Nonviolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg's NVC Training

Marshall Rosenberg’s topics include: Gratitude exercises, the making of  giraffe fuel for life, components of gratitude, reward and punishment,  hearing people’s feelings and needs rather than their thoughts, what  stops us from celebrating life, and more. Leave a short voice message to be included on this podcast:   https://anchor.fm/nvc-archive/message For longer voice recordings, episode length recordings, or other NVC content to be shared on this podcast,   contact cognitivetechniq@yahoo.com to discuss content ideas.

Explore the transformative power of Nonviolent Communication as couples learn to articulate their needs during conflicts. Discover the importance of empathy, especially in financial disagreements, and how self-judgment hinders personal growth. Delve into emotional expression and the art of saying no while fostering cooperation. Gain insights on navigating emotions during conflicts and the impact of trauma on perceptions. Finally, uncover the healing potential of authentic gratitude in relationships, promoting connection and personal growth.

Explore the essential art of making clear, positive requests to avoid misunderstandings. Learn how negative expressions can lead to frustration and unintended consequences. Engage in humorous discussions about the dynamics between organized and messy individuals, emphasizing the need for empathy in relationships. Delve into the impacts of how we communicate demands and the importance of expressing feelings. Ultimately, this conversation champions compassionate dialogue, showcasing the transformative power of understanding and acknowledgment.

The Purpose of Nonviolent Communication & Expressing Observations and Feelings Comment First let me begin by clarifying the purpose of Nonviolent Communication. Its purpose is to help you to do what you already know how to do. Why do we need to learn something today that you already know how to do? Because sometimes we forget to do this. We forget because we’ve been educated to forget. Now what is it that i’m talking about that we already know how to do? The purpose of this process is to help us to connect in a way that makes natural giving possible. 01:01 What do I mean by natural giving? Let me do you a song to make it clear what i mean by natural giving. Given To I never feel more given to than when you take from me – when you understand the joy I feel giving to you. And you know my giving isn’t done to put you in my debt, but because I want to live the love I feel for you. To receive with grace may be the greatest giving. There’s no way I can separate the two. When you give to me, I give you my receiving. When you take from me, I feel so given to. Ruth Bebermeyer You all know that giving, you know how to do it, and that’s what i’m interested in. Remembering to stay with that quality of giving, moment by moment, in any connection. But we also all know that it’s easy to lose that connection, so that instead of enjoying that quality of giving which is possible every moment in every contact we have. In spite of how precious that is we forget. Instead of playing the game that song is about which i call making life wonderful for us, it’s the most fun game i’ve ever heard. Instead, much of the time we play another game called who’s right? have you ever played that game? It’s a game where everybody loses. Isn’t this amazing? We all know about this quality of giving that this song is about, it’s possible every moment, we find that the richest thing to do. Much of our life we end up playing who’s right. Read the rest of this transcript at CognitiveTech Leave a short voice message to be included on this podcast:   https://anchor.fm/nvc-archive/message For longer voice recordings, episode length recordings, or other NVC content to be shared on this podcast,   contact cognitivetechniq@yahoo.com to discuss content ideas.

In this session, I'll be talking about the role that sincere gratitude plays in helping us to remember what nonviolent communication is intended to serve. And to help us to maintain the energy that it takes to stay compassionate in a world that often makes that quite challenging. In an earlier session, I described the spirituality that nonviolent communication was designed to serve this process, nonviolent communication has great power to enrich our lives, when it is our intention to create the connections necessary for compassionate giving to take place. It's a great tool to support our being conscious of what's alive than others, and to hear what's alive and others in a way that makes giving enjoyable It's a process that helps us to share that information with others, how to be honest and share what's alive in us in a way that enables others to enjoy compassionately giving to us. A very important component in keeping this consciousness alive in us is the process of expressing gratitude to one another in a way that can be trusted, that it is a celebration of life, and not a form of communication that's designed to manipulate us to do things that others want. To clarify this, I'd like to make a difference between sincere gratitude and praise and compliments, very clear. Praise and compliments are given for the purpose of rewarding Parents, teachers, managers and industry that I have worked with, have told me that they have been in programs that have taught them that if you praise and compliment people daily, they work harder. So parents use praise and compliments, to reward their children to do things around the house that they want them to do. Teachers have been educated to use praise and compliments to get students to work harder. managers and industry tell me that they have been through similar programs. I point out to all of these groups, and if they look at the research, that is based on people using praise and compliments as rewards, they'll see that it isn't even that effective when used as a reward. It's only effective for a short time until the people see that the praise and the compliments are really not sincere expressions of gratitude. But they are at attempt to manipulate them to behave in ways that others want them to behave. And research shows that when people see that they sense that the praise and compliments are given out of that energy, they lose their desire to work harder and to contribute to what the authorities want them to do. So from the very beginning, I'd like to make it clear that the way of expressing gratitude that we'll be talking about in this session, the intent is to celebrate life, not to reward people for doing what we want them to do. And by celebrating life, I mean that we let people know how our needs have been fulfilled and how our life has been enriched by something they have done. And then our only intention is to celebrate that, and not in any way to put them under pressure to continue doing that which we would like them to do. On Youtube Full Transcript Leave a short voice message to be included on this podcast:   https://anchor.fm/nvc-archive/message For longer voice recordings, episode length recordings, or other NVC content to be shared on this podcast,   contact cognitivetechniq@yahoo.com to discuss content ideas.

In this session, I'll be focusing on how nonviolent communication can support our social change efforts. In previous sessions, I've shown how social change can be used to communicate with ourselves. We've also looked at how it can be used to communicate with others and our family relationships and our work relationships. Now, let's take a look at social change, which for me, to a large extent, shows how to use nonviolent communication when we are communicating with gangs. Now some gangs call themselves gangs, street gangs. I'm not so worried about these gangs and the damage that they might be doing. But I am concerned about some other gangs. These other gangs, don't call themselves gangs, these other gangs that I'm worried about. Some of them call themselves governments. Some of the gangs that I'm worried about, call themselves corporations. What I mean by these gangs that I'm worried about our organizations of people that have a big impact over our lives, and who are doing some things that I think contribute to great violence on the planet and great suffering. So how can each of us develop our own power, become conscious of our power and use it to transform these structures, these organizations so that they serve life rather than threatened life. Now, this can be quite a challenge because the spirituality, language and means of influence that these gangs that I'm worried about, perpetuate, make it very hard for us to become conscious of our power and to use it. The gangs that I'm worried about control through punishment and reward and try to get their own interest met at the cost sometimes of the environment, sometimes through exploitive labor practices, sometimes through the use of violence, to get employees to do as they would like. The organizations that are doing the most damage on our planet can be quite a task for us to think of how we as individuals, can change them. We are often overwhelmed just with our own personal lives, and trying to get our needs of our family met. And it seems beyond what we can do to try to deal with these organizations that are creating a lot of pain on our planet. On Youtube Full Transcript Leave a short voice message to be included on this podcast:   https://anchor.fm/nvc-archive/message For longer voice recordings, episode length recordings, or other NVC content to be shared on this podcast,   contact cognitivetechniq@yahoo.com to discuss content ideas.

I'll be showing the power that empathy has in three functions, healing, mediation, and reconciliation. In the previous session, we looked at the dynamics of empathy. We saw how it requires our full presence to another person, and full presence on what's alive in them, what they're feeling and needing. In this session, I will show just how powerful that process can be. In healing past wounds, mediating conflicts between people, and reconciling groups that are at war with each other, to see how they can live in peace and harmony, the power of empathy. First, let's look at how empathy supports healing. The word healing has some aspects that I get concerned about, because when it's applied to people's emotional pain, we use this term mental illness, and then we think of trying to heal the illness. I have some deep concerns about the concept of mental illness. My concerns about this concept began when I receive some precious gifts from a professor I had at the university just before I was ready to graduate with my doctor's degree in clinical psychology. This professor showed me the scientific limitations of the concept of mental illness, and the political dangers of this concept. He helped me to see that there was almost no reliability about how professionals use these terms because it was an real scientific basis for all of the different problems that were defined in the basic manual used by psychiatrists and psychologists to make diagnoses. So what one professional might call a bipolar disease, another might call something else. And research shows that there's very little reliability of a scientific nature about how all of these terms in the manual are used. But what's more important to me is the political dangers he pointed out to this. He pointed out to me that we live under political and economic structures that require a certain education that contributes to great pain on the part of large numbers of people. He helped me to see how the concept of mental illness takes the focus away from what might be causing the problems, the structures and the education they require. And by making it look like it's something that's wrong within individuals, we take away from what's really creating the problem. And we do it in a way that isn't really helpful and helping the people because we talk as though they have an illness. When it isn't an illness they have, it's an educational problem that they have. They've been educated in a way that might make them depressed, or educated in a way that might make them insensitive to other people's needs and preoccupied only getting their own needs met regardless of how it affects other people. On Youtube Full Transcript Leave a short voice message to be included on this podcast:   https://anchor.fm/nvc-archive/message For longer voice recordings, episode length recordings, or other NVC content to be shared on this podcast,   contact cognitivetechniq@yahoo.com to discuss content ideas.

In this session, I'll be talking about authority, both how we exercise authority, and how we experience it, and how certain institutions are set up to give us certain qualities of authority. nonviolent communication suggest that we get certain things clear when we're in a position of authority or when we're dealing with people in positions of authority.  Some very important differentiations. One of these is the difference between respect for authority and fear of authority. Getting these mixed up creates a great deal of pain for people is I would use these terms. respect for authority involves three ingredients. When we're in a position of authority, we get respect for our authority. When one we know some things or can do some things that the people we're working with, or living with, do not have. Second things people see these things that we know or can do. They see them as valuable. They see how these things will enrich their lives. And third, they see us as offering these things which we know that are valuable. We offer we don't impose them. Respect for authority as I use the term is manifest when we know things that people don't know, or can do things that they don't know how to do. They see that these things are very valuable and they see that these things are being offered to them and not imposed upon them, then they would have what I call respect for authority. Now, fear of authority is quite a different thing that is usually built into the structure of either the family, the school, the business, the government. This structure gives us the right to impose things on people that we can reward or punish, to get people to do what we want. So respect for authority needs to be earned. We need to clearly communicate with people so they can see the value of what we're offering. On Youtube Full Transcript Leave a short voice message to be included on this podcast:   https://anchor.fm/nvc-archive/message For longer voice recordings, episode length recordings, or other NVC content to be shared on this podcast,   contact cognitivetechniq@yahoo.com to discuss content ideas.

In this session, I'll be talking about how nonviolent communication can support us in deepening our intimate relationships. And let's start with a dialogue that is likely to be heard in almost any intimate relationship, at least variations of it. One person says to the other, do you love me? And the other person said, Oh, yes, of course.  And the first person said, but I want you to be really sincere about this. I want you to seriously look at this. Do you love me?  And the other person seriously contemplates this and waits and thinks and then finally said, Yes, I really do. The first person said, then why did it take you so long to respond? This question is very important, you know, do you love me And it's very hard to answer because we very often don't get clear in intimate relationships what we really mean by that word love. In an earlier session, I mentioned how some people use the word love as a feeling and emotion. And if they do that, it's pretty hard to know how to answer that question without reference to a specific time and place because feelings change every few seconds. In nonviolent communication, we use the word love as a need, and a very important need. What's very important that is to know how to manifest this need, what to do to contribute to that need being met, in people that we care for, and that we have intimate relationships with. I have found in working with couples for many years, that the best way that we can really meet people's need for love is to do two things. First of all, express those needs within us those messages within us that are the hardest to express the most scary to express. Because when we have that ability to share that which is not easy to express, we get a chance to get these needs fulfilled. But if we are so frightened of expressing these needs that we don't say anything that creates barriers in the relationship. Yet it's very difficult for many reasons for people to express these needs that need to be expressed in intimate relationships and when they do express the need Very often it's done with an energy that provokes the very opposite of what we would really like. On Youtube Full Transcript Leave a short voice message to be included on this podcast:   https://anchor.fm/nvc-archive/message For longer voice recordings, episode length recordings, or other NVC content to be shared on this podcast,   contact cognitivetechniq@yahoo.com to discuss content ideas.

I relate empathy to surfboard riding. Imagine yourself getting up on a surfboard, this requires getting in touch with a certain energy. If you don't get on exactly, you can get knocked off. To me, empathy is somewhat like that. Empathy is getting in touch with a life energy that's coming through another person. Now, as I have expressed in other sessions, the life energy that's coming through people at each moment, I have learned can best be described in words by referring to what that person is feeling and needing. The empathic connection that I am interested in sustaining is one in which I can stay connected to the life energy coming through another person. That's what makes it like surfboard riding. It's a challenge because many people, they don't know how to directly express what's alive in them. So they use a rather choppy language, they often tell you what's alive in them with reference to what's wrong with you. When people need empathy the most, they're often expressing it in a pretty violent way. In that sense, it's very much like surfboard riding. How to get in touch with this energy and flow with it. The energy coming through people is, for me, a very beautiful divine energy. So when I can really stay connected with it, I feel like I'm riding in a very precious flow of energy. Session #4 The Dynamics of Empathy  Transcript with References Leave a short voice message to be included on this podcast:   https://anchor.fm/nvc-archive/message For longer voice recordings, episode length recordings, or other NVC content to be shared on this podcast,   contact cognitivetechniq@yahoo.com to discuss content ideas.