The Self-Driven Child

In this follow-up episode, I continue my conversation with Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson, authors of The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. We dive deeper into the strategies parents and educators can use to support kids who feel stuck in “passenger mode.” From fostering autonomy to the importance of relational health, Rebecca and Jenny share actionable insights grounded in science and their own life experiences.We also explore what it takes to help kids move from disengagement to becoming true “explorers,” igniting curiosity and confidence. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or simply passionate about education, this episode offers powerful takeaways on how to redefine achievement, support mental health, and create environments where kids can thrive. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Kicking off Part 2: How nagging impacts kids’ learning and why relational health matters. [2:29] - Tips for parents to help kids stuck in “passenger mode.” [5:09] - The importance of pursuing interests—even if it’s crocheting or skateboarding. [7:50] - A pottery class transforms one student’s approach to learning and growth. [13:05] - The role of relational health in building resilience and curiosity. [17:37] - Technology, sleep, and setting boundaries at home. [21:23] - How curiosity can help kids engage deeply in school and beyond. [30:58] - Easy, practical strategies for teachers to support autonomy and agency in classrooms. [34:08] - Final reflections on creating an environment where kids can learn, feel, and live better. Links & Resources:Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live BetterIf this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Are you worried about how engaged your child is in school and their learning? You’re not alone. In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with two powerhouse guests—Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson—authors of the book The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. Together, we dive into the alarming trends of disengagement among kids as they transition from tots to teens and why so many high schoolers feel disconnected from their education.Rebecca and Jenny share their personal experiences, surprising research findings, and practical strategies that empower kids to take charge of their learning. We discuss the crucial role of agency in fostering curiosity and resilience, why high achievement doesn’t have to come at the expense of mental health, and how even "problem kids" can thrive when they find their spark. This is Part 1 of our conversation, and you won’t want to miss it. Episode Highlights:[0:50] - Introduction: Why teen disengagement should concern us all.[2:00] - Meet Rebecca and Jenny: Their unique journeys into education and child development.[10:13] - The shocking statistics on student engagement: Why it plummets after third grade.[18:24] - Agency and engagement: The secret sauce for learning success.[21:23] - Four modes of student engagement: Passenger, achiever, resistor, and explorer.[28:11] - The neuroscience of nagging: Why it shuts down problem-solving in teens.[32:31] - The primal need for respect: How it shapes teen development and parent relationships. Links & Resources:Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live BetterIf this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Ready to ignite your child’s wanderlust? In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with the incredible Blake Bole, an expert in self-directed learning and international travel for teens and young adults. From unschooling to transformative travel experiences, Blake shares how navigating the world independently helps young people develop autonomy, financial responsibility, and stress tolerance—essential skills for life. We explore the power of independent travel, the magic of gap years, and how simple, unstructured adventures can foster confidence and resilience. Episode Highlights:[00:56] - Introducing Blake Bole: A lifelong traveler and advocate for unschooling and alternative education.[03:22] - What is unschooling? Blake explains this full-time self-directed learning approach.[06:25] - How travel fosters independence and resilience in young people.[08:59] - The importance of managing money and decision-making during travel.[12:07] - Stories of thrift and teamwork among teens learning to feed themselves on a budget.[18:38] - The transformative power of gap years and independent travel experiences.[28:01] - Overcoming fears about safety and risk in travel for young people.[34:22] - Micro-adventures and creative challenges that foster self-reliance.[42:45] - Blake’s “Gap Year Launch Pad” program: A structured way to start independent travel.[48:03] - The lifelong benefits of developing autonomy, mastery, and purpose through travel. Links & Resources:Blake’s Website:  https://www.blakeboles.com/2016/10/take-self-directed-gap-year-zero-starting-funds/ The Nurture Assumption: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nurture_Assumption If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Discussing the emotional whirlwind sparked by disappointing test scores, parents learn the importance of supportive communication. Common phrases might backfire, adding pressure instead of relief. Understanding what to say—like validating feelings instead of dismissing them—can strengthen trust and resilience. Shifting from labeling mistakes to seeing them as learning opportunities fosters a healthier mindset. This conversation encourages parents to be a steady support for their teens, creating a safe space amid the chaos of high-stakes testing.

In this continuation episode, I’m back with Dr. Bill Stixrud for part two of our discussion that digs into the realities of raising kids in high-pressure academic environments. We explore the subtle yet powerful concept of being a “non-anxious presence” as a parent and what that really means when guiding children through challenges. Bill and I touch on real stories from our practices and new strategies that emphasize motivation without pushing too hard—helping kids build resilience, autonomy, and self-confidence in a world brimming with expectations.  Episode Highlights:[0:00] Introduction to being a “non-anxious presence” and its impact on children.[2:00] The evolving understanding of managing kids' anxiety and why avoiding stressors doesn’t help.[5:30] A powerful story about test anxiety and breaking the cycle of fear-based motivation.[8:15] Why taking the long view on a child’s development can alleviate immediate parental stress.[10:45] The superhero analogy: overcoming struggles as a source of confidence and growth.[12:50] Fourth principle: motivating kids without trying to change them, exploring self-determination theory.[15:00] The SPACE program and supportive parenting techniques that work without direct intervention.[17:35] Real-life success stories from using supportive statements to build independence.[19:45] How motivational interviewing can shift conversations from conflict to collaboration.  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Discover how a sense of control positively impacts children's mental health and academic success. The conversation dives into the balance between academic pressure and well-being, challenging the idea that students must sacrifice one for the other. Learn practical strategies for parents to foster resilience and empower kids to make their own choices. Insights emphasize the need for empathy and connection, helping children navigate life's challenges confidently. Tune in to explore how supportive environments can enhance both learning and mental health.

In a thought-provoking conversation, Tim Donahue, a seasoned high school English teacher and writer, tackles the issues of grade inflation and its adverse effects on student learning and mental health. He dives into how students can benefit from realistic feedback and resilience, even if it comes at the cost of lower grades. Tim advocates for a 'less is more' approach, emphasizing the importance of reflection and genuine engagement over the relentless pursuit of high grades. He also explores the pressures of extracurricular activities and the hidden benefits of stepping away from screens.

Dr. William Stixrud, co-author of "The Self-Driven Child" and an expert in adolescent development, discusses the often-overlooked connection between brain science and education. He highlights how stress and lack of control can hinder student engagement and mental health. Stixrud emphasizes the importance of sleep for memory and emotional regulation, and how fostering autonomy can improve resilience. He also critiques typical educational practices like homework, advocating for brain-friendly approaches that prioritize mental wellbeing and intrinsic motivation.

Jess Lahey, a New York Times bestselling author and educator, delves into the emotional rollercoaster of the high school to college transition. She emphasizes the need for parents to balance support and independence, sharing personal stories from her children’s experiences. Key points include encouraging kids to build their own identity, understanding their push for autonomy, and the importance of genuine apologies. Lahey also discusses preparing children for unexpected challenges, highlighting how to help them gain competence and confidence as they embark on this new chapter.

In this discussion, Dr. William R. Stixrud, a co-author and expert in child psychology, dives into the insights from his latest book on parenting. He highlights the vital role of empathy and validation in strengthening parent-child relationships. The conversation touches on the mental health struggles of high-achieving children and emphasizes the need for effective communication through reflective listening. Real-life stories illustrate the transformative power of supportive conversations, reinforcing the importance of connection over control.