What is the impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships? Tanner discusses the profound impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships, particularly emphasizing the need to regulate one's nervous system to avoid perpetuating trauma. She refers to Pete Walker's book, which outlines how trauma history can dictate survival strategies and defensive styles, such as Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn, ultimately affecting relationship dynamics and well-being. Tanner stresses the significance of self-awareness and coping mechanisms to escape dysfunctional attachment, advocating for practices that increase emotional tolerance and facilitate mindful responses. She highlights the importance of acknowledging and processing emotions physically within the body, which can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional regulation. Journaling is recommended as a powerful tool for exploring emotional responses, fostering emotional healing, and expanding one's tolerance for intense emotions, especially for those with a traumatic past. Key TakeAways - Childhood trauma can significantly impact adult relationships and development, shaping coping mechanisms and responses to stress. - Survival strategies and defensive styles develop over time based on trauma experiences, leading to maladaptive responses. - Being aware of emotional state and learning to feel strong emotions without becoming overwhelmed is crucial for emotional healing. - Witnessing emotions in the body helps in understanding and addressing negative feelings such as sadness, anger, and fear. - Journaling emotions is a foundational skill for individuals with a history of childhood trauma to expand their window of tolerance and handle intense emotions. Actionable Insights - Regulate your nervous system to prevent perpetuating trauma in relationships - Increase your window of tolerance and practice emotional awareness to navigate intense emotions in relationships - Recognize and address defensive styles developed from childhood trauma to break maladaptive responses in relationships - Create a space between triggers and reactions to choose more mindful responses in relationships - Journal emotions to cultivate awareness, understand physical sensations, and build skills for emotional healing 00:08:17 - Trauma's Impact on Relationships Tanner talks about how childhood trauma can significantly affect adult relationships, emphasizing the importance of regulating one's nervous system to prevent perpetuating trauma. She references Pete Walker's book, which explores how trauma history can shape survival strategies and defensive styles, impacting interactions in relationships. Tanner emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and coping mechanisms to break the cycle of dysfunctional attachment and dysregulation, particularly in parenting. By increasing one's window of tolerance and practicing emotional awareness, individuals can navigate intense emotions and make productive decisions in relationships.   00:10:53 - Defensive Styles Survival strategies and defensive styles develop over time based on trauma experiences, leading to maladaptive responses. Childhood trauma can significantly impact adult relationships and development, shaping coping mechanisms and responses to stress. Pete Walker's book delves into the four basic survival strategies and defensive styles that individuals may adopt in response to trauma, such as Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. These styles can become ingrained as part of one's personality, impacting relationships and overall well-being. It is important to recognize these defensive styles and implement tools to regulate emotions and break the cycle of maladaptive responses.   00:15:06 - Emotional Responses Lasting 90 Seconds Tanner explains that initial emotional responses typically last around 90 seconds, but can be prolonged by rumination or adding secondary stories. She emphasizes the importance of being aware of one's emotional state and learning to feel strong emotions without becoming overwhelmed. By creating a space between a trigger and a reaction, individuals can choose a more mindful response, breaking habitual patterns. Tanner suggests journaling to explore physical sensations of emotions and any attached stories, as a way to cultivate awareness and build skills for emotional healing.   00:22:15 - Witnessing Emotions in the Body Witnessing emotions in the body is crucial for understanding and addressing negative feelings such as sadness, anger, and fear. These emotions manifest physically in the body, with sadness feeling heavy, anger igniting in the belly and rising up through the throat, and fear often causing butterflies in the chest or belly. By being present with these emotions without trying to fix them, individuals can identify patterns and connections, leading to greater self-awareness and emotional regulation. These insights emphasize the importance of recognizing and processing emotions in the body to navigate challenging experiences and foster personal growth.   00:33:09 - Journaling Emotions Tanner emphasizes the importance of journaling emotions by writing down physical sensations, spin-off responses, and stories about emotional responses observed in the body as foundational skills for transformation. These practices are crucial for individuals with a history of childhood trauma, as they help in expanding one's window of tolerance to handle intense emotions. By being present with the body and understanding emotional responses, individuals can gain clarity on how to respond productively in challenging moments. Tanner emphasizes that while journaling emotions is not a standalone solution for transformation, it serves as a fundamental skill that can pave the way for healing and growth.

Why is shedding limiting beliefs crucial for personal growth within partnerships? Tanner discusses strategies to enhance marriages and life partnerships by encouraging individuals to discard limiting beliefs, fostering personal growth, and improving communication. Dr. Tanner Wallace highlights the importance of gaining clarity and making wise decisions, particularly for high-achieving women, in navigating cooperative partnerships. By focusing on personal accountability and understanding interaction dynamics, individuals can transform their relationships, positively influencing marital satisfaction. Engaging in self-discovery through reflection on past activities can help individuals align actions with personal values, leading to better decision-making and enhanced well-being. Tanner also stresses the significance of forming a supportive "Safe Peeps Committee" and setting clear boundaries to ensure emotional safety and break free from dysfunctional relationship patterns. The "CK Marriage Methodology" is an innovative approach designed to strengthen marital and life partnerships by encouraging individuals to transcend limiting beliefs and enhance personal growth and communication skills. According to Dr. Tanner Wallace, the methodology is particularly valuable for high-achieving women, as it emphasizes the importance of gaining clarity and making wise decisions to foster cooperative and satisfying partnerships. Tanner's perspective is shaped by her belief in personal accountability and interaction dynamics, advocating for self-discovery and reflection to align actions with personal values.  Quotes (00:01:14) "What I want for each one of you is that you create new pathways, new spaces, new perspectives, new insights that will allow you to discard the limiting beliefs that are hanging over you like a negative storm cloud." - Tanner   (00:08:29) "Researchers say that you have bad data that goes into your model. The findings are going to be inaccurate or invalid. It's the same with interactions." - Tanner   (00:17:33) "You may not have a fully developed self concept, and you may not have a self image that reflects reality. You may not have a self worth that places enough value on you as a human. And you might have this idealized sense of self that leaves you always feeling like you're falling short."  - Tanner   (00:24:13) "People who use their strengths more often on more days are 18 times more likely to be flourishing than those who are not using their strengths." - Tanner   (00:26:28) "After you've done both the Values in Action survey, you can look back over the last four weeks of your calendar and the question I would have for you is what proportion of activities or events were aligned with your strengths or enjoyments? And over time, start saying yes to things that align and no to things that don't." - Tanner   (00:36:33) "I had developed such a narrative that I was not good at relationships because it was what I had heard so clearly in my childhood and adolescence that that narrative was just driven into my head." - Tanner   (00:40:32) "You are worthy of love and attention. You are worthy of having your needs taken seriously, and being met, and you deserve a partner who can create a shared life of health and well-being." - Tanner Key TakeAways - Efforts made to improve marriages and life partnerships are acknowledged, emphasizing the loyalty and dedication of individuals. - New pathways and perspectives are emphasized to discard limiting beliefs hindering personal growth within partnerships. - Clear communication and understanding the interaction effect in relationships are key to improving marital satisfaction. - Self-awareness through self-discovery helps individuals align with personal preferences, values, and strengths. - Forming a Safe Peeps Committee is highlighted as essential for validation, support, and emotional safety in relationships. - Setting boundaries, confidently expressing needs, shedding limiting beliefs, and valuing oneself are emphasized for building healthy relationships. Actionable Insights - Create new pathways and perspectives to discard limiting beliefs in partnerships - Gain clarity and make wise decisions in relationships by assessing needs and communicating effectively - Focus on personal progress and clear communication to improve marital satisfaction - Reflect on past activities to identify personal likes and dislikes for self-discovery - Form a Safe Peeps Committee with trusted individuals to establish healthy relationships - Set boundaries and confidently express needs in relationships to prioritize building healthy relationships 00:00:44 - Transformation Journey Effort Tanner discusses the efforts made to improve marriages and life partnerships, acknowledging the loyalty and dedication of individuals in trying to keep their relationships intact. She emphasizes creating new pathways and perspectives to discard limiting beliefs that may hinder personal growth within a partnership. Through the journey, Tanner aims to help individuals gain clarity, make wise decisions, and build a fulfilling life while addressing the challenges high-achieving women face in cooperative partnerships. By focusing on personal progress, clear communication, and understanding the interaction effect in relationships, the transformation journey aims to shift dynamics and improve marital satisfaction.   00:07:18 - Clarity and Wise Decisions Dr. Tanner Wallace emphasizes gaining clarity and making wise decisions in relationships, encouraging individuals to assess their needs and communicate effectively with their partners. By acknowledging the challenges high-achieving individuals face in partnerships and providing tools for personal growth, he aims to help participants navigate their relationships with purpose. Through reflection, data gathering, and resource research, individuals are guided towards eliminating destructive stress and toxic patterns to build healthier relationships. By focusing on personal accountability and understanding interaction dynamics, participants are empowered to take proactive steps towards improving their relationships.   00:12:32 - Marriage Satisfaction Marriage satisfaction is influenced by an interaction effect between two individuals. Beliefs about marriage can impact satisfaction levels, with achieving affirmation and belonging through connection and intimacy leading to a more fulfilling partnership. It is important for each individual to take responsibility for their actions in the relationship, as waiting for the partner to change or placing blame does not contribute to a healthy dynamic. By focusing on self-improvement and effective communication of needs, individuals can positively influence the interaction effect in their marriage and work towards a more satisfying relationship.   00:25:04 - Self-Discovery Through Activities Engaging in significant, sustained activities can lead to self-discovery by identifying personal likes and dislikes. By reflecting on past activities and evaluating what was enjoyed and disliked, individuals can uncover patterns that align with their values and strengths. This self-awareness can guide decision-making in daily life, leading to a greater alignment with personal preferences and strengths. Through this process of self-exploration, individuals can develop a clearer understanding of their ideal self and make choices that enhance their self-worth and overall well-being.   00:32:05 - Creating a Safe Peeps Committee Tanner emphasizes the significance of forming a Safe Peeps Committee, a group of trusted individuals who offer validation, support, and emotional safety. These individuals support you in facing challenges, ask open-ended questions, and do not prioritize their needs over yours. Surrounding yourself with safe and trustworthy individuals helps establish a healthy model for relationships and break free from dysfunctional patterns. It is advised to limit interaction with emotionally unsafe individuals, even if they are family members, to prioritize emotional and psychological well-being.   00:38:05 - Setting Boundaries Tanner talks about the importance of setting boundaries and confidently expressing needs in relationships. He shares how his struggles with this led to dysfunctional communication patterns. Tanner emphasizes the need to shed limiting beliefs, communicate effectively, and prioritize building healthy relationships by valuing oneself and one's needs.    

Eliminating Stress and Toxic Patterns in Marriages: A Personalized Approach In this first episode of Season 2, Tanner provides tailored support for high-achieving women, helping them bridge the gap between professional success and personal fulfillment through a unique transformation journey. This journey includes building a supportive community where women can share experiences and gain clarity and wisdom in their relationships. Dr. Tanner Wallace's 19-week "Marriage is Hard" podcast series aims to empower women by providing educational insights and encouraging personal growth, leveraging past challenges as sources of motivation. This 19-week program focuses on eliminating stress and toxic patterns in marriages, offering customized learning activities for personal relationship enhancement.  Tanner emphasizes the importance of creating "love houses"—safe, fulfilling spaces within marriages—and encourage self-reflection and intentional growth for high-achieving women seeking healthier partnerships. In today's fast-paced world, high-achieving women often find themselves excelling in their careers and personal pursuits, yet they may encounter challenges in achieving fulfillment within their intimate relationships. Tanner offers a unique perspective on this by providing tailored support that bridges the often-encountered gap between professional success and personal contentment. Her insights are shaped by the understanding that these women, despite their numerous accomplishments like choosing their partners, earning advanced degrees, and building successful careers, can still struggle in their personal lives. Tanner emphasizes that their high level of competence in professional settings should be mirrored in their personal relationships, and she aims to guide them through a transformation journey that harnesses past challenges as sources of motivation. By building a community of empowered women who embrace connection and intentional growth, Tanner hopes to foster environments where strong, loving relationships can thrive. 00:00:01 - High Achieving Women Support Tanner highlights the exclusive support tailored for high achieving women, acknowledging their professional competence but recognizing the personal struggles they may face. The transformation journey she offers is a gifted and talented version of marriage support designed to bridge the gap between professional success and personal fulfillment. Through her understanding of the unique challenges high achieving women encounter, Tanner aims to guide them in building strong foundations personally while excelling professionally. By prioritizing high-level coaching and encouraging commitment to the journey, Tanner empowers these women to overcome past failures and struggles, using them as a source of wisdom and motivation for transformative growth.   00:00:45 - High Achieving Women Community Tanner aims to build a community of empowered, high-achieving women who support each other through a transformation journey. Tanner emphasizes the importance of creating a Love House filled with love, connection, and belonging, highlighting the significance of well-being in one's primary partnership. This exclusive journey for high-achieving women focuses on moving from confusion to clarity, guided by Tanner's personalized approach tailored to individuals who excel professionally but struggle personally. Through relationship coaching, Tanner aims to help women achieve their desired love house life by leveraging past failures as a source of wisdom and motivation.   00:03:10 - Educational Series on Marriage Dr. Tanner Wallace has launched the Marriage is Hard podcast platform as a 19-week educational series for high achieving women looking to improve their marriages. By sharing her personal experiences and educational background, Dr. Wallace aims to help women overcome relationship challenges and build fulfilling relationships. She encourages listeners to join the Instagram community @cptsdmedicine, follow the content, and subscribe to the podcast for weekly transformational episodes. Dr. Wallace's dedication to empowering women to prioritize their well-being and relationships highlights the importance of creating a supportive network to navigate the complexities of marriage.   00:15:52 - Transformation Journey Tanner introduces a 19-week Transformation Journey program focused on eliminating the root causes of destructive stress and toxic fight patterns within marriages. The program offers scaffolded learning activities to provide participants with a customized knowledge base for daily application. Participants gain clarity and wisdom about their relationships, aiming to make informed decisions and improve their marriages. The program targets high-achieving individuals looking to transform their personal lives and create healthier partnerships.   00:22:27 - Intimate Relationship Coaching Tanner highlights the importance of intimate relationship coaching for high achieving women, emphasizing the need to build Love Houses and connection in their marriages. She acknowledges the hard work these women have put in various aspects of their lives but points out that their intimate relationships may be the one area they struggle with. Tanner offers a transformation journey tailored specifically for high achieving women, providing them with the tools and support needed to navigate their relationships successfully. By committing to the 19-week journey, these women can gain clarity, wisdom, and ultimately, create the love-filled connections they desire.   00:40:01 - Preparation for Transformation Journey Tanner emphasizes the importance of preparations and slowing down to create space and time for embracing the transformation journey. In episode two of the podcast, Tanner encourages listeners to engage in self-reflection and journaling. Listeners are instructed to document their journey through colors and selfies, while also starting a journal to explore confusion within their marriages. By providing prompts and guidance, Tanner sets the stage for a transformative experience, highlighting the value of introspection and personal growth in building fulfilling relationships and well-being. Participants are urged to invest in themselves and their journey towards clarity and wisdom in their marriages.   Actionable Take Aways: Prioritize high-level coaching for personal and professional growth - Encourage commitment to the transformation journey - Leverage past failures as a source of wisdom and motivation - Create a supportive network to navigate the complexities of marriage - Engage in self-reflection and journaling for personal growth - Invest in the journey towards clarity and wisdom in relationships