The Anxious Love Coach

It's my pleasure to bring on Alex Bishop, a registered counsellor and IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapist, onto the podcast today. Alex has struggled with Relationship OCD/Relationship Anxiety, and disorganized attachment, and can speak deeply on the experience of pushing a partner away. In this episode, we discuss his story with overcoming ROCD, how parts work relates to relationship anxiety, the IFS model for overcoming doubts, fears, and "the ick" associated with ROCD, and some of the limitations of ERP therapy for overcoming ROCD specifically. If you have been feeling stuck, this episode will be SO validating for you, and can help you get on the path to free yourself from the overwhelming shame and anxiety! Find Alex over at @forloveweheal on Instagram. Links: PATREON CALL w/ live Q+A: August 3rd at 10AM PST https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Time Stamps: 3:00 - Alex's experience with ROCD 16:42 - The importance of knowing your patterns when you have relationship anxiety 19:00 - How Alex used parts work/CBT 23:00 - How psychedelics can help with relationship anxiety 26:12 - Creating aliveness for yourself in your relationship 31:00 -Therapeutic routes to help with ROCD 42:50 - The causes of attraction obsessions 56:10 - Having different experiences that we label the same thing 57:50 - The limitation of ERP: Exposure and Response Prevention

I often add the disclaimer to relationship anxiety content to disregard my insight if you're in a toxic or abusive relationship. But that begs the question for many: how does one know that the relationship they are in is toxic or abusive? In this episode, I'm going to lay out my nuanced thoughts on this, knowing full well there are limitations even to this line of thinking. We discuss power dynamics, manipulation, unconsciousness, malicious intent, and more. I am also hopeful that you will get more clarity on your situation, because in either case, if you are wondering this question, it is likely there is some unconsciousness that needs addressing. Links: Join me for my monthly Q&A on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Watch Your Language Masterclass: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/watch-your-language-masterclass Pick my brain by submitting a Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach CODE: summer23 for 10% off Conscious Communication Course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/consciouscommunication Time Stamps: 9:30 My definition of abuse in a relationship 15:35 My definition of codependency in a relationship 18:01 Not trusting your partner to their own devices 20:32 Manipulating your partner in order to change them 27:50 Things in a relationship that are uncomfortable but not abusive 33:01 Is my partner gaslighting me? 34:35 What happens when you start to get happy in your relationship? 40:05 The power of saying more with less

If you've been preoccupied with thoughts about your ex, or are comparing your relationship to your ex, or are even grieving the un-pursued romance of a crush outside your partnership, you're normal– and this episode is for you. In this episode, I share what these thoughts are really about (hint: it's not the ex), and share how to use the crush-mirror to bring ourselves back onto our own papers into wholeness. I also share a vulnerable story of how I have done this for myself. Links: Join me for my monthly Q&A on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Both Feet In – my self-study course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Pick my brain by submitting a Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Be in my world 1:1 for 3 months in my Overhaul program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie Time Stamps: 5:45 Seeking out chaos when we are with a stable, level-headed partner 10:00 A story about a crush I've thought about for over 10 years 19:50 Finding parts from your crush/ex that are missing in yourself 23:00 The ego would love to see someone who is unavailable become available 25:45 The dangers of putting the responsibility for your aliveness on another person 29:25 How a spiritual practice can help with anxiety

Whether you never got to be single because you met your partner young, you've been in a string of back-to-back relationships, or you're longing for the freedom that supposedly comes with the single life, this episode is for you. Yes, you can absolutely feel freedom in a relationship, but it's going to take radical responsibility on your part for your joy and aliveness. Tune in to discover how. Links: Join me for my monthly Q&A on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Both Feet In – my self-study course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Pick my brain by submitting a Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Be in my world 1:1 for 3 months in my Overhaul program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie Time Stamps: 4:15 Feeling like your partner is the cause of your numbness 11:05 Triggers are caused by pain that is already there 12:12 Reasons why you might be feeling numbness 22:30 Being overwhelmed by stimulation and how that creates numbness 23:40 "What get's loud when you get quiet?" 25:40 Self-care tips to deal with numbness 36:10 Prioritizing self care when dealing with anxiety 38:15 Resensitization exercise

Whether you never got to be single because you met your partner young, you've been in a string of back-to-back relationships, or you're longing for the freedom that supposedly comes with the single life, this episode is for you. Yes, you can absolutely feel freedom in a relationship, but it's going to take radical responsibility on your part for your joy and aliveness. Tune in to discover how. Links: Join me for my monthly Q&A on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Both Feet In – my self-study course: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Pick my brain by submitting a Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Be in my world 1:1 for 3 months in my Overhaul program: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie Time Stamps: 2:10 Never having the opportunity to be single 4:10 Leaving your relationship to discover yourself 7:25 Self-care after a breakup 11:00 Ways to feel single in your relationship 14:48 Not being able to hook up with other people while in a relationship 19:10 Taking responsibility for your aliveness in a relationship

It's easy to focus on our partners and neglect our own "inner relationship." In this episode, my friend Luci Lampe and I discuss the balance between our masculine and feminine sides - yin and yang - for a better partnership. We also talk about aspects of the feminine archetypes that live within all of us that are often shamed and exiled – like the "slut" and the "crazy bitch"-- and how to love and utilize these parts in ways that serve us, so we can be more authentic, free, and full of aliveness. Links: Enroll in Wild Eros here: https://the-wild-awakening.teachable.com/?affcode=1051804_8anrysej Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Apply to work with me 1:1: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie Time Stamps: 5:33 What is masculine/feminine union, and why is it important? 18:30 Collaborating in our masculine and feminine strengths 22:25 Toxic contexts for polarity 27:30 Getting sideswept by other potential partners when you are in crisis 29:00 The difference between dumping your emotions on someone and revealing your heart 31:00 The three exiled parts of the feminine: the slut, the witch and the crazy bitch 38:30 Properly integrating the exiled parts of the feminine 44:34 Being attuned to your body: a key to self trust 48:50 Coming into union with the masculine

In this episode, I share the costs of reassurance seeking, the act of trying to find certainty about your relationship. If you tend to constantly be searching for the perfect piece of advice (even from me!), you're addicted to the illusion of certainty as a means of feeling safe. Listen to this episode for things you can do instead to re-ignite the spark in your relationship and not dampen it through reassurance-seeking. Links: Both Feet In: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Patreon - next call May 15: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Wisio: https://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Apply to work with me 1:1: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie 2:28 Why do we seek assurance when we have relationship anxiety? 7:50 The hidden costs of assurance seeking 12:35 How assurance-seeking can make your partner seem less attractive to you 16:50 The importance of standing on your own two feet in terms of self-trust 20:00 The danger of becoming addicted to certainty 28:30 Healthier alternatives to assurance seeking 33:27 - Your partner is in their own process, they cannot come to your rescue

In this episode, I unpack one of the biggest hidden myths I see in society: that commitment = lack of freedom. If you struggle with commitment, I will share with you some reasons why you might be struggling, as well as some shifts that have helped me become more confident in committing with my whole heart and building a life I love and deserve. If you want to attend my retreats in June or September, email me "RETREAT" to natalie@anxiouslovecoach.com and I will send you information. PATREON: http://patreon.com/anxiouslovecoach Join Both Feet In here: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/both-feet-in-self-study-course Pick my brain on Wisio here: http://www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach I'm taking new clients! Apply to work 1:1 with me here: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie 3:28 Why my partner found it hard to commit at first 7:00 I did pick a partner who was serious about me 8:45 Wanting to move forward for societal reasons 10:35 Moving forward will not change your relationship issues 11:45 Common fears about commitment 13:25 How judging others can lead to fears of certain outcomes in your relationship 16:19 The stakes of never committing 19:00 The importance of having a vision for your own life 20:00 The benefits of wanting what you have while still desiring what you don't have 22:50 My desire to create a legacy for myself 25:55 Cleanin up your side of the street 28:20 Regardless of how we feel, we know we have a life to build together 30:50 None of us are missing out 32:24 How making a commitment can grant you more freedom 35:15 You don't need to have the certainty to proceed

In this episode, I chat with a dear friend of mine and coach, Sarah Yudkin, who has been inhabiting the relationship anxiety space with me for years! In this episode, we address the following: What is "the right" relationship and is that even the question we should be asking ourselves? What it means to make an aligned decision How does one discern whether or not a relationship is worth investing more time into? Find Sarah over at www.instagram.com/youloveandyoulearn Other links: If you want to attend my retreats in June or September, email me "RETREAT" at natalie@anxiouslovecoach.com Pick my brain on Wisio here: www.wisio.com/anxiouslovecoach Apply to work 1:1 with me here: https://www.anxiouslovecoach.com/1-on-1-coaching-with-natalie

If you experience relationship anxiety, you might be familiar with the urge to try to change your partner so that you can feel better about your decision to be with them, and stop doubting the relationship so much! You're not alone. It can be so hard to change this pattern, but I believe it can be done with some determination, patience, and humility. This episode can help you trust your partner (and your decisions) more, restore intimacy and closeness, and start moving you in the direction of the relationship you desire. SUPER exciting: join me on Patreon! We will meet monthly for a hangout and Q/A where I (and our ALC family) can support and hold you through the experience of navigating love through uncertainty. First 50 patrons get permanent $5/month for all benefits of our top tier. Become a patron here: https://www.patreon.com/AnxiousLoveCoach Email me at natalie@anxiouslovecoach.com to inquire about my retreats in Austria with my meditation teacher, Stefi Preiss, this summer. 5:42- Keeping your eyes on your paper and cleaning up your side of the street 6:30 -Feeling like you picked the wrong partner 10:00 - The three things I thought I could do to change my partner 16:30 - My desire for my partner to change 19:05 - Moving into the future and making empowering changes for yourself 20:25 - Your partner will not change if you try to change them 21:43 - Developing self-trust by overcoming adversity 23:00 - Imagine your inner controller who wants to control everything 24:00 - What are you afraid would happen if you stopped trying to control your partner? 26:00 - Some of the different methods of control that we use to control our partners 36:19 - The power of letting your partner make clean up their own messes 43:04 - "I will criticize my partner when I have stopped doing XYZ" 45:50 - The difference between wanting to delight you and not disappointing you 50:35 - Starting the Anxious Love Coach Patreon Fam 57:30 - Email me for more info on my Austria retreats in June and September