Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

I'm sitting down with sexuality educator and parenting expert Amy Lang for a very frank and open conversation* about sex ed for children—what they need to know, when they need to know it, how to talk about it, and much much more. Amy is passionate about the fact that at its core, sex education is a health and safety issue for our kids. She explains why as our children’s parents and caregivers, it is up to us to initiate and continue to have conversations surrounding sexuality.Amy Lang is committed to changing and challenging cultural beliefs about children and sexuality. She does this by teaching adults the best and most effective ways to talk, learn, and think about the birds and bees, and provides research-based, high quality keynotes, workshops, webinars, books, and other tools so adults can be true champions for the kids they care for and love. Her website is Birds + Bees + Kids.  THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: When parents should have “the talk” about sex (and why the “child-focused” approach of waiting until they ask is wrong) The importance of parents reflecting on their own relationship with sex education before talking with their kids What children should know by what age How to talk to kids who are reluctant to engage in any conversation having to do with sex Why differently-wired kids are especially vulnerable / need additional sex education than typically developing kids  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Birds + Bees + Kids (Amy’s website) Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Know to Date, Relate, or Wait by Amy Lang Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids: A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love, and Relationships by Amy Lang It’s Not the Stork: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families, and Friends by Robie Harris It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie Harris Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guests today are on a mission to show parents that there are different ways of approaching autism beyond what they’re told in doctors or therapists offices. Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards, co-authors of the book I Will Die on This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World, are making it really clear that there is no one size fits all for any families and that there is so much to learn from just listening more. Meghan Ashburn is a continuous learner, educational consultant, parent mentor, and co-author of I Will Die On This Hill. She's passionate about helping schools create more inclusive, accessible environments. Her online book club has over 10K members, and releases book recommendation lists on autism and neurodiversity. Meghan advocates for communication rights and inclusion at the local, state, and national level. She sits on her school district's Special Education Advisory Committee (SEAC) and is a recent graduate of Virginia's Partners in Policymaking.Jules Edwards is a neurodivergent Anishinaabe writer, gardener, accountant, and disability justice advocate. She is the parent of neurodivergent Afro Indigenous people, and care provider to many neurodivergent children throughout the years. Jules is passionate about building community and works to improve child safety and disability policy.Current roles include: care work of disabled youth, co-founder of Minnesota Autistic Alliance, board member for the Minnesota Ombudsman for American Indian Families, board member of The Arc Minnesota. She serves as the elected chairperson of the Minnesota Autism Council, a workgroup of the Senate Human Services Reform Finance and Policy Committee.Things you'll learn from this episode What disability justice is Ways that allistic and autistic parents raising autistic children can work together toward our common goals for our kids The harms of a continual pursuit for “normal” in ways that don’t respect or embrace our kids’ neurodivergence Why self-determination should be the goal over “independence” Ways that allistic parents may be perpetuating ableism without realizing it What an “autism moon” is and why ideal for families who are navigating a new diagnosis of autism  Resources mentioned Meghan Ashburn’s website Not an Autism Mom Meghan Ashburn’s Au-Some Book Club I Will Die on This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a 13-Year-Old Boy with Autism by Naoki Higashida Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week is a continuation of last week’s episode with executive functioning coach Seth Perler, which was so packed full of information (and also so long) that I had to break it up into two separate episodes, which I’m now referring to as a “masterclass” in executive functioning. In last week’s episode, Seth shared his protocol for setting up a child for success in their developing executive functioning skills. In today’s episode, Seth is going to get into the nitty gritty about specific strategies he uses to address different executive functioning challenges that show up in school and in life. Seth Perler is a renegade teacher turned Executive Function Coach/Education Coach who is based in Santa Monica, CA and Boulder, CO. He helps struggling students navigate a crazy educational landscape and does his part to “disrupt” and improve education. Seth specializes in Executive Function and 2e. Find out more at sethperler.com.THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: What “Frankenstudy” is, and how to know where to focus your energies so you can create a “domino effect” with your child’s fledgling executive functioning skills How to best use “learning planners” to learn how to think / talk through their plan (and what we’re doing wrong) The benefits of monthly planners versus daily or weekly planners Helping kids identify the “MIT” – most important thing – each day The importance of creating a sacred study space for a child How to optimize an internet browser to make it easy with bookmark bars (and have tabs automatically open, including calendar, grade tab, email) Why it’s important to get kids to start checking grades weekly (Seth recommends Sunday nights) The importance of helping a child create clearly identified routines (for leaving house, doing daily plan, doing homework, etc.) How getting visual with kids benefits them in developing their executive functioning skills Why separate digital timers need to be a part of a child’s life so they can learn to calibrate time, as well as get started and do short bursts of work Creating a weekly overhaul of systems The important of kids “getting into the mode” for studying, etc: organize their space, make their plan, and executive  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Seth Perler’s website and blog A “Masterclass” in Executive Functioning with Seth Perler, Part 1 (podcast episode) A Conversation with Executive Functioning Coach Seth Perler (original podcast episode) Seth’s Executive Functioning Assessment Seth Perler’s YouTube Channel Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I’m welcoming back Dayna Abraham to the show to discuss her latest book, Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Road Map for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids. I really resonate with Dayna’s work because we both are committed to empowering families, especially those who are deep in survival mode, and in her new book, she shares the framework for her signature “calm the chaos” framework which is designed to give parents a doable plan for navigating challenging situations and finding genuine calm in the midst of the storm. In our conversation today, Dayan gives us the highlights of this framework and gives us some strategies to start employing right away.I’m betting most of you are familiar with Dayna Abraham, but just in case, here’s a bit about her. Dayna is the bestselling author of The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day and Sensory Processing 101. She is on a mission to create a more accepting world, one challenging kid at a time. As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world. Through Calm the Chaos, she has helped millions of desperate parents around the world find peace and meet their children where they’re at when conventional parenting tools have failed them.About Dayna AbrahamDayna Abraham, bestselling author of The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day and Sensory Processing 101, is on a mission to create a more accepting world, one challenging kid at a time.As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world.Through her compassionate framework, Calm the Chaos, she has helped millions of desperate parents around the world, find peace and meet their children where they’re at when conventional parenting tools have failed them. Things you'll learn from this episode What the five stages of Dayna’s Calm the Chaos framework are and how they work together Why every stage of the framework includes these four elements: You, Connect, Understand and Empower What emotional anchors are and how they can help parents regulate themselves Why getting back to emotional safety and nervous system regulation is so important and what it looks like in action Ideas for finding calm in the midst of challenging situations  Resources mentioned for: Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Road Map for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids by Dayna Abraham Calm the Chaos Podcast Lemon Lime Adventures Calm the Chaos on Facebook Calm the Chaos on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, I’m bringing back a previous guest, executive functioning coach Seth Perler, for a two-part series in which Seth shares with us the exact approach he uses with students he works with when helping them foster their fledgling executive functioning skills. I first had Seth on the show last fall, where he gave us an introduction to executive functioning, but we didn’t get to the more practical strategies that I know so many of us are looking for. So I asked Seth to come back on, and that conversation turned into an hour-and-a-half long sharing by Seth of truly valuable tips and strategies and insights. Because Seth shares so very much over the course of these ninety or so minutes, I wanted to split our conversation into two parts. So this episode is part one of what I’m now referring to as a “Masterclass in Executive Functioning.” In this episode, Seth shares with us his protocol for setting up a child for success in their developing executive functioning skills. In part 2 next week, Seth will go in-depth into his specific strategies surrounding building these skills in school and in life. Seth Perler is a renegade teacher turned Executive Function Coach/Education Coach who is based in Santa Monica, CA and Boulder, CO. He helps struggling students navigate a crazy educational landscape and does his part to “disrupt” and improve education. Seth specializes in Executive Function and 2e. Find out more at sethperler.com.THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: Seth’s definition of executive functioning framed so it helps people apply the principles to help kids A step-by-step breakdown of exactly how Seth works with families Why our relationship with our child is the number one thing to be preserved when doing this work The importance of parents doing their own personal work / self-care during this process Why kids “can’t do what we’re asking them to do because they can’t, not because they won’t,” so we need to back up and scaffold from where they’re at The role of mindfulness, mindset, and motivation Why symptoms are more important than labels Why it’s critical to understand the role of emotional regulation in executive functioning How we as parents can co-regulate our emotions with our child Why we want to focus on 3 positives for every 1 negative  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Seth Perler’s website A Conversation with Executive Functioning Coach Seth Perler (original podcast episode) Seth’s Executive Functioning Assessment Dr. Gail Saltz Talks About the Power of Different (podcast episode) Carol Dweck and Mindset Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I’m bringing you an episode that covers a new topic for this show — how to find the right program when you realize your child is in need of more substantial therapeutic support or intervention. I’ve wanted to cover this topic for a long time because I know how overwhelming it can be if this is a road your family is going down. Sue Scheff has decades of experience in this field, personal and professional, and I’m grateful she joined me to shed light on the ins and outs of navigating different therapeutic programs. With Sue’s fascinating background, we could have explored many different topics for this episode, but what I wanted to do in this conversation is to have Sue give us an overview of the options available to parents whose kids are struggling with challenging or dangerous behaviors and are in need of more intensive supports. Sue explains the difference between therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers and wilderness programs, what the signals are that a child would benefit from these types of supports, how to identify the best fit program, the possibilities for having programs covered by insurance, and much more. About Sue ScheffFounder and President of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts Inc. (P.U.R.E.™), Sue Scheff has been leveraging her personal experiences to help others through her organization since 2001. After being stalked, harassed, bullied and slandered online – in 2006, Scheff won a landmark case for internet defamation with an $11.3M jury verdict. Since then, she’s been an advocate for cyberbullying prevention and promoting the importance of online reputation. She has three published books, Wit’s End (HCI 2007), Google Bomb (HCI 2009) with a foreword by Michael Fertik, and her latest, Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate (Sourcebooks 2017) with a foreword by Monica Lewinsky.Things you'll learn from this episode The differences between therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers, and wilderness programs What the signs are that a child may be in need of more intensive intervention or a therapeutic program How to go about identifying and vetting programs that are an ideal fit for a child’s individual challenges The possibilities that exist for having the high cost of therapeutic programs be partially (or fully) covered by insurance Whether or not parents should be concerned about placing their teens in programs where their peer group may be dealing with more problematic behavior and negatively influence a teen Why any therapeutic program has to involve the whole family in order for it to be effective  Resources mentioned for  Sue Scheff’s website Parents’ Universal Resource Experts Inc. (P.U.R.E.™) Wit’s End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen by Sue Scheff Google Bomb: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate by Sue Scheff Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate by Sue Scheff Sue Scheff on Facebook Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, I talk with Jill Emmelhainz, the mother of a 14-year-old differently-wired daughter who struggles with severe anxiety. Over the years, Jill and her husband noticed their daughter Anna’s anxiety was greatly reduced when she spent time outdoors and in nature, so this past year, they decided to try something radical and fully immerse themselves in nature for extended periods of time to see what would happen. For six weeks in fall 2015 and five weeks in spring 2016, Jill and her daughter have hiked the Appalachian Trail in the eastern U.S. The result? During those weeks in nature, Anna’s anxiety all but disappeared, and she’s found ways to bring the learnings from those experiences back into her day-to-day life in a helpful way. JIll and her daughter’s story is fascinating…we have a sense you’ll think so, too! Jill Emmelhainz says: “I have had the privilege of raising and homeschooling our seven children. Travel and creativity have always been part of our family life. Now that we have only one child still at home, she and I enjoy outdoor adventures as a way to help her cope with significant life challenges.” THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: How trying something completely new and radical can sometimes have unexpected, positive consequences The power of having shared, powerful experiences with a child (especially one who’s a teenager) Suggestions for getting kids more excited about and engaged in outdoor time and nature  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv Jill’s blog, The Big Epic Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I’m bringing back school counselor, therapist, and author Phyllis Fagell to talk about her new book Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times which she wrote as a response to what she is seeing in her work with children in the aftermath of COVID. During this interview, we talked about why this generation of tweens is more insecure, vulnerable, and eager to please perhaps than past generations, effective strategies for helping kids who might be rigid thinkers become more flexible, and how parents can coach their kids around navigating, forming and maintaining healthy friendships. Phyllis L. Fagell, LCPC is the school counselor at Sheridan School in Washington, DC, a therapist who works with children and teens in private practice, and an author and journalist. She is the author of Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond – and How Parents Can Help and her most recent book, Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times. Things you'll learn from this episode Why this generation of tweens is more insecure, vulnerable, and eager to please than past generations How to help kids who might be rigid thinkers to become more flexible What Phyllis is seeing in how kids are connecting and finding a sense of belonging in the post-pandemic era How parents can coach their kids around navigating, forming, and maintaining healthy friendships What the “magic question is” and how to use it to support our kids in developing empathy  How to navigate situations where our kids are seeking support from sources that may not be our first choice Why it’s important to respect how our kids want to present their neurodiversity and other parts of their identities to the world  Resources mentioned  Phyllis Fagell’s website Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times by Phylls Fagell Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond — and How Parents Can Help by Phyllis Fagell Phyllis Fagell on Twitter Phyllis Fagell on Instagram Phyllis Fagell on Facebook Phyllis Fagell on LinkedIn Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Angela Santomero is also an author, and one I had the chance to work with very closely over the past two years, as she asked me to be her co-author for her new book Preschool Clues: Raising Smart, Inspired, and Engaged Kids in a Screen-Filled World, which comes out one week from today! Preschool Clues shares the secret sauce behind Angela’s shows’ powerful, transformative results in the form of eleven research-based, foundational “clues” to ensure that preschoolers flourish academically, socially, and emotionally during this critical time.In this episode, Angela and I talk about the book—what it’s about, who it’s for, and how it supports parents in parenting their preschoolers and beyond. Though the book isn’t written specifically for an audience of parents raising differently wired kids, the “clues” we share are relevant for any parent of any child. And the bonus? I was able to bring my unique lens as the mother of an atypical kid to the project, and so we took special care to ensure the book is inclusive of every type of child. Angela Santomero is the creator of many preschool TV shows including Blue’s Clues, Super Why, Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, Creative Galaxy, and Wishenpoof, and was the host of The Parent Show with Angela Santomero on PBS. She has a Master’s degree in Child Developmental Psychology from Teachers College, Columbia University with a sub-concentration in Instructional Technology and Media. Find out more at Angela’s website, Angela’s Clues. THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: The story behind the book Preschool Clues The importance of a healthy media diet and choosing high-quality programs for our kids How Angela defines the ingredients of a high-quality program for preschoolers: educational, interaction, and engagement How parents can use the “power of the Pause” in their every day life The importance of celebrating the small things How parents can embrace media as part of their parenting toolkit How programs like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood help kids learn through social stories  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Angela’s Clues (Angela’s website) Preschool Clues: Raising Smart, Inspired, and Engaged Kids in a Screen-Filled World by Angela Santomero and Deborah Reber Blue’s Clues (Nick Jr.) Super Why (PBS Kids) Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood (PBS Kids) Daniel Tiger Becomes a Boy with Autism’s Guide to Social Life (article from New York Times’ Motherload) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Megan Anna Neff, is a clinical psychologist specializing in the support and empowerment of neurodivergent adults through her expertise in neurodivergent affirming care and assessments. She comes on the show to talk about the complexity of diagnosis and the why’s behind the misdiagnoses. We dive deep into the assessment process and why so many people slip through the cracks when seeking a diagnosis, why it’s important to get clarity around a child’s wiring in order to provide them with support that will be meaningful and affirming, why identifying one’s neurodivergence (either through self-identification or a medical diagnosis) matters, and the kind of trauma a person can experience when they go through life without a diagnosis. Dr. Megan Anna Neff is a clinical psychologist based in Oregon, specializing in the support and empowerment of neurodivergent adults through her expertise in neurodivergent affirming care and assessments. Megan Anna has co-authored two books and published in several peer-reviewed psychological journals. Her forthcoming book, Self Care for Autistic People, exemplifies her dedication to providing accessible resources for the neurodivergent community. Things you'll learn from this episode The difference between a self-diagnosis and a medical diagnosis How the COVID pandemic influenced the influx of adults discovering their neurodivergence What Misdiagnosis Mondays is and how and why Megan Anna created it Why it’s important to tease out the core or underlying issues when a child is struggling with multiple neurodivergences and/or mental health challenges The kind of trauma a child can experience when they go through life without a diagnosis How we can support our kids in getting back to a baseline if they have built up trauma in their systems How to identify and vet neuropsych evaluators who take a neurodivergent affirming approach to the assessment process Resources mentioned  Megan Neff’s website Megan Neff on Instagram at @neurodivergent_insights Megan Neff’s membership community Megan’s infographics, workbooks, and resources Self-care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask! by Dr. Megan Neff Dr. Jonathan Dalton, Center for Anxiety & Behavioral Change Dr. Devon Price and Unmasking Autism (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices