Pause Purpose Play

Are you hard on yourself for mistakes you make? Do you beat yourself up for your shortcomings? In this episode, I explore why we listen to our inner critic, what function it serves for you, and how we can calm that voice inside ourselves. This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter eleven of my new book, The Lasting Connection, where we dive deep into how to soothe the inner critical voice, by developing compassion for why you have it, where it has come from and what is protects you from.    Order my book here   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Do you take time for you, to nourish yourself as a mother? This week, I am speaking to Sara Campin. Sara is a mum of two, a personal development coach and founder of Nourish, a new wellbeing app for mums offering bite-sized wellbeing & calm in your pocket.  Sara is a passionate advocate of all things that nourish the mind and is on a mission to empower mums to look after their mental health & wellbeing by making self-care easy and accessible for them. The Nourish app is a curated library of on-demand videos, audios and quick reads across mindfulness, breathing, yoga nidra, psychology and more, all tailor-made for mums by a team of wellbeing experts.    We talk about 3:11 The Nourish app 3:56 Sara's own struggles with motherhood and mental health 7:30 Taking time for yourself 9:44 Sara's ongoing challenges with anxiety 11:31 The impact of perfectionism on motherhood 13:51 Failing at routines 17:45 Creating a safe space to share in 20:26 The effects of the pandemic on mothers' socialisation 22:10 Mothers' mental health and family mental health 24:44 Sara's advice for her past self 28:17 A toolkit for challenging times 29:30 Prioritising self care 36:39 Sara's take away for you   Try the Nourish app at www.thenourishapp.com IG/Fb/Tw: @thenourishapp   Order my book here   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How connected are you to your body? This week, I'm excited to welcome Dr Sula Windgassen, who is not only my guest, but also the newest member of The Thomas Connection. Dr Sula Windgassen works in the NHS as a health psychologist, providing psychological interventions for a range of physical health conditions including IBS, inflammatory bowel disease, multiple sclerosis and painful bladder syndromes. Sula has experienced the impact of persistent bladder and pelvic symptoms herself, and is a passionate advocate for women’s health.    We talk about 4:10 Sula's own health challenges 6:21 The vicious cycle of ill health and mental distress 6:42 Mindfulness 9:14 What is health psychology? 11:29 The bio-psycho-social perspective 14:36 Stress 15:47 Health conditions without 'physical proof' 18:15 IBS and perfectionism 20:30 The brain-gut axis 22:31 Gut intuition 25:59 Boom and bust patterns 29:37 Acute and chronic stress 32:24 Anxiety and mindfulness 24:16 Dealing with discomfort in mindfulness practice 36:24 How Sula pauses 38:00 Shoulds and musts 40:32 Being over doing   Order my book, The Lasting Connection, on my website   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about the distinction between self care and self compassion, and how we need acts of self-care to be driven by a compassionate motivation in order for them to be helpful, not harmful. Looking after yourself out of fear or disgust is not driven by self-compassion.  This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter ten of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Order my book at Amazon here.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Are you able to accept help when it's given? In this episode, I talk about how hard it can be to notice when care and support is given, and how we can be blocked in accepting or even more so, asking for that support. I cover why cultivating an inner mentor can help you become kinder to yourself and others - and allow you the permission to let all that love in. This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter nine of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every few days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual. Pre-order my book, The Lasting Connection, here.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode I speak to Alexander Rozental about procrastination and perfectionism. Alexander Rozental is a Licensed Psychologist in Sweden, with a PhD from the Department of Psychology at Stockholm University, and he is presently a Post Doctoral Researcher at the Centre for Psychiatry Research at Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm. Alexander has published research and a book on the subject of procrastination and perfectionism.  We talk about - 05:11 How Alexander got into this area of study 05:46 Using CBT to combat perfectionism 07:56 Why do people procrastinate? 09:09 The connection between perfectionism and procrastination 11:50 The effects of procrastination 15:09 A model to change this behaviour 20:01 Using apps to limit distractions 21:20 Goal setting and sub-goals 23:58 Does Alexander procrastinate? 26:27 How procrastination can affect couples’ relationships 28:56 Alexander’s take away for you Do you procrastinate because you feel overwhelmed? Download my free guide to calm the overwhelm here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm    Order my book at Amazon here.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media  

In today's slightly more vulnerable and personal episode, I'm celebrating pub day! It's finally here - my new book, The Lasting Connection, published today! I will tell you about my journey into writing, and how I made space for writing this book as part of my business, to not run the risk of burning out in the process.    Order my book at Bookshop here   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about cultivating a garden where you and your partner can grow into the best versions of yourselves, by letting compassion flow out from yourself. This isn't easy when we are under pressure, but doing small acts can create a climate of warmth, trust and respect.  This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter eight of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about understanding the different versions of your 'self' that show up in your relationship, and cultivating a compassionate self. This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter seven of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.   Pre-order my book at Amazon here.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this week's conversation I talk to Sophie Burch about taking care of our mental and relationship health before and after birth. Sophie Burch aka The Mamma Coach is on a mission to put mental wellbeing more on the map in pregnancy, birth and parenting.  She has 14 years as a mother to 4 boys (including twins), as a perinatal therapist and coach, and a birth trauma and PND survivor.  Her experience has shaped who she is and awakened her to a life of compassion and deep empathy for everyone from pre-conception through parenting to menopause.  Her approach is simple: to allow people to feel held and heard, safe and worthy of love and self-acceptance. We talk about:  4:10 Sophie’s own story and mental health struggles 9:15 The birth of Sophie’s twins 13:36 The ripple effect of taking care of your mental health 15:55 Teaching practitioners as well as parents 19:40 Working within our current pre and post-natal systems 20:34 The experience of fatherhood 22:07 Post-natal depression in fathers 25:00 The pressures of the patriarchy 27:15 Nurturing ourselves 30:34 The challenges of parenthood for over-achievers 31:36 Intrusive thoughts 32:03 Loss of identity 33:35 Expectations and perfectionism 34:50 Recognising that you are struggling   35:48 The effect of parenting on couples’ relationships 38:08 The importance of a compassionate relationship while parenting 39:40 Resentment and unrealistic expectations 43:40 Preparing for stormy seas together 46:26 Modelling compassion to our children 48:39 the Nourish app 50:29 How Sophie pauses 51:50 Visualisation 53:10 Play - dancing and bouncing 55:18 Sophie’s takeaway for you   Pre-order my book at Amazon here.   Instagram: @themammacoach Facebook & Twitter: @themammacoach Website: www.themammacoach.com   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media