Minion Death Cult

As a Christmas treat, we have unlocked our 2019 account of this bizarre holiday movie. This week we review Believe, a film about business owner Matthew Peyton who gets assaulted and left for dead when he can't afford to single-handedly finance the town's annual Christmas Pageant  He solves his and the town's economic problems when he realizes he can replace his union workforce with unpaid homeless people in exchange for sheltering them from the winter storm. None of this is hyperbole. Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult as well as our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). Also get access to our entire back catalogue including BUTT FEST 2000; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes like Believe, To Die For, and Loqueesha; and hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult

Today we cover new The Santa Clauses streaming show, where Tim Allen claims he has restored Christ to Christmas, and that "Saying 'Merry Christmas to all' has somehow become problematic." Also, we sign up for Mammoth Nation, the new "conservative competitor to Amazon" and their Christmas commercial featuring groomers fanta Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult as well as our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). Also get access to our entire back catalogue including BUTT FEST 2000; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes like Believe, To Die For, and Loqueesha; and hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult 

It's a heaping helping of shameful joy today as the big announcement Trump teased to his supporters is revealed: Digital Trump Trading Cards in the form of NFTs. While many supporters expected him to release documents on the deep state, announce a candidacy for House Speaker, announce a presidential running mate, anything of even moderate interest, they were left with second-hand embarassment as their leader hawked digital trading cards featuring Trump riding a jet pack, Trump dressed as a cowboy, Trump dressed as a super hero boxing champ(?) From Sebastian Gorka to the depths of Q message boards, we've got the meltdowns and pure uncut copium you want. ---------------------- Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult as well as our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). Also get access to our entire back catalogue including BUTT FEST 2000; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes on "Believe," "To Die For," and "Loqueesha"; plus hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult

It's a jam-packed episode of DEATH CHAT 500 this week.  Two work stories from Alex: a Supervisor shares his L's and a slavery-themed coffee shop won't give Alex a discount. Tony accidentally buys expensive demonic crocs Small Soldiers is secretly kind of an anti-military, anti-corporate, animation and rap music masterpiece? A bootleg theragun changes Alex's life Weed chat with Tony An angry cop butt rock band from Seattle and the powerful project Chester Bennington was working on before his death (more butt rock) ------------------------------ TUNE IN LIVE this Saturday for DEATH CHAT 500 at 3pm PST where we will be reading from the book "My CRAZY WHITE WIFE is a RACIST? REALLY?" with patrons. Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult as well as our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). Also get access to our entire back catalogue including BUTT FEST 2000; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes like Believe, To Die For, and Loqueesha; and hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult

This week we field an interesting theological question: Is God sexist against men for making them far more rational and therefore less capable of faith than women? Also, Elon Musk and Dave Chapelle get booed for 5 minutes straight, which is a really good bit to be fair And the right wing reacts to the passing of the Respect for Marriage Act, both laughing at progressives for how relatively toothless the bill is, and breathlessly ranting about the doom it spells for society. Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult and our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). Also get access to our entire back catalogue including BUTT FEST 2000; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes like Believe, To Die For, and Loqueesha; and hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult

It's a jam-packed episode this week as Amazon cancels its "tip your driver" program after only one day, and the company's possible movites for muddying the search terms "Amazon" and "tips" Also: an MDC exclusive interview with the artist behind the Totally Real demonic Starbucks Cup circulating on boomer internet. WE ARE HOLDING HIM TO ACCOUNT. Finally: There's gender cops in England, and they're getting extremely mad at the real cops for accepting a portrait done by a 14 year-old furry artist. Support the show for $5/month and get weekly bonus episodes of Minion Death Cult and our brand new weekly live show: DEATH CHAT 500 (also available in podcast form). Also get access to our entire back catelogue including BUTT FEST 2000; live-reads of My Antifa Lover, Rodham, and Ladies First: A MAGA Hat Romance; movie episodes like Believe, To Die For, and Loqueesha; and hundreds more. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult Music: Elder - Endless Return James White - Christmas With Satan Pat Benatar & Queen Latifah - Love Is A Battlefield

This week Tony almost catches a charge at Costco, and we read one of the most embarrassing instances of Elon dickriding I've ever seen. Also, the heiress to a pharmaceutical fortune unlearns the wokeness foisted upon her by her liberal college with the help of a $300/day cult deprogrammer and a few Prager U videos. Finally, grandparents everywhere lose their mind as GenZ does edgy santa-atheism on TikTok. A lone alpha has the testicular fortitude to set things straight. Help us do the show for only $5/month and get a bonus episode of Minion Death Cult every week--as well as instant access to hundreds of previous bonus episodes. You'll also get access to our weekly livestream, DEATH CHAT 500 in both live video and recorded audio format in your podcast feed. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult

This week we follow up with the Facebook cop who argued with Ben Shapiro that San Francisco PD should get killer robots--turns out he's a bit of a drama queen! Then we turn to the Kanye West saga and the right wing media who is struggling but still managing to defend him FInally, we address the historic move by Biden and congressional Democrats to force an unpopular contract on union railworkers and pre-emptively break their strike.  Help us do the show and get a bonus episode of Minion Death Cult every week as well as instant access to hundreds of bonus episodes directly in your podcast app or browser. You'll also get to chat with us on our weekly livestream, DEATH CHAT 500, live in video format and later as an audio episode in your podcast feed. Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult  Music: Baptists - Wanting Makaya McCraven - Inner Flight Dijon - Many Times

Audio from DEATH CHAT 500 live last saturday: -The origin of the way Tony says "pummel" -New deranged conservative cartoonist just dropped, and we go through his instagram -Questions about wine and music from listeners -And Washington Post commenters are so confused by the Dril interview that they turn into Dril Join us LIVE this saturday at 5pm PST via http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult where we will be possibly chatting about: an Amazon commercial with an actor that everyone says looks like Alex, and the commercial is about a dead mom?; Spotify Wrapped (more like Crapped), a kid's book called Mommy is a Democrat, the Wide Shoe store selling my data, etc. 

As a punishment for new Patrons we're watching Jeff Dunham's new mind-altering special: Me the People Jeff takes on Cancel Culture, the Joe Biden puppet talks about Hunter's prostitutes, a brand new millennial puppet delights the audience with jokes about participation trophies, and yes, José the Jalapeño gets trafficked to Martha's Vineyard Help us do the show for only $5/month ($3.11/month if you sign up before I wake up on Thursday) and get a bonus episode of Minion Death Cult every week as well as instant access to hundreds of previous bonus episodes. You'll also get access to our weekly livestream, DEATH CHAT 500 in both live video and recorded audio format.  Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult