Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Who needs sleep? If you think about your best parenting moments vs. your more challenging ones I think we could venture to say that sleep OR lack of sleep would be a BIG contender. We have all been there. We move fluidly through that familiar bedtime routine, finish that last Llama Llama page, kisses, lights out….. We are no further from the kitchen when we hear “Mooooooooooom”!!! or Daaaaaaadddddeeeeeeeeeeee”! Sigh.Mama Christine posted this week about her daughter’s sleep struggles “oh, tribe, apologies for the long post, but I'm in dire need of some help. bedtime. dear lord, my daughter is 5, and it. is. brutal. her bedroom is on the first floor, mine is upstairs. she's often hungry before bedtime, so we usually do a snack like high fat yogurt and fruit. after bedtime jobs are done, i read to her, we sing, and say our goodnights...generally 20ish minutes. nearly every night, she's out of bed for any number of 'reasons': need to say goodnight to the dog, still hungry, thirsty, needs to say something to me, needs to ask me a question, needs another hug, says she can't sleep (within minutes of me leaving her bedroom) and the list goes on”. Christine is not alone here, otherwise there would not be a book called Go the F@ck to Sleep . Let’s break this struggle down, so Christine can get some sleep and her little one can feel peaceful slumber.What you will hear:·     Iceberg view – top of the iceberg; requests, getting our of bed, one last… Under the surface; belonging and significance, influence, connection·     Mischief showing up when we have misguided ideas about belonging and significance·     Getting curious, noticing lack of skills to complete task (ie going to sleep)·     Getting curious so we can be solution minded, see where child has influence·     Children long for connection, they settle for attention·     Creating routines that help kids know what is happening and allowing them to have influence·     Making agreements to help kids create boundaries·     What is my child’s perspective?·     Asking how am I feeding this problem?Link to Deborah MacNamara Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...:::::Kate Orson is a Hand in Hand parenting instructor, and author of Tears Heal: How To Listen To Children is on the podcast today! Originally from the UK she now lives in Basel, Switzerland, with her husband, author Toni Davidson, and their four year old daughter Ruby.You can find her work in parenting magazines including The Green Parent, Juno and Smallish.What you’ll hear in this episode: An introduction to Hand in Hand Parenting Children’s natural healing abilities Helping to attune to a child in a calm manner The benefits of crying Need for cortisol to be released from a stressful event It’s crucial children have safe space to release stress How to find ways to connect, special time Learn to listen to your children’s emotions Signs to look for in distressed children Getting out of our need to “fix it” or “stop it” response Children will release on their own terms Be available and take an interest in them  Quotes:“I think our entire culture has this mental block when it comes to crying”.“I came across this different way of listening to the emotions. It’s reframing the way we view tears. It’s about listening and allowing the feelings”.“Children need safety to let go of feelings”.What does Joyful Courage mean to you?“I would say parenting is really really hard work. Sometimes we make mistakes and it may seem really hard to get up the next day and embrace it as a fresh day. We should have the Joyful Courage to embrace the challenges of parenting”.Where to find Kate:website I Facebook I Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Casey is solo!One of the most effective and accessible tools in Positive Discipline, which fully connects our kids to significance and belonging, is the offer and the counter-offer. Casey and her very special guest, Melany, discuss the best way to use offers and counter-offers.What you’ll hear in this episode:·     My eight year old niece chimes in on why having the option to counter offer helps her feel happy ·     Imagine aligning your vision of boundaries and expectations with that of your child’s ·     Building life long skills in processing, communicating and self confidence ·     An effective tool that helps build feelings of belonging and significance ·     What are non-negotiables vs.negotiables ·     How opening up the opportunity for your child to have a voice will help them ease into non-negotiables with healthy cooperation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of two New York Times bestsellers: The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline. She is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, CA and a pediatric and adolescent psychotherapist. She keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world. Dr. Bryson earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology. You can learn more about her at TinaBryson.com, where you can subscribe to her blog and read her articles about kids and parenting.:::::What you will hear in this episode: How Dr. Dan Siegal and Tina collaborated on THE WHOLE-BRAINED CHILD How science can help guide parents in really profound ways Programs, communities and in which Dr. Bryson’s work is taught The importance of HOW are parent shows up to the nervous system of a developing child How getting CURIOUS with your child creates gateways into building important life skills and self regulation How making ASSUMPTIONS delays or stops tool building; ie, taking behavior personal, over explaining behavior, making character assumptions, if they did it once they should be able to consistently complete task/request Paying attention to a developing nervous system If the nervous system is not regulated the child cannot have choice over behavior How to influence the nervous system in both self and child Identification of Dr. Bryson and Dr. Siegals emotional “ZONES”; Red Zone, Blue Zone, Green Zone The Frontal Cortex is not developed yet Children do not have the architecture to control “reptilian brain” / “fight or flight” in red or blue zones – difficulty paying attention, learning, regulating Tools/techniques to get in “green zone” – regulated, calm, empathetic, attune Behavior is communicating child’s lack of skills When to seek out professional help Self regulation – be gentle and kind with ourselves (reference Kristin Neff, of self-compassion.org) New techniques require time and PRACTICE Calming strategy when child is disregulated- get BELOW eye level and use soothing words including “I’m right here with you” Brain associates with physical state – floppy noodle technique Body shift can help shift emotions How discipline is teaching We need to give children tools not take them away Thoughts on consequences Key actions of soothing, connection, problem-solving, playfulness and being pro-active build a “whole-brained” child How to recognize our own “zones” and practice getting/staying into “green zone”  Where to find Dr. Tina Bryson:tinabryson.com – infinite resources to put into practice! Facebook l TwitterWhat to watch for:New books by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson The YES Brain - January 2018 Showing Up – TBD Info from the Show:Lantern CampsKristin Neff, of self-compassion.orgCamp Chippewa http://campchippewa.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to the show!Let me share my own story from the trenches… You aren’t the only one who has kids who act like you are ruining their lives when you ask them to help our around the house… AND, it is a beautiful thing when your kids turn it around and own their behavior, right? It is a good thing, yes, but I am getting curious about if I am inadvertently raising a people pleaser….?? A question from the communityMama Denise shares “Literally losing my mind on first day of summer vacation over iPads. I don't have an ounce of energy for a single tool. I'm the worst mom ever, according to my daughter (5y 10mos). And my 7 1/2 yo son "needs this mower" on a farm simulator game. Literally feel like pitching these machines in the dumpster. Thank you for listening.”These are the struggles where we can release most of the load and pull our kids into co-creation. Casey takes Denise’s familiar scenario and leads us through the practice of intention, presence and solution. Showing up intentionally, rather than reactively Creating intention and applying it to our lens and presence Noticing the ease of intention when the ride is smooth and the rockiness when things fall apart Creating routines that help kids know what is happening and allowing them to have influence Making agreements to help kids create boundaries Identifying needs vs. privileges. ex. Screen time – it is a privilege Privilege comes after contributions Difference between contribution vs. chores A privilege differs from a reward It’s not about “earning”, it’s about “management” Guiding kids to have a voice in solutions when they feel an agreement or routine is not working Seeing the tip of the iceberg and KNOW that beneath the surface is a request for boundaries Allowing children a voice means we hold them as contributors to the cause Children are more likely to follow through when they have a voice in the creation of the agreement Introducing offer and counter offer tool – teaches parent how to let go of agenda, control and rigidity Sharing power when stakes are low  Resources:Routine Handout Agreement HandoutQuotes:“There are ways of being that support us in the journey.”“Everything is an opportunity to grow, to be better, and to be curious.”“Underneath all of the behavior all of the challenges and mischief that shows up is the underlying need for belonging, significance and influence. Our children only have so many years of life to filter and make sense of it.”“In the co-creation of routines and agreements the underlying message is that the child’s voice matters.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Meet Kerry Foreman, psychotherapist, mother, wife and mindfulness guide. Kerry’s practice and blog, Grounded, settles around mindfulness awareness and the practice to live a life you’ll truly love. After a tough childhood, Kerry recognized that the tools she had to cope with life were unhealthy. Life her threw her some tough lessons, but by surrounding herself with healthy people she began to open the gifts of healthy practices, which began her healing journey. One by one she was able to acknowledge the unhelpful coping mechanisms and could then change and design how she wanted to live. Kerry lives in Colorado with her family. Her blog, Grounded, is a place for those who find strength in uplifting words and real, raw stories. It’s for those who love the idea of Mindfulness but maybe have no idea what that even looks like in real life. Kerry’s passion is to help people learn to live with a clearer lens.:::::What you’ll hear in this episode: Recognition of FOO (Family of Origin) patterns and the call to make changes Psychological/verbal/emotional abuse trains us react rather than respond Noticing patterns such as shame, guilt and anger – where do they originate? Becoming a parent can bring these to the surface. How do we recognize where we need to change? Learning to respond instead if react Understand and reflect on our own parents’ experience Creating change and becoming aware of our own inner state of being Mindfulness practice influences the shift into better relationships How do we become grounded in order to stay balanced and present in mind no matter what is happening around us? Where control plays a role in mindfulness and the contrast in anxiety What do we chose to believe – what is the story we play in our minds? Self talk of being a victim – recognizing the language Expectations of others and how to stay mindful and in control while at the same time releasing what we are not in control of.  What does Joyful Courage mean to me?“Joyful Courage is finding the joy in being brave enough to parent differently. Finding a new path in order to allow our kids to be who they were meant to be.”Where to find Kerry:YouTube l Facebook l Twitter l BLOG Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Casey takes listeners through real scenarios shared by our parenting community. She takes us through the process of connecting before correcting, so that we can create solutions with our kids. She invites listeners to recognize the tools we are using that aren't helpful, and shares how to replace them with tools that help us connect. while also guiding them to work together and find solutions that empower them.What you’ll hear in this episode: How to show up and hold space for problem solving with your kids Becoming aware of the rigidity and resistance when disciplining their kids Recognize that often the best solutions come directly from our kids Becoming aware of non-judgment and non-attachment and understand how this can positively influence the parent/child relationships What does it look like to surrender and how this can become a practice of modeling Understanding their developmentally appropriate behavior is not against parents – it’s their developmental phase. Brain development plays a major role in behaviors.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yup. I interviewed my family. Really it was all in celebration of my husband for Father's Day. Listen in as we talk about a range of things from our birth story, to how AWESOME it is to be married to a parent educator, and advice for moms on how to talk to dads about parenting.Also, special guests appearances by my kids, who talk about what they love about their dad - from the early years to now.Let me know what you think!!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Casey invites fellow Positive Discipline Coach, Melissa Benaroya, to discuss surviving Summer Break. In this episode they offer practical tools and solutions to set you and your family up for a successful summer. Two to three months is a long time to keep your kids occupied and stimulated. Get an insight into the importance of boredom and why you don’t have to plan every single second of your children’s vacation. Tune in and learn how routine and summer coexist to help you have fun too! Melissa is a neighbor here in the Pacific Northwest. In addition to being a mother of two, Melissa has a Masters degree in Social Work, is a Credentialed School Counselor and a Certified Gottman Educator. You can find more about Melissa at melissabenaroya.com.What you’ll hear in this episode: The value in creating a summer consistency so your family knows what to expect. Why routines are not confining but an invitation to freedom. How consistency helps encourages children to manage themselves. Why moments of boredom are necessary and the benefits it offers growing kids! How to use mindfulness when creating a summer schedule. Tools are discussed to set up family agreements on everything from daily schedules to screen time use! You’ll learn how to involve your kids in creating a fun summer everyone will enjoy!  What does Joyful Courage mean to you?I think when I hear those two words side by side I think of having the courage to take risks and the joy that can result. Take some risks this summer and encourage your kids to do the same!Where to find Melissa:Facebook l TwitterHer book, “The Childproof Parent” is available on Amazon MELISSA'S WRITING HAS BEEN FEATURED IN: HUFFINGTON POST, PARENTMAP MAGAZINE, & NORTH STATE PARENT MAGAZINE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The first thing that stuck out about our next guest, Jeanne-Marie Paynel is her passion for lifelong learning. In addition to raising two beautiful children, Jeanne-Marie holds a Masters in Education, is the founder and CEO of Voila Montessori and is a Positive Discipline trainer. After reading Dr. Montessori’s work “The Secret of Childhood” she discovered a passion for guiding children and families in healthy parenting approaches. She wanted parents to appreciate the true importance of their role – not as servants or teachers, but as supporters and guides of their children’s natural development. This need in the global community prompted her to launch Voila Montessori, an accessible resources to guide parents in the Montesorri tradition and the Positive Discipline approach.What you’ll hear in this episode: It’s important to empower our children not enable them Setting up a prepared environment for your children’s learning The Montessori philosophy and how it helps children and families today Ways Positive Discipline and the Montessori method merge to provide support The benefits of a child’s freedom of movement and choice in their own environment Tools to help families nurture their child’s potential How to access Montessori methods and find an appropriate educational environment for your child.  What does Joyful Courage mean to you?Joyful Courage – to me for one what comes to mind is being aware of how lucky we are – the practice of gratitude is what brings me great joy. In the context of Montessori, being in awe of what your children are going through, their evolution, their adaptation to the world. Courage is speaking up for what is, and accepting at times that we might be wrong. That we might of not interacted with our child the way that would’ve felt better and to be okay with going to your child and saying “I didn’t like the way I did that” “I’m going to better next time”- It’s courageous for adults to say to a child that “I did something wrong”. Being aware that we are not perfect and we are learning next to them.Quotes:“We are not our children’s servants. We are here to empower them to do things for themselves”.“My child was going to be my guide in my parenting journey”. (a realization)“A child is an adult in the making”.Where to find Jeanne-Marie:Voila Montessori - http://www.voilamontessori.com/en/Pinterest l Facebook l YouTube l VimeoEbooks and Resources from Jeanne-Marie Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices