Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em Podcast

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comThe Oscar nominations dropped, and folks are MAD. Despite breaking box-office records, Barbie failed to get the nod for Best Director or Best Actress. Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie, foiled again! As our friend Ben Dreyfuss tweeted: “The Other Genocide: The Oscars Treatment of White Women.” We talk about who really got snubbed, and why some people will never stop complaining about the treatment of women. Also:* Sarah has a scary stalker (no really)* More polyamory talk? We got you!* Did Barbie even make sense?* But the Ryan Gosling dance sequence!* … so mad we got our periods.* Saltburn burned again* “Do you lick the equipment?”* Moms and technology <3* Hear us out: The show opens with hummus being rubbed on her breasts …* Nancy is the fake Joan Didion* Vince McMahon allegations are not safe for work — or home, really* Is it even possible to p**p and have sex at the same time?

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comNancy and Sarah get down (!) to the serious business of ethical non-monogamy, thanks to the cover story in this week’s New York magazine. Is polyamory really a trend? Does opening your marriage ever work? Sarah finds this subject (professionally) fascinating; Nancy thinks it all ends in tears and grubbiness somewhere in Park Slope. Also discussed:* 2024: The Year of More Punching* Axl Rose was once an Indiana kid named William Bruce Rose* Nancy’s squeaky little voice vs. Nancy’s va-va-voom photos* Nancy’s reasonable objections to sex writing* Sarah’s reasonable arguments FOR sex writing* Stats, stats, we need stats* New lingo alert! “comet partner,” “metamour,” “one-penis policy”* Obviously Burning Man is involved* We design our perfect ethical polycules* Amazon employees are mad about moving to Austin?* Love for Israel during hard timesPlus, the many haircuts of Camille Paglia, our new Fight Club, and how a persimmon is like a penis.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comWith Nancy off in Israel, Sarah sits down with Matt Welch, crackerjack co-host of The Fifth Column — not to be confused with Matt Walsh, conservative commentator, or Matthew Welch, everyone’s favorite bagpiper. Matt is editor-at-large at Reason, whatever that means, and a long-time journalist, musician, and libertarian, a term Sarah tries to pin down (good luck with that). Also discussed:* Matt’s blood-boiling anger for bagpipes and pan flutes* That time during the pandemic when we all lost our minds* 1968 or 2020: Who wore it best?* Did you know Matt spent time in Czechoslovakia?* Media integrity: Going, going, gone* Why Matt doesn’t own a gun* Is it embarrassing to still love Hunter S. Thompson?* Trade secrets of appearing on Bill Maher’s HBO show* Q: “Does Bill Maher still date exclusively black women?”* Public schools might be fucked* Steel-manning the case against Israel* The question about Kmele Foster and Michael Moynihan Matt refuses to answer* Who would win in a fist-fight between Fifth Column co-hosts?* Who would win in a fist-fight between Sarah and Nancy?* Why “One in a Million” by Guns N Roses is a work of art* Who will be president in 2024?

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comOur MLK Day episode kicks off with stories about the chain-smoking, philandering civil rights leader who is also one of the founding fathers of the American Dream. We discuss the terrific new movie American Fiction, and somehow segue to a discussion about Buckminster Fuller and geodesic domes. Which one of us will be guilty of “contempt prior to investigation”? Take a guess. Also discussed:* How is Sarah like Ron DeSantis?* Nancy’s creepy close encounter with an Amazon delivery guy* Sarah tippy-toes to the razor’s edge of being a Crazy Cat Lady* MLK Jr. had a letter opener lodged where?* When Gawker writers become movie-makers …* American Fiction is the first great woke satire* The hotness of Issa Rae* Love for Push by Sapphire and Precious, the movie it became* Sterling K. Brown is the best part of The People vs. OJ Simpson* Why Nancy called the TV station during the slow-speed OJ chase* OMG the new Truman Capote vs. the Swans television show OMG* What is “Taliban glamping”?Plus a plane crash in the Andes, a gripping new French film, and Sarah and Nancy discover who is the wife in this relationship and who the husband, the litmus test being …

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comThe Bill Ackman-Neri Oxman-Claudine Gay-whoever else storm continues to rage. How does anyone get work done? We sort through the madness, and along the way:* Sarah gets a curious invitation …* Nancy is the “Epstein Island” of the Illuminati* Did Sinead die of a broken heart?* Bill Ackman’s tweets are longer than the Bible* How is Claudine Gay’s op-ed like Amber Heard’s?* What constitutes cheating, and should the rules be clarified?* The ethics of stealing from Tom Waits* The new Atlantic writer who’s captured our hearts* Who is Jo Koy, and why do we hate him?* The Golden Globes monologue wasn’t that bad* Margot Robbie and Jennifer Lopez in pink gowns: Who wore it best?* Jeremy Allen White’s Calvin Klein ad ha-cha-cha* Succession, Succession, suhk-sesh-SHON!!!* Wait, who kissed Sarah?

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comNancy and Sarah welcome their first-ever repeat guest, Kat Rosenfield, and the result is a hot and steamy conversation about beauty standards, fatphobia, plastic surgery, sexual awakenings (and creep-outs). Along the way we discuss:* What rhymes with “potsticker” AND is a symbol of the worst of mankind?* The time Sarah was doxxed by the White Pages* Is “fat postivity” a fantasy? If so, is it a good one?* “Him-pathy”* Growing up under the lash of Kate Moss* Is Martha Stewart going for for “Russian Oligarch’s Fourth Wife”?* Madonna going for … something* Zee French, zey ahh diffuh-runt* Sarah does TWO Monty Python accents (both lousy)* The Jeffrey Epstein “molestation Ponzi scheme”* You can at least buy us a drink first, Rob Henderson!* Who wants to sit in the melty lap of Stephen Hawking?* Sarah tries to get cancelled, again!* What is society supposed to do with dirty old drunk men? (Gerard Depardieu edition)* We will never get a Honey Baked Ham sponsorshipAnd much more!

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comWhose DNA does Sarah want to roll around in? What does “uncanny valley” mean anyway? Whose music did Sarah find “a beautiful Frankenstein amalgam”? What podcast helps us move out of the wood-chipper of the culture wars? Is 2023’s worst political story also its best? Plus, hot guys, SO many hot guys, and Sarah reveals the good thing about comedy!

Good New Near’s Eve morning! I did not make that cake, a glacage miroir brilliant au chocolat but if you read French, have at! My better half Sarah Hepola is expecting me on-air within the hour so quick notes today… I was about to write, and then remembered what the gypsy lady told me…The voice of Ken Layne is something everyone should have in their life in 2024.I used to write fiction (and maybe there’s one more novel in me, the beginnings of which, genealogy charts and architecture books and 150 handwritten pages, are on a shelf behind me...) Become a subscriber and I’ll send you a book!The piece I read, “Three Sets of Keys,” is over on Make More Pie, where I hope to plunk a lot of reporting - written, audio and video - while in Israel. Go subscribe!The essay by Benjy I referenced. Gosh he can write.The 6-inch springform pan you will need if you decide to make yourself and your loved one(s) a sexy little cake.Petit Gateau au Chocolat, adapted from Maida Heatter* 4 ounces unsweetened chocolate* 1/2 cup sugar, divided* 6 T. (3/4 stick) butter* 2 T. flour, plus flour for dusting pan* 2 eggs, separated* Pinch of saltPreheat oven to 350F. Butter a 6-inch springform pan, line it with parchment paper, butter that and dust with flour, shaking out any excess. (You can use pan spray instead of butter; I won’t tell.)Melt chocolate over low heat or in the microwave. Allow to cool several minutes. Stir in the butter, all but 2 T. of sugar, the flour, sugar, salt and then egg yolks, one at a time. In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites with the remaining 2 T. sugar until they form soft peaks. Fold whites into chocolate mixture, then turn into prepared pan. Bake 30 minutes. The cake will look soft. That’s fine. Cool on a rack until it’s warm, remove springform ring and invert cake onto a serving plate. If you are being fancy - and why not? It’s New Year’s Eve - place four strips of wax paper around the edges of the cake to catch the icing drips.If you want a mirror like glaze: In a small saucepan, melt three ounces bittersweet chocolate with 2 T. sugar and 2 T. water. Whisk in 2. T butter until smooth. Allow to cool, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes, then pour slowly over the cake. Remove the wax paper and, look how pretty!You can also ice with ganache, which is ridiculously easy to make, just chopped chocolate and heavy cream. I will let Sally of Sally’s Baking Addiction - one of my two favorite baking sites, the other is Smitten Kitchen - show you how easy.Happy New Year everyone, I love you all. This post is free today so feel free to share xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit smokeempodcast.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comWe’ve reached that joyous time of year when Sarah listens to the 22-episode podcast about the 2020 Harvey Weinstein trial, an annual tradition. Nancy takes a break from baking to tell us about peeing in the woods and the giant stuffed hedgehog (maybe? see photo below) she just (kinda) wrapped. But the centerpiece of our celebration is sex scandal. First, a discussion of the Weinstein trial, because even three years later, it’s hard to get your head around it. Then we’re on to a veritable holiday calendar of misbehavior, starting with January poster boy Paul Haggis and ending with December’s … listen to find out!

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comWe interview Sherman Alexie, Native American author and top-tier Substacker, about Pretendians like Sasheen Littlefeather and Buffy Sainte-Marie, who steal trauma for their own status. We also discuss:* The ruse of the word “indigenous”* How inclusivity plays out in a younger generation of “defendians”* “I grew up in hell”: hard life on the rez* The genetic link of blackout drinking* You wake up naked on the top of a hill, what do you do?* You should be so lucky to have an ancestor named Thunder Meatflayer* Will the current surge in Indian film and TV creation continue?* The “shocking and amazing” classic novel Sherman just re-read* Scorsese Scorsese Scorsese