Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.Are ADHD and cheating related? What about weaponized incompetence and ADHD? These are a few questions that surround the ADHD community.Producer Margie visits the podcast for another round of ‘Reddit reactions’ with more posts from the ADHD women subreddit. Listen for host Cate Osborn’s reactions on a few different scenarios related to cheating and weaponized incompetence.Related resourcesThe National Domestic Violence HotlineThe ADHD Women subredditADHD support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook groupTimestamps(02:00) Post #1 “ADHD and cheating/Adrenaline and dopamine”(09:24) Post #2 “Narcissist cheater and ADHD”(15:30) Post #3 “Does anyone else sometimes identify with those ‘weaponized incompetence’ guys you hear about?”(21:22) Post #4 “I’m so tired of trying to compensate for myself AND my partner”(27:51) ADHD can be challenging, and you’re not aloneFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

In this engaging discussion, Sarah Greenberg, Vice President of Expertise at Understood.org and licensed therapist, shares her insights on the listening challenges faced by individuals with ADHD. The conversation highlights how ADHD can affect self-consciousness during interactions and explores different modes of listening, such as listening to understand or connect. Greenberg emphasizes the importance of recognizing personal listening strengths and offers strategies to enhance communication and intimacy in relationships, celebrating the unique perspectives brought by ADHD.

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.Without community, ADHD can feel isolating and shameful. Like you’re the only one facing these challenges and “can’t get it together.” Community provides a space to share the wins and the embarrassing moments. And it can be especially helpful for women processing late diagnoses.Host of the ADHDAF podcast and UK ADHD community builder, Laura Mears-Reynolds, visits the show to talk about how sharing experiences with others can ease shame, and create support. Related resourcesadhdasfemales.comThe ADHD Women subredditADHD Support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook groupTimestamps(00:57) How do we find value in a community with ADHD?(03:58) How did Laura get started building the ADHDAF community?(09:39) Feeling alone in what you’re facing without community(14:36) Being compassionate with others helps us be compassionate with ourselves(18:14) Feeling isolated with ADHD(19:56) How do I find community? How do I build it myself?For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond.Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the train” to stop the spiral. Jaye is the host of another show on the MissUnderstood podcast channel, Tips from an ADHD Coach. Related resourcesThe MissUnderstood podcast channel (where you can find Jaye’s podcast, Tips from an ADHD Coach)ADHD and: ShameADHD and emotionsTimestamps(00:41) Being scared of making mistakes or showing ADHD traits(04:38) “Reversing the train” instead of spiraling when someone brings up a mistake we’ve made(08:23) Slipping into the shame spiral easily(11:28) Directly addressing the damage caused by your actions, intentional or not(15:51) The element of repair(16:30) Perfectionism and internalized judgement(20:28) Rejection sensitivity and how we react to things(23:19) The “scary moment” when someone brings up your mistake(25:55) Jaye’s last piece of adviceFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.Emotional intimacy is about sharing an emotional connection and presence with yourself and other people. But a lot of ADHD traits, and lived experiences, can get in the way. This could be due to trouble with emotional regulation, the emotional labor it takes to feel believed, masking, and more.Michelle Frank is a clinical psychologist and the co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. Listen to this conversation exploring how shame can be a roadblock to emotional intimacy, and how this intimacy can look different within every relationship.Related resourcesMichelle’s book, A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle FrankTimestamps(02:46) What is emotional intimacy?(04:14) Barriers to emotional intimacy with ADHD(09:33) Shame and ADHD(15:29) What steps can we take to build emotional intimacy?(17:28) Sitting in uncomfortable feelings, and rejection sensitivity(20:48) People pleasing versus building authentic connections(22:36) What about when we’re in a relationship without emotional intimacy?(28:41) Where can you find Michelle? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you?Psychologist Lesley Cook (@lesleypsyd) visits the podcast to talk about how to notice parentification happening in your relationship, and the resentment that can build when it goes unnoticed. Related resourcesLesley’s TikTok, @lesleypsydA Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle FrankTimestamps(03:03) What is a parentified relationship?(05:37) When an ADHD partner is the “parent” in the relationship or takes on too much responsibility(07:33) Are parentified relationships typically gendered?(08:48) Fairness versus equity in relationships(11:44) Weaponized incompetence(14:49) What happens to a relationship when it’s parentified for too long?(17:19) Notice, shift, repair(18:45) What to do when you notice yourself taking on too much responsibility for your partner(21:08) People pleasing, and the need to fix things(22:46) How to ask the right questions to your partner(24:07) Noticing your ADHD at play, and using it as an explanation, not an excuse(28:02) Setting an example as a parent to kids(32:24) Lesley’s parting advice(33:00) Where you can find Lesley and creditsFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Monogamous romantic relationships have been seen as the norm for a long time. They’re the kind most commonly represented in the media, often as the only “right” kind of relationship. However, open relationships, polyamory, and other consensual non-monogamous relationships are more common than you might think. People with ADHD often find ways of living life outside of the typical standard. This could include being non-monogamous!Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist and sex therapist. She is the author of the book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients). Listen to this conversation on jealousy, reaching agreements with your partner, and what consensual non-monogamy really is.Related resourcesPolyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients) by Martha Kauppi8 Steps To Opening Up: Starting The Conversation About Non-Monogamy, a Free eBook by Martha KauppiMartha Kauppi’s website, www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.comTimestamps(00:55) Why learn about consensual non-monogamy?(04:04) What is consensual non-monogamy?(05:36) What is the biggest misconception about non-monogamy?(08:40) Building a relationship that works for you, not just what you see in the media(11:46) Viewing non-monogamy as an option in life(15:42) Moving toward consensual non-monogamy in a relational way(21:03) How would you start a conversation about opening your currently monogamous relationship?(24:20) Tips for working through jealousy (25:35) What is compersion?(30:13) It’s OK if non-monogamy isn’t for you! (32:10) Where can you find Martha? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

This week, host Cate Osborn shares an episode from ADHD and, another podcast on the MissUnderstood podcast channel.  Imagine receiving a “no” to an idea you’ve shared in a meeting. Instead of brushing it off, you become overwhelmed with thoughts of self-doubt and a deep sense of rejection.  This intense emotional reaction is known as rejection sensitivity. And many women with ADHD experience it. In this episode, Dr. J explains how ADHD can amplify fears of rejection. Listen in to learn strategies women with ADHD can use to navigate these feelings.Related resourcesADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)Emotion sunburn: What rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like to meRejection sensitivity, ADHD drain, and the power of failure (Weston’s story)Timestamps(00:00) Introduction from Cate(01:43) Start of ADHD and episode(02:32) What is rejection sensitivity?(04:33) How can rejection sensitivity impact women with ADHD?(05:14) Helpful ways to manage rejection(06:31) What is cognitive reframing?For a transcript and more resources, visit the MissUnderstood page on Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Have you ever been called a “manic pixie dream girl” by someone you were dating? Is it hard to remember your partner when they’re not with you? ADHD can bring its own set of challenges to dating, and romantic relationships.Producer Margie visits the podcast to share what she’s found on the ADHD Women subreddit, where women with ADHD ask questions and share their challenges and wins. Listen for Cate’s reactions and a chat about common romantic dilemmas for women with ADHD!Related resourcesThe ADHD Women subredditADHD Support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook groupTimestamps(00:00) Women with ADHD communities, and common dating tropes(03:46) Post #1 “I was too much for him”(06:37) Post #2 “I did 12 loads of laundry to avoid writing a dating profile”(11:56) Post #3 “Anyone else chronically feel like they’re not in a place where they’re ready to date?”(16:27) Post #4 “Having ADHD as a woman and still having to carry the mental load”(22:20) Post #5 “The ADHD struggle of falling in love after every good date”(27:04) Post #6 “Does anyone else struggle with accidentally ignoring their partner or friends?”(34:28) Talking about what gives us shame helps everyoneFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

ADHD can impact pregnancy in a number of ways: Higher rate of postpartum depression, hormone surges that affect the brain’s functioning, increased demands on our executive function, and so much more. Our guest this week, Dusty Chipura, is an ADHD and pregnancy expert, ADHD coach, and doula in training. Dusty takes us through pregnancy with ADHD, what you might expect, and what conversations are important to have with your support network ahead of welcoming a baby. Related resourcesA guide to hormones and ADHDADHD and pregnancy workbook by Alix Bacon and Dusty ChipuraDusty’s website, vancouveradhdcoaching.comTimestamps(01:27) Some ways ADHD affects pregnancy(02:25) How did Dusty become an expert in ADHD and pregnancy?(04:21) First trimester/early pregnancy and ADHD(05:57) Sensory sensitivities and pregnancy(08:44) Second trimester(13:23) What conversations should we be having with our support system during this time?(17:20) Third trimester(20:04) What happens after the baby is born?(22:33) ADHD and the postpartum period(25:55) Best practices and tools(28:41) Dusty’s top tips(30:35) Dealing with parental guilt(31:59) Where you can find DustyFor a transcript and more resources visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Explore Through My Eyes today. Step into the world of three kids with ADHD, dyslexia, and dyscalculia — helping you see differently so you can act differently.Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give