Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

My guest Scott Barry Kaufman PhD, a psychologist, author, and podcaster who is passionate about changing, or perhaps expanding, the way intelligence is defined and measured. In our conversation, we talk about his ideas about intelligence, potential, and what it actually takes for our children to develop into self-actualized adults.  Scott is a cognitive scientist and humanistic psychologist exploring the mind, creativity, and the depths of human potential. He is a professor at Columbia University and founder and director of the Center for the Science of Human Potential. Dr. Kaufman received a B.S. in psychology and human computer interaction from Carnegie Mellon, an M. Phil in experimental psychology from the University of Cambridge under a Gates Cambridge Scholarship, and a Ph.D. in cognitive psychology from Yale University. He is also an Honorary Principal Fellow at the University of Melbourne’s Centre for Wellbeing Science.Dr. Kaufman hosts the The Psychology Podcast, and his writing has appeared in The Atlantic, Scientific American, Psychology Today, and Harvard Business Review. He is the author and editor of 9 books, including his latest book Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. Things you’ll learn from this episode Why Scott believes traditional markers of intelligence are missing the mark The problem with assessing for “labels” instead a child’s highest strengths Scott’s thoughts on how we can create a better educational model Why potential in our children is a “moving target” How gifted education as a construct has a “fixed mindset” Scott’s ideas for expanding the definition of intelligence through a multiple manifestations of intelligence lens Why we should focus on self-actualization as opposed to excellence What qualities we should be helping our children develop to become self-actualized  Resources mentioned for redefining giftedness Scott Barry Kaufman’s website Scott at Scientific American Magazine Scott’s podcast, The Psychology Podcast Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined by Scott Barry Kaufman Wired to Create: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind by Scott Barry Kaufman Twice Exceptional: Supporting and Educating Bright and Creative Students with Learning Difficulties by Scott Barry Kaufman Scott’s TEDxZumbroRiver Talk: A New Theory of Hum Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this conversation with Jennifer Natalya Fink, we explore the nuances of her fascinating new book, All Our Families: Disability Lineage and the Future of Kinship. The premise of Jennifer’s book is that disability is often described as a tragedy, a crisis, or an aberration, even though more than 1 in 5 people worldwide have a disability. She wanted to explore the question: Why is this common human experience rendered exceptional? Instead, Jennifer is advocating for a reclamation of disability as a history, a culture, and an identity. She is pushing for a world where families see disability in the context of a collective sense of belonging, as cause for celebration, and is a call for a radical reimagining of carework and kinship. We went deep into this idea of a disability lineage, and Jennifer shared what’s at stake if we don’t know and claim our family history. We also discussed why getting a disability diagnosis can be traumatic for families and how it’s accentuated by how our society thinks about disability. Lastly, Jennifer shared her thoughts on making the care system more equitable by embracing disability as a collective experience rather than something individual families have to deal with. ***Jennifer Natalya Fink is director of the Program in Disability Studies and a professor of English at Georgetown University. She is the author of 6 books and founder of the Gorilla Press, a nonprofit promoting youth literacy through bookmaking. Fink is the winner of the Dana Award for the Novel and the Catherine Doctorow Prize for Innovative Fiction, as well as a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award. First and foremost, she is a mother; the transformative experience of parenting her autistic daughter is the center of her work. Things you’ll learn from this episode How Jennifer’s own family story led her to be interested in researching disability and disability lineage What a disability lineage is Why getting a disability diagnosis can be traumatic for families and how it’s accentuated by our society’s views of disability The importance of understanding that care and disability are woven into the human experience What we are losing out on by not knowing our family disability history as families raising differently wired kids How even good-intentioned comments can feed ableist beliefs How we can work to make the care system more equitable, including seeing disability as a collective experience rather than something families must face on an individual basis  Resources mentioned for Disability Lineage — What It Is and How it Impacts Families All Our Families: Disability Lineage and the Future of Kinship Jennifer Natayla Fink’s website Jennifer on Instagram Disability Studies at Georgetown University Mia Mingus For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session297Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest is Anders Ronnau, a master coach, hypnotherapist, trainer, and writer, and the ADHD coach behind the Transforming ADHD Movement. Anders is the leading ADHD coach in Denmark, and for the past seven years has been teaching both parenting programs and been an ADHD coach trainer. He recently launched his online community and business, Transforming ADHD.Anders has a unique approach to working with his clients, who are anywhere from six years old to adults, and I was really intrigued to learn more about his work and find out what its implications are for our children. His focus is on development his client’s cognitive skills and behaviors to help them be better at managing their time, focus, and temperament, as well as rebuilding their self-worth.Things you’ll learn from this episode A look at whether or not positive behavior systems work in the long-term for kids with ADHD How to gain access to the inner world of a child How “externalization” helps change behavior and leads to transforming ADHD Why a differently-wired person’s inner negative self-talk is their biggest hurdle as they get older Ander’s tips for things parents can do at home to help their kids How the magic question—What were you trying to do?—allows us to reach out with curiosity instead of blame or anger  Resources mentioned for transforming ADHD Transforming ADHD (Ander’s website) Special TiLT page on Transforming ADHD Transforming ADHD on Facebook Transforming ADHD YouTube Channel  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I'm talking about nonverbal learning disorder, also known as NLD or NVLD, with Dr. Marcia Eckerd. I learned so much from this conversation, including what NVLD actually is, examples of how it might show up in kids, and why it’s important to recognize if your child has NLD instead of thinking their behavior is the result of something else like ADHD or social anxiety. Marcia also shared how she works with families making sure the child’s self-esteem is taken into account and not making them feel they are less than others because they process things differently. Marcia Eckerd, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist with over 30 years’ experience. As a therapist and provider of neuropsychological evaluations, she identified and worked with many children with Non-Verbal Learning Disability. She serves on the CT Autism Spectrum Disorder Advisory Council and the professional advisory boards of SmartKidsWithLD and NeuroClastic.com, a nonprofit providing creative educational resources on autism. She has a regular blog on Psychology Today, “Everyday Neurodiversity” as well as writing professional articles on autism and articles for multiple websites and magazines on NVLD, autism, evaluations and executive functions, such as SmartKidsWithLD.org, Autism Parenting Magazine and Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism. She’s spoken extensively on NVLD and autism in national conferences for educators, clinical professionals and parents.A former Director of Clinical Programs at the New Learning Therapy Center, she also helped establish the Norwalk Hospital-Yale collaboration Pediatric Development and Therapy Center. She continues to be on the Associate Medical Staff at Norwalk Hospital.Things you’ll learn from this episode How Marcia describes her work of being a “translator” between individuals with NVLD and the world around them What nonverbal learning disorder is and how it might show up in kids Why it’s so important to distinguish NVLD from things like autism, ADHD, or social anxiety Why prioritizing our kids’ self-esteem is so critical Why kids with NVLD might struggle when they get to middle school as their social and school life start to change The different executive functions that can be worked on alongside NVLD depending on what your child needs help with How to support your child with NVLD and the kind of support parents can look for  Resources mentioned for What is Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) Dr. Marcia Eckerd’s website Dr. Marcia’s blog on Psychology Today Are We Giving Autistic Children PTSD at School?  DSM / Social Communication Disorder Autism Level Up Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a deep dive into the world of gifted and 2e children, with Dr. Mike Postma, a writer, consultant and presenter specializing in the education and well-being of twice exceptional and intellectually gifted students and their families. Mike is also the Executive Director of SENG, which stands for Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted, an organization whose mission it is to empower families and communities to guide gifted and talented individuals to reach their goals: intellectually, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, as well as the author of the new book, The Inconvenient Student: Critical Issues in the Identification and Education of Twice-Exceptional Students.Mike and I talked about the challenges facing gifted and 2e / twice-exceptional students, especially social and emotional challenges, and this is one of those episodes that just might leave you feeling pensive, concerned, and ignited all at the same time. Dr. Michael Postma is an educator, author, speaker, coach and consultant dedicated to the holistic development of the gifted/twice-exceptional (2e) community. Over the last two decades, Dr. Postma has served as a gifted teacher in the classroom, as an administrator and leader of gifted schools – both public and charter schools in multiple states, and was the architect of the Minnetonka Navigator Program, a magnet school in Minnesota specifically designed for highly gifted and twice-exceptional students. He currently is the President and co-founder of Gifted and Thriving, LLC .Things you’ll learn from this episode Mike Postma’s personal story of growing up a gifted and 2e kid with very little support What “holistic development” means in the context of 2e children Why Mike says social emotional development has to be one of the foundations for academic and intellectual potential Where society is with regards to understanding asynchronous development How schools can make small accommodations to make school more successful for gifted and 2e students Mike thoughts on how the educational system needs to be revamped Why Mike says 2e people are among the most vulnerable populations  Resources mentioned for Dr. Mike Postma & Gifted and 2e Kids Dr. Michael Postma’s website, Gifted Matters SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted) SENG Online Support Group Listings The Inconvenient Student: Critical Issues in the Identification and Education of Twice-Exceptional Studentsby Dr. Michael Postma Dr. Devon MacEachron on Supporting 2e Learners (podcast episode) The Search for Shangri-La: Finding the Appropriate Educational Enviro Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest for this conversation is Dr. Gwen Palafox, a psychologist who has been supporting disabled and neurodivergent young adults in the transition to adulthood for more than twenty years. I brought Gwen on the show to talk about helping our teens and young adults “launch” into adulthood, specifically how to prepare for and help them acquire the skills and support that would help them move into the version of independent living that’s right for them. In our conversation, we looked at some of the common challenges neurodivergent teens face in the transition to adulthood, how we can navigate systems and conversations with our kids to help them feel empowered and capable and have agency, and how to respond to our own concerns and fears about what comes next. Dr. Gwen Palafox is a licensed psychologist who has been actively (and obsessively) supporting disabled and neurodivergent individuals for over two decades. She’s known to be laser-focused on taking the guesswork out of adult preparedness, helping teens and young adults find their most fulfilled and joyful lives. She is honored to be a part of the lives of her wonderfully complex, unique, and awesome clients and their families.  Things you’ll learn from this episode The underlying philosophy for the way Gwen supports young adults The critical skills neurodivergent young adults need in order to launch successfully Examples of replacing automated support aids with self-management systems as a way to gain independence The power in engaging teens in small, daily chores as a way to shift responsibility and build skills How parents can support teens who are feeling scared and anxious about leaving home, especially in times of Covid The common challenges neurodivergent teens face when transitioning into adulthood How Gwen’s Bright Life System helps pinpoint the skills teens need to work on before leaving the school system  Resources mentioned for a Neurodivergent Transition to Adulthood Dr. Gwen’s Meaningful Growth website Dr. Gwen’s YouTube Channel Dr. Gwen on Instagram Devon Price on Instagram The Bright Life System (use code TILT15 to get a 15 percent discount off this course) The Help Group (Sherman Oaks) Adulting Made Easy: Things Someone Should Have Told You About Getting Your Grown-Up Act Together by Amanda Morin SEL Framework For more info, visit: https://www.tiltparenting.com/session295Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This weeks’ episode is a must-listen to if your child uses technology and screens of any sort and your spending energy managing your kids’ screen time. My guest this week is Dr. Devorah Heitner, an expert on young people’s relationship with digital media and technology. Devorah is the author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World and founder of Raising Digital Natives, and her mission is to cultivate a culture of empathy and social/emotional literacy. Devorah did a fascinating TEDx talk a few years back called The Challenges of Raising a Digital Native, which I highly recommend you check out.Today Devorah and I talk about kids’ relationship with screens, everything from the specific challenges related to screens and technology for differently wired kids to how we as parents can start being effective mentors for our child when it comes to helping them develop healthy screen habits. I asked Devorah the big questions I hear all the time from parents, like how much time spent on screens is too much, does the type of activity ours kids are doing make a difference when setting limits, and much more.An expert on young people’s relationship with digital media and technology, Dr. Devorah Heitner is the author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World and founder of Raising Digital Natives. Her mission is to cultivate a culture of empathy and social/emotional literacy. She has a Ph.D. in Media/Technology & Society from Northwestern University and has taught at DePaul and Northwestern. She is delighted to be raising her own digital native. Things you’ll learn from this episode Why it’s important that we focus on tech literacy in our kids rather than specific apps The most common challenges for differently wired kids when it comes to their relationship with technology and “managing” their screen time How we might use their skills and interest in tech to bridge into areas of strength The challenges stemming from schools’ increasing reliance on technology in a 1 to 1 capacity Whether or not there is true value in online or virtual social relationships Why our role as parents should be that of mentor when it comes to our child’s relationship with screens The difference between tech savvy and being wise about technology Why all screen media isn’t created equal—it’s important to discriminate between the way our kids use media How much “screen time” is too much? What are goals should be in helping our kids become wise technology consumers Strategies to start using to become a positive “screen” mentor for our children  Resources mentioned for managing kids’ screen time Raising Digital Natives (Devorah’s website) Phonewise Boot Camp  Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World by Dr. Devorah Heitner Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Zach Morris, a semi-frequent guest of this show. I always love my conversations with Zach, so I was so happy to bring him back to talk about somatic therapy, and how this modality can be especially powerful in supporting differently wired kids struggling with anxiety and depression and recovering from both big and little T trauma. In our conversation, we get into the Polyvagal Theory, what somatic therapy is, what it looks like in practice with kids, the underlying power of somatic healing, and how it can help kids develop resilience, even in the face of stressful situations.  Zach Morris is a thought leader in education. He is committed to helping people increase compassion, collaboration, and learning. Zach supports individuals, families, and organizations who aim to develop a greater sense of safety and empowerment in themselves, in their relationships, and in their communities.Gently guiding humans through the resistance they encounter is at the core of Zach’s work. He is inspired by the science of how people learn and change, and he aims to translate this to help individuals and communities improve awareness, communication, and structural support. Zach has 10+ years experience in the classroom, ranging from inner-city public school to rural therapeutic boarding school, and from non-traditional private school to individual co-op homeschool. Zach now serves as a learning consultant and communication coach, and he is most at home in the mountains of Montana, where he lives and works. Things you’ll learn from this episode What Zach has been seeing among neurodivergent kids in response to the disruption of the past few years What the Polyvagal Theory is and how the sympathetic system works when our flight, freeze, fight, or fawn response is activated What “little t” traumas are and these may reflect the experience of many neurodivergent kids What somatic therapy is and how it helps kids foster and develop resilience around stressful situations Examples of what “discharging” looks like How we can help our kids begin connecting the dots between their feelings and their actions Why there is a relationship between neurodivergence and trauma, and how profound sensitive experiences makes one more open to somatic therapy  Resources mentioned for somatic therapy & kids Zach Morris’ education consulting and family support home, Alive at Learn The Center for Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg’s Global Organization) Educator Zach Morris on Supporting our Kids in Transforming Their World View (podcast episode) Nonviolent Communication, Whole-Person Learning, and Neurodiverse Students (podcast episode) Peter Levine Mona Delahooke on the Power of Brain-Body Parenting (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Dr. Ann-Louis Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this special kid’s POV edition of the podcast, Asher and I share our best tips and strategies for making travel run more smoothly and having successful vacations with neurodivergent kids. As much as many families and their children may love going on vacation, the change in routine, different foods, shifting expectations, and new stimuli can even turn a trip to “The Happiest Place on Earth” (Disneyland) into one full of stress, anxiety, meltdowns, and other challenges. And while we know this rings true for pretty much any and every family, for parents raising differently wired kids, the extremes highs and lows can bigger.In this episode, Asher and I share what we’ve learned over the years when it comes to making sure everyone’s needs and expectations on any given vacation are met, or at the very least, addressed, and walk listeners through the different schedules and planners we’ve we incorporated into our vacation prep.  Things you’ll learn from this episode The benefits of talking through and getting clear on expectations (for all members of the family) prior to leaving for a vacation A strategy for using the collaborative problem solving approach to identify, address, and pre-solve concerns ahead of time How to make departure day go more smoothly The benefits of exploring and researching aspects of a vacation time well in advance of the trip (including accommodations, activities, etc.) A strategy for using written schedules coupled with frequent reviews during a vacation keeps everyone’s expectations in check The benefits of bringing a child into the planning process (and letting them determine some of what will happen on vacation) Why it’s useful to work with your child to discover what they need most on vacation and then incorporating it into your daily plan (ie: rest, chill time, etc.)  Resources mentioned for successful vacations with neurodivergent kids Download a PDF of our Family Goals Worksheet Download a PDF of our Vacation Concerns Worksheet Download a PDF of our Daily Vacation Planner Worksheet Look at our Departure Plan whiteboard Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s episode is all about social skills, but from an updated lens that really speaks to the lived experiences of today’s kids. My guest is writer and journalist Catherine Newman, and we’re going to dive into her new book, What Can I Say? A Kids Guide to Super Useful Social Skills to Help You Get Along and Express Yourself.What Can I Say is aimed at kids ages 10 and up, and it includes practical and accessible advice to help kids and teens learn social skills, including everything from introduce themselves, express empathy, be persuasive, and apologize to compromise, ask for help, be grateful, and comfort a friend.In this conversation, Catherine and talk about why learning social and interpersonal skills are more important than ever for our kids, despite the fact that their lives are evolving to include more time spent online. We also talk about the climate for social emotional learning and ways parents and educators can to reinforce the social skills our kids are learning. Catherine Newman is the author of the memoirs Catastrophic Happiness and Waiting for Birdy, the middle-grade novel One Mixed-Up Night, the kids’ craft book Stitch Camp, the how-to books for kids How to Be a Person and What Can I Say? and the novel We All Want Impossible Things (forthcoming, Harper, November 2022). She edits the non-profit kids’ cooking magazine ChopChop, writes the etiquette column for Real Simple magazine, and is a regular contributor to the New York Times, O, The Oprah Magazine, Parents magazine, Cup of Jo, and many other publications. She lives in Amherst, Massachusetts, with her family. Things you’ll learn from this episode Why it’s still important to learn social skills and interpersonal skills even though our kids’ lives are evolving to include more time spent online Why it’s important to spend time learning social skills just as we would learn any other type of skill like algebra or singing The importance of learning interpersonal skills that focus on empathy, setting boundaries, being curious, and being supportive and inclusive of people with different identities How OT can help neurodivergent kids grow up with advanced social emotional skills What parents and educators can do to support and reinforce the social skills they are learning  Resources mentioned for how kids can learn social skills Catherine Newman’s website Catherine on Instagram What Can I Say? A Kids’ Guide to Super Useful Social Skills to Help You Get Along and Express Yourself by Catherine Newman How to Be a Person: 65 Hugely Useful, Super-Important Skills to Learn before You’re Grown Up by Catherine Newman Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices