Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

Prayer is what gets us close to the heart of God as we shepherd our children's hearts. After more than 20 years of legitimately seeking the Lord, 18 years of parenting, and thousands of prayers, I have realized three fundamental things:   1.There is no manipulation in prayer. We cannot compel the Lord to do anything for us through prayer.   2.There is great mystery in prayer. Sometimes our prayers are answered in a way that there is no human explanation for it.   3.There is spiritual movement in prayer. I have seen the Lord move in hearts when the outside seems totally hard. We cannot change a child's heart, but we can try to shepherd it. So, whenever you feel overburdened and powerless, needing to pray, but at a loss for words, here are four prayers from scripture that you can pray for your family members:   Ephesians 1:15-23 ESV   Ephesians 3:14-21 ESV   Philippians 1:3-11 ESV   Colossians 1:9-14 ESV

Instilling the concept of service and generosity is one of the most impactful things that we do in the formation of our children's character. It is something that definitely must be started in the home and not just at church. Steven Argue talks to us about the practical strategies that will help grow a heart of service and generosity in our children to ultimately make it a way of life. Thanks to our sponsor www.lazybearcabinrental.com. The Lazy Bear Cabin is three bedroom, two bathroom cabin in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Northwest Georgia. Consider this getaway spot as the perfect socially distanced family or romantic getaway. If you know a family who deserves a special vacation, nominate them and tell their story at www.lazybearcabinrental.com to register for a free 3 day, 2 night getaway.

Thanks to our sponsor www.lazybearcabinrental.com. The Lazy Bear Cabin is three bedroom, two bathroom cabin in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Northwest Georgia. Consider this getaway spot as the perfect socially distanced family or romantic getaway. If you know a family who deserves a special vacation, nominate them and tell their story at www.lazybearcabinrental.com to register for a free 3 day, 2 night getaway. Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of four. He has lived on three continents and currently oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world. For our kids' entire lives, they are going to be confronted by societal complexities that need both the lens of the Gospel and an engaged brain for them to be able to face these issues properly. Virgil and his family have lived everywhere from Nashville to Central Asia and Spain. Because of this, his kids have been exposed to several cultures and have become discerning of what in those cultures are not applicable to their own beliefs. As parents, we should aim to equip our children to hold their own and think clearly, especially when they set out on their own into an environment where everyone is screaming and nobody is thinking carefully before they talk. Keep in mind that it's not a point of inculcating your own beliefs or opinions on your children, but make them strong enough to think and reason out on their own. Identity plays a big role in your child's decision making. If they know who they are and have a strong sense of self, some decisions will come easy. If they know their values and what they stand for, they will also know what is worth their time and energy. Another useful skill you can teach your children to do is to simply notice. See and notice without the need to make an evaluation right away, with the understanding that there are things they do not understand, and notice what they feel about something, and why. The problems our children will encounter in their lives will involve sin. Virgil explains, in the Biblical approach, the primary location of the sin is in the individual human heart, with echoes in the collective and in the systems that humans build. Locating where the evil is in their hearts will empower your children to do something about what is in their locus of control. Let them realize that their actions are under their control and not a result of someone else's actions. They have agency. Get your kids used to the idea of having conversations, not conflicts. Talk to them about the differences between a conversation and a conflict. If there is a winner and a loser at the end, it's not a conversation. If anyone's yelling, it's not a conversation. Conversations are all about understanding each other. Resources Mentioned The Christian Parenting Podcast Network on www.christianparenting.org Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Previous episode: 186: Leadership Development at Home with Virgil Tanner Virgil's Youtube Channel: Virgil Tanner A couple of my favorite videos from Virgil: Lower the Bar & Making Room for Grief and Lament

In a world of unrelenting demands, it can be very easy to spend all of our focus on work and the needs of our children. This laser focus can come at the cost of our own spiritual health, which will then damage every other area of our life. My guest today has spent decades observing the effects of spiritual neglect on the mission field as well as home front. One of his central life callings has been to help those serving in full time ministry tend to the nurturing of their own souls. I'm excited to share with you today a brilliant man whom I also call friend, Dr. Jim O'Neill. Jim O'Neill serves as Director of Mobilization and Leadership Development at Frontier Ventures. Additionally, he and his wife Sterling are the founders of the Next Gen Leaders Conference. Jim and and his wife Sterling have been married for over 38 years. They have 4 grown children, 3 son-in-laws and 4 grandkids. Jim hails from Pennsylvania and Sterling from SC. They met in college in VA. where both were called to missions. Serving together, they each come with 13 years of church planting experience in Asia, 13 years in leadership with two mission organizations, and 8 years ministering in formal theological education and equipping. Because of their passion about multiplying and nurturing leaders, Jim and Sterling founded the Net Gen Leaders Conference. You can find out more at their website here. Thanks to our sponsor www.lazybearcabinrental.com. The Lazy Bear Cabin is three bedroom, two bathroom cabin in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Northwest Georgia. Consider this getaway spot as the perfect socially distanced family or romantic getaway. If you know a family who deserves a special vacation, nominate them and tell their story at www.lazybearcabinrental.com to register for a free 3 day, 2 night getaway.

This is an exciting week for me and the Let's Parent on Purpose Podcast as I am join the Christian Parenting Podcast Network! Let's Parent on Purpose was birthed out of my burden to reach families in my local church. As a 20+ year student and family pastor, I realize that my influence pales in comparison to mom and dad. As I continue to pastor teenagers and shepherd children, every day I feel more convicted to pour into their parents. And while the podcast is focused on parents, the topics range from parenting to marriage to our personal spiritual walks. You just can't parent well if you're neglecting your marriage or relationship with Christ. Parenting is really hard, and at every point we are encountering something else with which we are novices. I have loved hosting this podcast because the topics and guest sharpen me.  Now, by joining the Christian Parenting Podcast network LPOP is part of an even stronger parental support family, able to help more parents across the world with podcasts that directly deal with their parental, marriage, and spiritual needs. As a biological and adoptive father of four, I have experienced such a wide range of challenges, emotions, failures, and victories. I've celebrated my newly adult daughter graduating high school with her Associates. I've also held her in my arms as a little girl and told her that Jesus took her mother to heaven. I've taken my boys on mission trips, and I've also begged God to spare my son's life as we learned he had leukemia. I've made my wedding vows, preached my wife's funeral, and then been graced with an amazing woman I've called my bride for more than 13 years now.  Through all of this, I've served in the church, been carried by the church, and known without a doubt that my family would not have made it without the support of Jesus through the love of the church. I know what it's like to feel lonely and helpless as a parent, and I know what it's like to feel loved and helped. Let's Parent on Purpose is a way for me to encourage moms and dads who are walking through their own unique parenting journey with Jesus. We are better together, and there's nothing in this world that's a better investment of your time and energy than the treasures God has gifted you in your household! Resources Mentioned The Christian Parenting Podcast Network on www.christianparenting.org Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Check out the past podcast archives of Let's Parent on Purpose If you find this podcast helpful, you can  subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called Things for Thursday and it includes things I've found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for Things for Thursday by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Virgil Tanner, my good friend and one of the best leadership development gurus, talks about how to develop your children into leaders, right in your own house. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of four. He has lived on three continents and currently oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world. Virgil says, we have to “trigger-proof” our kids. You have to raise a child that can have bad things happen to them or people say mean things to them, and they are mature enough to walk away and be alright. If they are too easily triggered, they can’t become adults or effective leaders in the world today. Cultivate a thick skin and a soft heart. Equip your children with the emotional vocabulary they need to express themselves and they can identify what’s going on with others and are able to address these with words, not by physically lashing out. Develop young leaders with the 70-20-10 rule. Successful development is comprised of 70% experiences reflected upon; 20% guidance and input from other people like mentors, parents, friends; 10% content from books, videos, courses and other materials. Our children will learn more from actual experience than from what other people say and from learning materials they can study. Talking to people about their experiences and giving them materials in support of their experiences can help double or triple their learning. Your kids lives are full of experiences. Address difficult incidents in your child’s life and turn them into a learning experience with these questions: What? So what? Now what? What. What happened? So What. What was significant about it? How are you going to think about it? Now What. What will you do next time you are in a situation like that? As you have the conversation, notice the facts – what are the details of what happened? Discuss how these made you child feel. Finally, notice their contribution to the situation. This focuses their attention on their locus of control. You and your child cannot control what will happen to them in the future, but they can change how they will act in any given situation. These make for a magic conversation that will help make each experience a teachable moment for developing leaders. You can't child-proof the world, so you have to build adults. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Book: The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd Youtube Channel: Virgil Tanner Recommended Videos from Virgil’s Channel: Lower the Bar; Making Room for Grief and Lament Previous episode: 170: Wisdom for Thriving from a Parent in Lockdown with Virgil Tanner

Here’s a question I would have never predicted at the beginning of the year, but one that ever single parent I know is now having to wrestle through: Should I send my child back to school this fall? For some the answer is easy and obvious, but for many of us there are so many unknowns we have to consider. I spend time talking to parents and teachers (all off the record since it’s such a hot-button issue and I wanted to protect teacher’s jobs). Here is the best wisdom I gathered. I can’t make the decision for you, but I can help you think through some things you might not have considered. In the end, the choice is up to your family and the Lord. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Any other year, this would have been a given, but this year, sending your kids back to school is something you have to ponder on. Here are some points to consider: This is a difficult decision, but not a Gospel decision, so don’t stress out about it too much. There’s no decision without consequences in this situation. Either way, there are both positives and negatives a no one really knows how these will play out. Realize that the unknown just the nature of parenting – and you do this all the time! The decision that you make is not necessarily the best for others, and vice versa. Even between the different children you have could need a different set-up each. Remember that education is flexible and children are resilient. Go with the assumption that students and teacher will not be able to completely social distance. Be open to the idea that circumstances may change you decision. Even if you end up sending your child to school, know that you might still end up homeschooling. Come up with creative solutions to this, just in case! Assess your family’s own situation and the needs of each individual child. In this time, be supportive and encouraging to your family, but also to teachers and administrators who are doing their best. Walk in grace with yourselves and with one another.     Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

What do you do when your child doesn’t care to disobey because they know you cannot do anything about it in the moment? One of my listeners has this struggle with her three year old. I called up my good friend and Licensed Christian Counselor Bradley McCallister to help brainstorm ways to change the scenario and put the control back into mom and dad’s hands. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Bradley McCallister is an adoptive and foster parent to four special needs children along with his wife Brittany. They both have their Master’s Degrees in Christian Counseling from Philadelphia College of the Bible and have served as foster and adoptive family therapists. Together Bradley and Brittany run Redirected Wood Company, specializing in creating beautiful custom furniture out of reclaimed lumber. Discipline can get tricky and frustrating, especially with strong-willed kids for whom consequences are not enough to change behavior. Bradley suggests taking a different route: be preemptive in preventing the behavior you don’t want to see. For example, if you know you have to focus your time on one child or on work, and will not be able to attend to another child, give that child activities to do that will occupy their time. Sometimes, to prove that you are in control, you have to share control. By giving the child activities to do, you are giving a semblance of freedom within parameters that you set. A little reverse psychology also works. Instead of constantly pointing out the negative things that your child does, try praising and rewarding the good behaviors that you notice them doing. This motivates them to behave well. According to Bradley, if you reinforce the behavior quickly – within three seconds – the child is more likely to learn and retain that lesson on positive consequences. Use cereal, pennies, or beans in a jar to help them visualize the reward. Another important thing to note is how you behave in front of your children. Learn to apologize when you’ve blown your behavior. It helps show them the right thing to do when anyone, young or old, makes a mistake. On the other side of doling out discipline, don’t forget at the end of the day to go to your child and reinforce in them that you love them and they are good and you value them, even if they may have behaved badly. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Book: The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family by Karyn Purvis Bradley’s Business: Redirected Wood Company Facebook: Redirected Wood Co. Instagram: @redirectedwoodco Previous episode: Behavior Should Make Us Curious

I used to get stressed thinking that if my children weren’t fully formed, totally prepared for the adult world by 18 years old, I was a failure. Then I realized how much I still had to learn and master after 18 years old myself. I STILL rely on the wisdom of my mom and dad. I asked my daughter Brooklyn to give me perspective on how the tragedies AND blessings have all worked together for good to form her into the amazing young lady she is today. You’ll be encouraged as you listen to Brooklyn share how God grew her past things that mom and dad felt powerless to fix. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights This week, we got to celebrate the 18th birthday of my oldest daughter Brooklyn. In her childhood she’s walked through the death of a parent, cancer of her brother, and the loss of several foster children coming and going from home. Additionally, she’s had all of the other normal worries and challenges of a child growing up. As she grew up, Brooklyn took all of these challenges in stride. But, she also dealt with her own insecurities. As a parent, it’s debilitating and frustrating to think there’s nothing more we can do to help our child other than foster a household with unconditional love. Starting work was one of Brooklyn’s pivotal moments in her life because it reinforced her capability to do things well, and gave her the opportunity to meet new people. She discovered who she was. Though she’s 18, she has the wisdom to know that she is still working on growing in some aspects of her life, such as spirituality… as well as practical little responsibilities that come with adulting. Fellow parents, don’t panic! 18 isn’t a finish line for raising your children. Being able to realize that really eases some of the pressure of parenthood. Even at my age, I still consult my parents when I need to make big, important decisions. Affirm with your young adult children that you recognize them as adults, that they are capable of taking on more responsibility, but also, there is no expectation that they know how to do everything right at this point. And you as a parent will still be there to coach, guide, and warn – but not control. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Previous episode: Questions to Ask Before Dating Previous episode: Chick-Fil-A Can Teach Us a Lot About Parenting

There are no true experts in every single aspect of parenting. As a parent who has been on the path for a while, here is some wisdom for moms and dads in all stages of parenting. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights There are no parenting experts. There can’t be. Humans are all different and what is effective in one family may not necessarily work for others. With this in mind, release yourself from any rigid guidelines of any particular person, way, or path of parenting. Your parenting style has to keep on changing and adapting. Just because you know how to handle one child well, it doesn’t mean the same strategies will work with your other children. We are just constantly trying to do what’s best for each of our children. There are no parenting experts. But, there are wise people. Do the best you can to surround yourself with wise and experienced people. Remember that whatever you are going through in your household, there is an infinitesimally small chance that you are the first person to go through this. While you may be going through a unique combination of situations, you are never alone. There are always wise and experienced people who have walked through trials and you can turn to them. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask questions if you see people you know succeeding in their family management. Chances are, the people you ask will be happy to share their best practices. Asking questions is one major way that you can approach expertise in parenting. Here’s my advice for any mom and dad: There are no parenting experts, we’re all in process. You aren’t a parenting expert and there’s nobody that thinks you are or expects you to be. Comparison is a killer. Let’s free ourselves from the sinful trap of comparison. It’s a joy killer. Don’t compare your family and your children to other’s. You’re comparing their best to your reality and it’s not fair to you. Even the heroes of faith in the Bible made their own parenting mistakes. You must preach the gospel to yourself in regards to your parenting. The gospel is the reminder that we need God’s grace day to day. You’re not just saved by the gospel, you’re sustained by the gospel. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866