Narcissism Recovery Podcast

Codependency is a relationship dynamics that includes people pleasing, self sacrificing, and clinging to others in an attempt to avoid inner pain and wounds left from childhood and pst relationship hurts. Codependency often team up with narcissists in a perfect dance that include the codependent continuously giving in the hopes of being loved while the emotionally unavailable narcissistic abuser continuously taking serving their entitled sense of self.

The Trauma Bond otherwise known as the Stockholm Syndrome, is when a victim is bonded to their abuser with feelings of love and desire regardless of the abuse and mistreatment. The phenomenon is found in narcissistic abuse as victims are often times unaware they are in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser. They will defend, protect, and serve their abuser who will always promise to love them back if they keep serving and doing more. Victims are usually blinded to the rue extend of the abuse because of the emotional and psychological dependency on their abusers fake love and indoctrination making it all the more difficult to escape.

How often do you feel like you are never enough, doing enough, or accomplishing enough? Everyone has been plagued by these feelings at one point in their life. Feeling worthless becomes crippling when we buy into the feeling as an indication of personal value. Often times it will dictate self image and choices as fear becomes the driving forces. Fear of being left with intolerable shame and feeling worthless. Abuse victims are ravaged with these feelings as the deep shame within has no where to go but in. It wreaks havoc on the victims sense of self confidence leading to compulsive, addictive, and even self destructive tendencies. Have a listen as I discuss how worthless wreak havoc on abuse victims as well as how to deal with the deep painful emotions.

Covert Sexual Incest is a term coined by Dr Kenneth Adams to describe the inappropriate enmeshment between a parent and child. This happens when a parent is lonely, and in a dysfunctional relationship of their own looking to the child to fill this void. The child then loses out on their youth and is forced to please the parent by becoming a surrogate spouse. The child feels special and to some degree enjoys the special treatment but in the end becomes severely impaired relationally as they come to see love as a burden. Narcissistic abuse will create similar enmeshment as the child has no ability to say no and is forced to give into the inappropriate demands of the parent. There will always be a sexual trauma that displays symptoms of sexual molestation without any physical touch.

Our beliefs systems are created in childhood as we shape a personality that is based on messages received from parents and surrounding cast. Abuse leaves victims with a core belief system that looks a whole lot like the following: “I am ugly, shameful, and therefore unworthy of love” “I am incompetent” “I am unintelligent” “I am worthless” The list goes on and on. The reason is that every act of abuse has along with it a deep hurtful message internalized by victims that says “you are being treated like this because this is who you are and what you deserve”. This belief system becomes the way a child and later adult sees themselves and eventually others in life and relationships. As you could imagine, it wreaks havoc on interpersonal relationship as it dictates the way a person will treat others and expects to be treated. With narcissistic abuse, perpetrator will look to instill these negative messages in victims to lower their sense of confidence and self worth making them more susceptible to abuse and prolonged use of narcissistic supply. What is your belief system? What negative messages internalized in childhood are dictating how you view life and therefore impacting your decision making?

Gaslighting is a control tactic done to make victims feel crazy by offering a series of lies masked as truths and forcing victims to doubt themselves and ultimately drives them crazy. Gaslighting is often used by narcissistic abusers to keep control of the relationship and cover up the truth of the relationship ship purpose which is to manipulate victims for personal gain.

It is perfectly normal to have narcissistic tendencies but those with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) have the following traits: - Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance - Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration - Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it - Exaggerate achievements and talents - Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate - Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people Healthy narcissism will always have empathy and compassion as well as the ability to set boundaries. It is not exploitive and will be devoid of pathological envy. So are you a narcissist? Probably not if you are able to self reflect and correct a problem stemming from within.

Any form of abuse will cause extreme shame in victims. Vulnerability which is synonymous with intimacy will become greatly affected. Abuse often distorts, damages, and traumatizes one’s ability to create a sexual identity making being sexual and intimate later in life very difficult. Because there may not have been sexual abuse involved it is diffuse to see how one’s sexuality is effected by abuse. With narcissistic abuse there is an extreme lack of boundaries and enmeshment which insidiously can erode a child’s ability to build a healthy sense of sexuality and a sexual identity.

I was joined by former patient Joseph who discussed his healing journey from an abusive childhood. We discussed the Mind Map and the way it helped him heal from the abandonment wound.

Emotional flashbacks are an indicator of wounds of childhood that have yet to be resolved. According to Pete Walker, an expert on Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a Disorder much like PTSD but experienced by those who are experiencing long term abuse without possibility of escape, describes that when suffering from an emotional flashback there will be great shame and depression that stems from the child not getting their needs met by an abandoning and emotionally unavailable parent or primary caregiver. When flashing back, the sufferer may feel out of control and with little context as to the cause for their feelings. It is vital that those who have suffered parental neglect and abuse work through their painful feelings by staying present in their bodies and allowing the emotions to be processed with out self abandoning and sabotaging behaviors.