Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Ever wondered if your therapist gets you, or if therapy is even working? You’re not alone. This week, Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer is back to unpack the complicated, sometimes confusing, always human relationship between therapist and client (especially when ADHD is in the mix).Host Cate Osborn and Elizabeth dig into how different types of therapy work, how to tell if therapy is actually helping, and what kinds of conversations are and aren’t fair game in the therapy room. Whether you’re starting therapy for the first time or reevaluating a long-term fit, this conversation will help you trust your instincts and advocate for what you need.Related resourcesDr. Kilmer’s website, elizabethkilmer.comTreatment for mental health issuesDialectical behavior therapy: What you need to knowCognitive behavioral therapy: What is CBT?Timestamps(00:00) Intro(00:43) What inspired this episode(01:53) Relationship between therapist and client basics(04:45) How do we know if a therapist is a good fit for us?(06:50) What is a ‘therapeutic modality’? What is a ‘manualized treatment’?(09:36) How do we know if therapy working?(13:51) How do we give feedback to our therapist?(17:29) How do we breakup with a therapist?(19:35) What do we talk about in therapy?(23:52) What do we do if we don’t have access to therapy?(26:09) Advice on how to start therapy(29:22) Outro and creditsWe love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Forget what you’ve seen in movies: BDSM isn’t one-size-fits-all. As Dr. Leann Borneman explains, it’s more of an à la carte menu where consent, communication, and personal boundaries come first. You can take what works for you and leave the rest.Host Cate Osborn talks with clinical sexologist Dr. Borneman about the intersection of BDSM, neurodivergence, and executive function. They explore how some people with ADHD use parts of BDSM, like structure, sensory input, and clearly defined roles. These can help support attention, reduce overwhelm, and build emotional regulation.Listen as Cate and Leann challenge outdated assumptions, and learn how destigmatizing your desires can help you show up more fully in your life.Related resourcesLeann’s website, bornemancoaching.comLeann’s dissertation, The Intersection of ADHD and BDSM Engagement in Heterosexual WomenFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.Timestamps(00:00) Intro(00:48) A comment from Cate on stigma(02:35) BDSM as a coping strategy, not just a preference(03:58) Society’s stigma versus the scientific research(06:37) Pick and choose what works for you, you don’t have to label yourself(10:53) ADHD and sexuality: Incapability versus lack of access(13:10) What is causing this lack of access to good sex?(17:27) Unmasking is key to authenticity and figuring out what you like(19:11) BDSM creates space for safety through it’s collaborative and consentful nature(21:54) Leann’s advice for those curious about BDSM and kink(24:33) Outro and credits Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Rachel Hopkins, a licensed professional counselor with expertise in ADHD and grief, joins to discuss the unique challenges faced by those with ADHD during the grieving process. They explore how emotional intensity, time blindness, and memory struggles create a nonlinear mourning journey. Rachel emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and community support and offers strategies for those grappling with grief to manage their emotions effectively. Insights are shared on balancing distraction and avoidance, while addressing the societal pressures surrounding grief.

Join psychiatrist Dr. Lotta Borg Skoglund, a Swedish expert studying ADHD and hormones in women, as she unravels how hormonal cycles impact ADHD. They dive into the effects of PMS, pregnancy, and menopause on ADHD symptoms, highlighting the often-ignored challenges women face. Lotta discusses the formation of her research group, GODDESS ADHD, and emphasizes the importance of mapping one's cycle to better understand symptom fluctuations. Explore how hormones connect to emotional sensitivity, providing valuable insights for women navigating ADHD.

Lyne Piché, a Canadian psychologist and sex therapist, sheds light on how ADHD affects intimacy. She discusses the nuances of sensory issues during sex, explaining why moments can feel overwhelming or unexciting. Lyne emphasizes the role of trust in partnerships and advocates for open communication about sensory needs. She introduces concepts like 'yes' spaces for intimacy and how kink can help. Ultimately, it's about self-discovery and redefining what works in your intimate life, all while dispelling feelings of shame.

Being a caregiver to a friend or loved one is hard—add ADHD to the mix, and it’s a whole different challenge.Self-care and ADHD Coach Stephanie Antoine joins us to talk about what it’s like caring for our loved ones while managing executive dysfunction, burnout, and more. She also offers a few mindfulness practices to help us recenter when the stress feels like too much. If you’ve ever struggled to care for someone else while trying to keep yourself afloat, this one’s for you.Related resourcesStephanie’s website, stephanieantoine.comDownload: Feeling stressed? Try the 5-4-3-2-1 mindfulness technique From the ADHD Aha! podcast, Jessica McCabe on motherhood, social anxiety, and ADHD medicationTimestamps(02:59) Why did Stephanie start helping others in caregiving roles?(04:52) Executive function and caregiving, and beating yourself up(07:51) How do we manage big feelings like frustration and resentment while caregiving?(12:33) Perfectionism and caregiving(17:14) The one thing Stephanie wants you to hear today(19:09) A short guided meditation exercise from StephanieFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

In this engaging discussion, Stefani Goerlich, an author and forensic sexologist, dives into the intersection of BDSM and ADHD. She explains how kink can serve as a valuable tool for regulation and connection, offering benefits like improved focus and enhanced communication. The conversation challenges common myths about BDSM, emphasizing its relational nature and the importance of consent. Stefani also sheds light on how negotiated arrangements can alleviate executive function challenges and strengthen emotional bonds in relationships.

Dr. Shauna Pollard, a Clinical Psychologist and online dating expert from Georgia, dives into the complexities of online dating for individuals with ADHD. She shares insights on the unique challenges, such as the dopamine chase from apps and the importance of setting personal boundaries. The conversation covers how to authentically market oneself while managing distractions and the significance of offline dating. Pollard also discusses navigating biases and offers practical tips for building meaningful relationships in the digital age.

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.Are ADHD and cheating related? What about weaponized incompetence and ADHD? These are a few questions that surround the ADHD community.Producer Margie visits the podcast for another round of ‘Reddit reactions’ with more posts from the ADHD women subreddit. Listen for host Cate Osborn’s reactions on a few different scenarios related to cheating and weaponized incompetence.Related resourcesThe National Domestic Violence HotlineThe ADHD Women subredditADHD support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook groupTimestamps(02:00) Post #1 “ADHD and cheating/Adrenaline and dopamine”(09:24) Post #2 “Narcissist cheater and ADHD”(15:30) Post #3 “Does anyone else sometimes identify with those ‘weaponized incompetence’ guys you hear about?”(21:22) Post #4 “I’m so tired of trying to compensate for myself AND my partner”(27:51) ADHD can be challenging, and you’re not aloneFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

In this engaging discussion, Sarah Greenberg, Vice President of Expertise at Understood.org and licensed therapist, shares her insights on the listening challenges faced by individuals with ADHD. The conversation highlights how ADHD can affect self-consciousness during interactions and explores different modes of listening, such as listening to understand or connect. Greenberg emphasizes the importance of recognizing personal listening strengths and offers strategies to enhance communication and intimacy in relationships, celebrating the unique perspectives brought by ADHD.