they act out, Dr. Markham suggests that parents pause and ask their teens,“Hey, what’s going on? What’s making you want to treat me this way?”.When you withhold anger from your teen, you make it easier for your child to connect with you. This feeds into the second step, which is learning how to reinforce that connection.CommunicationIn any relationship, a consistent line of open communication is extremely healthy. Without healthy, open communication, there is no relationship. In this way, you want to make it as easy as possible for your teen to talk to you. Here’s how:If your teen is struggling with a serious problem, you want your teen to tell you about it. However, giving punishments for teenagers who mess up makes them less likely to be open about their troubles in the future. Teens won’t share bigger school or friendship problems if they are afraid you will get angry, or punish them.If you yell at your teen for missing one school assignment, what kind of reaction will your teen expect when they want to voice something more serious? They might be too afraid to share more complex problems, like a friend who is touching them inappropriately. We don’t want that.Coaching Your ChildIf you can regulate your own emotions and teach your child that they can trust you with their problems, you’re on the right track! In fact, you’re ready for the advanced techniques… Next, comes Dr. Markham’s third step: coaching your child to be his or her best self.Teens need guidance working through new emotions, and it’s a parent’s job to be an emotionally-stable coach. By demonstrating calm, attentive, connectedness with your teen, you can meet them where they’re at, and help them work through their problems. Dr. Markham says showing off your inner-zen can help your kids feel deeply understood. They may not even feel the need to act out!Imagine that! A relationship with your teenager where they don’t feel like pressing your buttons and making you mad! Wow! And no punishments for teenagers were involved in the making of this relationship!Not Punishing Your KidsDr. Markham explains that the parent-child relationship is like any other relationship. There should be mutual care and respect. There will of course be arguments, but in a caring relationship where one person respects the other, there is no reason to punish.Not using punishments for teenagers when they cross the line might sound like a novel concept to some parents. If you’re still skeptical, Dr. Markham asks you to think about your own teen years. How did you react when your parents punished you? Did you think about how you messed up, and how you were going to behave better in the future? Probably not! You probably reacted by thinking about how unfair your parents were! You probably thought they were being mean, and that they didn’t understand what you were going through.Dr. Markham points out that punishments for teenagers only perpetuate their anger and holds their focus on the power struggle. If a teen is being punished for lying, they aren’t motivated to stop lying in the future. They are just motivated to be better at getting away with it to avoid punishment. They become better liars!To be clear, kids still need discipline. A better way to approach bad behavior is to encourage teens to reflect on their wrongdoing. Dr. Markham wants parents to recognize that punishments can ruin a teen’s motivation to reflect. So how do you motivate your kid to reflect on their mistakes?Teaching Kids the Importance of Your RelationshipLet’s say you get an email from a teacher explaining that your teenager has fallen behind on homework. This might be a surprise, especially if you asked your teen a wee...

Dr. Amy Alamar, author of The Parenting Project and Parenting for the Genius, takes insight from the educational sphere and applies it to practical parenting techniques to get through to your teen. Whether you have a teen that shuts down, or one that over-shares, Dr. Alamar has suggestions for exactly what to say when the tough conversations get going!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesDo you notice your teen shutting down and pushing you out? As teens strive to become individuals, they start to communicate less and less with parents. This is a common ‘side effect’ of growing up, but it isn’t all bad. Making decisions independently is a critical skill all teenagers need to learn. Although, if parents struggle to keep a close relationship with their teens, there can be more conflict and difficulty when it comes to teaching life lessons.Amy Alamar, author of The Parenting Project: Build Extraordinary Relationships With Your Kids Through Daily Conversation, believes the best way to know your child is through conversation. As an experienced teacher and researcher, Amy uses academic research and psychological concepts to break down the most effective ways to communicate with teens. Her methods involve daily techniques you can use to build extraordinary relationships through conversation. Even when it comes to the most trying topics!In this episode of the podcast, we cover everything from managing our reactions to word-for-word scripts for the toughest situations. Here are some of the major takeaways.Recognize Your ReactionsCertain types of conversation make us act and react differently, we can’t help it. And sometimes our apparent shock or frustration can cause a teen to back out of the dialogue. As parents, if we’re discussing something that makes us afraid, like our teen driving for the first time, our emotions are heightened. We have a totally different energy than if we were talking to our teens about intimacy, or being a self-advocate.Amy advises that we walk our teens through our own emotions so they aren’t put off by a genuine reaction. Simply explaining, “I’m not judging you, I’m just surprised,” can make a world of difference. It might take a minute to calm down, but it’s important to let your teen know that you want to have a fair conversation without reactions speaking louder than reason. We also discuss the value of finding the right tone and setting, even when we’re upset and can’t keep up a solid ‘poker face.’Let Your Child SpeakAmy shares how staying quiet and letting your child speak can be the key to having meaningful conversation. For example, asking open ended questions like, “how did you feel about that?” can inspire a teen to be more open. Amy also suggests we point out situations in TV shows and movies to facilitate dialogue about touchy topics like drug use or peer pressure. It feels non-confrontational and lets your teen speak their mind freely, as it’s about a fictional scenario.Plus, we outline the difference between whole-family and one-on-one conversations, as well as how to let our children bring up their thoughts about the future, so we don’t make assumptions about their path. Above all else, Amy highlights how to be on your teen’s team, always.Navigate Risks and Limits“We’re not their friends, we’re they’re parents.” This impactful statement from Amy regards setting expectations and holding our teens to them. We have to be bold about setting limits, but at the same time, we must recognize that it’s the purpose of a teenager to push limits, take risks, and try new things. So, our job is less about being strict, and more about talking our teens through their decision making and coming up with appropriate natural consequences when they make certain choices.In this episode, Amy coaches parents how to teach their teens about making decisions, learning from mistakes, identifying parents’ concerns, and forming plans to address those concerns.Master Difficult ConversationsThere are so many tricky conversations that Amy has methods for mastering. If your child has a friend that you don’t like, Amy knows just how to handle it. She mentions that one of the worst things you can do is say, “You can’t be friends with that person,” or judge that person, because the minute you judge them, your child will start to shut down. Instead, she recommends ways to influence our teen’s decision making.She has tips for talking about the most dreaded topic of all too: teenage sex. Some of her talking points include the importance of intimacy, being present, and having consent for an enjoyable experience. Rather than encourage or forbid sex, her approach focuses on how to have the best relationship, and what it takes to achieve that.We even go into detail about what to say when someone breaks your child’s trust, elaborating on empathy and apologies. This episode is packed with useful suggestions to conquer all sorts of challenging discussions you’ll have with your teens! Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Jenifer Fox, author of Your Child’s Strengths and an education expert, covers the three areas to watch for strengths: learning, relationships, and activities. The key is to embrace your teens strengths, even though on the surface they might seem “different.”Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesRiiiiiing! Out of nowhere, your phone disrupts another day at work. The name of your teen son’s high school flashes across the screen as you reach to answer. A few thoughts cross your mind. Is your son hurt? Did something happen at school? Is he in trouble? As you raise the phone to your ear, the voice of the assistant principal comes through the line.“Your son’s been having a problem focusing recently. Unfortunately, he’s proven to be a repeated distraction to the learning environment, so we’ve had to pull him from class for the rest of the day. Can you come pick him up?”In an instant, your mind is filled with ideas as to why your son has become a distraction. As a kid, he was an endless ball of energy, jumping over couches and climbing trees in the yard. He might’ve burned you out at times, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a capable learner.He loves science, and he is an avid reader when he isn’t running around outside. Hearing that he’s been pulled out of class troubles you, because you know about his deep passion for learning. When a school can’t see the potential in their kid, parents need to know how to help a teenager find themselves.To answer these thoughts, I invited Jenifer Fox to discuss how to help a teenager find themselves. Jenifer has a Master’s in School Administration from Harvard and heads the Berkshire Country Day School in Massachusetts. After many years tracking child development, she wrote the book Your Child’s Strengths in which she explains the methods to discovering, developing and activating the strengths of your teenager. This week, we investigate how teenagers can recognize learning strengths and how parents can help!Different Strokes for Different FolksJenifer has plenty of advice for how to help a teenager find themselves when faced with learning challenges at school. The academic learning environment, where teens are expected to sit still for an hour and listen to a lecture doesn’t work for everybody. Jenifer says in many cases, it’s not that the teen can’t learn in the academic environment, but that academic learning might not be a strength of your teen. Humans have a number of methods to learn information, and not everyone is geared toward academic learning. Some other forms of learning include:Active learningVisual learningAudio learningAccording to Jenifer, even if your teen isn’t a strong academic learner, there is a chance your teen is a strong active or visual learner. By understanding the different learning strengths of teenagers, parents will learn how to help a teenager find themselves.How to use learning strategies to help your teenParents who are looking for how to help a teenager find themselves should try to use different learning strategies as supplementary methods to approach their studies. By approaching one subject from a variety of learning methods, teens will be able to understand their topic in a more thorough manner. Unfortunately, our education system is built around one style of academic learning, and there isn’t much parents can do to change the way school is taught.However, parents wondering how to help a teenager find themselves can optimize their learning by identifying the best strategy for their kid. Jenifer recommends parents watch out for certain traps and opportunities to help teenagers practice good learning strategies. Here are some tricks for how to do this.Don’t talk down to TeensAvoid Critiquing your teenIt might be easy for parents to identify where their teen is struggling, but merely pointing out where someone faces obstacles doesn’t help anybody improve. Critiquing someone is a negative way to point out deficiencies, and neither teens nor adults are receptive to this form of help.For example, if a parent were to point out to their teenager where they’re struggling in academic learning, the parent is focusing on the negatives of the situation and that doesn’t teach them how to improve.Avoid telling your teen their strengthsParents wondering how to help a teenager find themselves shouldn’t tell kids what strengths they have. Parents will likely be able to understand some learning strategies that might create success or failure for teens. However, teenagers are less likely to follow parental advice if a parent spells out everything for their teenager.If you’re a parent who doesn't know how to help a teenager find themselves, it’s likely because you’re not aware of their exact strengths. If a parent were to tell a teenager what learning strategy is best, the parent might steer a teen down the wrong path and into more learning troubles. Parents should be weary of steering their teen in a certain direction, as it can have negative consequences on your teen’s learning.For example, if a teen normally completes homework after a sports practice, pushing the teen into a higher level of competition might exhaust them and cause their grades to decline.Be a TeacherObservation as a positive strategyParents should make good observations about teenagers to play the role of teacher when it comes to learning strategies. By observing how your teenager finds success, parents will be able to guide teenagers towards constructive long-term solutions to learning problems.For example, if a teenager is regularly productive when they complete homework right after returning from a sport, take note! Keeping track of minor details like this can help parents understand how to help a teenager find themselves and discover the best learning strategies. When parents observe this information, they can talk with their teens to see if they agree about when they are most productive. Identifying this pattern could empower your teen to make a positive change in their habits.Ask teens about their preferencesA more constructive way for how to help a teenager find themselves is for parents to ask about how their teenager prefers to study. Asking introspective questions to your teen will help their understanding of good learning strategies, which is a huge benefit as teens grow into adults.Some templates for asking a teen about their study preferences are:Why do you study like that?Is there a reason to how you organize work?When does it feel good for you to study?By listening to teen’s answers about learning preferences, parents will be able to learn how to help a teenager find themselves. Teens can take the insight gained via a discussion of learning habits and use that knowledge to build a more productive schedule. An optimized schedule will help teens maximize their learning both i...

Mike Adamick, author of Raising Empowered Daughters, shares his insights on avoiding negative cultural narratives to raise strong girls. And how we raise boys is an important piece of the puzzle too.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesAs parents, we want our kids to grow up with a sense of equality. We want them to know that both boys and girls are capable of greatness, that regardless of their gender, they’re free to follow their wildest dreams. That’s why it’s frustrating when we see sexist attitudes or gender inequality perpetuated by major retailers or movie franchises. It can feel like there’s little you can do as a parent to protect your kid from these potentially harmful ideas. We want to steer our teens clear of these influences, but it’s tough to find ways of avoiding negative cultural narratives about gender.Even outside of our modern media, troublesome ideas about gender can be found in our daily lives, amongst our friends and neighbors. They’re buried within phrases like “boys will be boys”, hidden behind casual remarks about women’s bodies, present in small ways in our conversations at the office or around the dinner table. Sexist ideas pass under our noses every day, often without attracting attention— even though they definitely should!Our guest today is Mike Adamick, the author of Raising Empowered Daughters: a Dad to Dad Guide. Mike is here to talk to us about avoiding negative cultural narratives about gender that may be affecting our kids, and how we can make small, but important changes within our communities and social circles.As a stay-at-home dad and the father of a daughter, Mike knows what it’s like to tackle parenthood head on. He was inspired to write a book about avoiding negative cultural narratives when he found himself getting angrier and angrier over the hurtful messages he saw targeted at his daughter and other young girls. He wanted parents to understand these cultural forces and their effects, but he also wanted to share ways that we can fight against sexism in our everyday lives, to make the world a better, more equal place for young people.Cultural AttitudesMike provides many examples of how damaging cultural messages about gender are being spread to young people. These ideas can be sensed in movies, marketing, retail--in more places than you’d expect! He talks specifically about clothing: how many large clothing chains offer very different products for boys and girls, and how these products send strong messages to young people about who they’re supposed to be based on their gender.For example, Mike points out that clothes for boys are usually roomy and contain exciting slogans and images, encouraging males to be active and pursue their dreams. Girls, on the other hand, are often sold tight fitting clothing that restricts their movement, with much less exciting pictures and messages. This disparity in available wardrobe is a signal to girls that they don’t have the same freedoms as boys, that they are meant to look nice, to be satisfied with less ambition.If we take a look at popular culture, it’s not hard to find inequality there as well. Mike talks about the promotional materials for the recent release of The Force Awakens, the much buzzed about, long awaited seventh installment in the Star Wars saga. Mike was excited to show his daughter the first released picture of the film’s cast, knowing that there would be a female heroine. Upon viewing the photo, however, Mike was ot excited but appalled by the gender imbalance in the photo.Although the main character was female, the photo was otherwise entirely filled with male characters. This frustrated Mike. He wants to live in a world where his daughter can see tons of tough women on screen, working together to battle evil, instead of just one token female character in an otherwise male dominated universe.It sometimes seems as if there’s no way of avoiding negative cultural narratives like these. Unfortunately, we don’t really have the ability to call up the CEO of Disney or H&M and demand a widespread change. All hope is not lost, however. Mike talks about how we can act locally. He describes changes we can implement in our homes and communities, to help stop harmful messages about gender from gaining traction so that our kids can grow up knowing that equality matters.Making Change In Your Inner CircleAlthough it may seem insignificant to try to talk about avoiding negative cultural narratives with your small circle of friends and neighbors, these efforts can have a rippling effect. Spreading positive messages in your own community can be the beginning of creating major change.Avoiding negative cultural narratives can be difficult when certain gender ideals have heavily infiltrated our society. One pervading cultural idea that Mike really dislikes is the notion of “boys will be boys.” This term generally implies that the actions that boys take are not “their fault”-- but just a result of biology. It implies that males are inherently violent or disrespectful, and therefore can’t be blamed for acting out of line.To Mike, this represents the crazy double standard we have when it comes to raising children of different genders. It spreads the message that men and boys can do whatever they like, without being held accountable! It also harms men and boys by placing them under pressure to meet certain cultural constructs about masculinity and what it means to be a “man.” It portrays manhood as being impervious to social rules, being rude and disrespectful, taking what you want without consideration for others.Mike believes that not just avoiding negative cultural narratives but reframing them are necessary, especially when it comes to ones that enable inappropriate behavior. To do this, we need to think about the way we talk to others about stereotypes.When it comes to talking to our friends and neighbors, objecting to these cultural stereotypes can help us create a healthier, more positive environment for our growing teens. Say you’re at a barbecue with your neighbors, and you overhear someone excusing their son’s bad behavior, saying “boys will be boys.” Although it may be awkward to interject, consider speaking up and against this idea, asking why it seems so easy to use this phrase and waive consequences for young boys. Your friends and neighbors might not be used to challenging these notions, but by encouraging discussion on these ideas, you can work on avoiding negative cultural narratives in your community.Bringing the Conversation HomeAlthough it’s good to spread the idea of avoiding negative cultural narratives to your friends, talking to our own kids is just as important. Teenagers are subject to many cultural influences on a daily basis, so it’s important to help them decode the messages they receive from outside sources about gender roles.For example, the other side of the “boys will be boys” idea is a cultural implication that girls are delicate, polite and well mannered. This can be harmful to girls because it restricts them from expressing all the rage, passion, and excite...

Dr. Robert Keith Wallace, author of Dharma Parenting and an expert in the physiology-psychology connection, joins us for a lively discussion on how your teen's (and your) brain-body type may be affecting your relationship. Dr. Wallace clues us into the scientifically backed Ayurvedic doshas - vata, pitta, and kapha - and how to deal with each type.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesParents Just Don’t UnderstandMaybe you love that your teen is a free spirit who dances to the beat of their own drum—but would it kill them to not leave every room in complete shambles? Maybe you love that your teen is so laid-back and easy going—until you leave them at home all day to finish their essay and when you return, they’re still watching TV and haven’t even written a word. Of course you love your teen with every fiber of your being, but that doesn’t mean you love everything they do. You want to encourage your kids to follow their instincts and be themselves but you get so exasperated when they insist on doing things the exact opposite way you would.Any attempt at understanding the teenage brain seems laughable and impossible. Every teenager is different, some let rejection roll off their back and others burst into tears when you give them the tiniest bit of criticism. Maybe all it takes for your daughter to get over a breakup is a fun filled day of shopping at the mall. But for your son, a breakup may send him into a spiral that’ll take him weeks to get out of. They might not believe it, you were once the same hormonal, moody, and angsty teenager as they are. But was understanding the teenage brain this difficult for your parents? How do your teens have half your DNA yet react to things so differently?What if there was a way of understanding the teenage brain that could make miscommunications between you and your teen obsolete (or at least a lot less frequent). Seem impossible? According to Dr. Robert Keith Wallace, it’s not. Wallace is the author of Dharma Parenting: Understand Your Child’s Brilliant Brain for Greater Happiness, Health, Success, and Fulfillment. He is a pioneer in physiology of consciousness research and has published work in the American Journal of Physiology and Scientific American. Along with his research in physiology, Wallace has studied the ancient Indian practice of Ayurveda for decades and has incorporated his findings into his book. Wallace is an expert in brain-body connections and has some excellent tips on understanding the teenage brain and stopping triggers that may be provoking your teen and you.Multiple PersonalitiesWallace states that understanding the teenage brain using Ayurvedic practices requires you to know three main brain-body types: pitta, vata, and kapha. These are essentially personality types that dictate how people behave in different situations. Pittas are the quintessential type-A personality; they are driven, regimented, and competitive. They prefer to be in charge and don’t like to be unprepared. Vata personalities are quite the opposite; they’re free-spirited, creative, adaptable, and adventurous. They’re often the life of the party and aren’t huge fans of staying on a schedule. Kaphas are easy going, even-keeled, affectionate, and reliable. They’re textbook Type-B personalities that are easy to get along with but can easily fade into the background in social settings. Knowing these three brain-body types are beneficial in understanding the teenage brain because identifying your teen’s type and your type will make it easier to manage daily life and resolve conflicts.Dr. Wallace can help you identify your teen’s brain-body type through his own experiences with his teens. He recognizes the telltale signs that you might not notice in your family to help you understand how these temperaments really look.After figuring out your teen’s brain-body type, you can better identify the triggers that cause them to be upset. For example, your pitta teen is furious at a boy for canceling on them last minute to go to the movies. You think “What’s the big deal, can’t they just reschedule?” Upon further reflection of their brain-body type you come to realize that pitta’s are the type to maintain a strict schedule. They are diligent about getting their school work done and want to make sure all their ducks are in a row before doing something fun and frivolous. They’re not the type to simply blow off their homework and go to the movies—and the fact that this boy told your teen last minute “Hey, I have a thing tonight and I gotta bail. You get it, right?” has put their whole night out of whack. Understanding the teenage brain by knowing your teen’s brain-body type can make it a lot easier to determine what your teen is actually upset about, especially if you are a different type yourself.Wallace states that the next step in understanding the teenage brain is helping your teens get along with people of alternate brain-body types. Say your daughter’s a kapha. She’s sensitive and empathetic, calm in times when everyone else is stressed, and she seems to take everything in stride. On the other hand, your son’s a vata. He’s always up for adventure, loves sharing his ideas with anyone who’ll listen, and he’s always brightening your day with his sunny disposition. As wonderful as they might be on their own, your daughter and son’s different brain-body types may cause them to butt heads. Conflict can arise when your son pressures your daughter to go to a loud concert that she feels totally out of place in. Or if your daughter forces her brother to stay in all night watching a TV marathon when he’d so rather be at the amusement park. To resolve conflicts like this, Wallace urges parents’ to act as moderators in their children’s interactions. For example, if you have a kapha child you need to make sure they have a voice in conversations, since they often let others overshadow them. For vata’s, let them speak first, so they can get all their energy and crazy ideas out of the way. For pitta’s, who tend to dominate conversations, urge them to hear out other people’s ideas before sharing their own opinions. Wallace provides other techniques for creating a harmonious balance amongst the different brain-body types in the episode.The Right Type of AttentionIn addition to understanding the teenage brain and identifying the three main brain-body types, Wallace also discusses the importance of identifying the difference between the right and the wrong type of attention you give to your teens. Teens need positive affirmations, support, and someone to confide in. They don’t need a parent who is judgmental, hard to please, and who puts too much pressure on them. This type of negative attention can create a lack of confidence in teens and can make them believe that they are incapable of ever achieving success, which is oftentimes the opposite effect parents intended to have on their children. Wallace says though hard, there is a way for teens to recover from negative experiences and rebuild their self esteem. To hear his solution for overcoming teen abuse, tun...