Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Video game researcher Dr. Rachel Kowert talks about the impact of video games in differently-wired kids' lives and busts some myths about the potential harms and benefits of gaming. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I get a lot of requests for different topics to cover on this show, and bullying is a theme that has come up multiple times. And understandably, since we know that children and teens with learning disabilities, ADHD, autism, are much more likely to experience bullying and social rejection. And we know that being on the receiving end of bullying can be traumatic and have long-lasting negative impacts.So I reached out to Ginger Whitson, an author, mental health professional, educator, and expert educator on bullying, crisis intervention, and child and adolescent emotional and behavioral health and invited her to join me on the show. Because the concept of bullying evokes such strong feelings and likely a lot of misunderstanding about what even qualifies as bullying, that’s where I asked Ginger to start — what exactly IS bullying? And does the bullying today’s kids and teens experience look and feel different from back when we were in school? I mean, with the addition of technology, it just feels like a completely different ball game. I also asked Ginger to guide us on how we should best respond if our child tells us they’re being bullied, if there are ways we can “bully proof” our kids, and how we can preemptively prepare them so they feel they have a plan for dealing with negative behavior from other kids.In addition to her important work with children and her books, including Friendship & Other Weapons: Group Activities to Help Young Girls Aged 5-11 to Cope with Bullying and The 8 Keys to End Bullying Activity Program Workbook, Ginger, whose work can be found under the name Signe Whitson, is also the C.O.O. of the Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI) Institute, an international training program that helps adults turn problem situations into learning opportunities for young people who exhibit challenging behaviors. About Signe Whitson (Ginger)Signe Whitson (Ginger) is an author, educator, and mental health professional with 25 years of experience working with children, adolescents, and families. She is also the C.O.O. of the Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI) Institute, an international training program that helps adults turn problem situations into learning opportunities for young people who exhibit challenging behaviors. Things you'll learn: What bullying looks like today, taking into consideration the technology our kids use and other changes society has gone through in past decades A definition of bullying and what’s at stake for a child experiencing bullying Essential strategies parents should follow if their child has been or is being bullied Characteristics or traits that make kids more likely to be bullied How to talk with kids who have a heightened sense of rejection about bullying and social rejection Ways to bully-proof our kids and resources we can share with them How we can all contribute to raising more empathetic kids  Resources mentioned: Signe Whitson’s website 8 Keys to End Bullying on Facebook 8 Keys to End Bullying: Strategies for Parents & Schools by Signe Whitson The 8 Keys to End Bullying Activity Book for Kids & Tweens: Worksheets, Quizzes, Games, & Skills for Putting the Keys Into Action by Signe Whitson How to Be Angry: Strategies to Help Kids Express Anger Constructively by Signe Whitson Odd Girl Out, Revised and Updated: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons Rosalind Wiseman Queen Bees and Wannabes, 3rd Edition: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boys, and the New Realities of Girl World by Rosalind Wiseman Dr. Robyn Silverman Explains How to Talk to Kids About Anything (Tilt Parenting podcast)   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tia Smith shares her story of raising her twice-exceptional daughter (dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, processing issues, and giftedness) and found a way to chart a path that's allowed her daughter to thrive. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does your child ever seem disconnected to their body? Maybe they would completely forget to eat if you didn’t remind them because they never experience hunger, or they can play outdoors for hours in freezing weather but because they’re not really noticing how cold it is, they leave the hat, gloves, and coat at home. Or on the flip side, maybe your child is intensely connected? Maybe they experience such strong internal or external body sensations that it is hard for them to pay attention to anything else or it spikes their anxiety or triggers them into fight or flight mode?These are just a few examples of extremes and variances in interoception awareness, which is essentially the language of our bodies. And for most neurodivergent kids, interoception is a factor in their ability to hear or feel, pay attention, and ultimately respond to the messages their bodies are sending them at any given time.I wanted to explore this concept of interoception and differently wired kids more deeply for the show, so I reached out to Kelly Mahler, an occupational therapist who specializes in interoception and is a co-principal investigator in several research projects pertaining to topics such as interoception, self-regulation, trauma, and autism.Kelly answered my big questions about interoception, including how it relates to sensory processing differences or SPD, why it’s essential that we help our children get to know their bodies’ unique language, and the relationship between ADHD, autism, and interoception. We also talked about what happens in our kids’ brains when they increase their interoceptive awareness, and effective strategies for helping our kids develop in this area. About Kelly MahlerKelly Mahler OTD, OTR/L, earned a Doctorate in Occupational Therapy from Misericordia University, Dallas, PA. She has been an occupational therapist for 20 years, serving school-aged children and adults. Kelly is winner of multiple awards, including the 2020 American Occupational Therapy Association Emerging and Innovative Practice Award & a Mom’s Choice Gold Medal. She is an adjunct faculty member at Elizabethtown College, Elizabethtown, PA as well as at Misericordia University, Dallas, PA. Kelly is a co-principal investigator in several research projects pertaining to topics such as interoception, self-regulation, trauma & autism. Things you'll learn from this episode: What interoception is and how it relates to sensory processing differences What the spectrum of interoception awareness is and how extremes may manifest The relationship between ADHD, autism, and interoception challenges How to support a child with poor interoception awareness to become more tuned in to their body’s internal experience What happens in our brains when we start to increase our interoception awareness How to help older kids who’ve been on the receiving end of compliance-based strategies to reconnect with and trust their bodies  Resources mentioned: Kelly Mahler’s website Kelly on Instagram Interoception: The 8th Sensory System (Facebook group)   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A conversation with the author of The Gift of Maybe, Allison Carmen, about what happens when parents raising differently-wired kids let go of their need for certainty and embrace the possibility of "maybe." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So we’ve talked about mindfulness on this show before, and if you’re in my Differently Wired Club, you know that mindfulness meditation is something I explore from time to time but really struggle with implementing in the way I think I’m supposed to. Like, I always feel like I’m doing it wrong or it’s just not for me.But as my guest today, Hunter Clarke-Fields, explains, there are many accessible ways to practice mindfulness, even for people like me who feel like they can’t, or don’t want to, slow down. And there’s just no disputing the powerful way that mindfulness can support us in helping us be more present, more grounded, more calm, more open, and more curious when navigating all the big, challenging stuff with our neurodivergent kids.During our conversation, Hunter demonstrates a few mindful techniques to regulate yourself when you need it that are very doable even if you only have 3 minutes — I’ve actually been doing them since we recorded this, and I’m still at it! Hunter also shared strategies to show our kids compassion when they are struggling and introduces us to what has become one of my most favorite positive self-talk phrases — “permission to be human” — as a reminder when we have less than brilliant parenting, or life, moments. She ended the conversation with a beautiful reflection on why it’s important to see our kids for who they are and be willing to be open to the changes that happen every day for them. About Hunter Clarke-FieldsHunter Clarke-Fields MSAE, E-RYT (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) is a Mindfulness Mentor, Mindful Mama podcast host, mom, global speaker, and number 1 bestselling author of Raising Good Humans, as well as her most recent book, Raising Good Humans Every Day (Aug 1, 2023). Hunter has over 20 years of experience in meditation and yoga practices, and helps moms bring more calm and family cooperation into their daily lives. She is a Mindfulness Meditation Teacher, the creator of the Mindful Parenting Course and Teacher Training, and has taught mindfulness to thousands worldwide, including a recent trip to Egypt. Hunter presents talks on parenting, and is a certified teacher of Parent Effectiveness Training. In addition, Hunter coaches smart, accomplished, over-stressed individuals on how to cultivate mindfulness. Hunter is the mother of two active daughters, who challenge her every day to hone her craft! Her work has appeared in CNBC Make It, Parade, Motherhood Moment, The Hollywood Digest, along with on ABC Portland, NBC Milwaukee, CBS South Bend, Kansas Public Radio, and many podcasts. Things you'll learn from this episode: What we can learn about our values in moments of shame or discomfort when we don’t show up as the parent we want to be How Hunter uses the philosophy of “permission to be human” to show herself compassion and accept mistakes will happen What mindfulness is and what being a mindful parent means Ways to practice mindfulness that are not traditional meditations Strategies for showing our kids compassion when everyone (them, us) is struggling Why it’s essential that we see our children as they are in the present moment (and not how they were yesterday)  Resources mentioned: Hunter Clarke-Fields’ website Mindful Mama Mentor Raising Good Humans Every Day: 50 Simple Ways to Press Pause, Stay Present, and Connect with Your Kids by Hunter Clarke-Fields Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids by Hunter Clarke-Fields Raising Good Humans book website Mindful Parenting Podcast Mindful Mama Mentor on Instagram Mindful Mama Mentor on Facebook Hunter Clarke-Fields on LinkedIn Plum Village Tradition   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Author and changemaker Courtney Macavinta (The Respect Institute) explains why differently-wired kids are especially vulnerable to the “school to prison pipeline,” and how we can make respect the status quo. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A concept we have explored a lot on this show and in the Tilt community is AGENCY — and always in the context of how to scaffold and support our kids in developing agency or helping them have a bigger sense of control and autonomy in their lives.But guess what? We — the parents and caregivers in our kids' lives — we need agency too. And in this conversation, we’re going to be exploring how to expand our own sense of agency and personal choice so we can show up more intentionally to our daily lives as parents.And to talk with us all about this is Dr. Amy Hoyt, a mom of five children, three of whom are differently wired, and a specialist who has been working in the field of trauma for ten years, as a researcher of mass trauma and individual trauma. She is the founder of Mending Trauma, a digital mental health platform dedicated to helping women recover from trauma and PTSD, and is an author, podcaster and speaker passionate about helping others learn skills that allow them to parent and live with intention and agency.During this conversation, you’ll hear us talk about what agency and choice look like in the context of parenting and how micro choices can help us develop an internal locus of control, which is critical for us to have. Amy also gave us a few short, easy practices we can do that will help us strengthen our sense of agency, as well as reset our nervous system, which for so many of is us in need of support, especially if we tend to operate in a more hypervigilant state due to stressors in our parenting lives.And because Amy is an expert in trauma, we actually begin our conversion by talking about how residual trauma in adults can be triggered by our parenting journey and how it might show up, especially when we’re raising differently wired kids and we may be differently wired ourselves.And on that note, a quick trigger warning – in the beginning of this conversation, Amy shares why working in trauma is something she felt called to do, and as part of that, talks about abuse she experienced as a child. So please take care of yourself if that’s a subject that is difficult for you. About Dr. Amy HoytDr. Amy Hoyt is a mom of five children, three who are differently abled.She is the founder of Mending Trauma, a digital mental health platform dedicated to helping women recover from trauma and cPTSD.Dr. Hoyt is certified in Traumatic Stress Studies by the Trauma Research Foundation. She has been working in the field of trauma for ten years, as a researcher of mass trauma (genocide and apartheid) and individual trauma. She is an author, podcaster and speaker and is passionate about helping others learn skills that allow them to parent and live with intention and agency. Things you'll learn: What trauma is and how it can show up in our lives and bodies Where to start if you want to get to know and work to heal your own trauma What a physiological sigh is and how you can use it to reset your nervous system What agency is in the context of parenting, and why it’s so important to have What it means to be “in choice” in our parenting lives, and how micro choices can help develop an internal locus of control How agency and trauma are connected  Resources mentioned: Dr. Amy Hoyt’s website, Mending Trauma Mending Trauma on Instagram The Impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences on Health and Development in Young Children (National Institute of Health Study) Trauma Research Foundation The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk The 12 Steps Deb Dana’s website, Rhythm of Regulation Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana How Your Nervous System Works and Changes (The Huberman Lab podcast)   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Becca Wertheim, a second-grade teacher at an inclusion school in North Carolina, talks about her experience as a teacher meeting the individual educational needs of a group of students with diverse learning styles, and her insight for parents who are looking for better support and communication with the teachers in their children’s lives. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I’m covering a topic that was suggested by a listener and, as soon as I read her email, I was like, Yes! And also, I can’t believe we haven’t done an episode on this yet!So… today we’re going to be talking about being a parent with ADHD who is parenting neurodivergent children. Because I know there are endless parenting responsibilities that rely heavily on having solid executive function skills or balancing an inordinate amount of demands and emotional labor, and I know that these same requirements are likely not super strengths for a parent with ADHD.This is where my guest today, Elaine Taylor-Klaus, found herself — stressed, overwhelmed, and struggling as a mom to three complex kids. When she initially shared with a psychiatrist how badly she was doing and asked if there might be something else going on, she was told, yes, it’s called being a mom.But Elaine pushed for answers, finally getting a diagnosis of ADHD when she was in her early 40s. That new identification, and the personal development journey it initiated, changed life for Elaine and her family in the best possible way.This is such a good conversation today, as we get into the many things parents with ADHD typically struggle with, how parents can best support themselves with the emotional and mental demands of parenting, and of course, we touch upon the many strengths of ADHD that can be leveraged to make a neuromixed family work better. I hope you enjoy it! About Elaine Taylor-KlausElaine Taylor-Klaus is a professional certified coach, parenting coach, writer, speaker and mother in an ADHD family of five. The Co-Founder of ImpactADHD, Elaine provides ADD Parent Support for managing "complex" kids with ADHD and other challenges. ImpactADHD’s coaching and training programs are dedicated to effectively support entire families by helping parents learn how to deal with a child with ADHD. Using online, group and personal coaching, as well as articles, blogs, forums and selected resources – all in an interactive format – ImpactADHD.com teaches parents to develop personalized strategic plans for themselves and their families. Through coaching with Elaine, and public presentations to schools and parent groups, parents are inspired to confidently raise successful, independent children. Elaine coaches parents, and teaches them how to use those skills to communicate more effectively with their kids. Elaine’s husband, David, is also her business partner in their shared company, Touchstone Coaching, which is the parent company for ImpactADHD and DTK Coaching. Things you'll learn: How receiving an ADHD diagnosis positively impacted Elaine’s parenting and family life The most common challenges facing parents with ADHD as they navigate parenting in general, and specifically in raising neurodivergent kids What helps parents the most in bridging the gap for their children when they are also struggling being a person with ADHD The strengths that come with ADHD and how they can be leveraged to support one’s life as a parent  Resources mentioned: Impact Parents The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More by Elaine Taylor-Klaus Special resources for Tilt Parenting listeners in ImpactParents Parenting with Impact Podcast Impact ADHD Resources for Parents Elaine Taylor-Klaus on LinkedIn Diane Demster   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices