What is the impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships?

Tanner discusses the profound impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships, particularly emphasizing the need to regulate one's nervous system to avoid perpetuating trauma. She refers to Pete Walker's book, which outlines how trauma history can dictate survival strategies and defensive styles, such as Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn, ultimately affecting relationship dynamics and well-being. Tanner stresses the significance of self-awareness and coping mechanisms to escape dysfunctional attachment, advocating for practices that increase emotional tolerance and facilitate mindful responses. She highlights the importance of acknowledging and processing emotions physically within the body, which can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional regulation. Journaling is recommended as a powerful tool for exploring emotional responses, fostering emotional healing, and expanding one's tolerance for intense emotions, especially for those with a traumatic past.

Key TakeAways

- Childhood trauma can significantly impact adult relationships and development, shaping coping mechanisms and responses to stress.

- Survival strategies and defensive styles develop over time based on trauma experiences, leading to maladaptive responses.

- Being aware of emotional state and learning to feel strong emotions without becoming overwhelmed is crucial for emotional healing.

- Witnessing emotions in the body helps in understanding and addressing negative feelings such as sadness, anger, and fear.

- Journaling emotions is a foundational skill for individuals with a history of childhood trauma to expand their window of tolerance and handle intense emotions.

Actionable Insights

- Regulate your nervous system to prevent perpetuating trauma in relationships

- Increase your window of tolerance and practice emotional awareness to navigate intense emotions in relationships

- Recognize and address defensive styles developed from childhood trauma to break maladaptive responses in relationships

- Create a space between triggers and reactions to choose more mindful responses in relationships

- Journal emotions to cultivate awareness, understand physical sensations, and build skills for emotional healing

00:08:17 - Trauma's Impact on Relationships

Tanner talks about how childhood trauma can significantly affect adult relationships, emphasizing the importance of regulating one's nervous system to prevent perpetuating trauma. She references Pete Walker's book, which explores how trauma history can shape survival strategies and defensive styles, impacting interactions in relationships. Tanner emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and coping mechanisms to break the cycle of dysfunctional attachment and dysregulation, particularly in parenting. By increasing one's window of tolerance and practicing emotional awareness, individuals can navigate intense emotions and make productive decisions in relationships.

00:10:53 - Defensive Styles

Survival strategies and defensive styles develop over time based on trauma experiences, leading to maladaptive responses. Childhood trauma can significantly impact adult relationships and development, shaping coping mechanisms and responses to stress. Pete Walker's book delves into the four basic survival strategies and defensive styles that individuals may adopt in response to trauma, such as Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. These styles can become ingrained as part of one's personality, impacting relationships and overall well-being. It is important to recognize these defensive styles and implement tools to regulate emotions and break the cycle of maladaptive responses.

00:15:06 - Emotional Responses Lasting 90 Seconds

Tanner explains that initial emotional responses typically last around 90 seconds, but can be prolonged by rumination or adding secondary stories. She emphasizes the importance of being aware of one's emotional state and learning to feel strong emotions without becoming overwhelmed. By creating a space between a trigger and a reaction, individuals can choose a more mindful response, breaking habitual patterns. Tanner suggests journaling to explore physical sensations of emotions and any attached stories, as a way to cultivate awareness and build skills for emotional healing.

00:22:15 - Witnessing Emotions in the Body

Witnessing emotions in the body is crucial for understanding and addressing negative feelings such as sadness, anger, and fear. These emotions manifest physically in the body, with sadness feeling heavy, anger igniting in the belly and rising up through the throat, and fear often causing butterflies in the chest or belly. By being present with these emotions without trying to fix them, individuals can identify patterns and connections, leading to greater self-awareness and emotional regulation. These insights emphasize the importance of recognizing and processing emotions in the body to navigate challenging experiences and foster personal growth.

00:33:09 - Journaling Emotions

Tanner emphasizes the importance of journaling emotions by writing down physical sensations, spin-off responses, and stories about emotional responses observed in the body as foundational skills for transformation. These practices are crucial for individuals with a history of childhood trauma, as they help in expanding one's window of tolerance to handle intense emotions. By being present with the body and understanding emotional responses, individuals can gain clarity on how to respond productively in challenging moments. Tanner emphasizes that while journaling emotions is not a standalone solution for transformation, it serves as a fundamental skill that can pave the way for healing and growth.