Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

In today's world, we and our children are bombarded by screens. Eliza Huie shows us how we can raise kids in a screen saturated world. She also reveals what the real enemy is – and it's not technology Show Highlights Eliza is the Director of Counseling at McLean Bible Church in Virginia and the Dean of Biblical Counseling at Metro Baltimore Seminary. As a licensed counselor with biblical training, she brings expertise to the challenges parents face in a way that emphasizes organic gospel connections. Eliza and her husband Ken raised three children and recently had the joy of adding a daughter-in-law to their family. She is the author of Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World, Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World, and The Whole Life 52-Weeks of Biblical Self-Care available summer 2021. Most of us parents right now are not digital natives. We didn't grow up with screens everywhere, so we need a little guidance on how to navigate technology in our homes. Now it's common for a kid to have more than one gadget! Because of the COVID situation right now, their world is surrounded by screens from schooling to socialization. Eliza says, parents need to realize that this is a season and it's not always going to be like this. It's just the reality that screens are a necessity in your kid's life right now, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't still exercise healthy habits and parameters when it comes to using them. Too much can lead to feelings of disconnection from our family and children. Eliza reminds parents, not all screen time is created equal. If your child has to be online on a Zoom class, that doesn't count as leisure screen time. Sometimes your kids really need to connect with their friends online. But, when you notice them getting screen fatigue – headaches, eye strain, difficulty sleeping – you might need to regulate even their necessary screen time. Model digital discipline and courtesy. Even if we are all working from home, on our computers, try your best to be available for face to face interaction when your kids are in the room. Let them see that you put your phone away and you have your own limits when it comes to using tech. Before you hand over a new device to your child, have three important conversations: set the parameters and the conditions around it, like appropriate times and places to use it; talk to them about confidentiality; have the conversation about cost – even if it's a gift. Help them budget their data and the time they spend online. It's important your kids know that having a device is a privilege, not an entitlement. The devices and screens are not the enemy. Eliza says, the enemy is the enemy of our souls. Don't look at screens as evil, rather think of how you can use them in a positive way that promotes good in your family. [bctt tweet="not all screen time is created equal." username="jaydholland"] Resources Mentioned Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers Eliza's Website: http://www.elizahuie.com Eliza's Twitter: https://twitter.com/ElizaJaneHuie Eliza's Books: Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World and Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World Previous episode: A Homeschooling Peptalk with Eliza Huie Previous episode: Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World with Eliza Huie If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Studies have shown that the average teen is in church maybe 50 hours a year, but they get about 3,000 hours a year with their parents. What happens in the home is so impactful on a child's spiritual life. As a youth minister, I find it so important to connect not just with young people, but to their moms and dads too. That's how the idea for this podcast started. Now, Let's Parent on Purpose is on its 200th episode! Show Highlights Through all the parenting struggles I've gone through as a father and a foster father, I've learned that the most important thing as a parent is this: believe in the gospel. Believe the gospel in its entirety. As parents, I want to point you back to the reality that the most important thing in your life is not your bank account or your service at church, or even how well your kids are doing. The most important thing in your life is the reality that Jesus died for your sins and he rose again. Put your faith and trust in Jesus. Many of us believe that gospel, and know that Jesus died for our sins and when we die He will take us to heaven, but we forget to believe the gospel in the moment as it applies to our daily life. Believing the gospel in the day to day will radically change your narrative as you walk through any event. Romans 8:1 "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." However crappy of a parent you were this week, there is no condemnation for you. God is not sitting in heaven rating your righteousness. Even if you may have failed today in your parenting, ask yourself: How do I think about that in light of the fact that Jesus died and rose again? In Romans 8 we also learn that God sends his Holy Spirit to dwell within us. There is nothing that God would require in your life that He is not there and empowering you to do. God prays to God for you. You are not alone. God is interceding on your behalf. One of the greatest verses in the Bible is Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good." You can believe that gospel that what ever is happening in your life, if you love God and you belong to Jesus, all of those things will work together for your good. Romans 8:29 "For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His son in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." What does good look like to God? It is for you to be conformed to the image of Jesus. God is working all your victories and trials together to make you more like Jesus. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" When you believe the gospel, it changes how you parent. Because you believe that you are not alone and you are not separated from the love of God. [bctt tweet="Believe the gospel in its entirety." username="jaydholland"] Resources Mentioned Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers Website: Christian Parenting If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Netflix recently released a documentary called the Social Dilemma. This is film is part interview, part family drama, part recreation of the Pixar Movie Inside Out. In interviews with some of the primary behavioral and software engineers of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest, we learn how these products are not only designed to be addictive, but also to change user’s behavior. I think every parent who is on social media needs to watch, and every parent of a child who is on social media should watch it with their children. Here are some of my key takeaways from the documentary. Show Highlights The drug industry and the social media industry are the only two industries that refer to their customers as "users." But, you may not realize that you are not the customer of the social media industry. As a customer, you would have to be paying for the product, but someone else is – advertisers. With social media, you are the product. Advertisers pay social media platforms to influence you into long term behavioral change. As parents, it is alarming to know that our kids are not sophisticated enough to pick up on the nuance that social media is manipulating them like a tool. Posts become engaging when they are shocking, outrageous, or incites strong emotions. Social media also tends to show you more and more of what you are biased towards. This makes us eventually see things only from one side and view the other side with contempt. What makes conversation more difficult than contempt? This is being fueled by the social media platforms that we are on. Protecting our children's privacy is another very important consideration when it comes to social media. But, social media is reaching a point where it's not just about your privacy. It's about changing who you are – ever more so with your kids. Together with the normalization of young people having their own gadgets and being on social media at an early age, as a youth pastor I have noticed a much higher rate of pornography addiction among young men and women, higher rates of self-esteem issues and suicide than ever before. To be a good example to my kids, I have deleted my social media apps from my phone so that I am not compelled to check notifications all day. If I want to get on my social media accounts, I have to wait to get on my computer at home. I have found that being on social media less has made me more engaged with actual human beings. I want to model to my children that this is not something that has to rule our life. Think about how social media has changed your behavior and attitude. Has it raised your level of jealousy? Has it raised your level of isolation or loneliness? Has it raised your level of true connectedness? If you see unhealthy fruits from your habits, maybe you have to go on a social media diet. Resources Mentioned Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers Article: “The Social Dilemma - My Top 9 Top Takeaways from the Netflix Documentary” by Catherine N. Wright Documentary: The Social Dilemma

Technology is an ever-present entity in our lives and sometimes we can become scared of it, but there are also several wonderful things made possible by it. This new series tackles various aspects of technology and how it navigate through it with your family. Show Highlights Scott Pleasants is currently the Strategic Innovations Advisor for Innovate Lynchburg where he is responsible for helping businesses with technology and helping tech-based entrepreneurs with their go-to-market strategies. Before being named SAI, Scott was the CIO for TRBC World-wide and the Director of Engineering Technology and Operations for the Liberty University School of Engineering and Computational Sciences. Even if Scott is a tech guy and his family is inevitably hooked on their own gadgets, they still make it a point to put their technology down and spend time together, take a hike, or enjoy sometime unplugged – "and not make it the center of our lives," says Scott. That said, Scott says, technology in itself is not bad – there are just people who do bad things with it. In fact, we can do major good with the technology we have. Technology and platforms should be tools for you to use. You should not be a slave to it. Empower your kids to use these platforms for good using these tools. Scott suggests not allowing kids to have technology in their own rooms. Make sure that the technology is in a common area and there are no secrets. Encourage a healthy use of technology. Let your kids know that they are not being given restrictions because you are treating them like children. They should understand that these precautions are meant to protect them and it is for the whole family's safety. Technology can be dangerous, so as parents, really sit down with your family and have a serious conversation about how you are going to use technology. Ask you kids, how can you do good with the technology that you have? [bctt tweet="technology in itself is not bad – there are just people who do bad things with it." username="jaydholland"] Resources Mentioned Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers Service: Apple Family Sharing DNS Filtering - blocks malicious or forbidden websites App: Bark - parental control tool App: Circle - parental control tool Sophos - cybersecurity Life 360 - family safety service If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

To wrap up this series on Money Matters, I wanted to talk about the power of service and generosity in the family and how transformative that could be. In this episode, Lisa Gibson talks about the impact of three generations of generosity and serving as a family. Show Highlights Lisa Gibson is a wife to Brent, the mother of three, and follower of Jesus. She’s an active member of Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church, and also happens to be my wife Emily’s sister. Lisa was profoundly shaped by her parent’s reliance on the Lord and generosity with others, and she and Brent are seeking to model the same spirit in their household. Learning from her own father's generosity, Lisa saw first-hand how it can change lives. She remembers him saying "Ask the Lord to show you people who you can be a blessing to." There is no shortage of people who need your help. In her own family, Lisa and her husband Brent strive to intentionally guide their children in putting feet to their faith on a regular basis. As a family, they host a life group each week, which entails the kids in the family to make small sacrifices like sharing their rooms with others to make space for the group to gather and study the Bible. The Gibson family has also fostered children. They make sure to do a variety of hands-on activities that instill the value of service in their kids, such as cleaning the church cafe once a week and inviting some of the older people in the community over to dinner.  At the same time, remember that you can't schedule out every moment of your family's lives. Leave some space for growth and development, and just time together. While Lisa sees how her children want to serve in their own different ways, she knows there is more room for growth and she believes that the Lord will enable this in their hearts. [bctt tweet=""Ask the Lord to show you people who you can be a blessing to." There is no shortage of people who need your help." username="jaydholland"] Resources Mentioned Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers Previous episode: Episode 123: Creating a Plan for Summer Growth If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.

Parents are often hesitant to talk to their children about sex and money on a personal level. The lack of serious money talkleads to kids who don't know what their parents make and much worse, what things cost. This often gives our kids a skewed perspective of the reality of money and finances.   Show Highlights   It is important to be intentional in teaching your kids about money. Financial wisdom doesn’t come from a lesson, but from hundreds of experiences wisely processed. It is not just important to go through certain experiences, but to process them and learn from them.   Don't automatically bail your kids out of foolish decisions that they make when it comes to money. Praise God for foolish decisions! There's nothing better for a young person to go through than a foolish decision that they own. It will teach them better than most anything else.   There are 5 principles that you should teach your kids to help them to be smart and wise with money:   1.Working –When we talk about finances, the first thing to talk about is working. Emphasize the importance of earning through honest work. Establish a good work ethic in your children. Try not giving them an allowance. Instead, replace it with a commission system in your household to set them up with a mindset that when they put in the hard work, there is a reward to be earned.   2.Giving –Part of your child's hard-earned money should be allotted for giving. This goes to the Church collection, teaching them to give back to the Lord and be involved in the work of God.   3.Saving –Teach your children to be the best friend of their future selves by allotting money for their savings. Motivate them by setting a goal or item they are saving up for.   4.Spending –Guide your children in making wise decisions when spending their money and making their own purchases.   5.Debt –This is harder for children to understand, but is no less important in your child'sfinancially literacy. Start talking to them about debt when they are young to ease them into an awareness of what it is.Teach your kids to pay the Lord first, their future selves next, and live off of what is left. Strive to raise children who are wise, generous, and smart in the way they handle their money.   [bctt tweet="There's nothing better for a young person to go through than a foolish decision that they own." username="jaydholland"]   Resources Mentioned Sponsor: Perfectly Imperfect, Oct 23-24 Sponsor affiliate: Hopegivers The Christian Parenting Podcast Network on www.christianparenting.org Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Book: Financial Peace Junior Kit by Dave Ramsey Previous episode: Anthony Oneal: Debt Free Degree   If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron.   I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage.   Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email.    

Finances are either going to strengthen your marriage or tear them apart. As parents, your family depends on you developing your financial literacy. Raising a child with a disability, Donna Hosanglearned that the more organized they were as a family in their daily lives, especially in the financial lives, the easier it was for them to handle any unexpected crisis that might arise.   Show Highlights Donna Hosang Certified Financial Coach with the Dave Ramsey Financial Group. She’s also is the retired mother of three and member of Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church. Donna and her late husband John navigated multiple unexpected health and family challenges in theirmarriage, including raising a special needs child who is now in heaven. By God’s Grace, they got their financial house in order early in their marriage, allowing them to thrive in situations where many families drown. Donna has a passion for helping families with wise financial planning to protect themselves from Murphy’s Law.   The first step to getting your finances in order is to establish your budget each month and actually write it down so that you know that it is real. Work on this together with your partner. Both should understand what is going on.   But, despite all your planning, there can always be an unexpected crisis, whether big or small. To prepare for that, establish an emergency fund. Donna suggests setting aside $1,000. This will be there for you if you have a medical emergency or an accident, anything outside of the budget. If you know you're prepared for it financially, you'll worry less.   Ultimately, Donna says what will really make you financially stable is getting yourself out of debt –and if you are not in debt, stay out of it.   Tackle your debt by listing everything down, with the smallest debt first. Instead of paying a little of each every month, systematically knock out your debt by paying the smallest in full first, and so on.   To really be able to finish paying all your debt, you will have to make changes in your daily habits. But, know that as a couple and a family, you do this together.   Though it may seem difficult, Donna says, "It doesn't matter how much debt a family has. There is always a way out."   Once you are out of debt, work on accumulating 3 to 6 months of living expenses set aside.   As you get yourself on more stable ground, work on paying down your mortgage. It will give you even more financial freedom.   Then, you can start tosave up for your retirement and your kids' college. This will set both you and your children up for a more comfortable future.   [bctt tweet="It doesn't matter how much debt a family has. There is always a way out." username="jaydholland"]   Resources Mentioned Sponsor: Perfectly Imperfect, Oct 23-24 The Christian Parenting Podcast Network on www.christianparenting.org Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Website: www.daveramsey.com Contact Donna: jmhdmhme@aol.com    If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If youwould like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron.   I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage.   Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email  

You may not even realize this, but Jesus speaks of money more than of heaven and hell combined, perhaps more than any singular topic. In fact, 11 of the 39 parables that Jesus teaches are on the topic of money and finances. Finances often trigger anxiety and stress. From what I've experienced, I've realized: my worry was not fixing my financial situation and I belong to Jesus and He is taking care of me. Today, I want to share five over-arching heart principles on money and finance.

Thanks to our sponsor www.lazybearcabinrental.com. The Lazy Bear Cabin is three bedroom, two bathroom cabin in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Northwest Georgia. Consider this getaway spot as the perfect socially distanced family or romantic getaway. If you know a family who deserves a special vacation, nominate them and tell their story at www.lazybearcabinrental.com to register for a free 3 day, 2 night getaway. Over the years, I've had the chance to pray with parents who are in grief over the current spiritual state of their children who have chosen the path of rebellion. My friend, Shane O'Neill gives a powerful testimony of hope after a long season of rebellion and how his parents were a steadfast witness to him as God brought him back to the faith. Shane O’Neill is the host of The Naked Gospel podcast. He is also the Editorial Director for Proven Ministries, a non-profit, sexual integrity organization that partners with individuals, churches, and organizations to see men, women, and families discover Jesus’ freedom. Shane is currently working on a graduate degree in apologetics at Liberty University’s Rawling School of Divinity.

These days, it's hard to make a distinction between work days and weekends. Many working moms and dads find their weekends overflowing with chores and to-dos, and even recreation that exhausts them, leaving them weary. One of the ten commandments is to "remember the Sabbath and keep it holy" but we tend to ignore this need to rest. Jesus said the Sabbath was a gift that God gave to us, but even I am not very good at receiving that gift. Joy Tanner and her family has been doing a great job at incorporating a regular Sabbath practice in their life. Here's what it looks like to celebrate the Sabbath day with your family and what it can do for your household. Thanks to our sponsor www.lazybearcabinrental.com. The Lazy Bear Cabin is three bedroom, two bathroom cabin in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Northwest Georgia. Consider this getaway spot as the perfect socially distanced family or romantic getaway. If you know a family who deserves a special vacation, nominate them and tell their story at www.lazybearcabinrental.com to register for a free 3 day, 2 night getaway.