Minion Death Cult

This week Police in San Francisco draft a proposal authorizing them to use their 17 robots (???) as a lethal force. Conservative readers are torn between their hatred of San Francisco and their passing knowledge of any dystopian science fiction ever written. Also, a work story involving the police, killing criminals to get traffic moving, and Alex gets owned by a cop. This is THE LAST WEEK to sign up for our patreon for only $3.11/month. Starting in December, a subscription for new patrons will be a very fair $5/month.   Subscribers get a bonus episode of Minion Death Cult every week as well as instant access to hundreds of previous bonus episodes, live reads, and the audio version of DEATH CHAT 500 directly in your podcast app or browser. Subscribers also get access to DEATH CHAT 500, our livestream with patrons every Saturday. Conservative Comics, Facebook derangement in real time, plus some nice stuff too. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult Music: Cymande - Canges Agustus Pablo - Peace and Love Dub

Today we talk about how I caused a car accident at work and also how it's absolutely not my fault Plus, a Harley Biker takes on both a lion AND a fake news journalist. Which is the more dangerous foe? Unfortunately we also have to talk about the estimated 6,500 migrant workers killed during the construction of the world cup stadiums in Qatar, but we soften our criticisms when we learn they might be neo-colonial in nature. Finally, a TikToker absolutely roasts their dead billionaire father at his own funeral, and others come forward to share similar experiences of being owned by their kids. Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get a bonus episode of Minion Death Cult every week and our weekly bonus livestream, DEATH CHAT 500. You also get instant access to hundreds of previous bonus episodes, livereads from books like My Antifa Lover and Rodham, and 20% off all merchandise. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult 

This week we explore the Modern Day Knight project, a fake Navy Seals hell week designed to separate rich losers from $15k and torture them in the process. The "training" regimen consists of 75 hours of grueling physical exertion, waterboarding, verbal abuse, and digging your own grave to be buried alive--all to avoid joining the actual military. We have written, audio, and photographic documentation of candidates' experiences that you don't want to miss Support the show for only $3.11/month to get a bonus episode every week, instant access to hundreds of previous bonus episodes, and access to a weekly livestream where we chat with listeners about whatever we want. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult  Music: Faraquet - The Whole Thing Over Speed - One Blood We Bleed

An XL preview of the Death Chat 500 livestream from 11/12: Nu-metal horror films, underrated Black sitcoms, and extremely real and incredibly paranormal police stories Tune in live this Saturday at 5pm PST and we'll do it all again http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult

This week a conservative Law School student calls the newspaper asking them to run a story with HIV in the headline next to a photo of her face. And we examine a facebook group devoted to debunking progressive christianity one meme at a time Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get a bonus episode every week, instant access to hundreds of previous bonus episodes, and a weekly livestream for Patrons only. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult  

This week we start with some encouraging poetry for our big, brave boys in charge: Donald Trump and Elon Musk Then, we spend the majority of the episode piercing the thinly-veiled right wing satire on an "intersectional feminine culture" website called IQfy, with articles such as "Are DMT entities racist?," and "He beat up my BF & I can't stop masturbating to it." After reading these and a couple more pieces whose titles I'd rather not type out, let's just say this site gets pretty weird.  This is the last month to sign up for our Patreon for only $3.11/month, because now, patrons receive a bonus episode every week as well as access to our weekly livestream show: Death Chat 500. Starting in December, a new patreon subscription will be $5/month. Everyone signed up before then will be grandfathered into the $3.11/month price. Thanks for the years of support. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult  Music: Slow Remix - 311 - Amber (Slowed Down) Pile - Loops Broken Social Scene - Our Faces Split the Coast in Half

This episode we're covering the elections because we're data wonks now, and here are some key takeaways from this episode: Ranked choice voting is unconstitutional because it gives each person more than one vote, Trump didn't back the big guy in Pennsylvania and is crying and screaming and pissing his pants a little about it, Babies are out... big time. The baby annihilator demographic turned out strong this cycle--how will this affect Michigan's ability to enter the kingdom of heaven? Also: "unmarried women" is a phony demographic because these women are very clearly married to Joseph Stalin Join us this Saturday, Nov 12th at 5pm PST as we test out a private livestream for Patrons only. Link will be posted on our Patreon page. Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get a bonus episode every week as well as instant access to hundreds of bonus episodes right in your podcast app or browser. sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult 

This week we're doing hard news coverage as Trump drops a new insulting nickname for a popular GOP rival. Does it hit? And the right wing settles on a reality they like concerning the Pelosi home invasion: the 83 year-old was doing Pain Olympics with his gay lover. Finally, we provide you with the official record of how right-wing boomers feel about self-checkout. The answer may surprise you. Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get a bonus episode every week as well as instant access to hundreds of bonus episodes directly in your podcast app or browser. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult Music: Tweak Bird - The Future Gods and Queens - Untitled Double Dagger: The Lie / The Truth

This week we go trick or treating at the homes of some familiar personalities. Will we make it out alive? Yes. We're also talking Elon Musk's ingenious plans for twitter, his satanic halloween costume, and how these very important topics are resonating with the right wing on facebook and twitter alike. Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get a bonus episode every week as well as instant access to hundreds of bonus episodes right in your podcast app or browser. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult

This week we watch To Die For, the astonishing new film from the wildly reactionary mind of Duke's of Hazzard's John Schneider. A green-screen, anti-teen fever dream, the movie chronicles Quint North (John Schneider), a veteran of some war, who is intent on triggering the local high school quarterback after he takes a knee during the national anthem.  Quint's Native American neighbor, Wes, is the avenue for our main character to reel off Gran Torino style racial slurs at a flag-hating libtard, but this Native American Democrat will eventually come to respect the "crazy old white man's" fight against the modern world. Quint also faces: a daughter filing a restraining order against him on behalf of the high school, the same local quarterback threatening to kill his dog, and a young female cop who orders a vanilla latte. Will sanity prevail? Will the American flag truly be... To Die For? Help us do the show for only $3.11/month and get instant access to this bonus episode and hundreds others right in your podcast app or browser. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult