Pause Purpose Play

2020 has been a tough year, with so much tension on our shoulders.  How much pressure comes from the outside, of furlough and financial strain and loved ones struggling? And how much pressure comes from the inside, adding pressure onto your burden with your own expectations to be perfect?  Pressure to home school perfectly, pressure to get everything done on the to do list despite being demotivated, pressure to get fit with Joe Wicks despite wanting to lie down on the sofa, eating chocolate. Pressure to make the most of the lockdown, learning new things, renovating the house or learning to bake banana bread and cultivate sourdough. In this episode, I reflect on a few things I have seen in my clinic over the past year, some of the lessons on life and love I have heard my clients come to. The main thing being things being the space to reflect on what really matters when the busyness and engagements in the diary have been dropped.  I have seen clients start to consider even childhood experiences and be reminded of earlier traumas and losses. We are all in a collective trauma, with a universally shared stress response. We also set up the upcoming couples relationship specials we will be doing on the podcast after this episode, before entering the second season in February.    To release from 2020 and gently move forward into 2021, let me guide you to find what matters to you in this workshop - Lessons on life and love from 2020: https://lessons-on-life-and-love-from-2020.eventbrite.co.uk  I am giving away lots of spaces to those in financial hardship from COVID, message me to apply.    Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, Dr Rebekah Shallcross and I tackle some big questions – what is the antidote to the oppression of womxn, what is a true ‘choice’ vs what we do because of hitting upon the barriers set up by white heteronormative patriarchy, and how does the pressure of the patriarchy impact womxn’s mental health? Although a tough topic, we also bring some light and humour to this, considering how to break the 'good girl' narrative through allowing ourselves the permission to be non-productive and rest. Dr Rebekah Shallcross, or Bekah, is a qualified Clinical Psychologist, Researcher and Feminist.  In 2020, she founded The Feminist Therapy Centre (FTC) which aims to offer an alternative to main stream mental health practice that is often based from the viewpoints of a white, male, heteronormative majority that dominates the highest positions of power within society, including the field of psychology. Through her work, Bekah uses a Feminist Therapy theoretical perspective that aims to liberate and empower those engaging with the service at both a personal and social level, both within and outside the therapy setting. 3:45 Why feminism and psychology? 7:35 The antidote to oppression is recognising it 8:05 Internalised patriarchy 9:12 Why the white heteronormative patriarchy is a problem for everyone 10:45 Patriarchy is even bad for men 13:25 Can choice exist when oppression creates so many barriers? 13:55 True choice comes without expectations 14:41 How flexible is flexible working? 18:08 The pressures modern women face 19:23 Structural inequalities in parental leave 20:20 A solution to the problems of shared parental leave 21:15 Becoming the default parent - 'shefault' 25:55 How the coronavirus pandemic has affected women 28:37 Why women shouldn’t need to teach feminism to men 32:20 Avoiding the emotional labour of education 36:05 You don’t always have to be productive 41:29 Bekah’s takeaway for you   Bekah recommended Bear Hebert and Dr. Sarah Coxon during our conversation.   The Feminist Therapy Centre Instagram - @dr_bekah_shallcross   Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

Are you a rule follower? Thinking you 'must' or 'should' do things? In this episode I consider the ways in which rigid following of self-imposed rules can harm ourselves and others. Then I suggest a loosening of the rules so that they serve you, rather than you serving them. I also look at whether you have a different set of rules for yourself, than you do for those you love, and what happens to your wellbeing when you have stricter rules for yourself than for others.    Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you dream of working for yourself, but procrastinate starting or thinking you won't be good enough? In this episode I talked to Polly Lavarello about the struggles and benefits of entrepreneurship as a ‘company of one’, and how perfectionism used to hold her back from finding freedom, balance and purpose.  Polly Lavarello is the go-to Facebook Ad Strategist for coaches and online course creators. Also founder of the Launch Pad, an online membership to support female entrepreneurs to promote their online businesses authentically, sustainably and powerfully.  Polly used her experience working in a marketing agency to successfully build her own business from scratch after having her first child, and for the following six years has continued to help other female entrepreneurs to create thriving businesses of their own. 6:28 The change in life balance that comes with motherhood 7:50 Being an example for her children 8:15 Managing the balance as an entrepreneur 9:28 The life-changing influence of community 10:14 Why is it hard to make time for yourself? 12:30 The benefits to being an online business 17:49 Polly's feminist drive 19:03 Struggling with perfectionism 22:42 Pause - planning the month around hormonal cycles 23:25 The mistake of multitasking 24:30 Actually switching off - using do not disturb, nature and cooking 26:13 Moving away from reactive working and setting goals 28:30 Managing mental overload 31:17 Support through coaching and group coaching 39:30 Finding play that suits you 41:28 Polly’s takeaway for you   Instagram: @PollyLavarelloDigital Website: www.pollylavarello.com The Launchpad   Feeling overwhelmed? Need some easy steps to find calm? You can find my free download at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media  

Do you recognise the signs of overwhelm in your life?  Do you know what to do to slow down? Do you know what's getting in the way of you taking better care of yourself? In this episode I explore the physical and mental signs that you might be suffering from overwhelm, and with the help of a visual metaphor, the stress bath tub, discuss methods to cope with stress without reaching the point of overwhelm and burnout. Helping you to follow your ambition without drowning in it.  Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm   I'd love you to join in with my challenge to rush less, pause more, by sharing your photo on Instagram with the hashtag #pausepurposeplaypodcast and tagging me, @the_thomas_connection  Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this powerfully vulnerable and honest episode with Mandy Lehto, we explore the ongoing journey of healing from overachieving and not feeling good enough. Mandy shared her own experience of this work in progress, of trying to no longer base her worth on achievements and praise, and instead on feeling worthy for being who she is, imperfections and all. We explore the signs that her body was saying no to more striving, as well as the wake up call she couldn’t ignore. We finish by thinking about how imperfect people are more likeable and get a deeper connection with others than seemingly perfectly put together people.  Dr. Mandy Lehto is a personal and executive coach and writer in London. She has a doctorate from Cambridge University, and in her former career, was a Director at a global investment bank in the City. She has written for, or featured in, Psychologies Magazine, The Sunday Times, Psychology Today, Top Sante, The Huffington Post, eFinancial Careers, and on CNBC. She’s a recovering overachiever, who’s on a mission to help women to identify less with their doing, and more with their being. 5:15 How striving for worth didn’t serve Mandy 8:03 Over-achieving is the only addiction we get praised for 9:19 Mandy reaches breaking point 11:41 The trap of taking on healing with the same over-achieving attitude 14:41 How Mandy became more aware of her inner critic 15:31 Surrendering to feelings 21:51 Realising that perfection gets in the way of connection 27:01 What would Mandy tell her younger self? 34:53 Avoiding competitive self-care 37:41 How to soothe the inner critic rather than escape it 39:41 Exercise that does suit high achievers 41:46 The changes that middle age have brought about 43:49 Playing through writing   Instagram: @MandyLehto Website: www.mandylehto.com This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Notice how hard it is to slow down, in a world which promotes rushing We are caught in an illusion that rushing saves us time, makes us more productive and wins us greater success – in fact, it’s the polar opposite. In this episode, I'm going to bust some productivity myths around rushing and set you straight on why it helps to rush less.  I'd love you to join in with my challenge to rush less, pause more, by sharing your photo on Instagram with the hashtag #pausepurposeplaypodcast and tagging me, @the_thomas_connection    Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I'm speaking to leadership coach Katy Murray (Katy Catalyst) about how to step up to your ambition, passion and potential - without burning out.  Katy leads Catalyst Collective a boutique consultancy focusing on Equity Inclusion and Diversity. She coaches change making leaders and entrepreneurs 1-1 and leads the Mastermind Change Making Women.  02:39 Katy explains how she works with leaders and change-makers 04:07 How to step up without burning out 05:39 Katy's experience of getting close to burn out 06:45 Making yourself find a sustainable pace 07:35 So much of our learning comes from mistakes 10:05 How resilience can help us in these difficult times 13:15 The need for leaders to relearn self-compassion 15:08 Thinking about your wider network 16:20 Creating a new, less isolated, form of leadership 18:13 Toxic gratitude 19:12 How Katy finds pause in her life 22:40 Three questions to ask yourself every day 26:05 Lowering expectations to create space 29:44 Setting expectations, with the example of email auto-responders 32:20 Two questions for clarifying purpose and acknowledging success 37:23 How Katy finds joy and play in her life 40:27 Finding play in the workplace 44:30 Katy's gift for you   Connect with Katy on  Instagram and Linked In  Sign up to Katy’s newsletter Catalyst Notes for coaching prompts, #PowerPractices, + practical leadership tips.   This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

In this episode, I expand on a metaphor for how we all cope with stressful times differently - as we are all sailing on the same stormy seas right now, but we all do so in differently equipped boats. This can help you step out of blaming and shaming yourself for your reactions to our current circumstances.  Here I consider why it is that you can validate your loved one's feelings, and provide helpful suggestions, whereas you might be harsh on yourself. As the UK enters a second lockdown, I invite you to treat yourself with the same compassion that you would extend to a friend.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram @the_thomas_connection Facebook www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection   This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

This week I’m talking to Clio Wood, a Women's Health and Sex Positivity Advocate, and the Founder of &Breathe - award-winning wellbeing and fitness retreats for pre/postnatal, parenthood and peri-menopause. Clio created &Breathe following the birth of her daughter in 2014 and her experiences with trauma, postnatal depression, and painful sex/pelvic floor issues and is passionate about helping other women be their best selves. 02:11 Clio tells the story of her traumatic birth and recovery 07:23 How the transition to motherhood affects your relationship 10:31 Dealing with the focus of recovery being on the baby 14:41 Some little-known practical help that is available to new parents 15:43 The importance of a birth debrief 19:53 Why Clio chose to include mental wellbeing in her retreats 24:02 Taking time to do the inner work 25:29 Different experiences of pregnancy and birth during the Covid crisis. 30:11 Why we shouldn’t second guess our reaction to being isolated after birth 33:20 How Clio takes the pressure off herself 35:46 The lessons Clio has learnt from the effect of Covid on her business 37:50 How Clio incorporates play into her life 43:58 Escaping the Pressure Pandemic 44:46 Clio’s takeaway for you   Website www.andbreathewellbeing.com Instagram  @andbreathewellbeing Join the Pause Purpose Play group on Facebook   This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media