Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

In this episode of Tilt Parenting, I bring back to the show Simone Davies, a Montessori teacher and parent educator who runs a Montessori playgroup in Amsterdam for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers up to four years old. Through her online business, The Montessori Notebook, Simone focuses on helping parents learn how to bring Montessori into their home. Today Simone and I are talking about the “spaces” in our home—specifically how we can best design and set them up to support our differently-wired kids. I’ve watched as Simone developed her virtual e-course, Setting Up Your Home Montessori Style, and I was struck by how the approach she talks about in her course directly relates to the things we as parents can do to support our kids in developing those crucial executive functioning skills, like task initiation, time management, planning, and organizing, as well as fostering independence. In this episode, we’ll talk about how we can set up our homes—our kitchen, bedroom, shoes and coat area, homework space—to support our children in fostering these skills.  Simone Davies is also the author of The Montessori Toddler, a comprehensive guide to raising your toddler in a Montessori way. It includes Montessori activities, how to set up your home, and how to encourage cooperation from your children, and The Montessori Baby. Things you’ll learn from this episode  How to set up the shoes and coat area to help kids “get out the door” with success and independence How making checklists for our kids can instill in them a sense of responsibility while also easing transitions What parents who aren’t naturally organized can support themselves The gifts of decluttering and clearing our space The importance of making a homework space inviting and distraction-free Tips for setting up spaces to foster more independence in children Why making things attractive, cozy, and comfortable benefits our kids  Resources mentioned for supporting children’s growth at home  The Montessori Notebook Simone Davies on Strategies for Staying Calm in Difficult Situations Setting Up Your Home Montessori-Style  Julie George on the Role of Executive Functioning in Differently-Wired Kids  Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On today’s episode I’m talking to Eliza Fricker about PDA or pathological demand avoidance – and in fact I know many people interpret PDA as persistent desire for autonomy. I’ve done a few episodes on PDA before but never from a parent’s perspective so after reading Eliza’s book, The Family Experience of PDA, I knew I wanted to share her perspective with the Tilt community. During this episode, we talked about how demand avoidance is more extreme in a child with a PDA profile vs. the inflexibility and rigidity we might see in other neurodivergent kids, what Eliza has learned about herself parenting a child with PDA, and what her resistance was to the changes needed to her parenting style. Eliza also gave out some great tips for teachers who have a PDA student in their classroom and for parents who are struggling with family, friends, or people close to them who aren’t willing to understand what PDA is and what that means for their family.Eliza Fricker is the illustrator behind “Missing the Mark” a deeply personal and all too human exploration of a mother’s journey navigating the education system and everyday life with a child who can’t go to school. Eliza’s latest book, Can’t Not Won’t will be published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers in December 2022.Things you'll learn from this episode What makes demand avoidance more extreme in children with PDA Eliza’s experience in changing her parenting ways to become more flexible Tweaks teachers can use to work with children who have PDA in a classroom setting How PDA may look different than “typical demand avoidance” that we might see in some neurodivergent children What Eliza has learned about herself from parenting a child with PDA Advice for parents who are raising a child with PDA Resources mentioned for PDA Eliza Fricker’s website The Family Experience of PDA by Eliza Fricker An Intro to PDA brought to you by Harry Thompson and Laura Kerbey, illustrated by Eliza Fricker Eliza Fricker / Missing the Mark on Facebook Eliza Fricker / Missing the Mark on Twitter Neurodivergent Education and Support Training (N-est) Harry Thompson’s website PDA of North America Alfie Kohn on Practicing Unconditional Parenting (Tilt Parenting podcast) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s episode is a Kid’s POV Special episode featuring another conversation with 12-year-old Asher. Our topic? Conflict. More specifically, handling parent-child conflict between the two of us. We’re tackling this topic because I’ve been getting questions from listeners who want to know a) if we even have conflicts at all and b) if so, how we handle them.The easy answer to the first part of that question is DEFINITELY. We DEFINITELY have conflict. I’m very human in that way, as is Asher. Today, we’ll spend the episode answering the second part of that question. We’ll talk about the kinds of things that crop up and cause conflict between us, and then we’ll share with you what that actually looks like in our world—what I do, what Ash does, and most importantly, how we move through and past it.Pro tip: This is a good episode for co-listening! When Asher and I listen to podcasts, we dump a puzzle out on the dining room table and listen while building the puzzle. It makes for a nice combination!Debbie Reber is the founder and CEO of Tilt Parenting and the host of the TiLT Parenting Podcast. 12-year-old Asher is Debbie’s child and is regularly featured on the podcast. Find out more by visiting the About Page.Things you’ll learn from this episode The benefits of talking through and getting clear on expectations (for all members of the family) prior to leaving for a vacation A strategy for using the collaborative problem solving approach to identify, address, and pre-solve concerns ahead of time How to make departure day go more smoothly The benefits of exploring and researching aspects of a vacation time well in advance of the trip (including accommodations, activities, etc.) A strategy for using written schedules coupled with frequent reviews during a vacation keeps everyone’s expectations in check The benefits of bringing a child into the planning process (and letting them determine some of what will happen on vacation) Why it’s useful to work with your child to discover what they need most on vacation and then incorporating it into your daily plan (ie: rest, chill time, etc.) Resources mentioned for handling parent-child conflict Download a PDF of our Family Goals Worksheet Download a PDF of our Vacation Concerns Worksheet Download a PDF of our Daily Vacation Planner Worksheet Look at our Departure Plan whiteboard Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is author, productivity guru, and mom of 5, Laura Vanderkam. Laura is the author of several time management and productivity books, including the one we are discussing today, Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters. She is also the host of the Before Breakfast podcast and the co-host, with Sarah Hart-Unger, of the Best of Both Worlds podcast. I’ve long been a fan of Laura’s books, and so I was excited to talk with her about Tranquility By Tuesday, and honestly, since reading it, I’ve started incorporating a few of her strategies into my world as I try to be more mindful and aware of how I spend my time. The results have been pretty great. That’s why I wanted to share Laura’s work with my community because I know so many of you are dealing with overwhelm and burnout. And my hope is that you’ll take away one or two nuggets that you can play with in your daily life to move the needle closer to tranquility.During our conversation, Laura shared her definition of tranquility, the common myths that get in the way of building more peace in our lives, and why it’s so important for families to have adventures together. She also shared multiple strategies that I promise are easy enough to implement. And again, even though they might seem like small shifts, they can have a big impact in your world.Laura is the author of several time management and productivity books, including the forthcoming Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters. She is the host of the Before Breakfast podcast and the co-host, with Sarah Hart-Unger, of the Best of Both Worlds podcast. She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and five children.Things you'll learn from this episode Laura’s definition of tranquility and pushing back against the perception of not having enough time Advice for parents who want to better manage their energy The barriers and myths that get in the way of building peace and tranquility Strategies to poke holes and reframe the stories that we tell ourselves Why it’s so important for families to have adventures together Simple “rules” or guidelines that can be gamechangers in your daily life  Resources mentioned for How We Can Find Tranquility by Tuesday Laura Vanderkam’s website Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters by Laura Vanderkam 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam The New Corner Office: How the Most Successful People Work from Home by Laura Vanderkam I Know How She Does It: How the Most Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time by Laura Vanderkam Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting Stuff Done by Laura Vanderkam  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s episode features a conversation with Angela Pruess, a licensed clinical therapist and mom of three who wants to help all parents raise emotionally healthy kids that will change the world, by explaining the he(art) and science behind our child’s development and emotional regulation.For this episode, we focus on that elusive thing so many of us are trying to help develop in our kids, but can be very difficult to know exactly where to start and what we should expect over our child’s developmental timeline—self-regulation and emotional regulation.Today we dive deep into what it is, why it’s an important skill for our kids to develop, the different ways we as parents and caregivers and teachers can support our kids in nurturing these skills, and more. Things you’ll learn from this episode What self-regulation / emotional regulation actually is and what it can look like when kids struggle with it Why self-regulation can be developed over time, even when the time line looks different How we might expect development of self-regulation to progress at different ages The importance of modelling self-regulation for our children How we can best support teachers in being our partners in developing our kids’ self-regulation How parents can most effectively do in supporting our kids in learning these skills Strategies for what to do when children are resistant to working on self-regulation Top tips for jump-starting our child’s self-regulation  Resources mentioned Parents With Confidence Parents With Confidence on Facebook Children’s Mental Health Rocks on Facebook How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child That Will Succeed in Life How to Be the Best Parent to Your Emotionally Intense Child Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The One Mistake You Want to Avoid Emotional Intelligence Flashcard Bundle  Self-Reg: How to Help Your child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life by Stuart Shanker Dr. Ross Greene Dr. Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain  30 Games & Activities to Boost Self-Regulation Stop, Breathe, & Think App Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We are kicking off this season with a conversation with Dr. Stuart Shanker, who I first learned about through my friend Seth Perler as he’s been part of the TEFOS Summit. I love Stuart's message and recently devoured his book Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life, and wanted to dive deeper with Stuart about it. In this episode, we get into the ways in which the brain controls the levels of stress, the difference between self-regulation and self-control, and the difference between stress behavior and misbehaving. Stuart also walks us through his 5 steps to Self-Reg, and talks about the power of us as parents and caregivers and educators doing our own self-reg work so we can support the kids around us.Dr. Stuart Shanker (D.Phil) is a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus of Philosophy and Psychology, the Founder & Visionary of The MEHRIT Centre, Ltd., and Self-Reg Global Inc. One of his many books, Calm, Alert and Learning: Classroom Strategies for Self-Regulation (2012), is a top-selling educational publication in Canada. Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life (2016), has garnered enthusiastic reviews and media attention throughout North America and has also been published in the United Kingdom, the United States, Poland, Germany, China, South Korea, Japan, the Netherlands, Georgia and the Czech Republic. His latest books are Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators (2019) and Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society (2020) Things you'll learn from this episode How the explosion of stress-related problems in recent years among children has augmented the need for additional self-reg resources for parents and educators How the brain controls the levels of stress and simple strategies that can be used to calm the nervous system response Why self-reg practices for parents and teachers other adults begin with learning how to regulate ourselves The difference between misbehavior and stress behavior How self-regulation mechanisms evolve as we get older The distinction between self-control and self-regulation and the five steps to self-regulation Resources mentioned: The Mehrit Center / Dr. Stuart Shanker’s website Resource Library on Stuart’s website Self-Reg Online Learning & Certificate Programs Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life by Dr. Stuart Shanker Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society by Dr. Stuart Shanker Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators by Dr. Stuart Shanker and Dr. Susan Hopkins The Functional Neuroanatomy of Pleasure and Happiness (Overview of Olds and Milner study) Seth Perler’s website A “Masterclass” in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler, P Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the third installment in a series of solocasts specifically about homeschooling 2e children. I know many families of 2e and differently wired kids end up going down the homeschooling road, whether they’re reluctant homeschoolers and they felt “forced” into the decision because they ran out of other options or whether they knew they would homeschool from the moment their child was born. Whatever the case, this episode is for you.In this episode, I share how Asher and I structure our school, what kind of classes he takes, how I figure out what he’s going to focus on, and what a typical school day looks like for us. I wanted to talk about these things because I know that designing a curriculum can be one of the most overwhelming pieces of this puzzle.A quick note: If you haven’t already done so, I encourage you to listen to the two other solocast episodes I’ve done on homeschooling 2e children. In Episode 42 I talk about how I made the decision to homeschool even though I had a LOT of resistance to the idea, and in Episode 48, I talk about the actual transition to homeschooling … basically how we survived that first rocky year. Debbie Reber, MA, is a parenting activist, bestselling author, podcast host, and speaker who moved her career in a more personal direction in 2016 when she founded Tilt Parenting, a top resource for parents like her who are raising differently wired children. The TiLT Parenting Podcast has grown to be a top podcast in Kids & Family, with more than 4 million downloads and a slate of guests that includes high-profile thought leaders across the parenting and education space. A certified Positive Discipline trainer and a regular contributor to Psychology Today and ADDitude Magazine, Debbie’s newest book is Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. In November 2018, she spoke at TEDxAmsterdam, delivering a talk entitled Why the Future Will Be Differently Wired. In the summer of 2020, she co-created the Parenting in Place Masterclass series.     Things you’ll learn from this episode How Debbie has worked with curriculum advisors in designing the game plan for Asher’s classes The big role developing executive functioning skills plays in Asher’s curriculum Why Debbie believes freedom and flexibility is one of the biggest benefits of homeschooling How Debbie has incorporated outside curriculums into her school approach How Debbie supplements formal curriculum with videos, books, and experiential learning Debbie’s favorite resources for teaching, subject by subject What a typical school day looks like for Debbie and Asher Why Debbie believes it’s critical that Asher participate in the actual design of their schedule and curriculum  Resources mentioned for homeschooling 2e children Kathi Kearney (curriculum advisor classes) Kristi Helgeson (curriculum advisor) Gifted Homeschooler’s Forum Athena’s Advanced Academy Yoga with Adrienne (YouTube channel) Life of Fred Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

To close out this Summer season I’m bringing you a special double episode all about college, specifically, how families can navigate the application process and what’s changed since Covid, as well as understanding the ways in which colleges may, or may not, support their neurodivergent students and what families should be looking for when exploring potential schools.In the first half of this episode, you’ll hear me talking with Eric Karlan, the co-founder of Ivy Experience, a company providing academic tutoring, standardized test preparation, and essay consulting services. Since 2010, Eric has consulted thousands of high school and graduate school students on their college and graduate school application essays and resumes across the country and around the world. He gave a TEDx Talk in 2018 called “What do I need to know about you?” inspired by his work brainstorming with students on their college application essays. Eric and I talked about what’s different in the college admissions process today as a result of the Covid pandemic, and whether or not those changes are here to stay. Eric explains what “test-optional” and “test-blind” policies are and how they affect some students more than others, what schools are doing to bring in more diversity to their student body, and how students might choose to disclose their neurodivergence, disability, or other parts of their identities in their college application. Then in the second half of the episode, I’m joined by Elizabeth Hamblet, an expert in college disability services and helping neurodivergent high school students successfully transition to college. Elizabeth began her career as a high school special education teacher and then began working at the college level in the late 1990s. She is now at her third university, where she helps students with time management, organization, reading, and study skills. She offers programs on preparing students for successful college transition. Elizabeth’s newest book, Seven Steps to College Success: A Pathway for Students with Disabilities, will be out in early 2023.In our conversation, Elizabeth and I talk about what kinds of services colleges may offer students, how to vett schools to find out what kinds of supports and accommodations may be available and how to access them, and what parents should consider when helping their differently wired young adult explore potential colleges. Things you'll learn from this episode How the college admission process has changed as a result of the COVID pandemic What it actually means when colleges declare they are “test-optional” or “test blind,” and how applicants should navigate decisions around submitting tests How the young adult mental health is impacting students’ performance in high school, and how prospective colleges are considering those dips What schools are doing to foster more diversity within their student body (race, gender, neurodiversity, etc.) Considerations surrounding whether or not a student should disclose their neurodivergence, disability, or other parts of their identities in their college application How some universities have added expanded their disability and mental health services on campus in response to student’s needs since the pandemic What fee-base Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this special kid’s POV edition, Asher and I talk about having ADHD and goal setting, a topic near and dear to my heart, but also an issue we hear from parents about a lot. Asher is someone who always seems to have a lot of projects he’s working on and he sets often ambitious goals centered around those projects. Yet because of the way Ash is wired, he can often get distracted or derailed, which results in him being frustrated with himself.I know a thing or two about goal setting — it’s actually the topic of a book I wrote for teen girls in 2015 called Doable, and so I am committed to using what I know about goals to help Asher learn how to successfully set and reach his own goals while also developing his planning, organizational, and time management skills. If you have kids with lots of ideas for things they’d like to do but seem to get stuck before they finish, or maybe even struggle to begin in the first place, this would be a good episode to listen to with them. Debbie Reber is the founder and CEO of Tilt Parenting and the host of the TiLT Parenting Podcast. 11-year-old Asher is Debbie’s child and is regularly featured on the podcast.  Things you’ll learn from this episode The connection between ADHD, executive functioning challenges, and goal planning Asher’s strategy for setting, measuring, and reaching goals How Asher uses both daily and weekly goal planning to keep him on track What typically derails Asher when he’s pursuing a goal The power of the daily check-in Asher’s tips for other kids looking to set and reach their personal goals  Resources mentioned for ADHD & goal setting Debbie’s book Doable: The Girls’ Guide to Accomplishing Just About Anything by Debbie Reber A Conversation with 11-year-old Asher About His Game-Changing Morning Routine (podcast) Understood.org Productivity Planner from Intelligent Change Download a copy of Asher’s Goal Planning Worksheet The Color Run (series of 5k races) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever wondered if SEL (social and emotional learning) in school and classrooms really matters? I’ve been exploring this question a lot about over the past year, as well trying to understand the recent increase in parental and political pushback in the US specifically that is putting the future of SEL in schools at risk.  I wanted to get into a deep conversation about SEL for the show, and so I reached out Dr. Joseph Lee, a psychiatrist with a special interest in social and emotional learning and helping people achieve what he calls optimal mental healthiness.We had exactly the conversation I was hoping we would, as we got into so many important topics, including the state of children and young adult’s mental health today, demystifying what SEL or social emotional learning actually is, why SEL matters, how it’s best introduced in schools, the limitations in the current educational model for social emotional learning curriculums, what the pushback against SEL is really about, and what it’s at stake if our children aren’t provided with social and emotional learning opportunities. I think this is such an important and timely conversation – I hope that you enjoy it and that you help me amplify this episode by sharing it in your communities.Dr. Joseph Lee, MD., is a Psychiatrist in private practice in Redondo Beach, California. He is also an educator in social and emotional learning (SEL) and provides individual and group supervision to licensed therapists looking to add mental healthiness and SEL principles to their own practices. Dr. Lee has a medical doctorate from University Of California, Los Angeles, School Of Medicine.Things you'll learn from this episode What Joseph Lee is seeing in his practice regarding and his thoughts on the state of children and young adult’s mental health today What SEL or social emotional learning actually is Ways that SEL can be weaved into traditional educational curriculum as well as the use of specific SEL curriculum What social and emotional learning inside schools looks like in practice The “why” behind the pushback against SEL in the recent years and what’s it’s at stake if we lose the ability to teach SEL in classrooms  Resources mentioned for SEL or Social and Emotional Learning Mental Healthiness / Dr. Joseph Lee’s website Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning Dr. Joseph Lee & Mental Healthiness on Facebook Dr. Joseph Lee on Twitter Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships by Daniel Goleman U.S. Surgeon General Issues Advisory on Youth Mental Health Crisis Further Exposed by COVID-19 Pandemic Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices