Narcissism Recovery Podcast

It is not uncommon that a narcissist will also have borderline personality traits. The personality disorders of NPD and BPD exist on a continuum based on how wounded the individual is and how disconnected they have become from their true self. The Borderline Narcissist will tend to have an inner world that is mostly borderline with extreme emotional dys-regulation which is clingy and with a major fear of abandonment while having an outer shell that is narcissistic and extremely cold. Victims of this type of personality are caught trying to please their abuser and calm their emotional pain with a pervasive fear of leaving and becoming the scapegoat and being narcissistically abused.

Narcissistic abusers live in a false imaginary world that is split off from reality. The dissociated state that narcissists live in is a defense against feeling inner shame and pain which their true self is experiencing from their wounds of childhood. Narcissistic abusers pull victims into their fake world with love bombing and promises of love when in reality they are recruited to serve and be a supply for the narcissistic abuser.

According to most neurologists and psychologists, 90 to 98 percent of a persons conscious awareness is not actually inside of the individuals awareness but rather existing in the unconscious of the subconscious mind. Wounds of childhood exists in the subconscious and create a faulty subconscious programming that without identifying, dismantling and healing will create patterns that lead to destruction and possibly abuse. When looking to heal from abuse it is important o make the unconscious conscious and heal the faulty programming to create healthier relationship patterns that promote health and functional, long lasting relationship possible.

Vulnerability becomes extremely difficult for abuse victims who have learned that being so will subject them to mistreatment and exploitation. Vulnerability, however, is a prerequisite for human connection and without it can lead to isolation and extreme defenses that lead to emotional and mental dis-ease. It is imperative to heal from within the wounds of childhood and past relationships in order to heal one’s ability to be vulnerability and ultimate heal the ability to connect and be intimate.

Narcissistic abusers are notorious for boundary violating and disrespecting their partners, friends, children etc. victims may not realize they are being violated and therefore make excuses, back down, or even allow for boundary violations which slowly erode, weaken, and destroy confidence and self esteem. It is imperative to heal oneself and build a sense of healthy self so that boundary violations become more evident and better boundary are able to be set. This along with learning to say no and push back towards disrespectful people will allow for better boundaries and untimely better emotional well-being.

Narcissistic abusers are aware that they can use shame and guilt to make victims feel badly about minor actions taken that upset them. By shaming and guilting victims, they will look within to correct their behavior and thus blame and shame themselves. The narcissistic abuser will look to groom victims to become the best source of supply as victims work on themselves to please the perpetrator. Victims who already may feel shameful about themselves will get stuck in a feedback loop of self blame hoping to one day be good enough for the narcissist and stop the abusive treatment.

“It's impossible to love someone and control them at the same time" - Terry Crews. There is no better description of the lack of love that exists with narcissistic abusers then this quote. Narcissistic abuse is fake and manipulated relationship designed to keep victims serving as a source of supply. All actions taken and narcissistic abuse tactics by narcissistic abusers are done to maintain this control. Victims of narcissistic abuse will need to far the harsh shocking reality of their false relationship and heal from the very destructive nature of the narcissists control mechanisms.

Empathy is a natural and later nurtured human trait that allows one to step out of one’s shoes and feel another’s pain. It’s allows for true human connection as two people are able to bond and be vulnerable seeing and experiencing each other’s perspective. Narcissists lack this trait because of early childhood trauma. Narcissists use fake empathy which mirrors back to the victim that they are cared for and loved when in fact they are not. Fake emotions like fake empathy and love can keep victims stuck in abusive relationships often times for decades thinking they are in a safe and loving environment when in fact they are not.

The Repetition Compulsion is the phenomenon where relationship partners are chosen with specific abuse patterns that are repeating a childhood dynamics of abuse or neglect. The unconscious drive, according to Sigmund Freud, is done in order to gain mastery over one’s inner world where they once felt helpless. It is also done in an attempt to recreate an happier ending where in the past there was abuse. Needless to say, the compulsion does not lead to satisfaction and resolution and often ends the same way as it did in childhood, with disappointments and often similar abuse. It is imperative to identify the patterns of dysfunction that stem from past abuse in order to attract healthier and more sustainable relationships. By healing childhood wounds and identifying and healing dysfunctional relationship patterns, abuse victims are able to create a life with connection that is void of repeating old trauma.

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