The Great Man Within

#41: “The Definition of Hell: On your last day on earth, the person you became meets the person you could have become.” - Unknown If the next decade of your life is going to be the most meaningful, fulfilling, prosperous, adventurous, energizing, relationship-rich and purpose driven decade of your life… What experiences would you have? What skill sets would you develop? What relationships would you need to forge? What relationships would you need to end? And the big question: 
Are you on track to live that decade doing it the way you’re doing it right now? THESE ARE BIG QUESTIONS “Most people overestimate what they can do in a year, and underestimate what they can do in 10 years.” – Bill Gates These are the big questions that most people never dedicate the space or time to answer… …and so you drift off into a future of More of the Same. If you are committed to designing a future you Can’t Wait to Live Into, this is your episode. And if you haven’t listened to Episode #34: How to Design Your Future Part 1 – go back and listen to that first. In that episode, we take you into the last 10 years of your life, so you can see where you’ve been…to prime your pump for where you are going. IN THIS EPISODE: How to envision and design a future you can’t wait to live into Why you experience the “Sunday Scaries” Why Maya Angelou was right about “You cannot know where you’re going until you know where you’ve been” The paradox of how dramatically things can change in 10 years…and also how very little can change in the most important areas of your life A guided meditation for you to envision the next decade of your life

#40: Want to be a (beginner) biohacker and optimize your health and longevity? For $500, you can now: Get your genome sequenced - your personalized DNA report - for $100 Get your DNA report read by a doctor who can give you personalized nutrition, sleep and workout advice for $400 I had my DNA tested using an at-home spit sample kit provided by 23andMe. Once the report was ready, I sent the raw data to Dr. Anthony Jay – our guest from Episode #38: How to Keep Your Dick Healthy Part 2 – for a reading. In today’s episode, I share the results of that reading and the benefits I’ve already experienced from my personalized sleep, supplement and diet protocol. The 5 Practical Things a DNA Test Can Tell You Dr Jay sent me a 14 page report that broke down my genetic coding into 5 practical categories: Brain Health Diet Vitamin/Hormone/Toxins Workouts Sleep Inside of each of these categories Dr. Jay highlighted gene mutations that could indicate: Increased risk of certain diseases (colon cancer, Alzheimer’s, Diabetes) Increased risk of certain ailments (arthritis, anxiety) Sensitivity to certain foods Trouble with my body repairing itself during sleep So, instead of following generalized advice, Dr. Jay gave me personalized advice based on my genetic makeup. Within the first 14 days of implementing my personalized protocol, I’ve already seen my deep sleep spike by 33% over its average from the past year (I track sleep using the Oura Ring, considered by the US military to be the world’s most accurate sleep wearable). In this episode: The 3 major DNA testing companies where you can get your DNA run for $100 Ignorance is bliss? Why doing a DNA test may effect your ability to get Life Insurance or Long Term Care The 5 practical categories where you can upgrade your health The most trusted device you can buy to track your health progress Why intermittent fasting, for some people, helps optimize brain functionality Why sauna, 3 days a week at 180 degrees F can help rebalance your hormone system Dominick shares the results from his consultation with Dr. Jay, and the new protocol he’s on

#39: “A Man Amongst Men creates environments where he and others can thrive.” This is one of the most actionable – and important – podcasts we’ve recorded to date. We’ve got 5 challenging practices that you must use to cultivate your mental and emotional toughness. Download the 5 Practices PDF at http://www.DoInnerWork.com/5practices By mental and emotional toughness we mean: Your ability to avoid collapsing (distracting, numbing, medicating, rationalizing, withdrawing) when things get tough Your ability to maintain your power in the worst of moments Your ability to be handle adversity with such integrity that you become a more trustable man to the people who depend on you Navy SEALS go through Hell Week so that no matter what they face on the battleground, they’re ready for it because of the training they’ve endured. Every minute of your existence is a potential training ground for improvement. It’s time to treat it as such. Download the 5 Practices PDF at http://www.DoInnerWork.com/5practices

#38: Did you know the average middle aged man today has half the testosterone that the same aged man in the 1940s had? There may be a #1 culprit for this: Estrogenics. In addition to causing man-boobs and wilting your erections… …this dastardly villain is also responsible for: Fat Gains Depression Hormonal Disruption Immune Dysfunction Blood Clotting Cancer Infertility Holy Hell. WTF Are Estrogenics? Estrogenics are external estrogen sources that - once consumed, applied to our skins, or inhaled – can throw our hormones way out of whack. According to Dr. Anthony Jay, author of Estrogeneration: How Estrogenics are Making You Fat, Sick and Infertile, and today’s guest, we as a society are swimming in external estrogen sources. They can be found in our foods, cleaning products, plastics and sunscreens…just to name a few. The long-term effects of swimming in a sea of estrogenics: obesity, sickness and declining dick health. In this Episode Dr. Jay’s top 10 list of Estrogenic Sources to Avoid The two foods every man should avoid (soy is one, but the other is 3 times as loaded with estrogenics) Why you should throw out all of your sunscreens and use 3 alternatives The troubling trend of testosterone decline at the same time as obesity incline Why you should get your testosterone checked annually Why you should not rely on America’s FDA standards and take command of your own purchasing decisions Resources: Dr. Jay’s Book on Amazon: Estrogeneration Dr. Jay’s YouTube Channel: Chagrin & Tonic Dr. Jay’s DNA Consulting: DNA Consulting Products that Dr. Jay Uses: “What I Use” Estrogenic Avoidance Plans: Click Here The Top 10 List of Daily Estrogenics: Click Here

#37: If you’re looking for wisdom or clarity on any of life’s mysteries, this is not your episode. But if you’re down for getting to know me and Bryan a little better, here’s your chance. We decided to open up our kimonos with a series of 20 cheeky and provocative questions. Here’s a flavor for some of them: My first sexual experience included… A failure I still haven’t gotten over is… My secret male grooming habit is… The longest I’ve gone without showering is… The woman who’s had the biggest influence on me not named Mom/Sister… If you’d like to download this list of 20 questions for yourself, go for it: https://www.doinnerwork.com/20questions

#36: Nir Eyal is the author of the Wall Street Journal bestseller Hooked: How to Build Habit Forming Technology…which is found on the bookshelves of tech leaders at Facebook, Google, PayPal and Slack. The MIT Review called him the Prophet of Habit Forming Tech. Nir runs a popular productivity blog at www.NirAndFar.com, has successfully built and sold two businesses and was also a teacher at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business. His life’s work sits at the intersection of psychology, technology and business. I interviewed Nir about his brand new book Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life which has a front cover endorsement from Mark Manson, he of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck fame. If Nir’s first book Hooked was a roadmap for Silicon Valley companies to build habit forming technologies… …Indistractable is a roadmap for us consumers to take back command of our attention and focus from said habit forming technologies. I had a chance to visit Nir’s apartment in Manhattan, which is a stunning duplex, by the way, and we conducted the interview in what he calls his “moon room.” On the walls are a dozen or so framed photos of the moon taken from the 1970s. He has them on the wall for inspiration – this is the room where dreams up “moonshots,” the big hairy audacious ideas. I loved the intentionality he designed into his environment. As you’ll hear in the podcast and find out if you pick up the book, Nir is incredibly well researched and relies heavily on science and systems. Systems, he’ll tell you, are what saves him from being downright lazy and obese. I was shocked to learn that the lean man sitting in front of me was once clinically obese…so clearly his systems are working for him. And yet, at times I found myself wondering if there wasn’t a certain rigidity to his weighting of left-brained, systematic, everything must rely on science way of thinking. For example, Nir will tell you that he time blocks every single minute of his days. 
He’s one of the few people I’ve interviewed who regularly practiced meditation who said it just didn’t work for him…which you’ll hear about in this episode. So it’ll be up for you to decide how far you choose to take the 4 step protocol he outlines for how to live a life Indistractable. Nir’s Resources: Schedule Maker: https://nirandfar.com/schedule-maker Distraction Guide: https://www.nirandfar.com/distractions Blog: NirAndFar.com Book #1: Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products Book #2: Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life

#35: Today’s episode is specifically for the fathers out there.* *with a nod to you mothers who have a man you care about. Even though Bryan and I are not Dads ourselves, we are starting to make more Dad jokes, so we feel we can relate. Plus, many of you listeners and readers are Dads, and we want to support you the best way we know how: by giving you access to the experts. The 5 Life Skills a Good Dad Needs to Master Larry Hagner runs TheGoodDadProject: Dads with Purpose, On Purpose In our podcast, he dives deep into the 5 domains a good dad needs to master: Finances Health: Physical/Mental/Emotional/Spiritual Building a Legendary Marriage/Partnership Forging an Epic Connection with Your Kids Refining Your Leadership in Your Business In each of this sections, Larry digs into the real stuff, including: Lukewarm Sex Life to Hot: How he and his wife of 16 years turned an underwhelming love life into one that fires hot (and regularly) Controversial Parenting: The right-of-passage story that Larry calls the “most extreme thing I’ve ever done with my son” Love Languages…For Kids: Why you should not only know your wife’s Love Language, but your kids’ as well Who Is Larry Hagner and The Good Dad Project? 
A devoted husband of 16 years and loving father of 4 boys under the age of 13… …Larry is a humble, self-proclaimed non-expert of husbandry/parenting who has managed to reach over a million people with his work with fathers. His podcast – The Dad Edge – has over 1 million downloads. Must listen episodes: Jocko Willink (the legendary Navy SEAL) Cal Newport author of NY Times Best Seller Digital Minimalism Dominick Quartuccio (maybe you’ve heard of him…) His Facebook Group has over 12,000 members. He’s built a thriving mastermind of over 300 fathers (the Dad Edge Alliance) who are doing regular inner work through a paid membership. Larry has over 5,000 hours of leading and coaching fathers. Larry’s Free Resources The Quick Guide to Improving the Connection with Your Kids (Free Download) 9 Simple Ways To Have: Unlimited Patience, Deeper Connections and Relationships, and Creating a Positive Lasting Memories (Free Download) The Quick Guide to Improving Intimacy with Your Spouse (Free Download)  

#34: If the next decade of your life was going to be the most fulfilling, meaningful, prosperous, adventurous, purpose-driven decade of your life…   …what would it look like? …what skills would you need to acquire? …what habits would you need to break? …which relationships would you need to end? …which new relationships would you need to forge?   And the big one:   If you keep on living the way you’ve been living… …will you be designing a future you can't wait to live into? ...or will you drift into a future of more of the same?    The FIRST HALF of this episode: Why you need to design a DECADE, not just the year ahead Why we overestimate what we can get done in 1 year, and underestimate what can get done in 10 years Revisiting DRIFT and how it’s gravitational pull will prevent you from living a future of your own design THE SECOND HALF of this episode: Dominick leads you through a guided meditation to inspect the last 10 years of your life. This is your exercise to deeply inspect where you’ve been, how much has changed, and how little has changed, is your starting place for dreaming big for the 10 years in front of you.

#33: Generally speaking, men love fixing problems. When a woman comes to you with what sounds like a problem, it can be difficult to know: a) Is she asking me to help solve it? b) Is she asking me to listen? Bryan and I have coached frustrated and exasperated men who have gone into “fix it mode” and been on the receiving end of these all-time classics: “You’re not hearing me.” “I just want you to listen.” “Why are you always telling me what to do??” Our special guest today, Blaire Lindsay, a mentor and intimacy coach to women gives one simple way of clearing it all up. THE ONE QUESTION THAT’LL HEAD OFF HOURS OF CONFUSION AND CONFLICT AT THE PASS For situations when Blaire is bringing something of importance or emotionally charged to husband Chris, they’ve instituted a single, simple question that she refers to as a “lift raft.” Chris will ask: “Do you need empathy, or strategy right now?”   Boom. The elegant simplicity of this question does a few things: Chris now knows whether Blaire needs him to listen, needs him to help fix, or both This question also causes Blaire to pause and get clear on what she truly wants and needs from Chris Chris demonstrates his ability to guide and provide a gentle structure for Blaire, which deepens her trust and feelings of safety. Fellas, try this out and let us know how it’s working. ALSO IN THIS EPISODE Blaire Lindsay primarily coaches two types of women: The “always doing” woman whose heading towards burnout (or already there) The woman who doesn’t have direction and is frozen, stuck Fellas, if either of these sounds like an important woman in your life, this episode has some serious insights for you: How to cultivate DEEP LISTENING that women crave from men Understanding a woman’s AROUSAL TRAJECTORY, how it’s different than ours, and how to learn to dance with your partner’s unique style Blaire answers “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WIFE AFTER GIVING BIRTH?” Many new fathers want to know what happened to his partner’s sex drive and why her focus on him dwindles…and what to do about it. How to express desire to a woman in a NON-NEEDY, non-entitled way…that’ll magnetize her towards you. Ideas to float to your partner to allow her to increase her relationship with PLEASURE (in case this isn’t obvious for you: the more your partner can find pleasure for herself, the more pleasure will roll off to you) Blaire’s Website: https://blaire-lindsay.com Blaire’s Instagram: @BlaireLindsay Blaire’s e-Book: Essential Orgasm

#32: This powerful emotion: ANGER.  Let’s start in the most responsible place: The man who is controlled by his anger… who is cynical, judgmental and cuts down others… who explodes on everything around him… who leaves destruction in his wake… …he is a threat to society. That is not the man we’re talking about. There’s another type of man who’s dysfunctional relationship with anger becomes a threat to himself: The man who thinks he has no anger at all. Anger is one of the most powerful and potent sources of energy creation in a man’s life. 3 REASONS WHY MEN AVOID ANGER Do any of these sound like beliefs of yours? “I don’t have anger/I’m all good/why is this relevant?” “Anger is a weakness, and it should be avoided.” “I’m ashamed of what I’ve done/said when I’ve been angry in the past.” This episode is for you. 7 WAYS OF THE SOFT MAN Too many men don’t tap anger, deny they have anger, think that having anger is wrong…and over time they end up soft. Heavily conflict avoidant; uses “I don’t let it get to me” as a wall for having to fully feel the uncomfortable emotion Unwillingness to establish, preserve and fight for personal boundaries Absence of killer instinct that others can depend on during tough times Growing sense of tiredness and lethargy from swallowing a lifetime of shit sandwiches Bypassing feelings of anger to race towards the “virtue of compassion” Playing small, conservative games in work, relationships and life Smiles on the outside, growing resentment, cynicism and helplessness on the inside IF YOU GET ANGER RIGHT: THE BENEFITS Learning how to allow, experience and harness anger leads to these benefits: Power and control (vital life force) Trust from those you lead, as well as the women in your life Sexual polarity and magnetism with your feminine partner Unleashed creativity and genuine self-expression Confidence to step towards bigger, bolder situations 
 TOO MANY MEN IN THE ANGER EXTREMES When it comes to anger, I see too many men operating at the extremes: 1. SOFT EXTREME: Denies and suppresses anger because “anger is bad” Tells himself and others that he doesn’t have anger He avoids confrontation and allows his boundaries to be infringed upon Tells himself he’s “above it,” which is really a defense mechanism for avoiding the discomfort of confrontation His softness erodes trust from the people he leads and the women in his life 2. SCARY EXTREME: Allows anger to control him… Knee jerk explosiveness OR Eats shit sandwiches until he hits his tipping point and erupts Says and does things he regrets His anger infects everyone around him, leaving a heavy, dark cloud in the environments in which he operates SEXY ANGER VS. UNSEXY ANGER: WHAT WOMEN ARE SAYING Here are real quotes from the women in our community who weighed in on the question: “When is anger unsexy…and when is it sexy?” UNSEXY ANGER: “Anger that is meant to hurt or be destructive is not sexy. Being angry and letting that feeling bleed on everyone around you, being out of control, not sexy.” - Lindsey J SEXY ANGER: “Anger can be very sexy! It gets a bum rap and labeled as a “negative emotion” but I posit that it is an amazingly generative and creative and passionate emotion when felt, allowed, safely experienced and consciously expressed.  For my man, and for men in general, the ferocity and passion of anger can be so very sexy and direct and decisive and powerful. It simply means a boundary has been crossed and that is unacceptable to me. How you choose to express is depends on your level of inner work, resilience, awareness, and willingness to feel!!!”  - Talitha S THREE WAYS ANGER COMES OUT What I learned from The ManKind Project retreat was that anger, no matter how good we think we are at controlling, always comes out in one of these three directions: At the source: Via harnessed emotion (constructive and resourceful) or unhinged emotion (fits of blind rage) Sideways: Via sarcasm, passive aggressiveness, chronic cynicism Turned Inward: Via negative self talk (ie “how the hell could you do that/let that happen?”) IN THIS EPISODE Dominick’s journey from 35 years of anger denial to harnessing anger, unleashing the most powerful 5 years of his life The 3 ways anger comes out The 3 ways men deny anger The consequences of a life lived denying anger SEXY ANGER vs UNSEXY ANGER: Women weigh in 7 thought provoking quotes about anger from the world’s greatest writers and leaders (Aristotle, Malcolm X, Maya Angelou, Mark Twain) Practices to allow anger, harness it and express it in a powerful, healthy way