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Remember trying to turn one of your weaknesses into a strength for a job interview, and casually saying “I’m a perfectionist”, as if it’s a good thing? You could say that there are a lot of good things which perfectionism can be associated with. There are also a lot of drawbacks to it, and the same parts of perfectionism which serves you well in life, can also end up costing you your health and relationships. Tune into this short solo episode about the pros and cons of perfectionism, to see how it affects you, and see if you are striving for excellence or perfection.  Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Sweet sleep - a good night’s sleep refreshes you, a bad one frustrates you. If you lie in bed tossing and turning, worrying about how knackered you’ll be in the morning without the perfect night’s sleep, then this episode is for you.   I spoke to Dr Guy Meadows about how to get a good night’s sleep, how to stop struggling against ‘bad sleep’, and what to do when you just can’t sleep due to young children or anxious thoughts.    Dr Guy Meadows is a leading figure in the area of chronic insomnia, pioneering the use of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Mindfulness treatment. He has worked with thousands of insomnia sufferers over the last 10 years at his London-based clinic and around the world, and has set up the Sleep School to help stop insomniacs needlessly suffering around the world. Guy is the author of The Sleep Book – How to sleep well every night.    We cover:   Insomnia and its causes Circadian rhythms, sleep cycles and sleep drive Why the world isn’t sleeping well Myths around sleep The 8h myth Deep sleep is the best sleep Sleeping through the night - Sleep helps us be focused, motivated and problem solve - Biological sleep needs and genetics - The majority of us wake up unrefreshed - Deep sleep, light sleep and REM sleep - Why we sleep, and why we wake - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - The struggle with insomnia = fight/flight boosts alertness - Physical/mental aspects of the sleep conditioned response - Insomnia as a heightened sense of awareness - The steps to sleeping well - 1. Accepting the discomfort - 2. Open to difficult thoughts and feelings   - 3. Live your life to lesson resentment - Start living a valuable life _with_ insomnia, to feel more content - The links between sleep and mood - The science of sleep and the brain - Changing what you can, accepting what you can’t - Letting go of the rigid rules around sleep - The benefits of rest if you can’t sleep - Quiet wakefulness vs. active wakefulness - Pause pockets Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/ Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you tried meditation, but can't make it a habit? Do you struggle to 'get it right'?  Over my years of working with high-striving, perfectionistic women, I've found that they often share a pattern of wanting to meditate, but finding it hard to keep up. In this episode I talk about why that can be, and how you can meditate without making it complicated or difficult for yourself.   www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm to download my free guide to taking a break before you break I'm releasing some slots for 1:1 coaching - for more information, email info@thethomasconnection.co.uk   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The pressure to be perfect as a mother is immense in modern society - no wonder if you feel like you’re not living up to the standards and expectations placed on you to be ‘a good mum’.  In this episode, I speak to Motherhood Studies Sociologist Dr Sophie Brock about how hard it is to be a mother today, as we “can’t self-compassion our way out of structural barriers, constraints, and institutional failings” affecting mothers.  We cover: The social construction of motherhood and being ‘a good mum’ The anger/guilt trap in motherhood Maternal regret - ‘shouldn’t have become a mother’ Putting more pressure on ourselves is counterproductive  Matrescence - transitional experience of becoming a mother Self-compassion can’t stop misogyny or racism Steps to let go of motherhood guilt Questioning the internalized markers of success as a ‘perfect mother’   The bar of being a ‘good father’ low, the bar for ‘good mother’ extremely high Mummy wars of shaming and comparison with other mothers Dealing with judgemental comments for your choices Dr Sophie Brock provides analysis of Motherhood in our culture, exploring the ways individual experiences of Mothers are shaped by broader social constructs. Sophie’s offerings include self-study courses for Mothers and practitioners, her podcast The Good Enough Mother, and her Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification program.   To connect further -  https://drsophiebrock.com/   @drsophiebrock on Instagram and Facebook   Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/ Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Accepting help is hard, asking for it even harder. Do you trust that those who offer it to you, actually want you to take them up on it? What stops you from trusting offers of help?  I recently shared on socials about having gastroenteritis, and my baby too, and linked it to a discussion about asking for and accepting help. On my poll sticker, 80% of you answered that you struggle to accept help offered.   The difficult thoughts and feelings showing up when someone offers to help you come from the inner critic, that mean inner voice you have telling you off for things.    Listen to this short episode to dive a bit deeper into what is behind your reluctance to trust offers of help, and get three affirmations you can use when help is offered and you resist taking it.    I also cover how people pleasing is a part of this too.  To learn more about how to let go of people pleasing in relationships, head to www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/peoplepleasing to take my mini workshop Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you lost your temper with your children, having felt a rage you never knew before you had kids? Then feeling intensely guilty afterwards, feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and thinking you’ve failed for getting so angry?  Or you love your child so much, but can’t get rid of those strange thoughts you have popping in about hurting them? What if you would just drop the baby, or hit your child? If you have experienced this, you might have had ‘maternal rage’ or intrusive thoughts about harm coming to your children. You’re not alone, and shaming yourself for it is only making it worse. Putting pressure on yourself to still achieve and strive like you did pre-motherhood leaves you vulnerable for parental burnout, and more likely to have another episode of rage.   This episode with Clinical Psychologist Caroline Boyd, author of the book Mindful New Mum, may feel triggering for some, so please be aware of the support sources mentioned too.    We cover:  Pressure on girls to be ‘good’ Super mum myth, perfect mother myth Navigating the highs and lows of motherhood Loneliness and isolation of Western motherhood Postpartum depression increased due to lockdowns Pressure to be perfect and joyful Feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and failing Allowing new mothers permission for recovery ‘Hard to measure’ achievements in motherhood   Adjust to slower tempo, striving less Transition, matrescence  Maternal rage and what it masks Allowing compassion for self Unmet needs and being out of capacity Stigma of anger in mothers = failing Judging yourself for anger intensifies it Unwanted intrusive thoughts about accidental or intentional harm of baby Support sources for intrusive thoughts and maternal OCD Permission to look after yourself means unlearning old beliefs   Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood by Dr Caroline Boyd www.drcarolineboyd.com   Help with intrusive thoughts can be found at the following -  FREE Pandas UK Helpline (call between 11am - 10pm): 0808 1961 776 http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/ Samaritans: call 24/7 Helpline: 116 123 https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health https://maternalocd.org/ https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Accepting help can be hard. Doing everything on your own is harder.  It's especially hard to ask for help for perfectionists, caught up in all or nothing thoughts about how they must manage everything, always be strong, never show cracks in the facade. Always carry things for others, not letting them carry things for you. In this short solo episode I will tell you how a broken toe is a sign that I need to accept help, and even ask for it. In my book, The Lasting Connection, I talk about the five As of allowing compassion to flow in, from others to you. The five A’s: Aware, Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate, Ask Drop me an email to info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to receive a free copy of my worksheet about the five A's of allowing compassion to flow in.   Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media  

So much pressure to be the perfect parent. Never losing it, always calm and gentle. This narrative isn't helpful for the modern parent - you haven't failed, you are human! Our children are the future, the next generation - no wonder we want to do right by them. So how do we nurture their emotional intelligence without breaking under the pressure? Dr Anne Lane is a clinical psychologist and family therapist. Anne’s new book ‘Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: 5 Steps to Help Your Child Cope with Big Emotions and Build Resilience looks at how our child’s emotions grow and develop and what we can do as parents to support this. Children read our emotions and struggle to understand them Helping our children to feel safe The emotional demand on parents ‘Good enough’, not perfect, emotional nurturing Give the emotion a space, a voice The ‘should’ and pressure to be ‘calm and ‘gentle’ Using shame to control their behaviour backfires Acknowledging emotions softens them Balancing fear and courage, anger and sadness Compassion for your own emotions Five steps to help your child cope with big emotions 1 Aim for simplicity 2 Encourage acceptance 3 Respond with compassion 4 Increase playfulness 5 ‘Contain’ and connect to difficult emotions    Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/ Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How do you feel about the phrase ‘good enough’? I’m willing to bet that you don’t like it. Because you don’t FEEL good enough Because you don’t want to BE good enough – you want to be perfect, amazing, excellent, remarkable and so on.   Listen to the end of this short episode and I will offer you something which will help.   Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/ Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media  

Are you feeling tired, burnt out and exhausted? Want more energy in your life?  This conversation with Simon Alexander Ong is all about how we can move from burnout and overworking, to living a meaningful life by making our health a priority and using energy management. Simon Alexander Ong is a personal development entrepreneur, coach and public speaker. His debut book, Energize, will be published by Penguin on 21st April 2022.    Journey of burnout and overworking Health as the first wealth, not a side hustle Begin before you’re ready, to gain confidence Failure a stepping stone to success Mindset of an eternal student, of always learning Can’t achieve if burnt out and no energy Rewire your energetic state “Not to do”list and boundaries Making peace with people not liking you Shifting thoughts and beliefs, for new actions Pronoia - belief that life is working for you Disconnecting from work to replenish energy Journaling to live with more intention The role of rest and silence for creativity Energy management, not time management Productivity using high energy periods Using kindness to manage energy fluctuations Negative self-talk as energetic blocks to flow Energisers and drains, impacts how we see ourselves Lucky breaks come from making good choices Order Simon's book, Energize, here Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/ Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk Instagram: @the_thomas_connection Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay    This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media