Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Overwhelm, sadness, guilt, stress, and exhaustion are common experiences for parents raising neurodivergent children, and this is especially true when that child is navigating the complex landscape of also living with a serious or chronic illness. Unpredictability, financial strain, impact on the siblings, uncertainty about a child’s prognosis can all present significant challenges and lead to parental burnout.But according to my guest, Dr. Maureen Peteren, it’s possible for parents of chronically ill children to regain control of their lives and thrive at fulfillment. And she would know, as she has a distinct birds-eye view both as a general pediatrician and allergist/immunologist, she has spent her career caring for patients with a variety of acute and chronic health problems and first-hand experience of being a parent of a child with long-term health issues.I asked Maureen, who is also the author of the book Reclaiming Life: A Guide For Parents of Chronically Ill Children, to talk with us about the ways in which managing chronic illness in children requires parents to navigate overwhelming emotions and advocate for their child's health, even when that advocacy can feel uncomfortable; how maintaining perspective and turning challenges into gifts can help parents cope with the emotional toll of parenting a child with a chronic illness, and the importance of open communication with children and involving siblings in the care process in order to foster understanding and support within the family.Whether your child has asthma, severe allergies, diabetes, or some other chronic health condition, Maureen’s guidance and coaching will give you practical strategies and reframes for finding more peace in your day-to-day lives. About Maureen Michele PetersenMaureen Michele Petersen, MD is an award-winning physician, life coach, author, and mom. As a general pediatrician and allergist/immunologist, she has spent her career caring for patients with a variety of acute and chronic health problems. She is an accomplished life coach who helps parents of chronically ill children regain control of their lives and thrive at fulfillment. Maureen is the mother of three amazing children and has first-hand experience with being a parent of a child with long-term health issues. Things you'll learn from this episode How to navigate overwhelming emotions that come up due to the unpredictability and uncertainty that accompanies chronic illness in kids Strategies for maintaining perspective and turning challenges into gifts How to create a culture of open communication with other children / siblings in the care process in order to foster understanding and support within the family How to effectively advocate with healthcare providers by staying curious and engaged and being aware of emotions  Resources mentioned for Finding Peace in Parenting a Child with Chronic Illness Dr. Maureen Michele’s website Maureen on Instagram Maureen on Facebook Reclaiming Life: A Guide For Parents of Chronically Ill Children by Maureen Michele, MD   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Author Melissa Wardy shares her personal story of discovering her children's anxiety disorder and adapting her life to support who they are. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’ve talked a lot about advocating for our children on the show, but today, we are adding the additional consideration of race to the conversation, because we know that families raising differently-wired kids of color experience additional roadblocks when it comes to getting support in all kinds of environments, fostering empowering neurodivergent identities and much more. My guests for this rich conversation are Jaya Ramesh and Priya Saaral, authors of the brand new book Parenting at the Intersections: Raising Neurodivergent Children of Color.They came to this big through their lived experience as neurodivergent moms raising neurodivergent kids in this intersection of race, identity, and disability. Jaya is a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in supporting BIPOC neurodivergent individuals and couples in having more authentic relationships. And Priya is a play therapist and a parenting coach specializing in the emotional well-being of neurodivergent children and parents.Parenting at the Intersections is a wonderful book, and I did my best to explore some of the concepts they thoughtfully write about, including how parenting at the intersections involves navigating multiple marginalized identities and systems of oppression, why identity development is a complex process for children at the intersections, how parents can create conditions for their kids to be seen and respected, and the ways in which advocating for kids in the education system requires awareness of rights, documentation, and support from organizations and advocates. About Jaya RameshJaya Ramesh, MA LMHC, is a psychotherapist in private practice in the greater Seattle area, specializing in supporting BIPOC neurodivergent individuals and couples in having more authentic relationships. She also supports organizations in creating an anti-racist culture in the workplace. About Priya SaaralPriya Saaral, MSW, LICSW, RPT-S is a neurodivergent mama, a play therapist, and a parenting coach in the Greater Seattle area, specializing in the emotional well-being of neurodivergent children and parents by helping them reconnect to their playful spirit amidst personal and structural adversity Things you'll learn: How parenting at the intersections involves navigating multiple marginalized identities and systems of oppression Why identity development is a complex process for children at the intersections, and how parents can create conditions for their kids to be seen and respected The ways in which advocating for kids in the education system requires awareness of rights, documentation, and support from organizations and advocates. How unschooling can be a form of resistance in the context of raising neurodivergent children of color. How parents who aren't raising children of color can still benefit from learning about the experiences and challenges faced by these families. Why community support is crucial in mitigating the loneliness and providing understanding for parents raising neurodivergent children of color.  Resources mentioned: Parenting at the Intersections: Raising Neurodivergent Children of Color by Jaya Ramesh and Priya Saaral Website for Parenting at the Intersections Parenting at the Intersections on Instagram Jaya on Instagram Priya on Instagram Jaya on Linkedin Cheryl Poe and Advocating 4Kids Akilah Richards on Unschooling and Raising Free People (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work by Akilah Richards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Debbie talks with Julie Neale talks about her journey as mother to two differently wired boys and how she's supporting mothers in living an E.P.I.C. life through Mother's Quest. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Many of our kids spend a LOT of time engaging on screens and with technology, and I don’t know about you, but for me it feels like this is an ever-changing, and fast-changing landscape, and one that can be hard to stay on top of. Whether we’re talking about assistive technology, videos, games, or social media, these forms of media continue to offer new ways of interacting, developing relationships, and even exploring identity, and this has added to the complexity of raising neurodivergent kiddos. So I invited Dr. Meryl Alper, a researcher on the social and cultural implications of communication technologies with a focus on disability, digital media, and children and families’ tech use to join me to talk about how we should be thinking about our kids’ relationship with screens and tech.I reached out to Meryl after reading her new book, Kids Across the Spectrums: Growing Up Autistic in the Digital Age, which explores the often-misunderstood technology practices of young autistic people, as well as what it means to be “social” in a hypermediated society.So that’s what we get into: the factors that influence a child’s relation to media, how digital media is creating spaces for kids to develop their identities online, and what we – parents, schools – should be doing to better educate kids on safely interacting with online communities and new technologies. We also talked about fandoms and how they have become a part of identity and belonging development, and why every parent needs to spend time understanding how their children are using and consuming media.If your child, autistic or otherwise neurodivergent, regularly engages with screens and tech, you’ll get a lot out of this episode. About my guestDr. Meryl Alper is an Associate Professor of Communication Studies at Northeastern University, where she researches the social and cultural implications of communication technologies, with a focus on disability, digital media, and children and families’ tech use. Dr. Alper is the author of Digital Youth with Disabilities (MIT Press, 2014) and the award-winning Giving Voice: Mobile Communication, Disability, and Inequality (MIT Press, 2017). Her latest book, Kids Across the Spectrums: Growing Up Autistic in the Digital Age (MIT Press, 2023), explores the often-misunderstood technology practices of young people on the autism spectrum, as well as what it means to be “social” in a hypermediated society. Dr. Alper also draws on nearly 20 years of professional experience in the children’s media industry as a researcher, strategist, and consultant with organizations such as Sesame Workshop, PBS KIDS, Nickelodeon, and Disney. Prior to joining the faculty at Northeastern, Dr.Alper earned a Ph.D. and M.A. from the Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism at the University of Southern California.She also holds a B.S. in Communication Studies and History from Northwestern University, as well as a certificate in Early Childhood Education from UCLA. Things you'll learn: Why representation in media is crucial for autistic children to develop a sense of identity and belonging How technology can provide opportunities for connection and community for autistic children Special considerations parents and educators could keep in mind regarding online safety for neurodivergent children The importance of advocating for media literacy education that is catered to neurodivergent children Why understanding the individual needs and experiences of neurodivergent children is essential when making decisions about their technology use  Resources mentioned: Meryl Alper’s website Kids Across the Spectrums: Growing Up Autistic in the Digital Age by Meryl Alper (via MIT Press website) Download / read the Introduction to Kids Across the Spectrum (PDF) MIT Press open access version of Kids Across the Spectrum (digital only) Meryl Alper on LinkedIn Scratch Wonder by R.J. Palacio   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You may have heard about the “lost generation of autistic women,” which refers to those women whose diagnoses were missed when they were younger because of the male gender bias in the diagnostic criteria. But that phenomenon doesn’t just apply to autism – the same thing goes for girls and ADHD. There’s actually been a lot written about this in recent years, including a popular 2020 article in The Guardian called The Lost Girls: Chaotic and Curious, Women with ADHD All Have Missed Red Flags That Haunt Us.It’s true that the stereotype of a kid with ADHD is that energetic, impulsive, disorganized boy. But in girls especially it can also look like perfectionism and having a hard time receiving feedback, forgetfulness, misreading social cues and struggling with friendships, drifting off, and inconsistency in schoolwork. In this episode, you’ll hear about why ADHD in girls often goes undiagnosed or misdiagnosed, what kind of ineffective coping strategies girls with ADHD may to hide their struggles, and what some of the early symptoms are and how to recognize them. We also talked about the challenges of how rejection sensitive dysphoria, which co-occurs in many people with ADHD, may impact girls, and ADHD burnout. About Dr. Sharon SalineSharon Saline, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and author of the award-winning book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life and The ADHD solution card deck specializes in working with children, teens, adults and families living with ADHD, learning disabilities, twice exceptionality and mental health issues. With decades of experience as a clinical psychologist and educator/clinician consultant, she guides educators, clinicians, families and adults towards effective communication, closer connections and greater understanding. She lectures and facilitates workshops internationally on topics such as ADHD and neurodivergence, executive functioning, the anxiety spectrum, motivation, perfectionism and working with different kinds of learners.  Things you’ll learn: Why ADHD in girls often goes undiagnosed or misdiagnosed due to the different ways it presents compared to boys How girls with ADHD may exhibit symptoms such as anxiety, depression, forgetfulness, difficulty listening, and problems with social interactions Why girls with ADHD may develop ineffective coping strategies to hide their struggles, leading to challenges in school, relationships, and emotional regulation Why early diagnosis and support is crucial for girls with ADHD to help them succeed academically, socially, and emotionally The ways in which RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) can complicated social struggles for ADHD girls  Resources mentioned: Dr. Sharon Saline’s website Sharon’s YouTube Channel Sharon on Instagram Sharon Facebook What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids in School and Life by Dr. Sharon Saline The ADHD Solution Card Deck: 50 Strategies to Help Kids Learn, Reduce Stress & Improve Family Connections (created by Dr. Sharon Saline) Sharon Saline on What Our ADHD Kids Wish We Knew (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Dr. Megan Anna Neff on RSD (Neurodivergent Insights) Sharon Saline on RSD (Additude Today) Dr. Donna Henderson and Dr. Sarah Wayland on Their Book Is This Autism? (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Is This Autism? A Guide for Clinicians and Everyone Else by Dr. Donna Henderson and Dr. Sarah Wayland The Lost Girls: Chaotic and Curious, Women with ADHD All Have Missed Red Flags That Haunt Us (The Guardian) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Author and life coach Andrea Owen shares her personal story of how she continues to live her best life while accepting and embracing who her differently-wired son is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Debbie talks with cultural changemaker, author, and entrepreneur Jess Weiner about how to become successful advocates to best support our differently-wired kids. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Peter Shankman talks about his new book, Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain, and his story of learning how to manage his ADHD and tap into the gifts that come along with the diagnosis. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’m happy to share a rich conversation with strategic parenting coach Heather Chauvin about the plight many mothers of neurodivergent kids find themselves in — prioritizing everyone else’s needs over their own and why it’s so critical that we get out of this pattern.This is a deeply personal topic for Heather. The way she describes it, by living in survival mode as a parent to her three kids, she was robbing herself of joy, robbing her kids of joy by not being a present parent, and robbing her loved ones of fulfilling relationships. And then in 2013, the universe got her attention when Heather was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Going through that unexpected journey pushed Heather to take a deeper stand for change and explore how cultural expectations sabotage our dreams. I wanted to bring Heather on the show for this conversation because I hear from so many mothers who are in various states of struggle in their parenting lives — pouring everything into their kids, running on fumes, sacrificing so much, putting incredible pressure on ourselves to do it all and do it well. Yet, as much as we love our kids and want to be their safe place, we can’t do that unless we are being that for ourselves first. During this conversation, we talked about what dying to be a good mother syndrome is and why so many mothers suffer from it, why trusting yourself can be the best ally in parenting, and how to approach choosing yourself when you think you don’t have time.Even though this episode is framed for mothers, it’s a good listen for anyone who is a caregiver, especially if you’ve been feeling like your energy is low or frantic, and that has become the norm.  About Heather ChauvinHeather Chauvin is a leadership coach who helps ‘successful’ women courageously and authentically live, work, and parent on their own terms.Heather started her career as a social worker helping adults understand children’s behavior. But it wasn’t until 2013 when a stage 4 cancer diagnosis pushed her to take a deeper stand for change, uncovering how cultural expectations sabotage our dreams. She has been featured in Forbes, Entrepreneur, Real Simple Magazine, Mind Body Green, Google, and more.When Heather isn’t working, you will find her living out what she teaches which may include kayaking Alaska, snowboarding, hiking, or anything else that challenges what she believes is possible for herself (and inviting her children along the journey). Life is full of opportunities. It’s time to feel alive. Things you'll learn from this episode How motherhood and one’s priorities change as our kids get older How trusting in yourself and your intuition can be a powerful ally in motherhood What “dying to be a good mother syndrome” is and why so many mothers are living in that space How Heather helps moms take the first steps toward choosing themselves and what it actually looks like How to approach choosing yourself if you don’t think you have the time  Resources mentioned: Heather’s website and free gifts Dying to Be a Good Mother: How I Dropped the Guilt and Took Control of My Parenting and My Life by Heather Chauvin Heather on Instagram Heather’s Emotionally Uncomfortable podcast The Energetic Time Management Habit Challenge Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices