Eps 99: Casey is Solo Exploring Boundaries, Agreements and Screen Time

Welcome back to the show!

Let me share my own story from the trenches… You aren’t the only one who has kids who act like you are ruining their lives when you ask them to help our around the house… AND, it is a beautiful thing when your kids turn it around and own their behavior, right? It is a good thing, yes, but I am getting curious about if I am inadvertently raising a people pleaser….?? 

A question from the community

Mama Denise shares “Literally losing my mind on first day of summer vacation over iPads. I don't have an ounce of energy for a single tool. I'm the worst mom ever, according to my daughter (5y 10mos). And my 7 1/2 yo son "needs this mower" on a farm simulator game. Literally feel like pitching these machines in the dumpster. Thank you for listening.”

These are the struggles where we can release most of the load and pull our kids into co-creation. Casey takes Denise’s familiar scenario and leads us through the practice of intention, presence and solution.

• Showing up intentionally, rather than reactively
• Creating intention and applying it to our lens and presence
• Noticing the ease of intention when the ride is smooth and the rockiness when things fall apart
• Creating routines that help kids know what is happening and allowing them to have influence
• Making agreements to help kids create boundaries
• Identifying needs vs. privileges. ex. Screen time – it is a privilege
• Privilege comes after contributions
• Difference between contribution vs. chores
• A privilege differs from a reward
• It’s not about “earning”, it’s about “management”
• Guiding kids to have a voice in solutions when they feel an agreement or routine is not working
• Seeing the tip of the iceberg and KNOW that beneath the surface is a request for boundaries
• Allowing children a voice means we hold them as contributors to the cause
• Children are more likely to follow through when they have a voice in the creation of the agreement
• Introducing offer and counter offer tool – teaches parent how to let go of agenda, control and rigidity
• Sharing power when stakes are low

Resources:

Routine Handout Agreement Handout

Quotes:

“There are ways of being that support us in the journey.”

“Everything is an opportunity to grow, to be better, and to be curious.”

“Underneath all of the behavior all of the challenges and mischief that shows up is the underlying need for belonging, significance and influence. Our children only have so many years of life to filter and make sense of it.”

“In the co-creation of routines and agreements the underlying message is that the child’s voice matters.”

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