Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

Am I toxic? What if I’m the toxic one in the relationship? Because I think the problem is me. That was the unique question that came into the podcast hotline, and I knew I had to answer it right away. Am I toxic? That’s a question people don’t often ask. It’s not common for someone to identify themselves as the person in need of change in the relationship, and I was so grateful for this man’s insight and willingness to listen to advice and consider next steps for change. Am I toxic? As you listen to this insightful conversation, I want you to ask yourself this: Am I toxic in any way, shape, or form? Or what about this: Could you be the one in the relationship in need of change? It’s so easy to look at what others need to fix and change, without really looking inward at our own problems, past baggage, unhealthy behaviors, and bad habits.  But I want you to ask yourself: could I be the toxic one? Is there anything I need to change in my life? Tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: Imperfect Foods & GetFaithful Counseling  Are you ready to get healthy from the inside out? Check out my Bestselling book, Are You Really OK? And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK? and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Compatibility is key to a healthy relationship. Just because you’re a Christian, and just because someone else is a Christian – doesn’t mean you’re going to be a good match when it comes to being in a relationship. Compatibility is a huge piece to the puzzle of relationships, and it’s one that often get’s ignored or overshadowed in the conversation of what makes a healthy relationships. When it comes to understanding compatibility in a relationship, there are certain things that have to “fit together” well, just like putting a puzzle together. This isn’t about finding an exact replica of yourself, it’s about finding someone who is going to be a good match for your life. In order to find a good match, you’ve got to know your shape, and your colors. Compatibility Looks Like… There are certain big picture topics where it’s important to make sure you have compatibility when you’re in a relationship. Today on the podcast, we’re talking through those topics! You can also dig deeper into accountability in my book, Love In Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship! Tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: GetFaithful Counseling  Are you ready to get healthy from the inside out? Check out my Bestselling book, Are You Really OK? And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK? and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever found yourself oversharing in a relationship? You know what I mean, right? I’m talking about those conversations where you find yourself saying WAY too much, WAY too soon? Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, why on earth did I say all that?  Or maybe you know someone, someone who you’re in a relationship with, who tends to overshare. What is it about oversharing, and why do we do it? How can we draw the line between being authentic, but also not saying way more than we need to? How do we apply this to the world of dating and relationships? Oversharing in Relationships Today’s caller is a Melissa – a woman who is struggling with oversharing. She’s wondering why she overshares, and how to know when she’s shared too much. Specifically, she’s dealing with oversharing about her sexual history – finding herself always leading the way with that conversation. On today’s episode, she’s calling in today to talk through some of the issues this has brought up in her relationships. “Because your sexual history may shape you, but it doesn’t define you.” 10 Things NOT TO SHARE early on There are a few reasons why people overshare, and specifically when it comes to our past, we need to understand why we overshare, what’s important to share, and where we need to tone it down. I talk through some reasons we overshare in this episode, because just like I tell Melissa: “It’s not healthy to dive into the deep end of a relationship, before you’ve walked through the shallow end.” So after my conversation with Melissa, I’m talking you through some practicals: 10 things NOT to talk about too soon in a relationship – especially when you’re first getting to know someone in a dating relationship (or even in the early stages of a friendship). Who Should I Share With? And lastly, on this episode I’m talking through the three groups of people in your life, how to categorize them, and understand how much to share with each group. Whether you’re dating, single, or navigating friendships, tune in to Episode 016 of the Love + Relationships Podcast, to listen to this important conversation about oversharing! Episode Highlights: What does oversharing look like? Why do we overshare in relationships? What are some subjects we should stay away from? When do we share mental health issues? Sexual history? 10 things NOT to talk about early on in a relationship. How to recognize who to share with, and who not to. Tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: Everlywell and GetFaithful Counseling  Are you ready to get healthy from the inside out? Check out my Bestselling book, Are You Really OK? And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK? and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: How do you deal with trust issues, when they seem to come up again and again? In today’s show, I talk to Latoya, who finds herself struggling with trust issues with her soon-to-be-husband. Little by little, we find out how her past is influencing the feelings she’s having, and I give her practical steps to help her overcome the grip that the past is having on her life. If you’ve ever struggled with issues from your past having an impact on your present relationships – then this episode is for you. We talk through these trust issues today, and how to identify if the problem is coming from within you — or if the problem points to something happening in the relationship. Tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: Imperfect Foods Are you ready to get healthy from the inside out? Check out my Bestselling book, Are You Really OK? And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK? and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“I never imagined I’d be single in my 30’s”… Today’s caller is looking for some encouragement and trying to assess whether or not she should continue to hold on to hope when she finds herself single in her late 30s — something she never imagined. What does it look like to hold on to hope when life’s timeline doesn’t look like what you expected? No matter what age you are, I believe this favorite episode is going to encourage you to take the next steps. Tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: Everlywell, ABIDE, and Olive + June Are you ready to get healthy from the inside out? Check out my Bestselling book, Are You Really OK? And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK? and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: Hey Debra, you always say that what you believe about yourself determines the kind of relationships you believe you deserve…how do I help my kids begin to establish a healthy identity? So much of our identity is formed and shaped in our childhood years — and what we do, and say, and teach as parents matters. How do you begin to help your kids see themselves as God sees them? Fight off the cultural lies? Feel confident in who they are? Build a healthy identity? Today, my good friend and amazing podcaster, Jamie Ivey — joins me for this important conversation. Jamie is a mother of four amazing kids, in the thick of their teen years. I loved chatting with her about this concept, and even if you don’t have kids, I think this important conversation will get you thinking about your own childhood and the things that shaped your healthy identity along the way. Tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: ZocDoc & Trade Are you ready to get healthy from the inside out? Check out my Bestselling book, Are You Really OK? And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK? and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: What is your best advice for a couple considering marriage? Marriage is a big decision. I think we can all agree to that. But what sets apart marriages that succeed from marriages that don’t?  Today, I’m joined by Pastor Cal, one of the spiritual advisors and coaches from the reality TV show called Married At First Sight. On this show, they literally match up two potential candidates for marriage based on a series of psychological tests — and then they meet and marry on their wedding day.  Let me just say, it’s a crazy premise – but if nothing else, it’s a fascinating look into some of the stages of a relationship: the honeymoon stage, followed by conflict and tension, followed by learning resolution, forgiveness, and reconciliation.  Today, we talk a little bit about the show, and then dive into some key areas that make a marriage work, and things to be on the lookout for as you’re considering marriage! Tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: Girlfriend Collective & Nutrafol Are you ready to get healthy from the inside out? Check out my Bestselling book, Are You Really OK? And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK? and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: How can singles restore a healthy view of sex when they’ve been hurt by purity culture? Friends – we’re talking about sex! And the sex series continues with this important question!!! Over the course of the next few weeks, in honor of our new book Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide To Reimagining Your Love Life (CLICK TO PRE-ORDER TODAY!!!!), we’re taking all your questions about sex! Gary Thomas, my co-author, is joining me as co-host for this final episode of this series: The Love & Relationships Podcast Series: All About SEX! Today’s question comes from a couple a man who wants to know how to restore a healthy view of sex, after he’s been hurt by some of the messages from the purity culture.  So how do you strike a balance between taking the good — and leaving the harmful when it comes to some of the messages of the purity culture? Gary and I tag-team this question on today’s episode of the Sex Series! So tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: Everlywell & Abide FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO Are you ready to take your sex life to the next level! Order Married Sex Today!! ATTN MARRIED COUPLES: check out the upcoming Married Sex Online Conference! 25+ seminars about sex, 12 months to stream, plus a FREE copy of our book Married Sex! Register Today!! And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK?, and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: What do you do when one of you wants oral sex, but the other doesn’t like it? Friends – we’re talking about sex! And the sex series continues with this important question!!! Over the course of the next few weeks, in honor of our new book Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide To Reimagining Your Love Life (CLICK TO PRE-ORDER TODAY!!!!), we’re taking all your questions about sex! Gary Thomas, my co-author, is joining me as co-host for this Love & Relationships Podcast Series: All About SEX! Today’s question comes from a couple who has different preferences when it comes to oral sex.  So how do you strike a balance of differences in sexual preferences when there are two people to respect in the marriage? Especially with a sensitive issue like oral sex. Gary and I tag-team this question on today’s episode of the Sex Series! So tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: Trade & ZocDoc FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO Are you ready to take your sex life to the next level! Pre-Order Married Sex Today and Get The Couple’s Guide To Talking About Sex, as well as the first few Audiobook Chapters FREE that you can start listening to, TODAY! ATTN MARRIED COUPLES: check out the upcoming Married Sex Online Conference! 25+ seminars about sex, 12 months to stream, plus a FREE copy of our book Married Sex! Register Today!! And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK?, and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: How do I help my wife get turned on? Friends – we’re talking about sex! And the sex series continues with this important question!!! Over the course of the next few weeks, leading up to the book launch of Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide To Reimagining Your Love Life (CLICK TO PRE-ORDER TODAY!!!!), we’re taking all your questions about sex! Gary Thomas, my co-author, is joining me as co-host for this Love & Relationships Podcast Series: All About SEX! Today’s question comes from a man who wants to do his part in helping his wife get turned on during sex. So how do you arouse your wife and get her turned on? We’re covering tips, advice, and suggestions to focusing in on the wife on today’s episode of the Sex Series! So tune in this episode of the Love & Relationships Podcast and follow the show by clicking on the button below! THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS: Everlywell & ABIDE FOLLOW MY PODCAST AND LISTEN ON Apple PODCASTS BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO Are you ready to take your sex life to the next level! Pre-Order Married Sex Today and Get The Couple’s Guide To Talking About Sex, as well as the first few Audiobook Chapters FREE that you can start listening to, TODAY! ATTN MARRIED COUPLES: check out the upcoming Married Sex Online Conference! 25+ seminars about sex, 12 months to stream, plus a FREE copy of our book Married Sex! Register Today!! And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season, and Are You Really OK?, and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices