Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

I couldn’t be more excited to bring to you episode 178 of Let’s Parent on Purpose. We get to share in the incredible wisdom of author and executive director of Fuller Youth Institute, Kara Powell. Kara has a treasure trove of research to help us guide our children through the anxious world we’re living in and into faith  in Christ that sticks through adulthood. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Kara Powell, PhD, is the Executive Director of the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) and a faculty member at Fuller Theological Seminary. Named by Christianity Today as one of “50 Women to Watch,” Kara serves as a Youth and Family Strategist for Orange, and also speaks regularly at parenting and leadership conferences. Kara is the author or co-author of a number of books including Faith in an Anxious World, Growing With, 18 Plus, Growing Young, The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family, Sticky Faith Curriculum, Can I Ask That?, Deep Justice Journeys, Essential Leadership, Deep Justice in a Broken World, Deep Ministry in a Shallow World, and the Good Sex Youth Ministry Curriculum. The demands to remain agile and adept at responding to what’s going on to our kids and our world poses many challenges to parents today. The fast-changing world certainly keeps parents on our toes. There is more stress and anxiety in our culture today that affects people across all generations. Kids can experience anxiety for several factors, including: Technology – While technology is certainly an essential in navigating today’s world, it also puts pressure on children’s fear of missing out. Parenting – Some of our parenting techniques could be putting more stress on our children. We may be putting too much pressure on our kids to succeed quickly. On the other hand, we may also be helicopter parenting, rescuing them from situations before they are able to develop their own grit and resilience. Busyness – Today’s busy culture contributes to the increase in stress and anxiety. Kara shares her five-step process to help adults deal with young people who are experiencing anxiety: ASK. First, ask the young person to rate their anxiety or depression on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst. BREATHE. Encourage them to take deep breaths. When we panic, our hearts beat faster to get blood to all the extremities. Breathing deeply helps counter act this and put a break pedal on the physiological feeling of stress. CENTER. Help them center on a helpful truth or phrase. Find a line from scripture or a worship song that can give them an anchor to hold on to. DEVELOP a team. Build a support group of friends, supporters and even mental health professionals that your child can turn to. EMPATHIZE and EMPOWER. Listen and understand what they are feeling, and go beyond that be helping them figure out a step forward. Many young people stray away from their faith in their first three years in college. Foster faith in your children that is “sticky.” A lot of youth group kids end up viewing their faith as “a gospel of sin management.” When they graduate from high school and start making mistakes, they end up running from God and the church just when they need it the most. As a parent, re-center them in a gospel that is grounded in grace and God’s unconditional love. Remind them that we respond to God out of gratitude, out of a relationship between us and a loving God. Parenting isn’t a solo sport. It’s a team effort. Be intentional in creating a team of adults to support your child. Whether a family, teacher, coach, or neighbor, find those you can invite to let your child know that there is a team of adults that are looking out for them. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Website: Fuller Youth Institute Website: Fuller Theological Seminary Book: The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family Book: Growing With Podcast: Faith in an Anxious World

This is episode 177 of Let’s Parent on Purpose and a very timely one. I am joined today by my good friend and co-youth minister here on the Treasure Coast, Mikiala Tennie and we are going to discuss talking about race and racism to our children. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Mikiala grew up in sunny South Florida. She started volunteering in student ministry while still a student herself and hasn’t stopped serving students since. Mikiala works in ministry because of her desire for people to truly know Christ. For six years she has served at First United Methodist Church of Stuart and currently has the role of Director of Discipleship and Student Ministries. She lives with her little Yorkie, KiKi Okoye Tennie. In light of everything going on today, many of us want to have a nuanced and sensitive talk with our children about race and racism. When you do this, remember that the goal is always to approach equality. As a parent, you cannot be afraid to talk about racism. Mikiala says, if parents are not willing to have these difficult conversations with their kids, they are doing a disservice to their families. Do not leave it to the outside world to teach your child about racism. If you are not addressing it, it will create trauma. Embark on the conversation with the hope of brining up your children as assets to the gospel as it relates to racism and inequality. Inequality is real. Racism is real. And it is not over. Teach your children to look at differences as one of the joyful parts of life. Mikiala says, to be able to move forward, everyone has to be willing to step into somebody else’s world and understand that trauma that has made them who they are. We have to be human together. More than just talking about it, you must show your child that beyond that, you are a good example of striving to make things better. This is not just a topic of conversation. Watch what you say because your children will pick up on your racist remarks, even if you make the comments in passing. Your children must see you intentionally engaging in conversation with adults about race and racism. Show them that you too are open to a diverse set of friends and voices. The greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. If we are truly people of the gospel, that has to mean putting into practice what we preach, taking actions informed by the gospel. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

There’s a good chance that we’ve never met and there’s a good chance that I’m not actually your pastor. But would you mind for a few minutes today if I took the place of pastor in your life and shared with you on a topic that I think is really needful to address? That is suffering and how to suffer well. Bear with me for a few minutes as we talk about that today. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Suffering is a topic that we don’t often want to talk about. But, it’s something that is present in everyone’s lives. There is so much suffering in the world today, but some people might feel it more than others. Realize that suffering is often disproportionate to my circumstances. There are times when you are going through terrible hardship, but you don’t feel like you are suffering. On the other hand, there may be times when, despite the many things you have going for you, you experience a kind of emotional suffering. In Philippians 1:29, the apostle Paul says: “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ, you should not only believe in Him, but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I have.” God has granted your suffering for the sake of Jesus. We’ve all experienced tremendous amounts of personal suffering. But, when I look back on my life, I can see every suffering I’ve experienced has served a purpose. We are naturally programmed to look forward to victories – overcoming difficult circumstances. But your hope cannot be in the outcome of suffering. Your hope must be in Jesus Christ. As you pray for the victory that is to come, spend your time rejoicing in the fact that God is right there with you in your suffering. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

Let’s spend a little time together today thinking intentionally about the culture that we create within our household for our families. My guest today is Joel Montgomery and he helps us with crafting a vision and a strategy for family culture. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Joel and his wife Elaine have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids: Sofia Grace, Julia Joy and Mateus. Over the past 12 years, Joel has been helping for-profits, non-profits and churches around the world to create an authentic culture that turns their people into a passionate tribe on a mission. Most recently, Joel has applied his expertise of culture to the family, founding Family on Purpose with his wife Elaine. They teach parents with young children how to focus their limited time on what is most important so they can live more purposefully together. Having a family culture starts by sitting down together and creating a family purpose and establishing your family’s key principles. Then, look at your family’s habits and  identify intentional practices that all of you can do to live out your collective purpose. Joel breaks down the process: Purpose – the future that you want for your family; why you do what you want to do. Principles – the core elements that are most important to you; the truth you believe as a family and what you want to be known for in the world. Practices – habits that enable your to live out your family’s purpose and principles on a regular basis. While it’s much easier to set the foundations for a family culture when your kids are young, it’s still important to start doing this no matter where you are in your family journey. If you want to establish your family culture and already have older children, involve them in the process. It’s an opportunity for them to engage in what the family is about. The more involved your young and old kids are in forming your family culture, the more they will hold each other – and you – accountable for living it out. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Free Digital Download: 10 Tips to Do Family on Purpose Online Course: Create a Family Culture Blueprint in 7 Days Instagram: Joelrmontgomery Website: joelrmontgomery.com

Today I’m joined by author and speaker Laurie Christine Ressler as we talk through ways to engage your children in family devotions. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Laurie Christine Ressler writes devotional Bible stories for families. As a mom of four young boys, she understands how important it is for parents to connect with their children while communicating the truth of God’s Word to them in a way they can understand. With degrees in Creative Writing, Biblical Studies and Education, Laurie has more than twelve years of experience in teaching the Bible to young children as well as writing Sunday School curriculum for her local church. She also serves as the Administrator for the Christian Writers Institute. Laurie’s passion is to equip parents with the resources they need to create Christ-centered connections with their children. There are a number of reasons why many families – even the most spiritual – do not spend time for family devotions regularly. Most of us are too tired at the end of the day, or you feel like you don’t know the Bible well enough to teach your children, or the kids are just too chaotic. But, creating the family devotions habit does not have to be intimidating. Start small, even with reading just one Bible verse together. Then, talk about what it means to you and to each one in the family. What do you learn about God from the verse? Here are some creative ideas for starting family devotions: Go through a devotional book or children’s Bible stories. Make sure your kids are engaged while you read them together. Read with expression. Be passionate in what you are sharing with your kids. If you are excited about it, your kids will be excited about it. Tap into things that your kids already know about the Bible stories. Make them tell the story or contribute what they remember about it. Let that dig deeper into the story. Have your kids draw or act out what they know and remember about the stories. Learning is reinforced by involving all their senses. Connect the stories to real life. Always end by talk about what you learned about God from the Bible stories. Don’t put pressure on the family to do your devotions every day, at a specific time. There is no formula for how you have to teach God’s word to your children. You will not transform your children in one single moment, but it is the consistency of coming together for the devotions that will make a difference. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Health care ministry: samaritanministries.org Family Devotions Resources: https://www.LaurieChristine.com/family-devotions/ Website: www.LaurieChristine.com Laurie’s books: www.LaurieChristine.com/books

If your home is like mine, you’ve seen an uptick on the amount of time on screens and devices as we’ve all self-isolated. Today I’m joined by Neal Harmon, co-founder of the streaming service VidAngel. We talk about the challenges and resources for parents navigating all of the media choices for our children. Neal brings a lot of wisdom and some encouraging options to help our families. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Neal Harmon is the CEO and co-founder of VidAngel, a streaming service that allows parents to skip objectionable content in entertainment using ground-breaking technology. VidAngel has been highly-profiled for The Chosen, its original series about Jesus and the #1 crowdfunded media project in history, and its other incredible family-based content like Dry Bar Comedy. VidAngel recently made headlines by offering all of its streaming content free during the COVID-19 pandemic, provided people agree to social distancing of course. Now that everything is being done at home during the lockdown, many parents are relaxing their policies on screentime. Regulate this by setting good expectations. Schedule your family’s media time for the week together. Before giving younger children devices, set up a contract with them, setting the parameters to using them to help them manage device fatigue. Making a pre-arranged agreement removes a lot of stress because you’ve talked about it in advance. Having several children of different ages in the family can create difficulties when it comes to choosing what to watch together. What works for Neal’s family of nine children is scheduling two movie nights a week at their home, one where the group of older kids and group o younger kids get to choose what they want to watch separately, and one family night where they can find something to watch together. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Website: VidAngel Show: Dry Bar Comedy Show: The Chosen Show: Some Good News Show: Never Failed Show: Hello Ninja Show: Spirit Riding Free

Do you remember when you were young and your mom and dad used to tell you to watch your tone? I think that’s a reminder that I’ve needed in these last few days of being around family members non-stop – not to remind my kids to mind their tone, but to remind myself to watch my tone. That’s what we’re going to talk about on today’s Let’s Parent on Purpose. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Tone matters. When we think about communication there is content and context. In some cases, the context can mean even more than content. Depending on how you say something, it can vastly change the meaning of your message. Especially during this time when most of us are at home with our children all day, we need to pay special attention to our tone. As a parent, your tone helps set the standard for the tone that is used by everybody else in your household. Proverbs 15 says: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When dealing with your children, think about de-escalating heated situations instead of answering with an angry outburst. Answer gently so that they may change their tone as well. Tone is also important when you are reading God’s word. Think of the inflection of your voice, whether you are reading to yourself or to your children. Your tone will influence the way listeners receive the message of the loving God. Ultimately, you get to choose your tone. It will help affect how you feel about a situation and convey that to those around you. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Daily prayer: Morning Prayer

Sometimes as a parent, we can worry that the decisions we make or even one bad decision might wreck our children for the rest of their lives. Today I am joined by someone who has become a dear friend. Hunter Wheatcraft has served as Children’s and College Pastor at our church for the last three years here at Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church in Stuart, Florida while he completed seminary at Palm Beach Atlantic University. This is his last week with us, as Hunter and his bride Anna are heading to Texas so she can pursue her masters degree. They’ll leave a deep hole in hundreds of hearts in South Florida. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Hunter is a steady, faithful man of God who loves Jesus and others so well. But you would have never dreamed he would turn into such a solid man based on his childhood. Today we talk about Hunter’s life. I want you to be encouraged that you don’t have to get everything right as a parent. God redeems horrific parenting, and he can redeem our follies as well. Sometimes, as parents, we fear that our children’s decisions will change the rest of their life for the worst. But, it is naive to think that we know that trajectory. Trust that the Lord has a plan for your children’s lives. No decision they make will be outside the goodness of the Lord. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866

This is a bonus edition of Let’s Parent on Purpose, especially for all of you moms and dads that found yourselves thrust into the role of homeschool overseer on top of all the other things you’re trying to reorient in nearly every area of your life right now. I’ve got one major word for you today: relax. Join me as I speak with Christian counselor and veteran homeschool mom Eliza Huie for a few moments of encouragement before you rush back into all that you’re carrying. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Eliza Huie is the Director of Counseling at McLean Bible Church in Virginia. She and her husband Ken have three grown children and a wonderful daughter-in-law. Eliza balanced homeschooling and work-life for several years while their kids were growing up. Eliza’s first piece of advice? Take a deep breath, relax. Realize that we are all figuring this out at the same time, together. Manage your expectations. You are not expected to create a school in your home. Aim to help your child retain what they have already learned in school, not start a whole new curriculum. Your kids may not remember the academic worksheets and drills that you do. They will remember and appreciate the stories you read, the activities you do, and the time you spend together during this time. It is a great opportunity to instill what we really want them to take away from this unique period in their lives. Let your day work for your family. Don’t feel restricted or pressured by regular school hours. Homeschooling gives you the chance to consider yourself and your child and the best times of the day for learning. Consider each family member’s needs, including your own. Allow time for work and play. Don’t forget social time. If they can call a friend or connect online, schedule that into their day. If at all possible, try to take a short walk with only one child at a time. Talk to them about how they are coping. Let them ask you questions without having someone barging in and interrupting your heart to heart conversation. Look at this time as an opportunity to build a relationship with your children in a unique way. It is an opportunity to parent in a different way than you’ve been doing before, but you are still parenting on purpose. Remember that even without realizing it, your children have been learning from you all their lives. They learn from what they observe from you and how you communicate and connect with them. Beyond textbooks and school, life lessons are some of the most important things they learn from you everyday. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Article: Suddenly Homeschooling? 9 Ways to Help Keep Your Sanity Podcast: Focus on the Family

Today I have a dear friend joining me from Spain where he and his family of six have been in lockdown for more than three weeks. He’s going to help give us wisdom and counsel on how we might set ourselves up to thrive spiritually, physically, and emotionally, while also having realistic expectations for ourselves and those around us as we continue to navigate Covid-19. If you find this podcast helpful, you can subscribe  and click here to find past topics and free resources. Feel free to share with others, as well! If you would like to help support Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can do so by becoming a patron. I send a weekly email called “Things for Thursday” and it includes things I’ve found helpful related to parenting, marriage, and sometimes just things I find funny! You can sign up for “Things for Thursday” by joining my newsletter on my homepage. Thank you for your continued support of this podcast. If you have a prayer request or if you have a topic suggestion or question, please contact me at my email. Show Highlights Virgil Tanner has been married for 20 years and is a father of four. He and his family have lived on three continents and he is currently based in Spain where he oversees strategy and global operations for a non-profit with hundreds of staff scattered all over the world. It is possible to thrive in lockdown. It is possible to thrive in uncertainty. You can thrive spiritually by: Withdraw – Allow yourself to pull away from the people you are on lockdown with and from distractions to create space where you can listen to Jesus. Gather – Jesus touches us when we gathered. Find ways, with social distance, to connect with people so you can connect deeply with Jesus, together. Obey – Listen to God’s call, obey, and reflect on what you’ve learned from obeying Him. Health is incredibly vital during the lockdown. You can thrive physically by: Eat – Be intentional about what you put in your body. Boost your immune system with vitamins and minerals. Move – Have a regular movement practice with active intentional action. 30 minutes of high intensity exercise every day is the best way to fight depression and anxiety. Recover – Notice your energy levels and get the right amount of sleep, not too much and not too little. Right now, adjusting and coping to our new work and life situation can be more tiring than usual. Be intentional about giving yourself more time to rest. You can thrive cognitively and emotionally by: Learn – Keep your brain active by presenting your mind with something novel. Focus – Be selective about when you are going to think of certain things. Know when not to put things in your head and the kinds of things that you shouldn’t put in your head. This also makes space for you to feel necessary feelings. Play – Schedule play into your day. We are at our most human when we are at play. It helps to play together as a family. Most importantly, be intentional about lowering the bar for yourself during this challenging time. Right now, everyone’s capacity is diminished. Try hard to do yourself, but cut yourself some slack. Resources Mentioned Things for Thursday and free e-book: Text THINGS to 66866 Virgil’s Youtube Channel: Virgil Tanner