Pillow Talks

On December 15th, 2007, a tired girl got dragged to a Christmas party and met a DJ with a heart of gold, and the rest is history.   Here we are 15 years later, married and running a sex and relationship business, reflecting back over what it took to get us here. In this special episode, we celebrate our anniversary by sharing on the lessons we’ve taught each other, the revelations we’ve stumbled upon, and what we’ve had to learn the hard way. Join us as we take a walk down memory lane, share some laughs, get sentimental, and get, as always, just a little bit naughty. Stay tuned all the way to the end for some bonus lessons from the only people who talk about our relationship as much as we do.   Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow   Check out the show notes (and see the infamous freak dancing photo) at vmtherapy.com/episode82  

It’s (supposed to be) the most wonderful time of the year! The time we get together with our loved ones and celebrate each other with presents, food, and quality time. But what happens when we start to see cracks in the perfect holiday picture we had in our mind? You and your partner start to bicker over budgets. Or maybe your mom’s disappointed that you’re going to your in-law’s this year. Or you’re just feeling like an enormous grinch this year. The truth is that the holidays are an incredibly stressful time, and many of us get swept up by inflexible family traditions, present-giving politics, and socialized gender roles. So we’re here to help you navigate the holidays with ease and grace. There’s a lot of laughter, tons of compassion (because BOY have we had our own holiday disasters!), and as always our very best advice, all so you can have the tough conversations without losing the holiday spirit. Links & Resources:Episode 4 : Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your RelationshipEpisode 27 : Your In-Law Holiday Survival GuideEpisode 30 : Sex With Other People…Around Mental Load WorkbookA Sex Therapist Explains: What Is The “F**k First” Rule? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to GreenChef.com/pillow599 and use code pillow599 to get $5.99 per meal on your 1st box — and your 1st box ships free! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode81

Ever wondered why the man in your life is so emotionally reserved? Ever been frustrated by how unwilling he seems to be to talk about his feelings?   You try to work though an issue in your relationship, but he’s stone-faced and tight-lipped, with nothing to add to the conversation. Or worse, after holding all the feelings in for so long, he has a huge overreaction of epic proportions that leaves you both wondering, “What the hell was that?”   You’re not the only one who wishes things would change. We asked the men of our Instagram audience if they wish they could be more emotionally intelligent, and 74% said yes.   In this episode, we explain why emotional intelligence remains so elusive for men and what can be done about it. Xander shares some of the emotional skeletons in his closet, how he was able to develop a healthier relationship with his emotions, and how other men can too. If you’ve never listened to an episode of Pillow Talks together, this is the one!   Links & Resources: Pillow Talks Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable?   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode80

Need a good laugh today? Everyone knows how stressful the holiday season can be, so if you need to lighten the mood or just chase away the cold weather blues, you’re in the right place.   We crowdsourced anonymous sex confessions from our Instagram audience, and cherry-picked the very best ones to share in this revealing, hilarious, and sometimes shocking episode. Get ready for outdoor sex hijinks, dating app mishaps, on-the-job orgies, the trouble with technology, and more mayhem involving mothers than you ever wanted to know.   So throw it on while you road trip to see the fam. Let it play while prepping your pies. Just make sure no one’s asleep in the house, because the “lol” is real this time.   Links & Resources: Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? - YouTube Bisexual In A Straight Relationship - YouTube You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode79

Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics.   Initiation can be tricky because emotions can run high for both partners for very different reasons. One partner could be trying to feel connected, while the other is balancing cooking dinner, kids schedules, unreturned emails, and just not being in that headspace. Or maybe your partner waits to initiate until the 11th hour, when you’re desperate for sleep after a long day.   In this episode, we examine both sides of failed initiation attempts. We share real life examples of some traps that we’ve personally fallen into along the way. And, most importantly, we offer simple solutions for both initiator and the exasperated partner. This is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner - or to play loudly from the other room when they’re around!   Links & Resources: Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life Initiation 101 Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Better, Hotter, More Mental Load Workbook Sex Drive Types Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74

There are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition!   We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm? Have you ever asked yourself why it seems so much easier for penis owners? We cover these hot topics and more as we dish the honest-to-goodness truth about the big O, and give you resources to help on your journey. And if you stick around to the very end, you’ll even get the answer to one of our more controversial questions - “Does Vanessa have an orgasm EVERY time she has sex?”.   Links & Resources: Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business! Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Finishing School   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode77

Do you want a higher sex drive? Bet you said, “yes!” without thinking twice. 74% of our Instagram audience did. Most of us feel self-conscious about how rarely we desire sex, and believe that we’re supposed to have a stronger libido.   But if you’re really honest with yourself, do you truly want more desire? Only 8% of our Instagram audience said they’d do whatever it takes to have a higher sex drive. And we’ve found that whenever we offer sex drive resources to our community, very few people actually use them. (This episode contains a fascinating sneak peek at one of the biggest flops in our business!)   So what’s going on here? In this episode, we dive deep into the sex drive disconnect so many of us are struggling with. We’ll bust some of the biggest - and most damaging - sex drive myths, and give you the honest truth about libido. You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of what you truly want, and a clear path on how to get there.   Links & Resources: Rediscovering Desire Sex Drive Types Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Butt Stuff Better, Hotter, More Episode 73: Do You Ever Owe Sex To Your Partner Survivor’s Guide   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode76

You love your partner, for better or worse, but there’s just that THING that gets under your skin.   Maybe it’s something they say all the time, maybe it’s a bad habit that they refuse to address, or something bigger like house duties.   Whatever it is, you just can’t seem to “get over it” and you have found yourself wondering, “Am I being unreasonable?”   We reached out to our Instagram audience for their biggest pet peeves and frustrations, and damn did you guys have some good ones! In this episode, we’ll help you uncover possible missing perspectives, give advice on how to move forward, and even validate some the worries because spoiler alert: so many of these are not as unreasonable as you would think!   Links & Resources: Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of Themselves Mental Load Workbook   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode75

You come home after a long day, you see your partner, but you don’t say anything more than “hi” to each other. Something hilarious happened at lunch, but you don’t see the point in sharing it with your partner. You sit down to dinner, but have nothing to say to one another.   You find yourself thinking, “How did this happen? Is this normal? This can’t be what a relationship is supposed to be like…”   Well guess what? Not only has 90% of our Instagram audience admitted to growing apart in a relationship, but 1 in 3 of them are going through it right now.   Growing apart is so scary. You can’t understand how this happened, especially because you used to be so close. You wonder if you’ve already drifted too far to fix it. You’re afraid of the possibility of breaking up.   If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more alone with your partner than without, or if you miss them even when they are right next to you, then you HAVE to listen to this episode.   Links and Resources: Check out our 30 Day Connection Challenge at Connection Challenge Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74

Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses?   Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often.    Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the foundations of a relationship, and it’s understandable for partners to have needs. How can we honor what our partner wants, while also staying true to ourself and our boundaries?   Let us walk you through how to identify the real issue in all this gray area and some simple ways to tackle this touchy subject.   Links & Resources: Sex Drive Type Initiation 101 Secret Libido (Sex Drive) Killers Podcast Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.   Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode73