Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today’s guest is Nathalie Savell of the Empowering Stepmoms Summit. Natalie is a holistic psychotherapist, a certified holistic health coach and a certified stepmom coach. She sees psychotherapy clients dealing with anxiety and life transition challenges, relationship issues and spiritual disease in person, via video chat and through walk and talk sessions in Baltimore, Maryland and coaches stepmoms virtually to help them go from overwhelm, confusion, stress and resentment to confidence, clarity and connection. We are discussing thriving in step parenting. Join us!“People have more power than they think. I hear a lot of stepmoms feel so out of control and so disempowered by the ex, the kids, whatever their partner is doing and there is support out there.""It doesn't take as much as you think to get on a path that's a lot more helpful that makes you feel a lot more empowered.""Get the support that you need and deserve. Reach out and get it."What you’ll hear in this episode:-The mind body connection-Flexibility and how that relates to kindness and firmness-The Think Tree exercise and how that facilitates flexibility with boundaries-Building connection in step-parenting-Control and step-parenting - finding balance-Adjusting from step-parenting to raising one's own child-Parenting and commitment-Co- parenting as a stepmom when the child's other parent doesn't want them to participate-Establishing boundaries for self care-Giving yourself permission to have feelings about your stepkids and not feeling pressured to feel loving all the time-The value of couple work in being a united front-Finding bottom line things you agree on and where your boundaries areWhat does Joyful Courage mean to you?I love the term Joyful Courage so much. It's like the courage to keep doing the work. The courage to keep going and you know, I call the stepmoms in my group "stepmom warriors" some times because I'm like "You're a warrior, keep fighting, keep going, fighting the good fight to be a loving person." For me, it's like a spiritual warrior for being on a path of love. It takes a lot of courage because it's not easy and a lot of people are going to judge you. And a lot of people are going to naysay you. And to add in that joy in there, so not only are you being brave and courageous, and like keep putting one foot in front of the other but how can you have fun while doing it and why not? So why not peel back the layers and see how you can be childlike in your battles, in your love battles. I think we all need to be that way, to have fun, so it's important to take things lightly at the same time that you work hard at them.Resources:Interview series on NathalieSavell.comWhere to find Nathalie:Nathaliesavell.comStepmom Strong Coaching group on Facebook Stepmom Strong Facebook pageStepmom Strong Coaching on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show: Here we are – a new week, another school shooting Expanding from the family unit and into the community Choices we have when we see people who need help We are all in this together – in this life It takes a village and we have to look out for each other All kids deserve advocates, not just our kids What can I do to support connection, feeling felt, feeling understood, inside of my community? Political conflict in the family…. My story and how my brother saved the day Conscious parenting is really conscious living Understanding is not the same as accepting or valuing what others value Belonging and significance matters for children AND adults Listening to understand We get to look out for each other “I see you” Declaring to inquire about mentorship at the local HS What is the action you will take? Resources mentioned:Eps 133 – Politics and Parenting Take the Next Step – Community resource organization Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Deborah Reber, mother of an autistic son, founder of Tilt Parenting to help parents find more peace, joy and support along the way while parenting an atypical child in a conventional world. We are discussing her new book. Join us!“It's hard to know what to do when you realize your kid is atypical.""Kids who are exceptional really just means the exception""We have to battle our insecurities maybe a little bit more because what we are doing isn't necessarily working.""Behavior is all information. It isn't personal.""Judgment is where we create separation."What you’ll hear in this episode: The loneliness of raising a differently wired kid Accommodating kids with invisible differences Introversion vs extroversion and how they are perceived in the classroom Applying positive discipline parenting philosophies to differently wired kids Managing expectations in problem solving when raising neuro atypical kids Becoming aware of our own judgements of other people's children How to be a support when you see a child acting out in public Approaching neuro differences as parents and discussing them with our kids Educators and parents of neuro-typical kids as allies to parents of neuro atypical kids What does Joyful Courage mean to you?I just keep thinking bravery. I think the parents who are raising kids who are moving through the world a little differently have to be brave even when they don't feel brave and so I would say, "Keep going back in, when we have a bad day and showing up and being present with bravery. Presence and bravery. Presence has been the thing that has changed my experience with Asher more than any other tool and it's in the presence that I've been able to find joy in our parenting together. Resources:Differently Wired Where to find Deborah:Tilt Parenting l Facebook l Twitter l Instagram  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW!!Teacher posted about a difficult class…Response about “parenting style” naming “gentle parenting” and followed up with a post about “helicopter parenting, mom and dad are friends, no discipline or consequences….” Lets talk about this: The swing from authoritarian to permissive What is kind and firm Authoritative – structure and freedom The most important tool we have for influencing behavior is the relationship we build with our children – that is what this week in the Academy is all about. No boundaries/limits – not a solid relationship No voice/ freedom – not a solid relationship Mutual respect? Problem solving? Dignity in tact? – Dignity, the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. Helicopter/lawn mower/permissive parenting ROBs children of the discomfort of learning from their mistakes. It robs them of the opportunity of making things right and fixing their mistakes. Robs them of the opportunity for problem solving, accountability, ownership.Authoritarian parenting ALSO robs kids of opportunity. When we parent from a place that threatens punishment for making mistakes, kids no longer have the luxury of learning how to really think through the decision making process, instead, they learn the “better not do it cuz I don’t want to get into trouble” or “better not get caught”Authoritarian parenting can often lead to a lack of respect in the relationship.Guidelines and boundaries INSIDE OF a solid, respectful relationship will increase the likelihood of cooperative, contributing children.KIND AND FIRM – listen to your body, are you in alignment with your values and what the kid need. There is WISDOM IN THE BODY, PAY ATTENTION.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Mary Nelsen-Tamborski, a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Diego and also a certified positive discipline trainer and parent coach. Mary’s formal training is secondary to the life training she got from her mother, Dr. Jane Nelsen, a marriage and family therapist and author of all the positive discipline books. Mary is a popular keynote speaker, and workshop presenter. We are discussing mistakes as opportunities to learn. Join us!“I find that these principles are universal so they are great, obviously for parents and children but it's also just human beings in general.”"The lens that we see our kids out of is everyone being equally worthy of dignity and respect it's no wonder that how we treat our kids , it should be a mirror of how we treat our friends and how we treat our coworkers and the checkers at the grocery store. It's about human to human relationships.""You have to break down to break through." `What you’ll hear in this episode: How positive discipline impacts other relationships in our lives Positive discipline as a theory and the reality of implementation Mistakes as opportunities to learn and navigating shame Solutions oriented problem solving versus consequences Dealing with your own emotional stuff when encountering challenging behaviour The role of regular family meetings The importance of apologies Making amends after we make mistakes What to do when you "lose it" Post-conflict communication and rebuilding closeness Managing triggers and being called out on your stuff Learning and growing as a family in positive discipline Assumptions & consequences - 3 R's & 1 H Brain development and consequences Genuine curiosity and asking curious questions to improve communication Curiosity as a way of being Shedding ego to engage in a meaningful way Connecting early to keep the lines of communication open for adolescence Treating your children as friends - a positive discipline perspective Resources:Jane Nelsen’s book SerenityWhere to find Mary:Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Thank you community! You are all so amazing.TOGETHER we are making an impact on the world.Today is a solo show…. I am getting vulnerable once again and shedding light on an area that I am not so proud of AND see as an opportunity for us all to grow as humans in relationship with each other.The white bubble.I know I am not the only person that lives a really homogenous life when it comes to diversity. AND, I know that many of you can celebrate LOTS of diversity in your life and relationships.Today I just wanted to call myself and anyone else in the community out in an effort to DO BETTER. The world is made up of a variety of people, from a diverse pool of cultures, experiences, and backgrounds.When I look out into the “positive parenting” world, I see lots of white faces. When I think about the people that listen to my show and participate in my community, I see a lot of white faces.I love all those white faces AND, I am recognizing that I could do more to bring more diverse voices onto the show and into our community – and into MY personal life as well. AND, because I get to speak from the platform of Joyful Courage, I get to be transparent and invite you all to join me.Whew!I am excited! We all get to take steps to shift the way the world is currently operating, and those of us with privilege, even if it is simply the color of our skin, have a part to play in that shift. I hope you will join me.And for those of you in the community who ARE people of color, please feel free to reach out and let me know how I can do better! I value your voice. Help me find guests that can tell stories and give support from a POV that is different from my middle class white woman lens.I love you all!Thank you for listening!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So thrilled to have Aubrey and Becky Springer on today to talk about how to take small steps to make a big difference.We all hope that our children will be in service to the world, that they will WANT to make a difference, to make the world a better place.Today’s show highlights what it can look like when being in contribution to the community is the default for a family – and how the way we impact our kids, through the experiences we invite them into, can impact the world.“We all belong to each other.” – Mama BeckyLinks mentioned:Support Aubrey’s Project Glennon DoyleTogether RisingUnion Gospel Mission Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Delaney Ruston, a documentary filmmaker. She believes in helping kids find balance in our tech filled world. She loves engaging audiences in solution centered discussions. We are discussing her work making the film Screenagers and how to support our kids with finding balance. Join us!“Just start with one simple change that you want to make and the real growth is when you talk about that with your kids and you show them your journey in trying to make that change.”“Maybe just pick one thing that you could decide to do that you’re not using tech as you normally would.”“The key, the most absolute important thing about it is starting with something positive about technology.” “The brain has a really hard time holding two opposite truths at the same time and it’s particularly hard for kids and teens.”  “To find sustainable solutions for tech balance and the child and teen brain we’re going to have to work together.”What you’ll hear in this episode: The neuroscience of technology use and over-use The individual child and technology use - micro impacts vs metadata Setting attainable goals for technology use reduction The power of changing just one thing Recognizing the difficulty of cognitive dissonance in conversations about technology Reducing defensiveness in technology conversations Why 30% of families are struggling with daily fights about technology What studies say about parent device use Distracted parenting and interactions with our kids Learning new skills: how this changes as kids grow Self-regulation and parenting involvement in creating limits Setting aside screen free time as a family Technology and sleep - setting boundaries for wellness Guidelines for young kids to set the stage for later technology use Sleep time, Study time and Family time - technology boundaries Digital etiquette ideas When you’ve given up and need to reign things in Taking stock of how we use our time How to bring Screenagers into your community School policies: prevalence of device use in middle and high schools Impact of device use on academics in middle and high schools  Resources:Tech Talk TuesdaysWhere to find Delaney:Screenagersmovie.com l Delaneyruston.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s podcast was created in honor of the 159 parents who enrolled and engaged in the #joyfulcourage10.Today we complete the program, and begin the practice of sustaining the magic and community that was created there, because of the people who showed up vulnerably, authentically, and courageously.I love what I get to do.Thank you to each of you that spent the last 10 days building relationship with me and each other. YOU ARE AMAZING!!!Alright – today’s theme for the show is authenticity and transparency.Parenting as a journey Not a secret No hidden agenda About being in human relationship Modeling Life skills are learned through modeling Vulnerability and authenticity is learned through modeling Kicking it up a notch is lifting up and OUT of the modeling and being transparent Human relationships are messy.Parenting is messy.Life-iing is messy.When we actively, intentionally, decide to SHIFT the way we parent, we set ourselves up to be exposed as flawed humans. Hello vulnerability Hello humility Hello contrary to the “adults are always right”  While the whole Positive Discipline/Positive Parenting approach is SIMPLE – I mean, choose relationship and trust that your children will lean life skills – WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL???Right, and then we are in life and it is a shit show. Defeat Self talk Comparison-itis Giving up Be transparent!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Genevieve Simperingham, a counsellor, an AWARE parenting educator, a writer, a group facilitator, meditation teacher and founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute in New Zealand. Over the last 24 years, Genevieve has presented hundreds of workshops and courses. She has parented her own kids using attachment principles and she seeks to empower parents with the tools that result in increased harmony, trust and cooperation in the family unit. We are discussing peaceful parenting our teenagers. Join us!“It’s about bringing into your parenting not just how you should respond in this situation or in that situation and our different approaches and techniques (which are really, really important) but it’s all about who we are as a person and who our child is as a person and the dynamic and the energy between us.”“We shouldn’t be in fighter stance simply because we have teenagers.”What you’ll hear in this episode: What is peaceful parenting and how it is different than some of the more mainstream behaviorist parenting approaches. The Centre, Connect, Communicate approach Stress management, self care and healing trauma and how they relate to parenting The need for authenticity in empathy and curiosity The biggest hangups for parents around peaceful parenting teenagers Having tough conversations with your teens without shorting out the connection at the outset Setting and holding limits within the peaceful parenting framework Sex, drugs and alcohol use in teens - is it better to allow at home or to restrict? Reducing power struggles and rebellion Educating and empowering teens to make their own choices Reconnecting to move past conflict What does Joyful Courage mean to you?Joyful courage to me, it connects me with that last bit that we were just talking about, to me it’s about joy we feel in the heart and it takes a lot of courage to reconnect. So to me it’s about opening the heart and allowing the joy, the enjoyment of the relationship, of the connection to come back in and that takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable again. It’s easier to be hard and defensive and stern and it takes courage to open the heart come back to the joy of that beautiful connection again.Resources:Aware parentingWhere to find Genevieve:The way of the Peaceful Parent Facebook GroupFacebookWebsite Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices