Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Lyne Piché, a Canadian psychologist and sex therapist, sheds light on how ADHD affects intimacy. She discusses the nuances of sensory issues during sex, explaining why moments can feel overwhelming or unexciting. Lyne emphasizes the role of trust in partnerships and advocates for open communication about sensory needs. She introduces concepts like 'yes' spaces for intimacy and how kink can help. Ultimately, it's about self-discovery and redefining what works in your intimate life, all while dispelling feelings of shame.

Self-care and ADHD coach Stephanie Antoine joins to tackle the unique challenges of caregiving while managing ADHD. She shares her journey of supporting others amidst emotional struggles like frustration and guilt. Mindfulness techniques are discussed as vital tools for navigating these stresses. Stephanie highlights the detrimental effects of perfectionism on caregivers and promotes self-acceptance. A guided meditation exercise encourages listeners to find peace in the present moment while balancing their responsibilities.

In this engaging discussion, Stefani Goerlich, an author and forensic sexologist, dives into the intersection of BDSM and ADHD. She explains how kink can serve as a valuable tool for regulation and connection, offering benefits like improved focus and enhanced communication. The conversation challenges common myths about BDSM, emphasizing its relational nature and the importance of consent. Stefani also sheds light on how negotiated arrangements can alleviate executive function challenges and strengthen emotional bonds in relationships.

Dr. Shauna Pollard, a Clinical Psychologist and online dating expert from Georgia, dives into the complexities of online dating for individuals with ADHD. She shares insights on the unique challenges, such as the dopamine chase from apps and the importance of setting personal boundaries. The conversation covers how to authentically market oneself while managing distractions and the significance of offline dating. Pollard also discusses navigating biases and offers practical tips for building meaningful relationships in the digital age.

Are ADHD and cheating related? What about weaponized incompetence and ADHD? These are a few questions that surround the ADHD community.Producer Margie visits the podcast for another round of ‘Reddit reactions’ with more posts from the ADHD women subreddit. Listen for host Cate Osborn’s reactions on a few different scenarios related to cheating and weaponized incompetence.Related resourcesThe National Domestic Violence HotlineThe ADHD Women subredditADHD support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook groupTimestamps(02:00) Post #1 “ADHD and cheating/Adrenaline and dopamine”(09:24) Post #2 “Narcissist cheater and ADHD”(15:30) Post #3 “Does anyone else sometimes identify with those ‘weaponized incompetence’ guys you hear about?”(21:22) Post #4 “I’m so tired of trying to compensate for myself AND my partner”(27:51) ADHD can be challenging, and you’re not aloneFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this engaging discussion, Sarah Greenberg, Vice President of Expertise at Understood.org and licensed therapist, shares her insights on the listening challenges faced by individuals with ADHD. The conversation highlights how ADHD can affect self-consciousness during interactions and explores different modes of listening, such as listening to understand or connect. Greenberg emphasizes the importance of recognizing personal listening strengths and offers strategies to enhance communication and intimacy in relationships, celebrating the unique perspectives brought by ADHD.

Without community, ADHD can feel isolating and shameful. Like you’re the only one facing these challenges and “can’t get it together.” Community provides a space to share the wins and the embarrassing moments. And it can be especially helpful for women processing late diagnoses.Host of the ADHDAF podcast and UK ADHD community builder, Laura Mears-Reynolds, visits the show to talk about how sharing experiences with others can ease shame, and create support. Related resourcesadhdasfemales.comThe ADHD Women subredditADHD Support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook groupTimestamps(00:57) How do we find value in a community with ADHD?(03:58) How did Laura get started building the ADHDAF community?(09:39) Feeling alone in what you’re facing without community(14:36) Being compassionate with others helps us be compassionate with ourselves(18:14) Feeling isolated with ADHD(19:56) How do I find community? How do I build it myself?For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.orgWe love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond.Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the train” to stop the spiral. Jaye is the host of another show on the MissUnderstood podcast channel, Tips from an ADHD Coach. Related resourcesThe MissUnderstood podcast channel (where you can find Jaye’s podcast, Tips from an ADHD Coach)ADHD and: ShameADHD and emotionsTimestamps(00:41) Being scared of making mistakes or showing ADHD traits(04:38) “Reversing the train” instead of spiraling when someone brings up a mistake we’ve made(08:23) Slipping into the shame spiral easily(11:28) Directly addressing the damage caused by your actions, intentional or not(15:51) The element of repair(16:30) Perfectionism and internalized judgement(20:28) Rejection sensitivity and how we react to things(23:19) The “scary moment” when someone brings up your mistake(25:55) Jaye’s last piece of adviceFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Emotional intimacy is about sharing an emotional connection and presence with yourself and other people. But a lot of ADHD traits, and lived experiences, can get in the way. This could be due to trouble with emotional regulation, the emotional labor it takes to feel believed, masking, and more.Michelle Frank is a clinical psychologist and the co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. Listen to this conversation exploring how shame can be a roadblock to emotional intimacy, and how this intimacy can look different within every relationship.Related resourcesMichelle’s book, A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle FrankTimestamps(02:46) What is emotional intimacy?(04:14) Barriers to emotional intimacy with ADHD(09:33) Shame and ADHD(15:29) What steps can we take to build emotional intimacy?(17:28) Sitting in uncomfortable feelings, and rejection sensitivity(20:48) People pleasing versus building authentic connections(22:36) What about when we’re in a relationship without emotional intimacy?(28:41) Where can you find Michelle? For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you?Psychologist Lesley Cook (@lesleypsyd) visits the podcast to talk about how to notice parentification happening in your relationship, and the resentment that can build when it goes unnoticed. Related resourcesLesley’s TikTok, @lesleypsydA Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle FrankTimestamps(03:03) What is a parentified relationship?(05:37) When an ADHD partner is the “parent” in the relationship or takes on too much responsibility(07:33) Are parentified relationships typically gendered?(08:48) Fairness versus equity in relationships(11:44) Weaponized incompetence(14:49) What happens to a relationship when it’s parentified for too long?(17:19) Notice, shift, repair(18:45) What to do when you notice yourself taking on too much responsibility for your partner(21:08) People pleasing, and the need to fix things(22:46) How to ask the right questions to your partner(24:07) Noticing your ADHD at play, and using it as an explanation, not an excuse(28:02) Setting an example as a parent to kids(32:24) Lesley’s parting advice(33:00) Where you can find Lesley and creditsFor a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.