Alonement

The Alonement podcast is back! And for the first episode of this season, I’m speaking to one of the most-requested guests since the show began: Susan Cain. Susan is the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, a book which spent eight years on the New York bestseller list after its publication in 2012. The book was inspired by her former career as a Wall Street lawyer, a profession where she came face-to-face with what she identified as a Western bias towards extroversion in the workplace. In Quiet, she celebrates the traits of introverted people, including their capacity for reflection and solitude. In April 2022, Susan published Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, which is an exploration of how embracing life’s sadness, as well as its positive moments, can be the pathway to a greater appreciation of beauty and wonder.We discuss, among other things:How Susan navigates busy publicity cycles as an introvert [4:49]Free trait theory [10:03]The ‘Alone togetherness’ of spaces like Starbucks, co-working spaces & family homes [14:28]Why Susan Cain’s unpublished memoir was called ‘Freefall’  [23:21]Why the act of being creative is inherently bittersweet [25:05]The relationship between alone time, religion and spirituality [29:08]Susan’s critique of positive psychology [31:32]Why Susan is a ‘happy melancholic’ [33:15]A different look at romantic obsession – and how it can help us learn more about our deeper internal desires [34:16]Should introverts only date extroverts – and vice versa? [39:16]Cultural references from our conversation:‘Only connect’, the epigraph to EM Forster’s Howard’s EndRyan Little’s ‘Free Trait Theory’The film Splendour in the GrassThe ‘Bittersweet’ playlist created to accompany Susan’s latest bookThe discipline of positive psychology, founded by Martin SeligmanThe Myers Briggs personality testYou can purchase all of Susan Cain’s books, including Quiet and Bittersweet, on susancain.net/books.Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Their bestselling Dead Sea bath salt range is a skin hero, containing a unique blend of magnesium, calcium and potassium, which is brilliant for protecting and repairing your skin barrier and managing conditions like eczema, psoriasis, acne and sensitive skin. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.Social links: @ChezSpecter on Instagram & Twitter, while Susan is @susancain on Twitter and @susancainauthor on Instagram. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello Alonement listeners! So, a quick announcement to share that I've just launched a new project called The Shoulds. The Shoulds is an online Substack publication and community space that explores the hidden rules and stories that shape our lives. In many ways, this newsletter will be just like this podcast covering a lots of similar topics around psychology, authentic living, and relationships. But also it will be a space for us to have two-way conversations and get to know each other a little bit better. I would love to see as many of you possible over there at Substack. To follow, just type francescaspecter.substack.com into your web browser and enter your email address to receive updates directly to your inbox.You can also follow me on Twitter and on Instagram – @ChezSpecter. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This clip is taken from my guest interview with former Blue Peter presenter Konnie Huq, first released in August 2020. Konnie speaks about the sustaining power of having 'anchors' – close friends and family whom you know are at the end of the phone – and how this prevents loneliness, even when you are alone. Twitter: @ChezSpecter @Konnie_HuqInstagram: @chezspecter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Season 7 finale! How did that happen?! We are, however, going out with a bang... This week, I have the pleasure of chatting to friendship expert & psychologist Dr Marisa G. Franco, whose new book Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends combines two of the most zeitgeist-y lifestyle topics of the moment: attachment theory and the value of friendship. After interviewing Marisa, I was actually invited to provide the cover endorsement (!) for the UK edition, which I couldn’t have been more honoured to do. Here’s what I said about it: ‘Relationships take work. We’ve always accepted that romantically – but, curiously, rarely do we apply the same adage to friendship. Marisa G. Franco’s Platonic is the book that changes that. It not only champions the essentiality of friendship for a happy life and gives a generous reflection of the author’s own experience, it also gives you the toolkit for deepening existing friendships and making new ones. This is all done through the fascinating lens of attachment theory, once again something you may have applied to your romantic relationships but likely never before to your friendships. This is a timely, unique guide to approaching friendship, often the profoundest source of connection in your life, with the love (and self-reflection) it deserves.’ In this episode, recorded just before the book release, we discuss: What ‘attachment theory’ actually means, in – as Dr Marisa G Franco put it – ‘a rather big nutshell’How secure friendships underpin your ability to feel ‘safe’ when in your own companyThe value of showing vulnerability in your friendshipsThe challenges we face when making (and keeping) friends in adulthoodPractical advice to nurture healthy friendships  You can order Dr Marisa G. Franco’s book, Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends, now on Bookshop.org You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter@DrMarisaGFranco*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter@drmarisagfranco*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this clip, we hear from psychologist and Instagram sensation Dr Emma Hepburn – with one of my favourite pieces of wisdom from our original recording, released in April 2021.Emma Hepburn’s book, A Toolkit For Modern Life, discussed in this episode, is available to order now.*My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone & Absolutely Own It, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.Instagram: @chezspecter @thepsychologymumTwitter: @ChezSpecter @@EmmaNeuropsych Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week my interviewee is radio and TV presenter Nihal Arthanayake. While I’ll be asking the questions today, Nihal is most used to playing the other role, having interviewed countless household names, including Minnie Driver, Ricky Gervais & Benedict Cumberbatch on his regular BBC 5 Live show. He’s recently written a book, Let’s Talk: How To Have Better Conversations - based on what he’s learnt through his job, which we’ll be discussing as part of this episode. We discuss, among other things: How the David Lloyd became Nihal's creative haven when he was writing his bookNihal's love of long, solitary drivesThe value of taking time to do nothing'Quiet quitting'How male loneliness comes around – and why we need to talk more about itThe complicated business of male friendships You can order Nihal's latest book, Let's Talk: How to Have Better Conversations, now from Bookshop.org.  You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter@TherealNihal*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter@therealnihal*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Another week, another bitesize mini-episode from Alonement archives. This conversation with journalist and author Daisy Buchanan comes from the first season of Alonement, recorded in person at my flat in November 2019. Before pivoting towards writing books, Daisy worked as an agony aunt for Grazia magazine, answering reader questions around everything from work to relationships. We discuss the philosophy underlying all of her advice: that, actually, her role was to empower people to recognise their own capacity for self-knowledge, and to, in the least woo-woo way possible, realise that they had the answers within them. As ever, Daisy is kind, soothing and wise in this clip - I hope you enjoy listening.Twitter: @ChezSpecter @NotRollerGirl Instagram: @ChezSpecter @alonementofficial @thedaisybee Get in touch: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week I have the absolute pleasure of speaking to one of my favourite authors, Holly Bourne. After beginning her novel-writing career in the young adult genre, Holly has released three brilliant titles for adults over the past few years, which are full of wise reflections on relationships, navigating social pressure and recovering from trauma. She’s influenced, in part, by the five years she spent working as an online agony aunt for a youth charity, specialising in relationships and mental health, and her present role as the youth ambassador for Women’s Aid. Her honest, empathetic writing has made me, and so many other that I know, feel less alone – saying that, I can’t wait to see what she has to say about alone time, and what it means to her. We discuss, among other things: Why her heroines' 'happy endings' always involve them finding a greater degree of love for themselvesHow Holly learnt to enjoy taking herself out for dinnerHow female friendship can offer a 'safe space' away from the male gazeThe challenge of adjusting to a new relationship after being happily-single for a periodYou can order Holly's latest book, Girlfriends, now on Bookshop.org.You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter@hollybourne_YA*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter@hollybourneya*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Erling Kagge, one of the greatest living polar explorers – and the first in history to reach the 'three poles' – is the guest that we hear from in this week’s mini episode, taken from our longer conversation released in February 2022. Speaking to me from his home in Norway, Erling shares touchingly in this clip how the time he spent living in London in early adulthood was more lonely than the period he spent 50 days and 50 nights alone traversing the South Pole. Our conversation is a reflection on what it truly means to experience alonement; to be lonely; and everything in between.Twitter:*@ChezSpecter*Instagram:*@ChezSpecter*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this week’s episode, I interview poet, BBC radio presenter and author Salma El-Wardany. Salma’s debut novel, These Impossible Things, has been a breakout international hit. It’s a novel about three British Muslim women whose close friendship falls apart one devastating night, and covers the themes of platonic bonds, identity and growing up.  We discuss, among other things: Salma’s experience of heartbreak and rediscovering herself afterwardsHow to maintain independence in a romantic relationshipThe tension behind growing up in a community-based religion like Islam, and learning to advocate for one’s alone timeHow Salma’s mother inspired her love of alonement You can order Salma El-Wardany’'s debut novel, These Impossible Things, now from Bookshop.org.  You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip. Twitter:*  @ChezSpecter@writtenbysalma*Instagram: *@ChezSpecter@salmaelwardany*Contact: press@alonement.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.