Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Are you worried about your child’s video gaming habits? If so, here’s interesting conversation with Eric Lanigan about two topics that I know are relevant, and perhaps concerning, to many listeners out there — video gaming and motivation. I reached out to Eric after learning about an online course he runs for parents called Making Peace with Gaming, because I was curious to know just exactly how we do that, and what that actually means in the context of everyday life with kids who are really into gaming. What I love about this conversation is it went so much deeper than video gaming and into the heart of the emotional lives of our children. I found our conversation to be highly thought-provoking—I hope you get a lot out of it.Eric Lanigan is a Motivation Coach who has helped hundreds of people to get clear on what they want -and then do it. He guides his clients in directing their attention inwards instead of blaming themselves or external events. A former video game addict himself, Eric offers an intimate view of the world of compulsive gaming. Eric has delivered dozens of workshops on emotional intelligence, motivation, and procrastination. His online course, The Big Shift, has served over 750 people from more than 15 countries.Things you’ll learn from this episode Why many children get so deeply involved in their video game worlds The emotional payoff many children get from engaging in games Eric’s ideas around how parents can respect and understand their child’s video gaming The connection between motivation and gaming, and what parents miss when considering these Why Eric says the problem isn’t the games themselves but the way we relate to the games The biggest fears and concerns parents have surrounding their child’s gaming Eric’s thoughts on parents legislating their children’s gaming and how rewards and punishments associated with gaming may be counterproductive / result in the opposite desired outcome  Resources mentioned for parents worried about their child’s video gaming Eric Lanigan’s website Making Peace with Gaming online course* The Big Shift online course Blake Boles A Conversation with Blake Boles on Unschooling and Self-Directed Learning (podcast episode) Asher Talks About the Pros and Cons of Banning Video Games (podcast episode) Eric on Facebook Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode explores the subject of vulnerability, male culture, and parenting specifically in the context of heteronormative relationships and how men can show up as better dads to their differently wired children. And I have the perfect guest to explore this topic with — Todd Adams, half of the duo of Zen Parenting Radio, and a leadership coach for men and the executive director of the international men’s organization, Men Living. Todd and I looked at the societal norms and pressures on men that get in the way of their being vulnerable in their relationships, feel more connected at home, and hold emotional space for their families, especially in families with neurodivergent kids and where the demands on relationships (emotionally, mentally, and physically) may be more intense. We also talked about what women can do to support and encourage their male partners to do inner work and show up as dads in a way that will better support their relationships and their family as a whole. Things you'll learn from this episode What the a “man box” is (and how it differs from “toxic masculinity”) The barriers in a heteronormative relationship that stand in the way of men feeling connected, including the additional challenges when raising a differently wired child How families can benefit from men showing up and being more vulnerable in their relationships What women can do to encourage their male partners to do the work and how they can support them through it How dads can find other like-minded dads and connect with them Resources mentioned for dads, the "man box" and how men can better show up for their kids and families Men Living Zen Parenting Radio (Todd and Cathy Adams’ podcast) Todd Adam’s Coaching Site Getting Aligned Through Parenting and Marriage Challenges, with Todd and Cathy Adams (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Cathy Adams on Zen Parenting in an Unpredictable World The ManKind Project The Mask You Live In Jennifer Siebel Newsom A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckert Tolle  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you have a differently wired child who is athletic and/or is into sports, this episode is for you. My guest is Susan Stout, the founder Own Beat Athlete, a new resource aimed at helping athletic coaches understand their athletes who march to a different beat. Susan knows from personal experience as an athlete herself, a former coach, and the parent of an athletic differently wired child, that many great athletes can be challenging to coach because of their wiring—they can be easily frustrated, disruptive, forgetful, inconsistent. But she also knows that they can be a teams’ greatest asset. Susan’s goal is to equip others with what she wishes she knew when she was a coach, and support and bring out the best in the many athletes who didn’t fit the mold, with a specific focus on athletes with ADHD, learning differences, and anxiety.This is a really interesting conversation and Susan’s resources are a great starting point for listeners who want to bridge that gap of knowledge between their child’s behavior and their sports coach. I hope you enjoy it.Susan Stout is an advocate for athletes who are wired differently and struggle to participate or reach their potential in sports. She specializes in ADHD, learning differences and anxiety. Susan is the founder of Own Beat Athlete, a project to provide athletic coaches with the understanding and tools they need to help their differently wired athletes thrive. She brings to the work her perspective as a swimmer, coach, teacher, lawyer and mom to an avid and talented young athlete with ADHD and dyslexia. Things you’ll learn from this episode How and when parents should let athletic coaches know about a child’s wiring What kind of unique gifts differently wired athletes bring to their sports What the common challenges are for differently wired kids participating in sports How parents can talk with their kids about learning how to self-advocate for themselves with their coaches Susan’s thoughts on how willing coaches are to better understand and support their differently wired athletes How Own Beat Athlete supports coaches (and parents of athletes) to know how to practically support and problem solve with challenges related to neurodifferences What parents should look for to know whether or not they should step in  Resources mentioned for coaching differently wired athletes Own Beat Athlete Own Beat Athlete / Susan Stout on Twitter Susan Stout on Facebook Own Beat Athlete’s Coaches’ Toolkit Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you are a regular listener of this show, you will be familiar with Polyvagal Theory, as it’s coming up in multiple interviews. But this episode is the first one dedicated solely to exploring this powerful theory. And to explore it with us, I’m thrilled to be talking with Deb Dana, a clinician, consultant, and author who is known for being a translator of Polyvagal Theory, which was developed by Dr. Stephen Porges in the mid-1990s.In this episode, Deb Dana gives us a primer of the key points of Polyvagal Theory, and in doing so, explains the ways in which it can support the way we parent our differently-wired kids. Deb explains the nervous system pathways, why co-regulation is essential to our survival, what befriending and listening to our autonomic nervous system looks like in practice, and the benefits of having a breathing practice. We also talk about why these concepts can change our relationships to our daily life even if our circumstances stay the same. Deb Dana, LCSW is a clinician, consultant and author specializing in complex trauma.  Her work is focused on using the lens of Polyvagal Theory to understand and resolve the impact of trauma, and creating ways of working that honor the role of the autonomic nervous system.  She is a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute, consultant to Khiron Clinics, advisor to Unyte, and developer of the signature Rhythm of Regulation Clinical Training Series. Deb is well known for translating Polyvagal Theory into a language and application that is both understandable and accessible for clinicians and curious people alike.Deb’s clinical work published with W.W. Norton includes The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation, Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client Centered Practices, the Polyvagal Flip Chart: Understanding the Science of Safety and the Polyvagal Card Deck: 58 Practices for Calm and Change. Things you'll learn from this episode-The mission behind Deb’s book Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory-What the nervous system pathways are and the three states we can be in-What aspects of our nervous systems are innate or “hardwired” versus routed in nurture or life experience-Why co-regulation is essential to our survival and examples for ways in which we constantly do naturally-What befriending and listening to our autonomic nervous system looks like in practice-What the benefits of having a regular breathing practice areResources Mentioned-Deb Dana’s website, Rhythm of Regulation-Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana-Polyvagal Card Deck: 58 Practices for Calm & Change-Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices by Deb Dana-Polyvagal Practices: Anchoring the Self in Safety by Deb Dana (coming March 2023)-Stephen PorgesSupport the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For this episode about ADHD and nutrition, I spoke with one of America’s leading experts in the field of childhood nutrition, Jill Castle. Jill is a registered dietician / nutritionist with over twenty-five years of experience working with babies, toddlers, children, and teens, in a variety of settings from private practice and consulting to author and writer. Her specialty is taking the current research in pediatric nutrition and shaping it into practical, sane advice for parents and healthcare providers. Jill writes the blog, “Just the Right Bite” and hosts a childhood nutrition podcast called The Nourished Child. In today’s conversation, Jill shares her insights about what we know about the relationship between ADHD and nutrition, the impact of nutritional deficiencies in kids, and how to not get overwhelmed at the thought of making changes in your family and, more specifically, your child’s diet. She also shares some great tips for how to get started in making small changes that can have a big impact. Jill truly is an expert in her field, and I learned a lot in this conversation. I hope you enjoy it!  Jill Castle is a registered dietitian/nutritionist and a childhood nutrition expert. With over 25 years of experience with babies, toddlers, children and teens, in a variety of settings from private practice and consulting to author and writer, and as a mother of 4, Jill is sought after as one of America’s leading experts in the field of childhood nutrition.Things you’ll learn from this episode  What the current research says about ADHD and nutrition The common types of nutritional challenges and deficiencies faced by kids with ADHD How to address nutritional concerns with your child without getting overwhelmed Thoughts on dealing with shame or guilt surrounding a child’s nutritional habits Whether or not good nutrition can be a substitute for medication when it comes to treating a child with ADHD Tips for making small, positive nutritional changes in your home and with your ADHD child How we can get our kids invested in their own nutritional well-being  Resources mentioned for ADHD and Nutrition in Kids Jill Castle’s website Jill’s podcast: The Nourished Child Jill’s books Jill’s Blog Post: A Healthy ADHD Diet for Kids Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’m really excited to bring you this conversation with Dr. Norinne Russell on a new topic we haven’t covered before on this show and one that only came into my radar last year, and that is rejection sensitive dysphoria or RSD, a dysphoria commonly experienced by people with ADHD. We talked about what rejection sensitive dysphoria is and how it’s different from mood disorders or emotional dysregulation, what the early signs are and examples of triggers from Norrine’s own experience with her son, and how to support children with RSD. I’m sure this conversation will resonate with many of you and hope you find this new topic interesting and valuable to your family.  About Dr. Norrine RussellDr. Norrine Russell is the founder of Russell Coaching for Students, which uses an innovative method of coaching for complex students, including those who are 2E; have ADHD, Autism, or Anxiety; and those with learning differences. This innovative method, Connected Coaching, has proven successful for hundreds of students since 2009. She is the author of the recently published guide for parents, “Asking the Right Questions Before, During, and After Your Child’s ADHD Diagnosis.”With twenty years of experience creating positive youth development and parenting education programs, Dr. Russell has extensive knowledge of child development, learning styles, special needs, and positive parenting philosophies. She blends this knowledge to provide students and parents with comprehensive support and the tools they need to grow and thrive. Things you'll learn from this episode What rejection sensitive dysphoria or RSD is and how it presents What the early signs of rejection-sensitive dysphoria are and examples of triggers for children and adolescents The difference between RSD, mood disorders, and “typical” emotional dysregulation that neurodivergent children might experience How to support children with RSD  Resources mentioned for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) & ADHD Dr. Norrine Russell’s website Dr. Norrine Russell via telephone: +12127161161 Kids in the Syndrome Mix of ADHD, LD, Autism Spectrum, Tourette's, Anxiety, and More!: The One Stop Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Other Professionals by Dr. Martin Kutscher New Insights Into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Additude Magazine article) How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Additude article) Free Resource: Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Additude article)  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest for this episode is the brilliant Julie Lythcott-Haims., the author of the New York Times’ bestselling, and in my opinion, majorly game-changing-in-the-parenting-space book, How to Raise an Adult. She wrote it after noticing that prospective college students at Stanford University, where she was dean of admissions, were being over-parented and as a result, were lacking the resources to develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success.In this episode, Julie and I talk about what it takes for a child to be successful—looking at how we define success along the way—and explore what we as parents can do to help our child develop the agency they need to become self-actualized adults. I loved having this conversation with Julie and am still noodling on the many takeaways and aha moments I experienced. I hope you get a lot out of it. Julie Lythcott-Haims' How to Raise an Adult has been published in over two dozen countries and gave rise to a TED talk that became one of the top TED Talks of 2016 with over 3.5 million views and counting, as well as a forthcoming sequel on how to be an adult, for young adults. Two years later Julie published Real American: A Memoir, a critically-acclaimed and award-winning memoir which examines racism through her experience as a Black and biracial person. Things you’ll learn from this episode What is at the root of fear-based parenting Why Julie says most parents are raising kids from a place of love, ego, and fear Challenges and hardships every child should face in order to be ready to be an adult How we do our children a disservice when we “become” their default executive functioning How we can (and need to) redefine what success looks like The connection between successful adults and a child doing chores (and how to get started if you’re not doing it now) Why happiness in our kids stems from love The benefits of hands-on work for kids developing a sense of agency How to help our kids bolster their self-advocacy skills  Resources mentioned for helping differently wired teens launch Julie Lythcott Haims’ website How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success  Real American: A Memoir  Julie’s TED Talk: How to Raise Successful Kids Julie’s TEDxGunnHighSchool Talk: Throw Out the Checklisted Childhood Julie’s TEDxStanford Talk: Be Your Authentic Self How to Be An Adult  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Author and reporter, Anya Kamenetz is back on the podcast to talk about her new book The Stolen Year: How Covid Changed Children’s Lives, And Where We Go Now. The Stolen Year is a powerful look at how the pandemic disrupted children’s lives — their learning, mental health, and overall well-being. The Stolen Year isn’t written specifically for parents of differently wired children, but I thought it was important to really explore what the research and data shows the cost of the past two years has been for our most valuable resource – our children, as well as consider the question – where do we go from here?During our conversation we talked about the trends on decreasing graduation rates, the impact of food scarcity on children and adolescents, and caregiver depression. We also talked about the kinds of resources families need to recover from the pandemic, especially within marginalized communities and more severely impacted populations, and much more. Anya Kamenetz has covered education for many years, including for NPR, where she also co-created the podcast Life Kit:Parenting in partnership with Sesame Workshop.Kamenetz is the author of several acclaimed nonfiction books: Generation Debt ; DIY U ; The Test: Why Our Schools Are Obsessed With Standardized Testing, But You Don’t Have To Be, and The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life.Things you'll learn from this episode What the long-lasting effects of COVID in children’s lives are according to Anya’s research Where we should be focusing our energy — our kids’ learning loss or their mental health and wellbeing The trends on decreasing graduation rates and how that might play out in the next few years for young people Whether experts consider the pandemic to be an ACE (adverse childhood experience) The impact of food scarcity on children during COVID What resources families need to recover from the pandemic, especially for marginalized communities Resources mentioned for the impact of COVID on children Anya Kamenetz’s website The Stolen Year: How Covid Changed Children’s Lives, and Where We Go Now by Anya Kamenetz Anya Kamenetz Talks About Her Book, The Art of Screentime (Tilt Parenting podcast) The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life by Anya Kamenetz Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I’m talking with Zach Morris, the executive director and development of curriculum and instruction at LEARN Inc. LEARN Inc. is an non-for-profit school in Missoula, Montana in the United States which is approaching education in a thoughtful and alternative way, and with powerful results, especially for their neurodivergent students, which make up to 75% of the student body. Their mission is to facilitate individualized learning opportunities that honor neurodivergence, encourage social collaboration, and foster whole-person growth. And as a result, the kids at LEARN are getting the opportunity to develop with confidence and feeling seen for who they are.I know that this education piece—figuring out how to help our child develop a love of learning and reach their full potential—is one of the most challenging pieces of raising differently wired kids, and I just have to say that talking with Zach left me feeling inspired, hopeful, and motivated. Zach believes there is a different way, and he’s doing his part to push the needle forward. Together we talk about the the philosophy of nonviolent communication, what can happen for our kids when we practice compassion with them, and how parents like us can bring some of Zach’s philosophy into our lives to support our kids. This was one of those mind = blown conversations for me. I hope you like it. Zach Morris M.Ed is a leader in education. He holds a Montana State educators license, he is HANDLE level 1&2 certified, and he is an active pursuant of Non-Violent Communication practices. His current research targets neurodiversity and learning. Things you’ll learn from this episode What it looks like when education is grounded in compassion and the principles of nonviolent communication, ecological literacy, and whole person learning (social, emotional, physiological, and academic) Why Zach believes the key to education is individualization and diversity within the system How a child can be shifted from feeling they do everything wrong to feeling like they can are heard and can contribute How Zach helps a child with PTSD from their previous educational experiences recover How parents can incorporate Zach’s philosophy into their daily lives Why Zach believes that we have choice in everything  Resources mentioned for whole-person learning Learn Inc A Deep Dive Into Diagnoses, Assessments, and Labels, with Dr. Melissa Neff  The Center for Nonviolent Communication  Speak Peace in a World of Conflict  Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life  Dr. Devon MacEachron on Assessing and Supporting Twice-Exceptional Learners  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For today’s episode, I’m bringing multi-award-winning director, producer and executive film producer, Marc Smolowitz, back on the podcast. It was four years ago that Marc first came on the show to talk about a movie he was working on called The G Word, a feature-length documentary about giftedness that asks the urgent equity question – In the 21st century, who gets to be Gifted in America and Why? Marc is currently working on the post-production of the movie so I wanted to invite him back to talk about what the last 4 years have been like in the giftedness community. What has changed? What are the things we need to be looking out for and what initiatives have been created?AND, I also wanted this show to be a part of celebrating the 2nd annual Gifted / Talented / Neurodiversity Awareness Week, a week-long celebration created by Marc and which is happening this very week. The theme for this year’s awareness week is Gifted JOY, and I really love the idea of connecting the concept of joy and empowerment to the conversation surrounding giftedness.Marc Smolowitz is a multi-award-winning director, producer, and executive producer who has been significantly involved in 50+ independent films. His films have been screened at the world’s top-tier festivals such as Sundance, Berlin, Venice, Tribeca, Locarno, Chicago, Palm Springs, SF FILM, AFI Docs, IDFA, and DOC NYC, among others. In 2009, Marc founded 13th Gen, a San Francisco-based company that works with a dynamic range of independent film partners globally to oversee the financing, production, post-production, marketing, sales, and distribution efforts of a vibrant portfolio of films and filmmakers. In 2022, Marc is currently in post-production on THE G WORD – a feature-length documentary about giftedness that asks the urgent equity question – In the 21st century, who gets to be Gifted in America and Why?Things you’ll learn from this episode How the conversation surrounding giftedness and neurodivergence have changed in recent years and how those have impacted the direction fo The G Word Why it’s so important to include the concept of neurodivergence in the broader conversation about gifted and talented populations How we can intentionally use joy to explore and ease pain/trauma narratives, especially for gifted and neurodiverse populations How parents can lean into the joy of raising their gifted children and get involved in celebrating GTN Awareness Week Resources mentioned: 13th Gen, Marc’s production company The G Word Film G/T/N Awareness Week Supporting Black, Gifted Students with Dr. Joy Lawson Davis (Tilt Parenting podcast interview) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices