Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

I’m going to confess something with you right here and now. When it comes to having important conversations with my kid, about tricky topics, big issues…things where the stakes feel very high, I often feel like I blow it. I get really anxious, if the subject comes up without any advance warning I fumble over my words, I very often say the exact wrong thing and then feel stressed about what I wish I’d said and then I often awkwardly force a do-over. You get the point. Am I the only one?Okay, so if you are like me and you struggle with knowing what to say anything that feels big and important and potentially tricky, you are going to love this episode.Because today I’m sharing a conversation with Dr. Robyn Silverman about her new book How to Talk to Kids About Anything: Tips, Scripts, Stories, and Steps to Make Even the Toughest Conversations Easier. And when Robyn says anything, she means anything.Today we are talking about how to have conversations with our kids, no matter their age, about things like death, sex, diversity, depression, suicide, big feelings, and more, and even more, why it matters so much that we are safe, informed adults to talk about these issues with our kids, and how a little preparation goes a long way in terms of helping us feel regulated and calm. We want our kids to know that we’re always there to talk with them about anything and that we are their top trusted and safe source of information, no matter the topic.About my guestKnown as the “Conversation Doc,” Dr.Robyn Silverman is a child and teen development specialist and host of the popular podcast, How to Talk to Kids About Anything, as well as the book of the same name. She is a cofounder of the Powerful Words Character System, which gives educators the talking points they need to help children become kind, responsible citizens of the world. Dr. Robyn has appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS Early Show and Nightline and has been quoted on CNN and in the New York Times, Washington Post, and many other publications.You'll learn: The impetus behind Robyn’s new book How to Talk to Kids About Anything and why she decided to include so many expert voices in it The biggest roadblocks that get in the way of parents talking about difficult or uncomfortable subjects with their kids How to customize “scripts” for your individual family’s needs Common mistakes parents make when broaching tricky topics Advice for parenting kids who are struggling with emotional and mental health challenges An example of how a conversation about a difficult topic might change over time and why it’s important that it is a continuous conversation  Resources mentioned: Dr. Robyn Silverman’s website How to Talk to Kids about Anything: Tips, Scripts, Stories, and Steps to Make Even the Toughest Conversations Easier by Dr. Robyn Silverman How to Talk to Kids About Anything (Dr. Robyn’s podcast) Dr. Robyn Silverman on Nurturing Our Kids’ Character and Character Strengths (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Dr. Robyn on Facebook Dr. Robyn in Instagram Dr. Robyn on X The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Kids Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson Julie Lythcott-Haims Jessica Lahey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A conversation with the coauthor of "Child Decoded," Dr. Robyn McEvoy, about how parents can forge a viable path to move forward and best focus their energy in raising their exceptional child. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’ve got a question for you: What’s your relationship with puberty? You know, that inescapable part of every human’s experience, marked by body changes, emotional swings, awkward stages, and more? Personally, I don’t look back on my journey through puberty with whole lotta fondness.Yet, being that it IS part of every child’s development process, puberty is something that we as parents and actually any adult supporting children are going to want to deeply understand so we can help our kids navigate it in a way that preserves their sense of self-worth, body confidence, and emotional, physical, and mental safety.And, what I’ve learned from my guests for today’s show, “modern” puberty, is not the same puberty you and I went through however many years ago.Cara and Vanessa wrote all about it in their wonderful book, This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, which explains the science behind all that’s happening at this stage in a kid's lives AND also provides insights into how to talk to kids about it. Because, honestly, even talking about all things puberty with our kids can feel super awkward and uncomfortable for them us. But luckily, Cara and Vanessa are here to hold our hand through it all, and provide us with the facts, language, and strategies for helping us navigate these conversations and this phase of life with confidence and calm. About Cara NattersonCara Natterson, MD, is a pediatrician, consultant, and New York Times bestselling author. She’s also the co-founder and CEO of Order of Magnitude, a company dedicated to flipping puberty-positive. Cara’s books focus largely on puberty — some written for the kids going through it, and others for the adults helping them along the way. Her list of titles includes The Care and Keeping of You series with more than 7 million copies in print. While this reach is incredible, the written word is only one way to transform the experience of adolescence.About Vanessa Kroll BennettVanessa Kroll Bennett is a puberty educator and writer, a podcaster, and entrepreneur who helps adults navigate uncertainty while they support the kids they love. Vanessa is the co-host of The Puberty Podcast which is exactly what it sounds like and the founder of Dynamo Girl, a company focused on building kids’ self-esteem through sports, puberty education and parent workshops. Vanessa consults with organizations, large and small, on how to authentically engage children in their communities. As the host of Conversations on Parenting and Beyond and the first Scholar in Residence at Wasserman Center for Family Life at the JCC Manhattan, Vanessa explores all aspects of growing families. She writes regularly in her Uncertain Parenting Newsletter about the messy process of raising tweens and teens, including her own four children ages 11 to 19. Things you'll learn from this episode How the way today’s kids experience puberty, aka, “modern puberty,” is different from what their parents experienced Why talking about puberty is about more than just body changes and sex, and what other important topics need to be part of the conversation Some of the words that Cara and Vanessa introduce in their book as part of the new vocabulary to use in your conversations with your kids Advice for parents whose kids might be really reluctant to engage in dialogue about the changes that accompany puberty How parents can regulate themselves before having difficult conversations with their kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Creativity expert Kathryn Haydon talks about the correlation between creativity and neurodiversity, especially giftedness, as well as her vision for supporting differently-wired kids using a "strengths-based" approach. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to this week’s show, where I’m so excited to be talking, bringing back to the show my friend, colleague, and my most trusted mentor when it comes to all things kids and tech and screens, Dr. Devorah Heitner.Today, we’re going to be talking about such a pressing consideration for anyone raising a kid these days — what it means for today’s generation of kids to grow up with very public lives and coming of age in a digital world where so many aspects of their lives are online and available for public consumption, not to mention that much of their important work of identity formation is being shaped by the media and technology they interact with.Devorah gets into all of this in her brand new and essential book for any parent, Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World. For this conversation, I asked Devorah to talk us through what I see as some of the more pressing issues for parents like us, including how to balance a child’s right to privacy in their texts and online lives with valid concerns about online influences and engagement when that child is dealing with anxiety, depression or other mental health disorder, the impact of social media on kids who may already be struggling to fit in and find their people, and how many homework and grading apps used by schools may actually be undermining our kids development of executive function skills and creating additional stress for parents. About my guestDr. Devorah Heitner is the author of Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World and Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and CNN Opinion. She has a Ph.D. in Media/Technology & Society from Northwestern University and has taught at DePaul and Northwestern. You can follow her on Substack at Devorah Heitner dot Substack dot com and on Instagram @devorahheitnerphd. Things you'll learn How to navigate the transition from being highly involved in a children’s tech life to respecting their privacy Why violating our kids’ trust by reading their texts will drive them further apart from us What to track or monitor when your child is dealing with anxiety, depression, or other mental health disorders How engaging in social media may impact kids who are struggling to fit in and find their people Why social media can act as an intensifier for whatever kids are experiencing and how it causes a dip in self-esteem What sharenting is and how to navigate permissions, cleaning up past shares, and more Why apps like ClassDojo are particularly challenging for families with differently-wired students How grading apps often work against differently wired students  Resources mentioned Devorah Heitner’s website Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World by Dr. Devorah Heitner Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World by Dr. Devorah Heitner Deborah Heitner’s Substack: Mentoring Kids in a Connected World Phonewise Boot Camp The Big Tech Reset Masterclass with Devorah Heitner (Tilt Parenting-partnered event) Devorah’s TEDx Talk, The Challenges of Raising a Digital Native At Your Wit’s End with a Screen-Obsessed Kid? Read This (Devorah Heitner’s house visit on NPR Lifekit) Devorah on Twitter Devorah on Instagram Dr. Devorah Heitner on Online Safety, Internet “Rabbit Holes,” and Differently Wired Kids (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Dr. Devorah Heitner on the Pros & Cons of “Managing” Our Kids’ Screen Time (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A follow-up conversation with Debbie's husband Derin in which he shares how he got unstuck in his thinking about Asher, as well as how the two of them fostered a close bond of mutual love and understanding. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Debbie and her husband Derin have an honest, open, and vulnerable conversation about their (up and down) journey as a couple navigating parenting a differently-wired child. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Lori Desautels is coming back to the show to talk about her new book Intentional Neuroplasticity: Our Educational Journey Towards Post Traumatic Growth, which stems from her passion of applying the social and relational neurosciences to education and integrating her applied research into classroom procedures and transitions prepping the nervous system for learning and felt safety. An Assistant Professor at Butler University, K-12 educator, and researcher, Lori joined me on the podcast last year to talk about her book Connections over Compliance: Rewiring our Perceptions of Discipline, and that conversation has really just stayed with me, so I loved having this opportunity to go deep with her about intentional neuroplasticity. In this conversation, we discussed some of the research about neuroplasticity not only in kids but in adults, and how we can use it and what we know about the nervous system to help us co-regulate at home and at school and truly meet our children where they are.  Dr. Lori Desautels, has been an Assistant Professor at Butler University since 2016 where she teaches both undergraduate and graduate programs in the College of Education. Her passion is engaging her students through the social and relational neurosciences as it applies to education by integrating the Applied Educational Neuroscience framework, and its learning principles and practices into her coursework at Butler. The Applied Educational Neuroscience Certification, created by Lori in 2016, is specifically designed to meet the needs of educators, counselors, clinicians and administrators who work beside children and adolescents who have, and are, experiencing adversity and trauma. The certification is now global and has reached hundreds of educators.  Things you'll learn from this episode What this school year has shown us about the impact COVID has had on students and educators What the research says about neuroplasticity in adults and how we can use it in co-regulating with children and students What “building a nest” for our kids means, and and why it’s the best place to start when tending to our kids nervous systems How Lori’s approach has been received by educators What’s possible in classrooms when teachers apply Lori’s methodology to nervous system management  Resources mentioned Revelations in Education, Dr. Lori Desautel’s website Intentional Neuroplasticity: Our Educational Journey Towards Post Traumatic Growth by Dr. Lori Desautels Connections Over Compliance: Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline by Dr. Lori Desautels Eyes Are Never Quiet: Listening Beneath the Behaviors of Our Most Troubled Students by Dr. Lori Desautels Resources from Revelations Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm sitting down with sexuality educator and parenting expert Amy Lang for a very frank and open conversation* about sex ed for children—what they need to know, when they need to know it, how to talk about it, and much much more. Amy is passionate about the fact that at its core, sex education is a health and safety issue for our kids. She explains why as our children’s parents and caregivers, it is up to us to initiate and continue to have conversations surrounding sexuality.Amy Lang is committed to changing and challenging cultural beliefs about children and sexuality. She does this by teaching adults the best and most effective ways to talk, learn, and think about the birds and bees, and provides research-based, high quality keynotes, workshops, webinars, books, and other tools so adults can be true champions for the kids they care for and love. Her website is Birds + Bees + Kids.  THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: When parents should have “the talk” about sex (and why the “child-focused” approach of waiting until they ask is wrong) The importance of parents reflecting on their own relationship with sex education before talking with their kids What children should know by what age How to talk to kids who are reluctant to engage in any conversation having to do with sex Why differently-wired kids are especially vulnerable / need additional sex education than typically developing kids  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Birds + Bees + Kids (Amy’s website) Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Know to Date, Relate, or Wait by Amy Lang Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids: A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love, and Relationships by Amy Lang It’s Not the Stork: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families, and Friends by Robie Harris It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie Harris Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guests today are on a mission to show parents that there are different ways of approaching autism beyond what they’re told in doctors or therapists offices. Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards, co-authors of the book I Will Die on This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World, are making it really clear that there is no one size fits all for any families and that there is so much to learn from just listening more. Meghan Ashburn is a continuous learner, educational consultant, parent mentor, and co-author of I Will Die On This Hill. She's passionate about helping schools create more inclusive, accessible environments. Her online book club has over 10K members, and releases book recommendation lists on autism and neurodiversity. Meghan advocates for communication rights and inclusion at the local, state, and national level. She sits on her school district's Special Education Advisory Committee (SEAC) and is a recent graduate of Virginia's Partners in Policymaking.Jules Edwards is a neurodivergent Anishinaabe writer, gardener, accountant, and disability justice advocate. She is the parent of neurodivergent Afro Indigenous people, and care provider to many neurodivergent children throughout the years. Jules is passionate about building community and works to improve child safety and disability policy.Current roles include: care work of disabled youth, co-founder of Minnesota Autistic Alliance, board member for the Minnesota Ombudsman for American Indian Families, board member of The Arc Minnesota. She serves as the elected chairperson of the Minnesota Autism Council, a workgroup of the Senate Human Services Reform Finance and Policy Committee.Things you'll learn from this episode What disability justice is Ways that allistic and autistic parents raising autistic children can work together toward our common goals for our kids The harms of a continual pursuit for “normal” in ways that don’t respect or embrace our kids’ neurodivergence Why self-determination should be the goal over “independence” Ways that allistic parents may be perpetuating ableism without realizing it What an “autism moon” is and why ideal for families who are navigating a new diagnosis of autism  Resources mentioned Meghan Ashburn’s website Not an Autism Mom Meghan Ashburn’s Au-Some Book Club I Will Die on This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a 13-Year-Old Boy with Autism by Naoki Higashida Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices