Pause Purpose Play

It's not just the absence of something negative that makes for lasting connections - reducing your arguments, hostility or criticism. You also need the presence of something positive, something good. A feeling of closeness, a bond, feeling content in each other's company and feeling safe.  One of the first steps towards a lasting connection, is understanding your emotions. If you don't get them, how will you communicate them to your partner? In this episode, I talk about how the emotions systems; the Threat, Drive and Soothe Systems, impact on your relationship, and how you can work with your responses to deepen your connection with your partner. This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter six of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

If you don't notice your partner, how can you improve your connection with them? If you don't notice your own feelings, thoughts or urges, how can you express what you want or need in your relationship? In this episode, I talk about how practicing formal or informal mindfulness can help you to calm your time-travelling brain, connect with the world around you in the here and now, and connect more deeply with your partner. This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter five of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about the characteristics that make or break a relationship. I invite you to consider which attributes your current or past relationship has, and to examine your intentions to help you move forward with strengthening your bond. This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter four of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this week's conversation I talk to Dr. Tracy Dalgleish about how our attachment styles affect our relationship dynamics, and how we can change the patterns we fall into with our partner. Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is a Clinical Psychologist and couples therapist who helps individuals and couples navigate the challenges we all face in our relationships and within ourselves to create a more meaningful life through therapy, wellness seminars, and her work outside of the therapy room. For over 15 years, Dr. Dalgleish has provided direct clinical services as well as researching, writing, and speaking about relationships. She provides psychological assessments, diagnosis, and individual and couple therapy for a variety of difficulties, including depression, anxiety, postpartum difficulties, stress and burnout, and relationship difficulties.  We talk about: 5:59 Interdependence 9:26 The 4 S's of social attachment - safety, security, seen and soothed 13:05 Turn taking in relationships 15:14 Incompatibility in attachment styles 19:50 Secure attachment 20:16 Anxious attachment 20:40 Avoidant attachment 21:39 Fearful or disorganised attachment 25:58 Being on the same team, when you're differently 'flammable' 29:40 Common cycles couples all into and how to break them 32:54 Toxic masculinity and emotional expression 36:48 Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations 39:52 Pervasive myths about relationships 41:00 When to go your separate ways 46:17 Tolerating relationship calibrations 49:03 How Dr Tracy pauses and plays 52:25 Dr Tracy's takeaway for you   Pre-order my book at Amazon here.   Instagram:  @Dr.TracyD Facebook & Twitter: @DrTracyD Website: https://www.drtracyd.com Podcast: I’m Not Your Shrink https://drtracyd.com/podcast   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media    

In this episode, I talk about the strains on connection that modern relationships experience, including hardship, pressure to be perfect and globalisation, and the antidote to all this disconnection - compassion. This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter three of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here. Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I discuss how different couples have different levels of 'flammability'. Understanding how flammable you and your partner are,  and what your triggers are, can help you to nurture your relationship towards the glowing embers stage - where you can roast some marshmallows instead of burning your relationship house down.  You can expect these special episodes, celebrating the launch of my new book, The Lasting Connection, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here. Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

What makes a relationship last? Basically, if you can own your own stuff, and tolerate your partner's stuff, you've got a pretty good start.  In this episode, I ask 'what is love?' And discuss why love is not enough, you need compassion too, in order to have a strong relationship.  You can expect these special episodes, celebrating the release of my new book, The Lasting Connection, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here. Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, two couples experts get together talking about the hardship of having sex after having had kids, with the sleep deprivation, change in roles, breastfeeding, exhaustion and possible resentment getting in the way. Don’t worry, we lift you up by also providing hope around how you can reconnect again sexually, with emotional and physical intimacy. Catherine Topham Sly is a BCAP accredited counsellor, writer, and speaker who specialises in relationships, and particularly the challenges of staying connected with your partner while raising a family together. A communication and intimacy specialist, Catherine offers research-based therapy, coaching, and online courses, supporting parents to reconnect and stay close after having kids. We talk about  4:58 Insight and connection 6:33 Physical and emotional intimacy are two sides of the same coin 8:26 Different triggers for sexual desire 10:42 The effects of rejection 11:07 How to break the cycle of rejection 12:26 Avoiding people pleasing 13:43 How much sex are people really having? 15:31 Performative vs connective sex 17:58 Reconnecting after a traumatic birth or the early days of parenthood 19:42 The benefits of reconnecting 21:20 The effect of the coronavirus pandemic on relationships 24:40 Talking about our values 26:39 Advice to expectant parents 28:52 The effects of breastfeeding on libido and intimacy 30:36 Hope for couples who have gone through a long period without intimacy 32:41 Returning to sex 34:26 Getting out of the habit of touching 35:36 Sex doesn't have to be penetrative 36:26 When it's time to go our separate ways 38:22 Seeking help when it's needed 41:03 Setting good habits in a relationship   You can follow Catherine on Instagram @insightandconnection and on Facebook @insightandconnection Pre-order my new book on Amazon. Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Welcome to the first of 24 short solo episodes of the podcast, to celebrate the release of my new book, The Lasting Connection which will be released on 11th February 2021. In this episode, I talk about what it means to build a lasting connection, and how I will guide you through the topics covered in the book over the next few weeks. You can expect these special episodes to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here. Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk to Jo Love, an award winning Mental Health Advocate and campaigner. She shares her experience of mental illness including depression, anxiety and burnout alongside evidence-based strategies that helped her recover and go into a career of helping others feel less alone in their suffering.    4:12 Jo's painful story of mental illness 7:12 Suicidal thoughts and postnatal depression 9:09 Realisation and diagnosis 10:12 Going to the GP 12:41 Ongoing recovery - flourishing vs languishing 14:12 Warning signs before pregnancy - type A personality 20:52 Jo’s purpose - post-traumatic growth 24:52 Medication as a sticking plaster or a catalyst 26:00 Jo’s experience with CBT and talking therapy 27:51 The slow sunrise of recovery 29:10 Feeling like herself again 31:12 Figuring out which therapies work best for individuals 33:26 Thoughts that came from depression 35:17 Law and people pleasers 37:12 Re-examining childhood values 41:47 Average equating to failure 44:24 Perfectionism in motherhood - a ‘good enough’ mother 47:07 Holding standards loosely  48:06 Teaching vulnerability to our children   Find Jo at https://www.jolove.co.uk/ And on Instagram @jo__love__ and @therapyismagic   If you have been affected by any of the subjected covered in this podcast, please refer to the links below -  Mind provides advice and support on a range of mental health subjects, and details of local help and support in England and Wales. 0300 123 3393 (weekdays 9am - 6pm) Visit the Mind website The Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123 Visit the Samaritans website You can find my free download at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm  This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media