Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

In this episode of the Tilt Parenting Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Jenna Flowers, a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, and speaker, and the woman behind the fantastic new book, The Conscious Parent’s Guide to Coparenting: A Mindful Approach to Creating a Collaborative, Positive Parenting Plan.Dr. Jenna’s book is aimed at helping parents who are no longer together design a healthy alliance and share their parenting responsibilities in a way that best supports their children. In our conversation, we talk about the extra considerations for those parenting differently-wired kids, kids for whom consistency and support is critical to their healthy emotional development. Dr. Jenna also explains how parents of atypical kids can foster a structured, supportive environment in both homes, as well as shares her advice for things parents can do right now to strengthen their relationship with their co-parent, whether together or apart.  Dr. Jenna Flowers is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Author, and Speaker.  She completed her undergraduate studies at  the University of Michigan.  She then graduated with her MA in Spiritual Psychology from the prestigious University of Santa Monica, and Doctoral Degree in Psychology from the professional psychology school American Behavioral Studies Institute. Upon completing her Marriage and Family Therapy licensing board examinations in 2006, she has been in private practice in Newport Beach, California.  Things you’ll learn from this episode What exactly conscious coparenting is The importance of repairing hurts from our childhood in order to become more present with our own children How to help a child not take on responsibility or blame for their parents’ breakup What to do when both parents aren’t on the same page What a designed alliance with a coparent actually looks like  Resources mentioned for conscious coparenting Dr. Jenna Flowers’ personal website The Conscious Parent’s Guide to Coparenting by Dr. Jenna Flowers Brene Brown Samantha Ettus Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Dr. Dan Siegel Conscious Mothering Curriculum How Positive Discipline Can Help Children Thrive, with Casey O’Roarty of Joyful Courage (Tilt Parenting Podcast) What it Takes to Live a Hea Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this conversation with Outschool co-founder and CEO Amir Nathoo, we discuss alternative education models and why they’re so critical in preparing all kids for the future, as well as get an inside look into the mission and vision for Outschool, learn more about they successfully create community through virtual classes, ways in which classes are designed to support students with different learning styles and much more. If this conversation sparks you to explore and enroll in classs at Outschool classes, be sure to use the code TILT to get a $20 credit towards your first class. Amir Nathoo is CEO of Outschool, a marketplace for live online classes for K-12 learners. Amir worked at Square, leading the development of Square Payroll. Previously, he served as CEO and co-founder of Trigger.io, a development platform for creating native mobile apps. He holds an MEng in Electrical and Information Sciences from The University of Cambridge. Amir lives in San Francisco with his wife Kirsty and their two children.Things you'll learn from this episode How Outschool grew through COVID and how online learning has changed in the past 2 years How alternative ways of learning are helping prepare our kids for the future The crucial part that community plays into Outschool’s platform and what they offer to families How Outschool supports different types of learners and why it has attracted neurodivergent learners from the start How Outschool finds and onboards teachers and how they develop their classes Amir’s tips for parents on vetting online learning programs to determine if they are right for your child/ren Resources mentioned for Outschool and Online Learning Outschool Dr. Joseph Lee Talks About the Importance of SEL / Social and Emotional Learning (podcast episode) Dr. Joseph Lee How to Prepare Differently Wired Kids for an Uncharted Future Matt Barnes on Embracing a New 21st Century Learning Model  Nurturing Creativity to Help Children Thrive, with Terry Roberts  The G Word documentary For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session302Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest is Jessica Lahey, an educator, writer, and speaker, and the author of one of my favorite parenting books, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. Jess shares her insights about how we can best prepare our kids for an independent, successful adulthood in the way we practice autonomy supportive parenting versus overparenting, what it means to let our kids “fail” to help them thrive, how we can help our kids learn how to “sit with frustration,” and much more.  Jessica Lahey is an educator, writer, and speaker. She is an English and writing teacher, correspondent for the Atlantic, commentator for Vermont Public Radio, and writes the “Parent-Teacher Conference” column for the New York Times.  Jessica earned a B.A. in Comparative Literature from the University of Massachusetts and a J.D. with a concentration in juvenile and education law from the University of North Carolina School of Law. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and two sons.  Things you’ll learn from this episode The difference between overparenting and “autonomy supportive parenting" How many parents underestimate their kids and might be unknowingly fostering learned helplessness in them How we can build scaffolding for our kids  What Jessica wishes parents of atypical kids knew about teachers Jessica’s advice for how we can best advocate for our kids in school How we can foster more of a growth mindset in our children, especially those who are perfectionist, as well as how to NOT foster “learned helplessness”  Resources mentioned about the gift of failure Jessica Lahey’s website The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey Why Parents Need To Let Their Kids Fail (The Atlantic article) Dr. Ross Greene Talks About Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (podcast episode) The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart About Money by Ron Lieber Am Writing (Jessica’s podcast) The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I haven’t done a solocast in a while, but when you talk, I listen, and this topic has been requested by many of you, so I decided to dedicate this episode to talk about navigating big life transitions with differently wired kids. Our family has gone through our fair share of big changes, which you’ll hear all about in this episode, so this is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. Especially as a parent of a differently wired kid, I know that there are some extra challenges that might come up when their routines, environment, life circumstances, or supports change, and our kids are also more likely to be resistant to changes (even if they are beneficial). So today I’ll be sharing the strategies I’ve personally found helpful while going through big transitions with Asher. In this episode, I talk about key things such as why being honest when communicating with your kid is so important to help them understand and process change, how being vulnerable can be a way to show support, how to validate our kids’ feelings about the changes or transitions, and how to identify their concerns so you can make plans to address them in advance. I also share about what adjustment disorder is and the kind of extra support you might need during transitions. Tilt Parenting Founder & CEO Debbie Reber (MA) is a parenting activist, bestselling author, podcast host, and speaker. A certified Positive Discipline trainer and a regular contributor to Psychology Today and ADDitude Magazine, Debbie’s most recent book is Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. Debbie’s Tilt Parenting Podcast is the top performing podcast for parents, caregivers, educators, and professionals raising and supporting neurodivergent children, and has more than 4 million downloads. In November 2018, she spoke at TEDxAmsterdam, delivering a talk entitled Why the Future Will Be Differently Wired. In the summer of 2020, she co-created the Parenting in Place Masterclass series.Things you'll learn from this episode The benefits and growth that can come from navigating big changes as a family Why honesty is so important when communicating with your child about big changes What to share versus what not to share with your child about the transitions you go through How to validate the big emotions and thoughts that big transitions can bring up in your child The importance of doing your own work as a parent to be able to support our kids during transitions What adjustment disorder is and the extra support you might need to help your child through one How being vulnerable with your kids can be really supportive for them Identifying the concerns that our kids have and coming up with plans to address them in advance Creating new routines to create security for our kids during big transitions  For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session301Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, I talk with Samantha Ettus, a renowned work-life balance expert, author, radio show host, and media personality. Sam is passionate about helping people, and especially moms, find create a more fulfilled, healthier, and more satisfying life. She writes about her ideas in her new book The Pie Life: A Guilt Free Recipe for Success and Satisfaction.I was excited to talk with Sam about her new book and ideas behind what she refers to as “embracing the mess and bumps” that come hand-in-hand with living a truly fulfilled life, since messiness and bumps seem to a part of any parent raising a differently-wired kid’s experience. In our conversation, we talk about everything from self-care and intentional parenting to getting our partners up to speed since often moms seem to be the ones holding onto a lot of the information relevant to our kids’ day-to-day life.Samantha Ettus is a work-life expert whose goal is to find the spark within each one of us and turn it into a fire. She is a best-selling author, a writer for Forbes, a sought after speaker, a Harvard MBA, and host of a nationally syndicated call-in radio show. Sam has shared her advice on hundreds of television shows and media outlets including The TODAY Show, Access Hollywood, NBC Nightly News, CNN, The Doctors, and Fox and Friends, and in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times and USA Today. Things you’ll learn from this episode Why working moms are, in many ways, set up to fail Thoughts on being a more intentional parent, embracing empathy, and seeing our kids for who they are What’s reasonable to expect when designing a healthy, fulfilled life, and how to find work-life balance How to get your parenting partner on-board / up-to-speed on important matters related to our children Why self-care is so critical for mothers and how to build self-care practices into daily life Sam’s thoughts on juggling work and the unpredictable nature of raising a differently-wired kid  Resources mentioned for work-life balance + parenting Samantha Ettus’ website The Pie Life: A Guilt-Free Recipe for Success and Satisfaction by Samantha Ettus Sam’s Tedx Talk: The Secret to Unlocking a Child’s Potential Working Mom’s Lifestyle Radio Show Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I wanted to have a frank and honest conversation with my friend, executive function coach, and frequent guest of the pod, Seth Perler, about what is and  is not working in schools right now, especially as we are once again in that back-to-school season. Of course there have been many changes in education since the start of COVID, including the inclusion of technology in almost every aspect of learning and the increased testing that students are being subjected to since returning to campus. And we know that neurodivergent kids tend to be impacted by these changes more than other students. So what can we do as parents? Where should we be putting our energies? That’s what Seth and I get into in this episode.Seth Perler is an Executive Function Coach and Consultant with extensive experience addressing extraordinarily diverse learning needs. Seth was a teacher for 12 years, working with a diverse range of Gifted and Twice Exceptional (2E) students in charter schools for 8 years, and teaching students with ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia and other executive function challenges, as well as students with developmental disabilities. He’s been an Executive Function coach for middle, high school and college students since 2010.Things you'll learn from this episode Seth’s opinion on what is working and what is not working in schools right now Advice on how to push back on the increase in testing that has started since students returned to in-person lessons What Seth would say to parents who have kids with ADHD who are checked out of their school day Ideas for getting educators on board in shifting the paradigm How to collaborate with a student who insists executive functioning strategies don’t actually work for them Practical strategies or ideas for parents who are dealing with that challenge of technology being useful but full of distractions and how to tailor the approach if a kid is showing resistance Seth’s thoughts on school refusal and children’s mental health Resources mentioned for What Is / Isn't Working in School Seth Perler’s website Seth Perler’s YouTube Channel Introduction to Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory A “Masterclass” in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler, Part 1 (podcast episode) A “Masterclass” in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler, Part 2 (podcast episode) A Conversation with Executive Functioning Coach Seth Perler (original podcast episode) Seth Perler Talks to Asher About Resistance (podcast episode) Seth Perler on Helping Kids Work Through Resistance, Part 2 for Parents (podcast episode) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest is Kayce Stevens Hughlett, a psychotherapist, life coach, spiritual director, and speaker, and the author of three books. Kayce and I have been friends for many years, and she was a compassionate listener and empathetic friend as I was going through some of my most challenging years with Asher. At the time, Kayce was a few years ahead in her journey with her own differently wired son, who was in his early twenties.I wanted to bring Kayce onto the show to talk about what she and her family went through when her son, as a young teen with an ADHD diagnosis, got involved with drugs. I know that this is a possibility many parents with atypical kids fear, and in fact some listeners may be in this very situation today. Hearing Kayce tell her story and share how she not only got through it, but how her family emerged on the other side more engaged and connected, is incredibly powerful. I hope you find her story as inspiring as I do. Kayce Stevens Hughlett started her writing career as a blogger in the early 2000’s and found her voice as a contributor to several collections and online publications. Now she is the author of three varied yet beautifully intertwined and popular books. Her 2012 nonfiction book, As I Lay Pondering: Daily Invitations To Live a Transformed Life, is a lyrical and lucid treasure that invites readers to new awakenings throughout the year. Blue: a novel, an award-winning study of three women in the Pacific Northwest, released September 10, 2015. Her journey memoir, SoulStroller: experiencing the weight, whispers, & wings of the world, was published in November 2018.  Things you’ll learn from this episode Kayce’s story of being the mom of “that kid” in a time when being differently wired was less acceptable The importance of listening to our gut in conjunction with “experts” Why we want to always choose from a place of love (and not fear) when making parenting decisions The power of community to get through difficult times with our children Why Kayce says that parenting Jonathan through their challenges saved her life  Resources mentioned for ADHD and drug use Kayce Stevens Hughlett’s website SoulStroller: Experiencing the Weight, Whispers, & Wings of the World by Kayce Stevens Hughlett Blue: A Novel by Kayce Stevens Hughlett As I Lay Pondering: Daily Invitations To Live a Transformed Life by Kayce Stevens Hughlett Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The neuropsych assessment process can be daunting and complicated to navigate, especially in recent years as a result of COVID,  so I’m excited to share my conversation with pediatric and adolescent young adult neuropsychologist, Dr. Jonine Nazar-Biesman. Jonine’s work is about taking into consideration the whole child and the big picture when assessments are being done. In this episode, we talk about what parents should think about when vetting psychologists to assess their child, the difference between a neuropsych, a psychoeducational, and a psychological assessment, and how parents can navigate getting a better assessment if they believe their child got the wrong diagnosis. We also talked about what to do with all the feedback parents get from an evaluation and how that feedback can best be relayed to our kids, and to their schools.Dr. Jonine Nazar-Biesman has over 25 years of experience specializing in assessing and treating children, adolescents, and young adults with neurodevelopmental disorders such as Autism, ADHD, learning differences, and genetic conditions. She works closely with families, treatment teams, schools, and the community to ameliorate social-emotional, behavioral, and educational challenges.  Things you'll learn from this episode What parents should think about when looking for someone to do an assessment for their child, as well as tips for vetting evaluators The difference between a neuropsych, a psychoeducational, and a psychological assessment How Jonine works with students and adjusts the evaluation process during the assessment in response to what she’s discovering How parents can navigate getting a better assessment if they believe their child got the wrong diagnosis Whether or not a neuropsych evaluation would benefit every neurodivergent child How feedback is ideally shared with parents, kids, and schools after an assessment has been completed How the COVID pandemic has impacted the assessment process How parents can best use the detailed feedback they receive as part of the neuropsych evaluation process Resources Mentioned Jonine Nazar-Biesman’s website Jonine Nazar-Biesman’s blog Bridges Academy DIR/Floortime Model  For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session299Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest this week is Steve Silberman, an award-winning science writer who authored the 2015 book NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity, a brilliant book that upends conventional thinking about autism and suggests a broader model for acceptance, understanding, and full participation in society for people who think differently. In our conversation, Steve and I talk about neurodivergence, autism, acceptance, tolerance, changing cultures, systemic change, and so much more.  Steve Silberman is an award-winning science writer whose articles have appeared in Wired, the New York Times, the New Yorker, the Financial Times, the Boston Globe, the MIT Technology Review, and more.and the author of NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity (Avery 2015), which Oliver Sacks called a “sweeping and penetrating history…presented with a rare sympathy and sensitivity.” In April 2016, Silberman gave the keynote speech at the United Nations for World Autism Awareness Day. He has given talks on the history of autism at Yale, Harvard, MIT, Oxford, the National Academy of Sciences, Queen Mary University, Apple, Microsoft, Google, the 92nd Street Y, Imperial College London, the MIND Institute at UC Davis, and many other major institutions. His TED talk, “The Forgotten History of Autism,” has been viewed more than a million times and translated into 25 languages. Things you’ll learn from this episode The impetus for Steve’s book NeuroTribes How and why the anti-vaccine movement has negatively affected the autistic community The real impact of language like “epidemic” in relation to neurodifferences like autism How Steve’s book NeuroTribes has been received by members of the autistic community Steve’s thoughts on how parents raising neurodiverse kids can best support the neurodiversity movement The importance of autistic peer mentoring  Resources mentioned for Steve Silberman, autism, and neurodiversity Steve Silberman’s website NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman Steve Silberman’s TED Talk The Geek Syndrome (Steve’s article in Wired Magazine, 12/01/01) Autreat The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism The Real Experts: Readings for Parents of Autistic Children Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenting a differently wired child can be challenging and as I sat down with my guest, clinical social worker Pat Harvey, to have this conversation, I wanted to acknowledge and validate the experiences we have as parents as much as we do the same for our kids. As you’ll hear from Pat, her work centers around helping parents navigate raising kids who have highly intense emotions …the kind of emotions that can cause big disruptions at home. In this conversation, Pat talks about her book Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions, how she supports families using Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT, the three priorities within the DBT framework, some of the critical things to understand to effectively parent emotionally intense kids, and where to start if you are looking for more support for yourself. Pat Harvey, LCSW-C, ACSW, has been a clinical social worker for one 30 years, currently focusing on supporting and guiding parents of kids with emotional challenges using a DBT framework. The co-author of 2 books on parenting, Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions and Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions, a book for siblings and a book for clinicians, she has also spoken nationally and in Canada about DBT and about working with parents.Things you'll learn from this episode: The similarities and differences between cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) How DBT prioritizes the three core tenets of safety, treatment, and quality of life Why is DBT so effective in helping teens who are engaging in risky behaviors, including self-harm, suicidal ideation, or past suicide attempts Critical things to be aware of in order to effectively parent emotionally intense kids The biggest roadblock for parents that prevent them from leaning into DBT Where to start and the things to pay attention to if you are parenting an emotionally intense kid  Resources mentioned for DBT & Parenting Emotionally Intense Teens: Pat Harvey’s website Parenting a Teen Who has Intense Emotions: DBT Skills to Help Your Teen Navigate Emotional and Behavioral Challenges by Pat Harvey and Britt Rathbone Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts and Aggressive Behaviors by Pat Harvey and Jeanine Penzo Hey, I'm Here Too!: A Book for Tween/Teen Siblings of a Young Person With Emotional Issues by Pat Harvey  For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session298Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices